If CD'ing isn't about sex, then why....

[Inna]

hey wife, I have a deep understanding of the processes of subconscious mind and associated denial, through which I will try to explain as clear as I can.

I suppose it would be safe to say that every CDre does what they do to achieve expression of the opposing gender within the image they portray.

There are different levels of expression though ranging from fetishistic all the way to congruity of body and mind.

After most of the criterion had been sifted through selective screen, two main expressions remain, on one hand, that of projecting the image of a female separate from self and on the other hand, image of self in the other (proper) gender.

Both can have tendency of sexuality tied into the expression because Cders body still runs on TESTOSTERONE, a hormone mainly responsible for expression of physicality!!!

Their bottled up femininity had no way of expressing it self, and exploring the world. being males, throughout their life all they could hope for is the feeling of releasing the energy through masturbation or sexual act, or perhaps anger and frustration, something very centric to masculine character.

Now, the most precise test, which by the way is seldom used by therapists because of its still controversial intervention, is to devoid the organism of Testosterone, which in fact renders person sexually void. At that point if dressing still feels pleasurable or just simply right, then it is rather clear that such person would have a transsexual tendencies, however, if such patient becomes confused and dislikes the idea of just the act of dressing then it is rather clear that they are fetishistic in their approach and NON transsexual.

I am not suggesting such test but I am merely using it as an illustration of how things work.

So, here is where it gets complicated, your hubby may indeed be a fetishistic or non fetishistic dresser, the bast way to test for the difference is.......well, I have nothing more precise then a THERAPY!

TG experienced therapist with vast expertise and few sessions to uncover the subconscious mechanism, no one has to know besides you both, no one will ever know if you choose to keep this intimate, and NO, no one will render your husband a FREAK if such knowledge is kept away from the mainstream.

But all in all, this is the way to find out and make peace with the reality!

All my love, hon, Inna

[MssHyde]

Why does my husband get "excited" when he dresses. You know what I'm trying to say, right? Certain things increase in size.

I've read that CD'ing doesn't have anything to do with sex, but then, it must, mustn't it? Otherwise why the sexual stimulation and excitement.
Can anyone explain this to me?

Di

Thats a tough one, some aspects have turned me on in the beginning but normally, for me its not a turn on, it's more of a must do. or want to do type of thing.

I have a deep need to experience things as a woman would, to emulate a woman in dress and looks. be be a woman the best I can be. (with in reason) I have had these desires (to be female since I was a child) ITS LIKE A HUNGER PAIN but you can't ignore it very easy. you can take your mind off it, but it comes back. like a pulling within to be a woman.
I have no attraction to men its like an attraction to women or to my self when dressed.

another strange aspect is I like to be seen as a woman. I'm not happy if I'm picked out or made as a guy. I want to pass as a female in public.

[Kate Simmons]

Simply put, dressing for guys increases the positive energy flow. Sadly, many do not know how to utilize that to it's fullest extent and at that point it can tend to be overwhelming if not harnessed.

[ColleenA]

Hello Wife,
As many here have said, CDing does have something to do with sex and arousal, but it's not confined to just that.

When I was started dressing at 12, I either snuck into my older sister's closet to "borrow" a few articles of clothing or I pilfered a few things (like pantyhose with runs she threw away) that I hid under my mattress. As the youngest in a family of four kids, though, I didn't get many chances to dress up for very long. Ninety-five percent of the time I would put on the clothes and get aroused (or start getting aroused and then put on the clothes), take care of the business at hand, and get the clothing back where it belonged. Over the next few years, as my older sibs moved out, I had more opportunities to stay dressed afterward, and it was fun to go into the kitchen or to listen to music and read a book, pretending to be just another girl.

Once I got out on my own, though, I really learned how enjoyable it could be to stay dressed long after - or even separate from - any arousal-related business. If the point was exclusively sexual, then it wouldn't matter if I went back to wearing my "regular" clothes soon after. But there is a lot of pleasure that can be derived from women's clothing, pleasures that come in a range of forms:

- tactile pleasures, such as the feel of fabrics like nylon not available in men's clothing
- aesthetic pleasures from the wide variety of colors, styles and combinations of clothing that far exceed the limited options for men
- the emotional pleasure of playing at being someone "else" or more someone "more complete" than who we have to be in our daily lives (so CDing is the original cosplay)

Regarding your husband's CDing, I don't know how open he is with you or how receptive you are if he wants to talk about it, but if he claims arousal isn't part of why he dresses, then from what you have said, I would assume he is trying to use that as a smokescreen. As it is for many others, CDing is likely just one component of a multi-dimensional life, and there doesn't have to be anything wrong with that.

Sending love your way, Colleen

[WIFE GG/SO]

Wow, thanks for all of your responses. You've given me a LOT to think about.

Di

[suchacutie]

For me it was a very specifici experience: As a male, my wife and I are mates. Tina and my wife are completely platonic girlfriends. There is no sexual energy there for Tina.

However, dressing...especially dressing to the nines...is sensual. There is a difference, but the biological function can always see the difference in the beginning, so there is a physiological response, or at least the start of one. It doesn't go anywhere, but there is a certain stimulation for a guy who is used to boring guy clothes to suddenly find his body encased in stockings and satin!

So, I would say there is probably always a sensual response, not necessarily a sexual response to crossdressing. At least that was my experience.

[ArleneRaquel]

I love dressing as a woman. It makes me feel great and glorious. In fact it's dabomb. I still get a sexual kick while enfemme.

[ReineD]

Why does my husband get "excited" when he dresses. You know what I'm trying to say, right? Certain things increase in size.

I've read that CD'ing doesn't have anything to do with sex, but then, it must, mustn't it? Otherwise why the sexual stimulation and excitement.

Can anyone explain this to me?

Di

I don't know either since like you, I'm a GG. But, I do know there are a number of things that excite men ... they're wired that way. If a man is hetero, he can become excited over anything having to do with women, from seeing a hot woman walking down a street, to pics in a Playboy magazine, to seeing his wife's negligee on the bed ready for her to wear even if he is not a CDer and has no desire to wear it himself, to even just thinking about naked women and sex.

Where the line is between garden-variety male libido and fetish, is hard to tell. But, if your husband's arousal over getting dressed does not negatively impact your sexual relationship, if he does become aroused by you in your normal course of having sex together, then his sexuality is not impacted by the CDing. It does become a problem when a male can no longer function without a fetish object though, no matter what the object is whether it is a pair of panties or bondage or latex, if he is in a relationship with a woman who is not into the same fetish ... since this causes all kinds of issues with the GG who then feels that she no longer arouses her partner and he is rather aroused by something that is not her.

And, because we're in a forum where the threads in the CD section are also read by transsexuals or people who question whether or not they are transsexual, I am not implying that arousal when dressed is always just a fetish. I know that for TSs and some gender non-conforming individuals, there is a need to experience sexuality in the target gender.

[Lorileah]

You've given me a LOT to think about.

Di

oh oh that can be a bad thing

[Moxie]

I read something recently that suggested the only difference between a non CD man and a CDer is puberty. It was noted that nearly ALL small children take to playing dress up in their mother's clothes, but only a select percentage will take this back up in puberty, sealing their fate as a lifelong Crossdresser.

As a mother and aunt and friend of many, I have to say I agree with the dress up part. Funny how often small children role play 'families', even the boys. So I'm not convinced crossdressing isn't based in sexuality and I'm also not convinced that most are born this way.

Actually, I'm not convinced anyone has any clue, but sex is a HUGE part for my H, even when he's just experiencing comfort in feminine attire as for many people, sex equals comfort.

[Kate Simmons]

When we are born, we gradually progress in life. First physically, then emotionally, then spiritually. If we are successful we are all of the above as a mature being. The problem comes in when we develop forms of "arrested development" from a variety of reasons. The ultimately developed being is balanced in both male and female aspects regardless of physical plumbing.

[AllyCDTV]

As you can tell, there are a lot of different answers to your question but the best are the ones that tell you to talk to your husband.

As far as I go, there were a few threads here that gave me a lot of insight into why I get sexually aroused when I dress. One in particular asked which celebrity you would most like to look like. The two I picked were Elke Sommer and Julie Christie. I thought they were the hottest looking women when I went through puberty. I posted a picture of each along with my reply to that thread. What struck me was how much I have unconsciously tried to look like Julie Christie in terms of the hairstyle I chose and my clothes. I also didn't realize how much another one of my wigs looks like the typical hair style Elke Sommer would wear. So when I dress up. with the help of my imagination (probably a lot of help LOL), I see one of the 2 the sexiest women from when I went through puberty. Talk about imprinting. So when I see that, how can I not get aroused?

[Kate T]

Wife, you have probably realised by now that there is no real one answer to your question. To be honest I think hormones do have a lot to do with it. Testosterone wihtin a physiologic range is a very strong arousal hormone. There is far less higher level thought goin into male sex drive and once it all kicks off for a male then it is not that hard for them to climax, it is really just biology.

I think for almost all CD's, sexual gratification has been a part of the experience at some stage. HOWEVER it is not the entireity of it and it does tend to decrease with age and self acceptance. If you think of it a little bit like, you enjoy sexual relations with your husband but that is not the only reason nor even for most women the major reason why your married him.

Personally I think it is worthwhile trying to determine the origin of the arousal. Is it a tactile thing with certain fabrics, some are turned on by restictive garments (e.g. corsets etc.) and like the feeling of confinement, some like the idea of being told what to do (i.e. submissive) which they associate with a certain female role (please, I'm not saying that this is fair, just that some guys are into it), whilst others are aroused by the idea or the thought of being female or having a feminine body (e.g. breast forms) this is usually referred to as Autogynephilia. Once the source (or sources) of the arousal are identified then you can make decisions on whether / how they will be a part of your physical relationship and this often results in either a greater understanding between partners or once the origin is identified and analysed it may no longer hold any interest and start to drop off (hence the tendency I think for the sexual element to decrease markedly once a CD / TG / TS comes to self acceptance).

[whowhatwhen]

OR OR OR...
You could use his penis as a towel/hat rack, beauty and utility combined.

:P

[Sally24]

For me the only sexual part is in fantasy. I still can get excited about various CD or TS sexual fantasies. But that's not dressing. I've never been turned on by the act of dressing. Exhilarated? Sure! Enjoying the sensual aspects of smooth skin, beautiful and soft fabrics and all the other external things, yes! Now I may be a minority because I didn't have sexual experiences of ANY kind until I was in my early 20's. But there is a portion of our CDs that are interested in the sexual side of things. And there is a sizable portion that start out with a sexual nature but find that isn't where it leads them eventually.

When I started dressing and going out in my 50's I was quite surprised to find out that it wasn't some sexual kink. Up until that point it had really been mostly fantasizing so I never knew the difference. I don't know if this will change for your husband as he continues to learn but it might.

Now to address a few comments.....

Unfortunately, being turned by being dressed or by our female image is a large part of dressing for most of us...............VERY FEW have not experienced it at one time or another! Whether they'll admit it or not.

Sorry Doc, but just calling many of us liars still doesn't make you right. There is a good portion of us that have never experienced dressing as a sexual act. You can speak for yourself but I think you are way off when you say "most".

You are a sharp cookie WIFE as you have already figured out THE key to the vast majority of CDing. It just is rarely talked about at this site, but almost all at this site admit to STARTING OUT THAT WAY in one thread or another.

This is not a sex site so we only talk about sexual aspects of dressing when they are germane to another conversation.

.......So, I would say there is probably always a sensual response, not necessarily a sexual response to crossdressing. At least that was my experience.

Exactly my experience. I really love all the textures and scents and visuals that surround many of the feminine accoutrements. But there is a major difference between an enjoyment of sensual delights and a sexual response.

[sandra-leigh]

It took me decades to realize I was a cross-dresser. Once I so realized, and started going out in public more, I discovered something interesting: that more and more, imagining myself going out dressed a certain way and certain place was erotic but the actual doing of it was not for me. And over time, the imagining died away, became less frequent.

There were still times when I became spontaneously aroused while out dressing, but those were times at which my mind was full of non-erotic thoughts, not thinking of pleasure, and suddenly realized that without my noticing, part of me had expanded. Those times were generally a nuisance.

[docrobbysherry]

[QUOTE=Sally24;3034927]-----------------Sorry Doc, but just calling many of us liars still doesn't make you right. There is a good portion of us that have never experienced dressing as a sexual act. You can speak for yourself but I think you are way off when you say "most".--------------------
I think u may have misread my post, Sally. I said, "Most", and, "Very few". Let me reiterate. You're claiming you've NEVER been turned on by dressing or your looks in a mirror? If that's true, then I guess you're one of the, "Very few". Which I BELIEVE to be about one in ten CD/TG/TS's that have NEVER been turned on by some aspect of dressing. Congrats!

[Vickie_CDTV]

Strictly speaking, little boys can be stimulated and get an erection even though they have no understanding why it is happening. I have known many folks who said they experienced this when they were little and tried on their mothers' clothes and such (or other items of clothing like rubber or whatever happened to attract them.)

[Meghan]

Di,

There is a certain connection that I feel with my sexuality now that I am out, that I comply did not feel when I wasn't. It's as if I have totally opened up. However, it is rare that I get excited any more just because of dressing alone.

To give you an example, I had my first "O" ever when en fem at age 11 or 12. However, I had been dressing every chance I had since I was at least 10. I thought the "O" was linked to the dressing, but looking back, I only had chances like that when I was alone, so it's not a coincidence that conditions that produced dressing also produced "O"s.

But as many have said, gender is a continuum. No two of us are alike, and some men are attracted and aroused at the thought of being a woman and seeing themselves as such.

The only way to know for sure is to ask your H...and even then he may not completely know why.

This is one of the zillions of puzzles about our condition

Meghan

[Bree-asaurus]

And, because we're in a forum where the threads in the CD section are also read by transsexuals or people who question whether or not they are transsexual, I am not implying that arousal when dressed is always just a fetish. I know that for TSs and some gender non-conforming individuals, there is a need to experience sexuality in the target gender.

Yeah... and that's whole different bag of worms lol! Many transsexuals, who have no sexual feelings for crossdressing will often think they are crossdressers because dressing up seems to make them... excited down there. But as another poster mentioned, that might have a lot to do with testosterone being an erection's best friend, in addition to a non-sexual excitement from expressing one's self when they spend the rest of their lives pretending to be someone else.

Let's just hope he's not transsexual... lol.

[Tracii G]

As you can see Di there is not a black and white answer thats why the CD world is soo hard to understand.
I have been crossdressing off and on since i was in high school. I'm 60 BTW.
At first it may have had a sexual glint to it I'll admit that but I felt the act of dressing to be an outward expression of myself (TG).
At that time I had no idea what made me like dressing in womens clothes I just enjoyed it.
The sexual aspect faded after a few times dressing and to this day has not even a remote factor.
I just enjoy the release from being my male self.To be honest I prefer my female side.
Imagine it was you that had the constant battle with your gender and not your husband? Would you want to be chained and bound and told what to feel and what not to feel?
Told you must be gay or a sexual deviant maybe even told you have a mental disorder because you feel a certain way.
Di you seem to hold on to the notion all that your husband is doing is wrong.
He may be in some way or another as far as your relationship goes but please don't shackle him and put him in a box.That won't solve anything.
I really am glad you are here I really truly am and I wish you both the best.

[Jacqueline Winona]

It's possible tha thte thought of you is what's encouraging him- he likes dressing and the fact that you're at least watching him may excite him, even if you're not fully participating. This could be a turn-on simply because you're seeing him in what could be a vulnerable state, accepting him in his femme site, and showing him there's no shame in it. He may not get excited at all if you're not around. Just a thought.

[chrismy]

The truth is we don't come with an instruction book for a lot of us we can't tell you Why it is, it is just part of our make up. To tell us not to dress or not to shave it is like telling a fish not to swim up stream. The fish do not know why they swim up stream they just do.

for me ...this is one the most insightful observations i have read... ... i felt ... strangely centered with a possible way forward to some sort of peace

[Tara D. Rose]

I can't say that we dress or become our female side to become sexually aroused. For some that may be the case. I will speak only for myself as not to say this applies across the board of cross dressers. I started wearing girl clothes by my own choice when I was very young, around 4 and 6 years old. That was long before I ever knew what sex was. It was natural for me to feel this way. I still kept it hidden when I was that young for I at least knew that these were girl things. Then like any other young boy, puberty hit real hard and so the usual self exploration stage of life begins. Then when the dressing in girl clothes continued during the years from 13 to 35, I used to think that it was for sexual arousal. Now that I’m much older and wiser, of course the natural decline of libido takes place, but yet, the desire to dress or become Tara is still here today stronger than ever, regardless of libido. During my teens, of course I was so confused and with so little information about what I was, I had to try so hard to figure it out on my own. I didn't have it figured out nonetheless, but I was still confused.
So I ask myself now, why did I do this as a very young little child before I knew what sex was, and why do I still do this now when I do not get aroused by dressing or becoming Tara? I don’t do this with the hopes of getting turned on, I will always do this from now on. I mean I can get aroused from some things, whether I’m as Tara or not, but it isn't the dressing that gives sexual arousal. Maybe some are in the stage of confusing the dressing that has been done for all of their lives, and when puberty hits, it may seem that it is the dressing that causes arousal, but it may be just the natural full blown testosterone. What is your husband's age?
But WIFE, answer this question, does your husband get aroused when he does not put on women’s clothes? If so, it may not be the clothes. But when we dress, it does feel so good inside and so relaxing and brings so much more joy in and of itself than for sexual arousal. I apply my philosophy not only to myself, but to those that have done this since very early childhood, but not to the late bloomers that started up one day and just decided.

I look back over my life now and can see very well in hindsight, that as much as I loved and needed to do this, it wasn't for sexual arousal, it wasn't at 5 years old, it's just that I would sometimes incorporate it into my lonely times during puberty, when I thought I was very strange. Some cd's MAY dress in women's clothes only for the purpose of sexual arousal, and maybe many years from now when it no longer does that to them, maybe they will hang the clothes up for good. But for me, I will always become Tara because it feels so right sometimes. Just a few hours or minutes before I take my shower and shave with the intent to become Tara, there are no sexual thoughts going through my mind before hand at all.

[Wildaboutheels]

After most of the responses thus far, if you are still having doubts, just ask yourself one simple Q.

WHY do you think so few CDers are WOMEN wanting to dress up as men? The obvious reason accounts for the lopsided ratio so easily visible here. No way to really determine it accurately but probably 20 to 1 [at least] if not 100 to 1. Possibly much higher?