What an amazing year it’s been for me. A year ago my list of crossdressing ‘accomplishments’ outside the house were a trip to a dressing service for my 30th birthday and one time filling up the gas at the distant end of a gas station. My wife was still having a lot of trouble dealing with crossdressing, even after knowing about me since we started dating 12 years earlier and we were just about to give up hope for having another child due to fertility issues.
We’ll tackle this chronologically.
Dec 15th, 2011 – First Real Trip Out
I had a week in the DC area for a class. My nights were free (No homework!) and I had brought some clothes with me. On the first few nights I did a bit of practice on makeup in my hotel room and did some shopping in drab. Luckily, one of the things I found while shopping at Goodwill was a decent pink winter coat. That was a missing piece of my wardrobe that I needed if I was going to head out in the cold. The next night I dressed up and did the best I could with my makeup. I put on my favorite top, a newly found gray skirt, and some boots. I took some photos in my hotel room while waiting for the confidence to build. Eventually the now or never moment hit and I took it. I threw on my coat and hit the door. My first stop was a gas station, but eventually I got up the nerve to visit a Kohl’s. Walking from my car into the store was one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done. Once inside, I relaxed a bit, and was able to snap a few pictures. Trying on clothes was so much more fun when my face and shape better fit what I was seeing on me. I could have stayed for hours. It was a great experience and Bree (though I didn’t have the name yet) was unleashed.
IMG_0205 by Bree Wagner, on Flickr
January to February 2012 - Experimentation
During these months I had a four week class to attend in Colorado Springs. It was far enough away from home that I stayed there during the week but would come home on the weekends. That meant I could bring the suitcase home each week and change out the wardrobe I had with me. My wife knew I was bringing stuff with me and I told her that I might go out. She was moderately uncomfortable about it, more from the perspective of worrying about me and how others may treat me. We discussed it a few times and I even sent her a text with how I was looking before I headed out. I got her tepid endorsement even though I knew how hard this was for here because at this point she just couldn’t stand seeing me in a wig. The first two weeks of class ended up being lots more practice and pictures in my hotel room along with a bit of shopping in drab. When week 3 hit it was time to get outside. I did some more shopping and went to a movie. The movie was going to be tough since it was the first time I knew I’d have to open my mouth for more than a one-syllable response. It was a bit scary, but I made it, and am pretty sure I enjoyed the movie. This was a great period to get LOTS of practice and experimentation done. I learned a lot about what worked for me, but I still made tons of mistakes and had a lot of learning to do.
We also got the wonderful news that my wife was pregnant again!
Heading Out! by Bree Wagner, on Flickr
March 2012 – Growth, Naming, and the Road to Acceptance
This was a great month. I had another class, this time it was two weeks in Maryland, with plenty of opportunities to dress at night. Now that the going out bug had bit me the fever was raging. I went out 5 times in that two week period to all sorts of different places. I shopped, I went to a movie, I wandered an historic waterfront, I took a quick walk through the woods, and I shopped some more. It was great fun to be out so much and to have no negative experiences. When I got home from the trip it was definitely time for another discussion with my wife. I was having so much fun with this but her level of acceptance (and kids) certainly put the brakes on things while I was at home. The two of us went out to lunch, found a quiet booth, and talked for at least an hour. There was a little crying, but lots of love. My wife gained a realization of how much this meant to me, but still just couldn’t deal with wigs and, to a lesser extent, makeup. After another discussion that night, my wife told me that I should reach out to people with similar interests to help me grow into this and to find ways to get out locally. She agreed that going out once a month or so at home would work. She’d take our daughter out to dinner in order to let me get ready and get out of the house. She also decided that I’d need a name. With mutual agreement, Bree was ‘born’. My wife made huge sacrifices for me here and I made sure she knew just how much I appreciated what she was doing for me and how much I loved her.
IMG_6853 by Bree Wagner, on Flickr
April 2012 – Meetings
I was on a roll in terms of opportunities to dress. My wife went on a two week cross-country road trip to visit old friends and took my daughter to her nana’s house for the duration. This would be my first opportunity to get out and about in my hometown. Of course, shopping was on the agenda, but more importantly it was going to be my first time out to meet other people. I joined the Mile High TG meetup and was getting ready to go. A few days before that meetup I was out shopping at a Goodwill and I got ‘read’ by an expert while standing in line. Turns out the guy had worked with a lot of CDs at a friendly wig store and salon and just wrote down the name and number of the place for me. Not great to get noticed like that, but I took it in stride realizing I don’t pass anywhere near 100% of the time and wouldn’t let it keep me from going out. I soon attended the meetup group and had a wonderful time meeting some great people. It was a bit of a sad event because the person who had done most of the organizing for this group had just passed away and much of her stuff was being given away at this meeting. Still, it was great to be out and it was a night filled with firsts. After the meeting I went out to dinner with two other CDs and had a wonderful time. It was amazing to be out like that. I was sure that I wanted to make it a regular thing and with my wife’s agreement we made it happen.
IMG_7610 by Bree Wagner, on Flickr
May to June 2012 – Business as Usual
Kind of ho-hum compared to the last few months. I went to First Friday meetups both months. June’s meeting was a really long day since I climbed Pike’s Peak in the morning and still made it home just in time to change and get out. What a long, but fantastic, day. You can bet that after a lot of miles on the trail and a night in these heels it was awfully nice to rest the next day.
Calves! by Bree Wagner, on Flickr
July 2012 – Really?
Once again my wife and daughter were off for two weeks before I was able to join them to see family so there were plenty of chances to get out and see the world. I was even able to get a few days off work so I could head into the mountains for some hiking, with the thought that maybe Bree could make a brief appearance. I made that happen at the trailhead on the night before a hike, but actually getting to the top of a 14er as Bree would have to wait until next year. There was bigger news for the month to come. First, I got to make a great friend through the message board and meet her for dinner at the Black Crown. We had a great time and set it up for even better things in the future. Second, was another conversation with my wife after she got back. I told her about the things I was doing and she mentioned that she might like to go out with me sometime. “What?!? With me dressed? Yep.” So, what changed for her? I'm not totally sure. Maybe it was just time and things were becoming a bit more 'normal' for her. She also said that I wasn't playing fair by meeting interesting people that she would also like to meet.
Sadly, it wasn’t all roses for the month. I had been out shopping and was at Macy’s in Park Meadows Mall. I headed into the dressing room. An older woman stepped out at the end of the hallway and was looking in the mirror. She turned around saying "What do you think of this?" But, by the time she had finished turning her words changed to "Oh my god, are you a man?" and she headed right back into her stall. This was from about 15 feet away. Needless to say, my confidence hit the floor and I quickly headed home. It was just a temporary setback that I was determined to get over and many of my new friends helped me get through it and continue to refine my look and attitude.
When I went to meet my wife and kid it was the first time I’d be with family and old friends with recently shaved arms and legs. Not many people seemed to notice or care. When a few did, the explanation of I tried it and I liked it was the best.
Don't look too close! by Bree Wagner, on Flickr
August 2012 – Life Changing Events
I went out to dinner with my wife while dressed! We met another couple and it all went better than my wildest dreams. On my way home from work the night of the outing I made sure to get her some flowers to show my love. I had called her a bit earlier to ask her how her butterflies were doing and she told me she'd been busy enough all day to keep them down to a low level. When I surprised her with the flowers at home I asked her how she was holding up. Her reply was "I'm OK, but you're not dressed yet." I'm pretty nervous at this point that when we get to the hair it may just end and we won't go. I asked one more time if she was still up to it. She said "Yep, I've just got to put on my big girl panties and get through this!" She got done getting ready WAY before I was and she teased me about how long it was taking me. My only answer was that it takes a lot longer to get to 'beauty' when you start from 'beast'.
After I got all my makeup on and got dressed it was time for the dreaded hair. I knew she was really nervous about her reaction at this point because she was intently focused on her phone and didn't want to look up. The hair went on and she eventually had to look. The initial comments were along the lines of "I don't like it" and "Something is just wrong". I offered to try another wig but that was turned down. Eventually I was told that she just didn't like the bangs but she'd try to get past it and that we needed to get going. She was still doing far, far better than I had any expectation of. I was very surprised. Next came the second big surprise of the evening. She said "Do you want to take a picture together before we go, isn't that what you like?" I was floored. I had my camera in the purse but really wasn't expecting to use it. Yes. Yes I do want to take a picture!
We had a wonderful, albeit way to short, time out with the other couple but the biggest shock of the night was right around the corner for me. On our way out the door my wife said "I had a really good time tonight. I'd like to do it again and do it sooner rather than later." Wow. Again, just wow. I never would have expected that in a thousand years. I was floored, thrilled, and amazed that I have this wonderful woman as my wife. I was so happy that she did this wonderful thing for me, while my whole worry was that it would be an awful and nervous time for her, and wound up having a great time herself.
That wasn’t the only big news of the month. My wife and I welcomed the arrival of our second daughter. She came a few weeks early, just after we went out, but has been a very happy and healthy baby ever since.
I also got an interesting question from my almost 4 year old daughter this month. In context, I was in the just getting out of the shower while my wife and daughter came into the bedroom. My daughter told my wife "I wear this dress for Nick. He likes it, but only girls wear dresses." My wife told her "Some boys can wear dresses if they like to." My daughter is big on the idea of 'some do, some don't.' At this point she runs over to the bathroom and says "Daddy, you wear dresses?"
I went with "I'd do anything for you, sweetheart"
She then went back to my wife and said something like "Why some boys not wear dresses?" My wife responded by talking about social norms. Not exactly the kind of thing that's easy for a young kid to understand. But she was satisfied and immediately went on to chat about other topics.
I don't like having to give a non-answer and stepping around the topic, but I think it’s best for now. I'm pretty sure the talk will come someday (ready or not) and I'm sure that if it does, with this amazing little creature of mine, it'll go very well. Hopefully it's still years away though.
Amazing Night! by Bree Wagner, on Flickr
September to October 2012 – Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now
Since my wife still hated my wig she decided that my anniversary present was going to be something that didn’t bother her nearly as much. We went to the salon that I had got the name of when I had been read in Goodwill. We’d heard good things about it and they were true. My wife had a pretty decent experience and did the choosing for me since I really wanted to find something that would be the least uncomfortable for her. It would have been too hard for her that day to handle it with me dressed so it was all done with me in drab. At least she and the stylist agreed on the choice and we even left the old one there for a styling. We scheduled a repeat visit for the next week to do the styling of the old wig and for my wife to get a facial. When we went back I got to go dressed and had a great time sitting in the chair getting my hair done while my wife enjoyed her spa treatments.
I drew the short straw (or was directed, but who can say) and had to keep our almost 4 week old daughter with me. That was interesting since my wife got called back first and I was waiting in the sitting area with my daughter. I had a few women come up and have a look at her and a quick chat with me. I was really wondering if anyone would ask if she was mine or not. No one did, it was just all about how cute she is so I didn't have to say anything like "She's mine, but it wasn't me that delivered her!" Read or not, all the customers were very pleasant.
On Columbus Day weekend I got to go out twice, to meetup group and then with my wife again! We met up with the same couple, although we toted an infant that time, and had another wonderful night. Before going out my wife got to have her hair done for the first time in a long time while I shopped. There's a lesson I knew, or at least should have known, and that's carrying a baby is not a way to be inconspicuous. They are conversation magnets. So I was a bit more nervous than I think I'd normally be. The SA at Charming Charlie of course came right up and after the "Hello, can I help you find anything?" went right into "Oh what a cute baby!" I smiled and said "Thanks, I'm just looking" and proceeded to not find anything I needed. Anyways, I was once again walking on air after a wonderful night.
What a night! by Bree Wagner, on Flickr
November 2012 – Bree Abroad
I had the wonderful opportunity to make a trip to the UK for work and got to spend three days as Bree. I’ve written about it pretty extensively recently and you can read about it in 3 parts.
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
It was something I’ll always look back on with fond memories and a desire to do it again whenever I get the chance.
Leaving the Museum by Bree Wagner, on Flickr
Dec 2012 and Beyond – Where does this train stop?
December is already shaping up to be another great month. I visited MAC for a makeup lesson, learned a ton, and had a great day out shopping afterwards. It’s amazing how some things still get to me though. Making that appointment over the phone was one of the most nerve-wracking things I’ve done. It took me forever to get up the courage to dial. It was all worth it in the end. More extensive details are here.
Tonight I’ll be heading out to another meetup and have my first chance to work on all my new makeup skills. We’re also trying to nail down another time for my wife and I to go out again.
It has been a truly amazing and wonderful year. I’m in a great place in life, with a wonderful wife, and an amazing family. Who knows where we’re headed? I don’t know if another year will ever be able to match this one in terms of all the ‘firsts’ but there’s still a lot more to see and do. I’m sure there will be continued ups and downs in my wife’s acceptance of this, but we’ll talk through it as we’ve always done.
Will the kids ever know? I’d say it’s probably but hopefully not for a long time and only if there’s good reason. Hiding some things from inquisitive youngsters will get tougher as they get older though and I want to be as honest and open with them as I possibly can.
I’ve learned and gained so much from other’s experiences before doing any of this on my own. It helped immeasurably with my confidence, my look, and my attitude. If I can do the same for anyone else it’ll really make me happy.
Questions? Send ‘em my way!
Stay in touch,
Bree
Full Frontal Tree by Bree Wagner, on Flickrr
P.S. I have my wife's permission to post these pics. Mods, let me know if I need to split this up.
Originally Posted by justmetoo
Still tons of fun!
