Well, I got careless. I was browsing the forums and my wife popped into the room. She wasn't happy. So later that evening, we had "the talk" again. Many of you know how that goes: lots of ambiguous questions that are very difficult to answer, especially to someone who has a very closed mind about all of this. She wasn't happy. But I remained calm, and tried to be an open book for her.
I got, "You like to look at men in dresses....Why?" She cannot accept that it is not a sexual thing. I'm not looking at men in dresses, etc., for a sexual turn-on. "Then what is it?" It's a hard question to answer. Crossdressers post pictures for a variety of reasons. One reason, perhaps, is to gain some acceptance and validity for their actions. Sure, sure, there's the vanity aspect of it all, but that's a little hard to explain to a wife who makes a good point when she says, "Don't you look at pictures of women in dresses? They're a hell of a lot better looking..." Total non-understanding, and on my part, an inability to adequately explain it to her. Much of my motivation for looking at "men in dresses" is to get a guage on what I can do to look better myself. Another is out of common courtesy for the ladies on this forum. I know we all try to some degree or another to look our best. Some of us are quite successful, others not so. Some have an advantage over others going in. But everybody tries. I'm no beauty queen. I try, too. I've received a lot of nice compliments from others here, which I appreciate enormously. I try to reciprocate with similar kindness.
She cannot comprehend how this doesn't border on homosexuality. After all, they're men....in dresses! When she asked about how other SO's responded, I told her that it is with a varying degree of acceptance, from outright rejection to full acceptance. I told her that some wives not only fully support their husbands crossdressing tendancies, but actually encourage them. This is a concept that she simply cannot get her mind around. I told her that she would be welcome to speak with other women about all of this, but she simply does not want to do so. Not at all.
I told her truthfully that I correspond with other crossdressers on a somewhat regular basis. When she asked what it is we talk about, I told her that it could be anything from fashion to football. One sister here shares my passion for American and world history. Things like that. She said, "Yeah, right. You're talking football...." But that is correct...sometimes. She wanted to know if other crossdressers take feminine names. I told her that yes, most do. Why? Because we manifest the feminine part of ourselves outwardly as women. Women have feminine names. Another concept that she has a great deal of difficulty with.
It got very late, and we needed to go to bed. We did not end the night as enemies, even though she was clearly upset. This morning, before she left for work, she was pleasant to me, wished me luck in my job interview (my fingers are crossed!), and kissed me goodbye. I will ask her later if she would be kind enough to continue the discussion at times. I don't want another year of brushing it under the table. But I also understand that she doesn't want anything to do with any of this. I do not need to dress up while she is downstairs watching TV. I don't mind waiting until she is away for a while. But neither do I want her thinking that I'm sneaking around behind her back. My hope is for a continuing open dialogue. There were a lot of things that she didn't ask me about, which means that there are probably a whole lot of unanswered questions she has.
All in all, it was, is, and will continue to be a very nervewracking experience. I long for even a modecum of acceptance from her, but I also understand that I likely will not get it. But I can stay hopeful.
Hope you get the job hon!
Originally Posted by Christina Nicole
