Busted by my Wife, Big Time, in Public

[Sometimes Steffi]

Sunday I was headed out to a local meetup group for a clothing swap. This is one of the few places I go out en femme alone, in a predominantly straight public environment. Even though there can be as many as 200 attendees, mostly GGs, I’ve always very felt very comfortable attending. One of the organizers is TS and one of the others has a TG son. They are always very welcoming of me and the few other CDs who attend. And none of the GGs seem to have any problems with us attending.

So, after my wife left for church, I got underdressed so it would be easier getting fully dressed in the car. I was wearing GV Amanda jeans that were a totally unremarkable “stealth” blue without any bling or other distinguishing marks except for the GV swan that was largely hidden. I wore a girl’s belt with pink flowers on it. Under the jeans I was wearing a pair of Jockey Elance cotton high cut panties and two padded butt panties to give me a reasonable booty.

I wore a dark pink long sleeve T-Shirt with a scoop neck over a formed bra. Over the T-shirt I wore a black hoodie to hide the T-shirt, bra and belt. I wore a men’s long (to the bottom of my butt) winter jacket over everything. Since the girl jeans were the only thing showing, I thought I did a pretty good job of dressing in “stealth” mode. I was proven to be totally wrong on that count.

My plan was to go to KFC and pick up some chicken wings as my “pot luck” contribution and then go to the meetup where I would take off my hoodie, insert my forms, put on my wig, change into my pink girly shoes, put on my jewelry and get my purse. I intended to put my makeup on in the ladies room, which always has some level of excitement because the meetup is held at a county public room, where the local police station is located.

Anyhow, everything was going according to plan, except that I got to KFC 15 minutes before they opened. To avoid wasting any time while I was out, I decided to see if there was anything interesting at the local Kmart, and therein was my big mistake. As I was getting ready to leave, my wife was just arriving and she spotted me immediately. My girl jeans were immediately obvious to her, even at 20 paces. And there wasn’t even plausible deniability because I neglected to take off the sticky size 10 label and the sticky Amanda brand label. Well, there wasn’t much she could say in public, but I fully expected a severe tongue lashing when I got home. And I wasn’t disappointed; she really tore into me when I got home.

The rest of the day went as planned. Plus I got some nice comments from the girls. K., the organizer, gave me a big hug when she saw me. A girl commented how well put together I was how everything matched. Another girl asked me what I was doing looking for clothes at the large size table. I pointed to my shoulders and said, “Big shoulders” and then pointed to my C cup breasts and said, “And these”. Then I proudly pointed to my jeans and said, “But these are a size 10.” She said the she would have guessed a size 8. That made my day.

Anyhow, picked up some nice clothes, changed back to boy mode in the men’s room, and went home for my tongue lashing.

[Stephanie47]

Was there an agreement with your wife NOT to venture out in public? Boundaries broken?

[Ressie]

What was your wife doing at Kmart? I thought she was supposed to be at church. I think she made a big deal out of it because you caught her. What else has she been up to without your knowledge?

[DebbieL]

It sounds to me like you and your wife need to have a very long talk. Snow has a point, you needed to address your wife's concerns, even if it meant missing the event. You and your wife need to address each other's concerns, each other's needs, and each other's desires. If she doesn't want to know - then you have done what you could to be discreet and just happened to be in the same store at the same time. On the flip side, you might want to be more honest with her so that she knows what your doing and when.

Your wife needs to know that she is important, that you still love her, and that you don't want any other women (or men) in your life, but that Steffi is a very real and important part of your life. If you can't get it resolved together, you might want to consider couples' counseling with someone who has addressed CD/TG/TS issues. If you're just a CD, you might be OK with just staying at home, but if you're a TG or TS, your femme side needs to be expressed, but expressed in a safe and responsible way.

You need to find out how your wife feels too. If the entire concept repulses her, then you may need to consider an Open Marriage. The point is that she needs to know that you won't deliberately destroy your life for Steffi.

[BRANDYJ]

Let me get this straight: You got caught by your wife in KMart, she was NOT happy & you fully expected getting chewed out when you went home; BUT you went on to the clothes swap anyway????

THAT was more important than going immediately home to discuss things with your wife?

That would have made me even more furious! Going on your merry way & totally dissing your wife's feelings.

I'm with Snow White on this one all the way. Does it not matter that you reflect on your wife by what you do in public and where you go?
You may not be embarrassed if seen as a man dressed in women's clothes in public, but your wife surely is. If on the other hand, your wife knows and approves f you going public, then no foul. But if that is a boundary you crossed, it's wrong an you should get a tongue lashing. So I go along with your wife on this one. Sorry. .

[Barbara Ella]

It boils down to whether your going out like this is expected, or one of those boundaries you agreed not to cross. My wife has requested I not to out enfemme in our town. So far I am able to conform, but I know it is not easy. I agree, that if your activity at KMart violated your wife's expectations, you should have gone home. If she was just upset running into you dressed, then you both were right to complete your days activities. Hope you two were able to work it out.

Barbara

[Cynthia Anne]

I think you made a bad situation a hell of a lot worse by not going straight home! Brings a song to mind! ''What was I thinkin''!!!!!!!!!

[Beverley Sims]

I would not expect anyone to be so far "out" without the wife at least knowing.
You only got a tongue lashing and you are out "fully" now I bet.
I would never suggest anyone living a lie like that.
Still, I hope things go well for you as you do not need a wrecked marriage as well.
For now dress as a man unless she suggests otherwise.
Take the rest slowly.

[Babeba]

What was your wife doing at Kmart? I thought she was supposed to be at church. I think she made a big deal out of it because you caught her. What else has she been up to without your knowledge?

Do you really want to go there?

Given the amount of time it takes some crossdressers to get ready, and the fact that most Sunday swap meets happen in the later morning/afternoon, I would assume the wife was stopping by Kmart on her way BACK from church. Your average service isn't usually all THAT long.

Showing up at Kmart isn't the problematic behaviour in the scenario.

[Ressie]

Do you really want to go there?

Given the amount of time it takes some crossdressers to get ready, and the fact that most Sunday swap meets happen in the later morning/afternoon, I would assume the wife was stopping by Kmart on her way BACK from church. Your average service isn't usually all THAT long.

Showing up at Kmart isn't the problematic behaviour in the scenario.

No one else is going to play devil's advocate. I'll admit my lying ex-wife has left me a bit cynical. But because KFC wasn't open yet, that thought came to me.

[MsRenee]

You never realy said what you had done wrong to upset your wife. If boundaries are in place and then you go and break them thats not realy helpful on a relationship. Their has to be some form of trust especially for cds and their so's. as dressing already can make thier mind wander. If you did something wrong then you deserve to get scolded. No matter the consequences you should have ditched the event and went home and discussed the days events.
Renee

[I Am Paula]

If you're on your way to a place your going to walk around freely en femme, why not just walk out of the house like that. It sounds to me like you spent more time disguising youself than getting pretty. In my opinion, you can be out...or not.-celeste

[Babeba]

No one else is going to play devil's advocate. I'll admit my lying ex-wife has left me a bit cynical. But because KFC wasn't open yet, that thought came to me.

Many large churches have multiple services, it's not unusual for the first to start by 8:00 or 9:00. KFC doesn't serve breakfast, so they open around 10:00 or 11:00. Given that Christmas is a month away... I think it's up to the OP to clarify that point - as well as exactly why his wife was that upset.

[jackielou]

question did the wife know about the crossdressing and not want to see it or did she not know at all ,if she new about it she could have made her husband more comfortable at home with her or at least at home ,he was not trying to embarrass her and from his post he must pass extremly well some women dont realize the hold the keys to the kingdom of a mans love and devotion by accepting him and understanding his needs to crossdress is not a gay thing in most cases he would be the best husband a woman could want if she would only help him and love him and try to fill his needs as he fills hers

[heatherdress]

Nothing good ever happens at KMart.

[skirtsuit]

Nothing good ever happens at KMart.

That's exactly what I was going to say!

[LadyPilot]

Well if your wife didn't know she does now. Good luck with the talk and I hope you are able to repair anything that was / is broken. I am a firm beleiver that whatever I do I need to make sure I don't get hurt nor do I hurt anybody else. Having an accepting wife or SO makes life so much more wonderful than not being accepted.

[deebra]

Steffi it seems like all the posters here are ganging up and beating you up, what you did was not armed robbery or murder, the only outer garmet that could be seen in Kmart were your jeans and everybody on this forum says nobody notices you in public, they are all consumed in themselves. If someone did see you and didn't like it they can mind their own business and look the other way. Talk to your wife about it but don't be afraid of her or settle on her term, you have rights and feelings too. Let's give credit for your underdressing and what you did to hide your appearance in public. Keep wearing those panties!!!!!!

[Tara D. Rose]

I'm not going to gang up on you or anything like that. Ok maybe the wife was out of Church and went by K-mart, she saw you, she was mad, she went home, you went to the swap meet. You we'rent hurting anyone, you we not cheating on anyone. You were just looking at pretty things at K-mart, doing no one any harm.Tell us what happened when you got home?

[mikiSJ]

So, Steffi....inquiring minds want to know. How did it go with your wife?

[Sometimes Steffi]

I’ll try to answer all the questions.

Are you CD or TG?

I don't really like labels, but given that, I would classify myself as a recreational CD with no desire to be a full time girl. The only thing I hate about my ahh package is that it doesn't work well any more.

Did my wife already know that I was a CDer?

Yes. She initially caught me packing bras for an out of town trip over 5 years ago. I fessed up then. We saw a marriage counselor together for about 6 months and then I saw a therapist for almost 5 years. I asked for “permission” to go to the Keystone (Transgender) Conference last spring, and she “allowed” me to go. She’s also grudging allowed me to go out locally to meet with one or the other local CD/TG groups. I lied this time because I didn't really want to subjugate myself to asking for permission.

Do I have boundaries?

Well, sort of. We have a DADT relationship, so it’s hard to negotiate boundaries. One boundary is that she doesn’t want to see me dressed. She doesn’t want my 29 yo daughter to know. She does not want me to leave the house or neighborhood dressed, because she doesn’t want the neighbors to discover.

Technically, I violated all 3. I got partially dressed before leaving the house. I usually abide by this, even though I think it’s more dangerous to change in the car or some other semi-public space like a bathroom, espicially in broad daylight. She obviously saw me (partially) dressed and my daughter was with her.

Why didn’t you go directly home after you got caught?

I knew I was in big trouble, but I didn’t think that staying out would get me in much worse trouble. She might even have a chance to cool off some. Plus, I was much more underdressed than she probably knew, and I would have had to change back to completely drab in the car. And yes, I really wanted to go to the swap.

Why wasn’t my wife at church?

She left at 8:15 for early (8:30) church. It lasts an hour, and she sometimes stays later to socialize or attend Sunday school. Plus, she might have made other stops after church before Kmart. It did take me an hour to get out of the house underdressed. I did have to shave, and my clothes were hidden out of easy reach. I left about 9:20, went to my storage locker to pick out clothes to swap and got to KFC at 10:15. They didn’t open until 10:30. The swap started at 1:00 but I needed to get they by 12 to do makeup and to be able to park nearby. Parking spaces are at a premium, and it is a police station so I don’t take any chances that I might park in spots reserved for police.

What was wrong with the Jeans?

Many posters wear girl jeans in public, and the GV Amanda jeans appear to be one of the favorites. Most report that hardly anyone notices, or that they get a knowing smile form some GGs. So I really thought that no one would notice. I didn’t think it was a big deal. Well if there’s a lesson here it’s that most GGs probably do notice; they’re just nice enough not to say anything. Guys on the other hand are probably oblivious.

The epilogue. What really happened?

As expected, I got yelled at pretty good after I got home and my daughter left to go home.

My wife was annoyed that I lied. She talked about trust issues, about how someone she knew could have seen me and I probably wouldn’t have even known. She was particularly concerned that Kmart security would have picked me up as a shoplifter, especially considering that I hadn’t removed all the labels from the pants. I had told her that I would be shopping, which while deceiving, was technically true. She was annoyed at the time I spent away from her. She didn’t say anything about not coming home immediately.

It probably won’t cause a divorce, but some day in the future if we do end up getting a divorce, I’ll probably remember it as one of the defining moments leading to a divorce.

I didn’t expect so many negative comments, but I deserved them all.

Thanks to all the supporters. It’s really tough being a CD and still living comfortably in the real world. I'm sure many of you understand.

[Beverley Sims]

If you can take it slowly and less visually outing yourself you should be able to smooth things over in time.
It was good of you and also good therapy to write your epilogue here.
I hope it works out, we all do silly things at times.

[Launa]

Nothing good ever happens at KMart.

That's exactly what I was going to say!

And they sell shitty looking clothes.



Thanks to all the supporters. It’s really tough being a CD and still living comfortably in the real world. I'm sure many of you understand.[/QUOTE]


I know its not easy. We just have to always do our due diligence if we have set boundaries and don't go outside those boundaries without asking first and discussing.

Good luck Steffi!

[linda allen]

I wear women's jeans in public most of the time. Not the ones with fancy designs, just plain ones and not too tight in the legs. They look better on me than men's jeans.

Lying to your wife is not good. A marriage without trust is headed for trouble. If she really loves you, she will let you do what you need to do. If you really love her, you will limit what you do to what is acceptable to her.