Starting councelling soon.....(hopefully)...

[Sarah C.]

I'm at a point in my life where I'm feeling very confused and overwhelmed. I've been dressing for 30+ years now (I'm 42), and always felt that I could draw the line between my male and female identities. Until now. My wife and I have an "accomodating" relationship when it comes to my dressing, but lately that's jsut not good enough. I told her right away when we started dating that I was a CD and that she has to be ok with that, and she said she was. 9 years later now and it's still just "ok". I feel so alone with my dressing and trapped. I've never been out dressed and want to soooo badly!

Anyways, I've booked an appointment with my MD to get a referral for councelling. I will be telling her that I am a CD, but I am stuggling with TG feelings. I hope that she can find a councellor for me to work through these feelings. I'm nervous about telling her, but I really feel that I need to get this out. She may suspect I'm CD anyways, as I always wear panties (very plain though) to my appointments, but nothing has ever been said. We do get along very well, and she is not the judging type, so all should be good.

I'd love to hear from anyone who's in a similar situation, or who is in councelling now. What is your experience, and is it helpful? I think right now my biggest fear is actually discovering that I'm more TG than I think I am. The thought of transitioning has crossed my miind many times over the course of my life, but I never thought I would ever do it. Now, I have doubts about that, and it scares the crap out of me!

Regards,
Sarah

[Amy R Lynn]

It sounds like councelling is definitely needed here. You need to make certain that you see a councelor that is good with gender identity issues. You will find that most all councelors will say they can help you. While their intentions are sound, their methods may not be. Make sure that you tell your doctor that you need someone who specializes in Gender Identity issues. This should be a good start. When you meet with the councelor see how you interact with them. They should be interested in helping you understand these desires, and not trying to supress them. If you don't have a good connection or dont feel that this councelor is the right one, move onto another. Its better to move early on, than after you have vested a great deal of time. I think councelling will help you a LOT! It has helped keep me balanced, and helped me understand who I am.

[whowhatwhen]

It sounds like councelling is definitely needed here. You need to make certain that you see a councelor that is good with gender identity issues. You will find that most all councelors will say they can help you. While their intentions are sound, their methods may not be. Make sure that you tell your doctor that you need someone who specializes in Gender Identity issues. This should be a good start. When you meet with the councelor see how you interact with them. They should be interested in helping you understand these desires, and not trying to supress them. If you don't have a good connection or dont feel that this councelor is the right one, move onto another. Its better to move early on, than after you have vested a great deal of time. I think councelling will help you a LOT! It has helped keep me balanced, and helped me understand who I am.

That is exactly what I was going to post.
:P

I can't imagine where I would be if I had no one to talk to about my gender issues, seeing a therapist was one of the best decisions I ever made.
I hope it turns out the same way for you too.

[ambower]

You can find counselors by searching the Rainbow Health Network in Ontario. It may take some time to get a referral from a GP.

[whowhatwhen]

Are counselors different from therapists in that they require a referral?

[sandra-leigh]

Are counselors different from therapists in that they require a referral?

Medical insurance doesn't like to pay for either without a doctor's referral.

[Leslie Langford]

Sarah,

This is probably a long shot, but do not - repeat, DO NOT! - wind up with Dr. Kenneth Zucker of the CAMH (Center for Addiction and Mental Health) in Toronto. He is an alleged expert in gender dysphoria who still believes in "reparative therapy" i.e. that we crossdressers can be "cured" of our affectation with the right guidance and enough willpower to change.

These theories have been discredited by most therapists these days, and work about as well as the periodic attempts by assorted homophobes and fundamentalist religious zealots to get homosexuals to renounce their "evil" and "perverted" ways by fervent prayer and other, similar means...

[Tania D]

Sarah
I had some sessions late last year as like you although my wife knew we were both unsure of where it would all end. From my view it was the best thing I ever done as it helped me understand myself and finally get rid of the shame and get some self acceptance, following this my confidence has grown. For my wife although she did not attend she has says that I am a happier person and she now fully undrstands that this is not something I do as a hobby but that it is a permanent part of me. In relation to transitioning I still think about it but we have both agreed to wait until the children are older before I exp[lore this further.

[GingerLeigh]

I too am from Southern Ontario. I told my GP about the anxiety I feel associated with my CDing, and he told me he had no experience with it. He referred me to two therapists he worked with and neither had experience with gender identity problems. One of them referred me to someone else, but she was a high profile shooter in the are with the mental health board and had little time to see the likes of me. So, I have yet to find someone to help me.

[LeannL]

If it helps, I found mine here in the States by searching the web for a councilor who was working with LGBT groups and then following up on their websites. Before I made an appointment, I emailed her and asked what her experience was since it appeared that she had worked with TS folks more than CD folks. She said that she had experience and that she felt she could be of use. Then I made the appointment. You could do the same prior to going to the GP so that you are not relying on her experience to know the right person.

Good luck,

Leann

[Sarah C.]

Thanks everyone!

Amy & whowhatwhen - I've done some digging already, but there doesn't seem to be too many options for therapists in my area, so I hope I get someone good the first time! I hope my MD will have some good options.

Whowhatwhen - If you don't mind, could you send me the name of your therapist? I don't mind driving to T.O. if I have to.

Ambower - I've emailed Rainbow twice now and have yet to recieve a reply. I'm a bit disappointed.

Leslie - thanks for the tip! Knowing who to avoid is just as valuable as know who to see!

Tania - thanks for sharing your experience. Glad to hear it's working out for you!

GingerLeigh - sorry to hear it hasn't gone so smoothly for you. Hope that changes soon!

LeannL - How has your therapy been going so far? Are you finding it helpful?

Well, my appointment is tomorrow morning. Wish me luck!

Sarah