15 years of CDing has left me empty and alone

[bimini1]

I dunno. When one is really really fed up with something walking away from it may not be as hard as you think. Your mind changes at that point. You can tell yourself you want to quit something but in a state of self delusion. But if it's real you won't do that. You'll just walk away and not look back.

I was a druggie for 25 years. I had tried to give it up plenty of times to no avail. Then it happened almost unconsciously. I certainly wasn't trying to quit when I did. Just woke up one morning and was out walking the dog when my mind changed. Then another day went by. That was 5 years ago.

Now I'm not equating CD with addiction by no means. Because I have tried to give it up as well. I thought it went with the dope because usually they were done in tandem. But the dope stopped and the cross gender behavior remained.

[jsunic_1978]

I finally put on my big boy pants, hoped in my car and socialized in a different area, the same area where I usually cross dress. i was jeff I HAD A BLAST. most of what we precieve is just that, state of mind. If the area may be on the clicky end. sounds like people dont know about you're dressing, which can be causing your discomfort. dont make the mistake by letting too many people know that already know you well. develop some social life in a different area, just put it out there, you just may be surprised. Go to a more deverse area where even the neighborhood pubs do not mind and also find it to be a plus with different walks of like and just appreciate GOOD PEOPLE.

[girlygirly]

It's odd, I got a different impression from the OP's words. There was an absence of detail, but I took it that the OP isolated in order to dress, which in turn caused a lonely existence. I've read countless threads here from CDers whose worlds eventually shrink. The circle of friends diminish, they cease to find pleasure in other, non-CDing activities, their social lives become non-existant, all because they do not know how to achieve balance and put it all into perspective. This has got to be old after awhile. And I'm not talking about transsexuals here, strictly CDers.

Very well said, although I have been able to keep the circle of friends from shrinking a great deal, as well as meeting some new friends over the years. But the amount of time spent with friends does shrink a little, and there are many things I would enjoy doing with a friend , but also like to do in girl mode. As I said in my original post I never have tried to pass, although I have made the effort and realized I can't. Even so, when I'm in girl mode the envelope is pushed much further than I'm comfortable sharing with friends.

It has been a challenging couple of weeks. I've been going through clothes and determining what can remain in my wardrobe, and the thought of shopping in the mens section has not entered the equation yet. I guess I could probably find a place where I can satisfy my yearnings for both genders, and that is probably where this is headed. Less to explain, and also the ability to retain something which actually is much more accepted than it used to be. At the same time I'm content keeping it at a level where half of me isn't constantly hiding in the shadows.

Thanks to all who have expressed words of support and understanding. I realize many here understand where I am coming from, and it makes life a little easier to know this isn't all in my head.

[jsunic_1978]

Don't stop all together. I don"t pass all that well, but it diesnt matter. most of the time, im in guy mode and I wear womens jeans and uggs, NO BIG DEAL. Im happier women are attracted to confidnence and self happiness. Its just friendly smiles back and forth and hellos, but its a start. just focus only on making friends. Im in the same boat. I finally realized, its all about self happiness and that attracts.

[jsunic_1978]

everyone has at least ONE reeal friend. thats all it matters. they may not approve, but they are still a real friend that still sais, hey, lets go out to eat, etc etc. thats A TRUE FRIEND. we just need to embrace that and look for people we have never meat and put it out there. SURPRISE... mosty new people we meet are like minded. As we are just our selves now and express our selves, we are our true selves now and will make MORE GOOD FRIENDS