Glad to know I'm not the only quant trying, unsuccessfully, to apply logic to this
For what it's worth, we shouldn't lose sight of the fact that the visual definition of femininity as described by DM was largely created by men - one could argue that we are simply trying to embrace femininity as we have been conditioned to view it.
I sure don't know why I am like this - maybe something clicked in my brain as a child. But from an early age (4 or 5) I was drawn to pretty women and what they wore. The best way I can explain it (for me) is that for those things that visually distinguish women from men are things I like, and the more they are exaggerated, the more "feminine" I considered it. Women had pretty, long hair. Women wore makeup, with accentuated eyes and lips. Women wore skirts and dresses, showing their legs, with assistance from high heels. etc etc etc Throughout the years I discovered that the more exaggerated the look, the more exciting it was for me. The highest heels, shortest skirts, heaviest makeup, monster eyelashes, dark red lips, long painted nails, everything over-the-top. That's how I transform when I do. I'm just a guy that likes to dressup occasionally (more in the past than now, due to changes in opportunity) and while I kind of "feel feminine" when I make up and dress, I know that it's just fantasy and don't really have a feminine internal identity. Quite the opposite, I think. It's the guy in me that likes to see that girl in the mirror. He likes how she looks, and she makes up and dresses to please him.
Sometimes it is just about the clothes.
this is a simply amazing thread.
the question stumped me for a minute ... I can honestly say this is one of the few questions I've seen asked that I literally never thought through before (and I've done waaay too much thinking on the matter). Why do we associate clothing and appearance so strongly with the essence of femininity, especially when it's really obvious that physical appearance is so often divorced from who we are on the inside?
I think this is the best quote I've seen so far in this thread:
That's it in a nutshell. You take a cis-dude, get him all made up the way the best of us do in the picture gallery on here, and that dude will not be like "oh my god, I love myself this way". I'd venture to guess he'd have a bit of revulsion at his reflection in the mirror. He'd feel feel a strong disconnect between who he actually is, and what he looks like. He'd be painfully aware that he was "wearing a costume".Originally Posted by Violetgray
Now take one of us in the same situation, and it's the opposite reaction. Many of us don't feel like we're wearing a costume, we feel connected to ourselves in that scenario.
"Why shouldn't art be pretty? There are enough unpleasant things in the world." -Pierre-Auguste Renoir
in many of the animal kingdom, the males have the bright colors and flowing manes.....maybe mankind got it backwards.
Sure, but women in plumbing pants or overalls are about as likely to be "attractive" as a walrus in a bikini. I think it was Twain that said "The clothes make the man", and I think that's equally important for women. You can feel feminine as Audrey Hepburn while wearing Battle Dress Uniform while out in the bush, but you'll look mostly like just another Marine. When a woman puts on a skirt, it's a transformation in the eyes of others - and from many women I've talked to, in themselves as well. If that wasn't true, then why on earth would any woman spend an hour and a half (or more) getting themselves all dressed up and made up, when they're feeling perfectly fine and feminine in their overalls and wellingtons? Why not just run around in something Omar the Tentmaker came up with? It's bound to be more comfortable and easier to deal with.
When one of us looks at themselves in the mirror and sees something that is more consistent with what what we feel on the inside, we just feel better about ourselves.
Anyway - that's my two cents. Take it for what it's worth.
~Melissa
This was a huge thing for me that I discovered when I started dressing a few years ago to figure it out. My avatar is a cam picture. When I first saw myself made up on cam like that, it was so much more intense then seeing myself made up int he mirror. I couldn't stop looking and couldn't believe it was me. I Felt 'beautiful'! After a few weeks of playing around with different looks and such I started to get bothered by it in a creepy way. I said to myself at one point,
"Man, I am attracted to myself, I would date me in a heart beat!!!!!"
In fact, I even felt like I was looking at the most beautiful woman I had ever saw. I have no doubt if I wasn't on a mission to figure out what it all meant and was still confused like early in my life, I could have easily ran with the idea that I was supposed to be a girl and progress down the line in effort to achieve that feeling more but that wasn't the case. As I sat there thinking that, my self questions began and shifted to why don't I feel beautiful as in male mode. I then ran a simple test. I took that avatar shot then after I went back to male mode, I took the same exact picture with pose and smile as me. I put them side by side in Photoshop and saw it clear as day.
I loved the Soriya pic but hated the male pic. Everything was the same except the appearance. This lead to more comparisons. I have been told countless times by women that I am handsome, have a great body, have all the intangibles physically what most women like and coupled with my personality was referred to often as 'a diamond in the ruff' among men. Huge clue: I didn't believe them! I have posted pictures of Soriya before and have gotten a lot of great comments but, I believed them!
I had already figured out I wasn't TS from learning all about my TS friends journey so it became clear that all the happiness I felt from CD'ing was the happiness that was missing as my true self. Because all the bullying I went through in my life I 'learned' to hate myself. Soriya physically represented what I had lost through my life as a boy.
Long story short, the objective for me was to merge the two personalities back together and 2+ years later, I am still working on it. I used to answer the question of 'Do I love myself' with a 'No' and as time went on would eventually say 'Not yet, but I don't hate myself anymore' but I was wrong, I was looking at it the wrong way.
The fact I took on the task to figure this all out is an act of loving myself. If I didn't love myself, I would have given up.
For me it's always been about looking feminine because I feel like there's a part of me that is like that inside me, the clothes are just a way to express that. I just really enjoy the whole act of "dressing up"; if you think about it, most GGs do "dress up"once in a while instead of wearing jeans/shirt, etc and I guess my crossdressing is my way doing the same thing in my own way.
Sorry, Susan, I hadn't realized you were addressing your comment to me.
Well, if some women have uncontrollable urges to wear certain things, then I'd say they're right up there with the CDers!... but, I don't know any women like this though, not compared to the volume of CDers who frequent this forum. And if you like women's clothes because they are lovely, and not because they are feminine, and if you like to wear breast forms, if you prefer shaving your body because you feel that it looks better with the clothes than not shaved, if you love the scent of women's perfume, and all of these are preferences in their own right without having anything to do with being feminine, ... then I'd say that life is a journey, and more will unfold to you as you meander through it.
Reine
I'll tell ya what I think Door. Can I call you door? ;-)
I think an awful lot of CDrs (not ALL) get dressed up like a woman because they want to possess femininity in a way that is no longer allowed. They own the woman in the mirror wholly and completely. They can pose her however they want with no repercussions and they can play with her whenever they want with no negotiation. Many of them have no interest in going out because they have no interest in sharing their creation. They only fantasize about men because another man's interest validates their own interest in "their" girl. The one that they own completely.
So many of these men are filled with fear. They are afraid of people in general and they don't feel comfortable in social situations so they are probably loners with only a small circle of friends. It's telling that so many of them are social conservatives because a longing for a simpler time fits right in with my theory. Many of them are senior citizens who remember a time when women were not so independent and difficult to control. Cross dressing lets them revive their childhood memories of women wearing skirts and bullet bras, instead of pants and blazers with shoulder pads.
It makes sense for at least some of them, yes?
Doormat, you're a GG so imagine yourself dressed as a man, underwear, shoes, and all. No makeup or jewelry. Your breasts are taped down, and you have an artificial penis in your boxers. Your legs and armpits are hairy, and your head is shaved.
It might not make you feel masculine, but how feminine would you feel?
"Don't hate me just for wanting to feel beautiful."
Humanity started to get it backwards when the mirror was invented. There is still plenty that occurs in man/woman interactions that parallels courting/mating rituals throughout the animal kingdom. Female attraction to bright colors and flowing manes, though, has in many ways been dropped in male courting behavior (that has varied immensely, however, from culture to culture and from age to age). Don't ask me why men have dropped that ball; I wouldn't be surprised if laziness is somehow a part of it.
In its place, then, women have responded to their evolutionarily driven attraction by developing their own behaviors to satisfy it. Through the use of mirrors, women can adorn themselves with colorful clothing and an endless variety of hairstyles - as well as makeup, jewelry, and any number of other accessories. At that point, "They own the woman in the mirror wholly and completely. They can pose her however they want with no repercussions and they can play with her whenever they want with no negotiation." (The previous two sentences blatantly plagiarized from Melissa two posts prior.)
Women's responsiveness to male preening and their search for "worthy" mates, a la courting behavior, is still evident at times, such as the way so many women respond to a man in uniform (i.e. soldiers and police officers).
Last edited by ColleenA; 11-27-2012 at 02:19 AM.
If only our families and friends could be as supportive as our bras!
I wear women's clothes all the time....jeans,shoes(runners) shirts... and really no one really knows the differance. I wear dress pants with nylons and people don't know what I am wearing...they say I have lost weight.
I am who I am...I am very happy with who I am! I am transgender! Time for others to deal with it or get out of my way!
Hope I'm not too late to add my 2 cents, GGDoor? Personally, I believe you may be over thinking the whole thing! Maybe it IS just about the clothes and how we look!?
For MANY of us, looking female IS EVERYTHING! The guy dressers here r like most guys, very visual. For me, seein' Barbie in my mirror is very exciting, arousing, and VERY SATISFYING!
"Feeling fem"? I can do the "fem" things u described, and all/any others u can think of, for the rest of my life and not feel fem for 1 second! However, striding in hi heels, nylons swishing as my legs touch, lip stick on my wine glass, and brushing my wig out of my face r some of the many things that DO make me feel fem. Even if it's only for a moment.
I'm clearly not TS, simply a CD. Why am I compelled to dress? And, for so many years? Like Reine said, maybe there's more to this than I understand. But, so far, I only know it's more fun than anything else I can do at my age. And, hanging with other CD/TG/TSs is much more stimulating and satisfying than talking about women, cars, and sports with my vanilla pals!
Last edited by docrobbysherry; 11-28-2012 at 12:08 AM.
U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.
Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!
There are, in fact, blind dressers, but it is still keeping with male sexuality in a sense. I knew one who did not wear a wig or makeup, there was not a visual component, but did wear lingerie, and especially old fashioned nylons (the 100% nylon kind.) Instead of the image being the turn on, it was the irresistible feel of the clothes that drew him in. He remember the feel of nylons when he was growing up (running into the legs of women as a child and feeling them), and it stuck with him into adulthood.
It is visual for many of course, but one can't discount the appeal of the feel of the clothes. Men are also very tactile as well.
Last edited by Vickie_CDTV; 11-27-2012 at 03:01 AM.
Dori, in post #50, you wrote:
I just came across a great statement in the Transsexual Forum. In the thread “Are you a ‘tweener?’ ” someone says,
With this in mind, Dori, I can answer your question "Why not just be feminine men?" pretty simply: It is dangerous, possibly even lethal, in male society to be perceived as feminine, as girly.
If a man displays feminine behaviors overtly, he is readily targeted as weak and quite often as homosexual, something which still is verboten most places. Bullies of all ages and others that I call "alpha wannabes" will hate and pick on someone they think is gay. The male world I am a part of is harsh. It can be a bitch (or should that be "bast***"?) to negotiate your way through.
So, while I have nothing against gays - I support rights such as workplace protections and same-sex marriage - I am not gay and hope people don't think I am. This is not to say that I'm paranoid about such a perception, but I am not a "macho dude" type. (Wait a minute, how many of them are gay, but try to mask it through an exaggerated masculinity?) No, I'm just one average guy - an overweight bookworm who is somewhat nerdy and not at all into cars or sports. The issue for me is not that I won't "allow" myself to be girly in public, as that post says, though. I'm just not highly masculine by society's standards, though I am masculine enough by default that I don't get hassled.
Meanwhile, I am attracted to women and have something of a fetish for bras. However, I didn't develop many social skills to be good at interacting with women except as friends. (To again plagiarize from Melissa a few posts back, I am a "loner with only a small circle of friends.") As a teen, my attraction to women went unsatisfied as I had no success at dating and relationships. It seems then that I turned that attraction inwardly, first by trying on my sister's bras, then moving on to other clothing of hers.
I will admit that one reason I dress up is for arousal purposes. But once the clothes are on, once I have produced this image of myself as female, there are other reasons to stay in the clothes - they look nice, they feel nice (nothing in a man's wardrobe feels anything like a bra! or like nylons, or knee-high boots, and nothing men wear allows the feel of a breeze up your skirt; well, maybe a kilt, but I've never worn one), they are a wonderful contrast to what I normally get to wear - but mostly it's fun to let this part of me run free.
And it is part of me. I have a desire to experience a form of femininity. That much is integrated in my head, even if it is not integrated into my daily life (except at home). So like the post I quoted, I guess I need to be two people: my main self, my male self, which is who I am as I maneuver through the world, a world that has bullies and others who are ready to tear others down in an attempt to build themselves up, and my second self. BTW, that second self did not even have a name until I was about 45 and was joining another site for CDers. So while Colleen may have been born when I was in 7th grade, she was not named until 2004. Colleen, who yearns to be soft and pretty and slim - and accepted and loved for who she is.
Last edited by ColleenA; 11-27-2012 at 04:25 AM.
If only our families and friends could be as supportive as our bras!
DM, as you know, transpeople are different, so I can only speak for myself. I don't want to look like a feminine man. I want to look feminine. That's because inside I'd prefer to be a woman, not a male of any sort. If men want to look more feminine, that's OK with me, but it means nothing to me. I don't want to be a man of any sort.
I myself am not trying to emulate women. I'm trans, and my femininity is of the trans sort, not your sort. Every GG has her own definition of femininity, and I can also have mine. My brand of femininity might not strike you as feminine, but again that's OK. I'm doing my own thing here and not trying to measure myself against anybody else. I've got nothing against men's rights, but that's not my cause. I'm into trans rights, because I'm trans, not a man.
As long as you see transpeople as men and women, you won't completely understand us. Some MTF's on this forum identify as men, but not all of us do. I personally don't identify as man or woman. I'm trans.
Annabelle
this is a great way of saying it. I feel the outward expression of the inner thought is what I like. The thought that I can be feminine and look female in all clothes would be very helpfull. The fact is though that those outfits pronouce to everyone "hey i am female" and that is sexy in and of itself.
Apologies to ReineD. I didn't intend to single you out, but your observations are often the most challenging on this Forum and thus more worthy of debate!
I may have argued myself into a corner re the femininity thing - I would have to admit it looks like I must feel feminine and maybe part of me does, but it doesn't register with me as something I am aiming when I am at home, and when I go out fully dressed (I often venture out as a man in a skirt and women's top and shoes) it is important that I appear feminine (rather than female) to others. In fact the people (women) I interact with know I am a man, and give me wonderful feedback (which is often but not always favourable) so that with the wider public my ACT looks good. A man looks better acting as a woman if he comes across as well-dressed, elegant and(yes) feminine, but it is still an ACT.
I do know women who obsess about clothes. The most extreme examples have very little hinterlandso they are not people whose company I would seek, but some of the intelligent, well educated women I choose to associate with have a strong interest in clothes and like to look good.
I thought of a male example of beautiful, taboo clothes. Many men would love to wear a Nazi officer's uniform, and strut around in jackboots, taking in a dodgy German accent. And society would disapprove - strongly - because of what the uniform stands for. I knew a man who owned a genuine Gestapo coat, which was a beautiful garment, and he found it amusing that certain people avoided him in the street. I bet anyone who had encountered that coat for real didn't find it amusing. There was a UK TV comedy about the French Resistance, complete with evil Nazi officers (and quite a lot of cross-dressing!). Initially there was a lot of criticism, but it was so funny it became accepted. It was obvious that the ones having the most fun were those in the Nazi uniforms. Incidentally, the hero was cafe owner called ...Rene. But my point is that there are men who will wear beautiful MALE clothes that risk offending society, and not all those wearing the Nazi uniform are on television.
I remain confident that many aspects of how women dress have an attraction all of their own, and that it is simply that many of us find these clothes attractive, sometimes to a fairly obsessive level. Perhaps the obsessive element is because of their taboo nature? Or perhaps not.
I don't feel the clothes are part of a journey. I have arrived. I have done everything I wanted to in these clothes and can't think of any new challenges. I now go out in them less, and have cut down a lot on purchases - I have enough. But I spend most of my free time in a skirt or dress.
I do not pretend to understand all of my behaviour - some of it makes no sense. But I do know that when I go out acting as a woman,I always think of myself as male, to the extent of flirting with women (who flirt back despite my appearance). But we cross-dressers like the clothes for a wide range of reasons.
Ah, but I have certainly known GG "Girlie-Girls" who enjoyed all of the clothing, all of the accessories, in addition to all of the other aspects of feeling feminine. I grant you that in today's world they are in the minority, but they are certainly out there! if you ask them, they will tell you: "It makes me feel sexier, more feminine!"
A simple "reason" for many transgendered males responding to what you would probably deem to be a "clothing fetish." When we were growing up, (at least many of us) our mothers, and most of the women around us were very feminine in their dress. Being "girlie-girl" was The Norm, and women embraced that philosophy. NEVER did I see my Mother go out of The House without makeup on, wearing earrings, her nails polished, in a dress, and usually wearing a full compliment of undergarments, including hose, and girdle. She would have felt "underdressed" if she didn't dress that way, and she was in a 99% majority!
Since many of us identify with Mothers, or Aunts, or Grandmothers, I would reckon we still cling to this idealized form of Womanhood. It feels good, once you try it, and it is certainly "different" than the usual mode of female dress we have today. I have often said to my TG Peers: "Hey, if blending is about wearing Polypants, and a shapeless top 24/7, I'd just as soon walk away. I think we need an extra "boost" to feel more feminine. But, I also find most of today's women enjoy occasionally "dressing up." they just don't want to do it all the time. Maybe, they sometimes need a boost too?
So, be a bit more tolerant of our foibles. Perhaps We are creatures of past experiences, perhaps we are still "experimenting," and enjoying ultra-femme? Would you be that shocked by some Gal down at The Office who tended to be very "dressy" most of the time? I can't imagine you would be that shocked or condemning. Much like you would "indulge" her, cut that same sort of slack for The Crossdresser in your life.
Peace and Love, Joanie
Hi DM... DoorMat... difficult name to conjure with I am afraid, but it conveys feeling
I am coming in late in the day, I am afraid, but it is such a brilliant thread... I was reading it yesterday, but just as I thought 'I'll say this'... it took another twist!
I hope this is helping you. Get us going and we will tell you everything! What I am getting from this thread is the overarching confused/complex nature of this CD thing. One of the big reasons we are here and why I stay is that we are still trying to figure it out (apart from the fact that this is a great group of people to hang out with!).
I realised ages ago that it wasn't just the clothes. That was a shake up! So then I went through the 'wanting to feel feminine' thing.. which is true... but my rationality caused me to accept that I could never feel truly feminine... I am configured the wrong way. This is the one biggy that I will always be denied. So then I started to accept me as me.
Now I have never been a 'man's man'... I spent years in a sales environment living a daily nightmare of pretending to be one of the guys. It wasn't that bad, but bad enough... since then I have had more 'fun' employment, but I still dress in the 'uniform' in which men are expected to dress. Suits and ties, jeans, T-shirts and checky shirts, etc.. men's men tend to behave as pack animals - you have to conform or you are not part of the pack.
Now I know that many 'men' out there don't 'conform' and have great lives as individualistic people... great job if you can get it! In my current role, I can do this a lot more, but unfortunately I now have a 'history' and I am a professional, so I have to be careful about how I exercise my freedoms.
This is why many here post about women being able to wear what they want etc... the sentiment is probably based on the frustration of being locked into male dress codes, but it always comes out wrong. But... on femininity, I know many women who look great in boiler suits, even brown paper bags! Their femininity shines through! Put them in a men's suit etc... and it still will... because they are women.
When I wear women's clothes, I love lots of things about it... sometimes it is just 'me'... I feel right. I cannot explain it, it just feels like I am at one with the world. At other times, I still feel like the real me (I will avoid using the term feminine, because I think it is more complex than that) wearing my male gear. If I have to wear male gear though I feel better if I can wear some 'womenswear' somewhere, just to remind me of who I am. So today at work I wore some black tights/pantyhose under my normal male attire and having got back, changed I am now sat again with black tight under normal guy gear (yeah... it's cold here!). I mixed with my wife and one of my daughters and so didn't get changed to 'femme' stuff, as we call it. Too tired... but typing this now I feel like 'me'. I could be wearing stockings and a dress and still be feeling the same.
I am not sure if this is coming out right, it just a discursive from the heart based on the thread. And now for the killer punch...
When I go for it... full make-up, wig, the works... words cannot describe the feeling I get... I 'see' me as I might be, as a woman - and that is just so compelling. I don't have the opportunity to do this that often, so when I do I take photos if I can to capture the moment. Those photos mean a lot to me.
So... am I trying to be a woman? Do I need to wear women's clothes to feel feminine... These are not questions I can answer. If I were 30 years younger I might have considered full TS stuff. There have been times over my life and there certainly were in my early adolescence when I desperately wanted to be a girl/woman. But I kinda dealt with all that and got on with things.
I am still married, I have three grown up daughters and one granddaughter. I have been a resourceful and loving husband and father and my family mean the world to me. I am a highly respected professional and a pretty mean guitar player currently in two gigging bands.
I also am a crossdresser... always have been, always will be. I know it will never go away. I wish it would, but I don't want it to. Feeling like 'me' is a great feeling, and very empowering. But this 'me' likes to let my full on feminine side out sometimes... and I call that expression Kaz. When 'she' is dressed in women's clothes, I feel great! When I am dressed in my usual stuff, she is still there, and I am still me. I don't need the clothes anymore... but they are fun!
So... it must be very puzzling DM... It sure is for me. My wife cannot accept it. She accepts that I do what I do, but she won't discuss it etc.. So I should give up maybe? If it were that simple, I just might..... but it isn't... I have tried before!
Last edited by Kaz; 11-27-2012 at 06:04 PM.
Kaz xx
__________________________________________________ ____________
This Woman Within is Flying without Wings
Fluffy, I find it odd that so few people ever mention it at these Forums so I will. POWER. One possible contributing factor for your SO [or any guy] to CD [even if it might or might not be comepletely unconscious] Power by the simple virtue of being female [at least once a female gets into her teens] and is far better able to "manipulate" males into "helping" her out in some fashion than a male would be able to "manipulate" any females. I certainly hope you agree? Being a male, I can tell you that a lil smile here or a lil wiggle there by an attractive woman probably affects us males far different than most females. It's that silly male VISION "weakness" thing that so many men are susceptible to.
Of course this is undoubtedly going to work a whole lot better if the woman is "attractive". The more attractive she can make herself the greater her power and I think that can go on till the woman grows old and dies. EVERYWHERE you look, the evidence is overwhelming. Women have so many more choices in clothes and spend all that time and effort on hair and makeup because it increases their odds with more men. IT DOES NOT WORK THE SAME WAY FOR MEN. Which is the reason that men do not have such a diverse selection of clothing as women and why it is NOT necessary for men to spend so much time [so they don't] on their outward appearance. The more ATTRACTIVE a woman is the more power she has. But simply being female gives her some power unless she is very "unattractive" for some reason. And YES, we are only talking about the wrapping here and not the person inside but an attractive woman will have more/better chances of being approached by and having a conversation with a guy which is the only way to begin to unravel the person inside. Her odds are better, plain and simple of finding a "good/better" mate.
Name 5 supermodel females.
Now name 5 supermodel males. How about 1 supermodel male? Women just do not care that much about a guy's looks, plain and simple REALITY.
How many actresses or female singers/entertainers can you name that are "quite" overweight and/or unattractive? Compare that to males of the same variety. The evidence is overwhelming. Yes, women "have to" spend all that time and energy on their appearance but they get "power" from their presentation. IF women received no benefits, they would not do it. True or false? Some women can sail through life or at least a long way on looks alone? How many guys do you think could do it?
I think most all Humans enjoy compliments no matter how, where or why they get them. Females are far more likely to receive compliments than men.
One last thing. I'll bet few if any GGs have never been envious of another woman's looks OR witnessed or thought that a woman somewhere, probably got her job [whatever it might be] because of her looks and not her talent or the person inside?
Last edited by Wildaboutheels; 11-27-2012 at 08:09 PM.
[SIZE="3"]I have to disagree with almost everything in the post just above this one.
I'm not going take it blow by blow, but make no mistake: everyone (99%+) on this planet lives in a patriarchal society. If you want to emulate the gender that has the power you will emulate a man.[/SIZE]
This has been some very interesting reading!
It struck a real chord with me too, when it was mentioned that maybe some CDers dress to create the perfect woman they can control etc. My H has said not exactly this, but he's hinted that he visually appreciates his female appearance as a guy would, as though he's looking at himself AS A GUY. I found this hugely confusing when he first tried to explain it, but the answers here have really helped.
My H was also a very quiet boy, shy and with low confidence. I believe he was also bullied. As a man he's none of this and is actually very charming, handsome etc, and I'm pretty sure he does realize this now! lol. But that shy boy still exists inside? He must, as he's still trying to recreate that perfect woman he maybe could never have way back then? Of course, this part is hard for a wife to hear. I still turn a head or two and really, shouldn't my presence be enough?
Confusing thing, this CD!
I have also pondered the animal theory before too. Most other species have very pretty males! Why are human women the ones wearing all this adornment? It's interesting to think that maybe we picked up the slack from when men stopped looking pretty?
Lots to ponder. And yes, some of us wives DO ponder this stuff...A LOT. Believe it or not, but on my other board that I frequent, the wives aren't all bitching and crying about their CDH's, nor are they blindly accepting. (though there are one or two who bitch and cry, lol). MOST are trying to figure out the logic, science and reason behind their partners dressing. Yes, that's right. We women discuss endlessly about what on earth our H's are doing, we share reasons, research, stories, we tear our hair out at WHY a rational man would do this, and we do this over and over again until our heads hurt. We women can be really quite focused when something is bothering us, just so you know.
So thanks again to everyone who is helping me through this. My head clears a little more everyday, even if I'm still as confused as when I started! Perhaps I'm slowly accepting there are as many answers to my questions as there are crossdressers and it's just one of life's little mysteries.
Okay, maybe I haven't accepted that yet, but I'm working on it!
"-------Yes, that's right. We women discuss endlessly about what on earth our H's are doing, we share reasons, research, stories, we tear our hair out at WHY a rational man would do this, and we do this over and over again until our heads hurt.-----------", Doormat.
When u figure out the answer to THAT question, please pass it along! I'm one of those rational planners u mention. Everything I do and have done is/was carefully thot out, planned, and each plan followed to satisfactory conclusion. No compulsive behavior in my entire family.
And then, suddenly out of the blue, I began dressing later in life. I don't know why. It makes no sense at all. At my age especially! And, I don't seem to be able to stop. Instead, it seems to keep ramping up!
How do expect to find the "answers" when some of us dressers don't even understand many of the questions?
U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.
Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!
Good to hear some of this is helping, DM! I think it's good to ask questions. I know I have been asking myself a lot of these questions for decades, and I still don't have all the answers (not even sure I have any of them. LOL). That's something for all of us, CDs and SOs/loved ones of CDs, to keep in mind - many of us CDs have had years and even decades of very personal struggle and soul-searching with this stuff. Many of you have not, or maybe at most only ever thought of it in passing and/or from a distance. Seems to me it can help if we can share the burden, as it were (although I feel it's more of a gift than a burden in some ways).
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