the world we live in

[GabbiSophia]

So my SO and I went out to dinner with our best friends. Some how the subject came up about transgender. It know I shouldn't be suprised but man they are fast to say how gross it is or how they just dont understand. In todays world you would think they would be at least a little more open. As I listen it makes me retreat a little further into my mind. The wanting to be accepted as is is huge just because I would hate to lose those I care about. How dis those with close friends do it? I know it will take time. It just seems the end will be a seperation of families and that sucks.

[Beverley Sims]

It is gross to all until they find someone close to them that is CD or whatever.
Attitudes do mellow then.

[Kate Simmons]

People tend to babble on about things they do not understand. Most have very little empathy towards others. They tend to accuse us of being self centered when they, themselves, are as well. Kind of like the pot calling the kettle black. A true friend, however, will be your friend regardless.

[suzy1]

As you say Steph, it’s the world we live in. Can we change it? Some here have said we can. Personally I would not hold my breath.
But having said that I think Beverley makes an excellent point. It’s the best weapon you have to combat the negative reaction you might get.

All the best,

Suzy

[I Am Paula]

I've found that people fall into two camps. They either reject us completely, and can not be convinced otherwise, or they accept us for what we are. Those who do not accept can not be turned, so don't waste your breath. Cherish the ones who accept.-Celeste

[5150 Girl]

I'm with Bev on this one. I've seen first hand, people who would make fun and be nast about the topic untill they find out I'm TG. THen there is a clammer to try and understand

[Kelley]

Sometimes people say what they think they are expected to say and not necessarily what they really think. In a group of none CDs, non gays etc. if one stated that they thought CDing was ok then the group might just think they were a CDer or gay. That is the same reason we don't jump to defend CDing in a situation like that as that may tend to out us. Maybe if you had countered with "I knew a CD in high school and he was a great guy you know straight and all" it may have brought out a different opinion.

[Cynthia Anne]

I think Kelley makes a great point here! I have seen that be the case all to often!

[linda allen]

To most of the world, people are "male" or "female". Look at birth certificates, driver's licenses, public restooms, etc. That's the official view. Unless someone has read about or studied people who don't fit exactly into one of those categories, that person will view a transgender, transexual, crossdresser, whatever we identify as, as "different".

As Suzy posted, don't hold your breath waiting for that to change. It's human nature.

[Jenniferathome]

Well, I understand the "I just don't understand" part. Why should the mainstream population understand. You're white, do you "understand" what it's like to be black? No, you don't. And you never will. As for the gross part, this is where you can try to educate without coming out.

My dad who is in his early seventies always says "gross" when he sees two men together on TV or wherever. I always ask why he thinks it's gross. His answer is always the same, "two guys is just gross, I can't understand why they don't like women." "And how does this affect you, Dad?" So that's it. He can't understand and he voices that opinion. I don't understand either but I don't care because it doesn't affect me.

Ask the same question to your friends. How does is affect you enough to make it gross? Answers will astound.

[Dawn cd]

In that situation I would bring up the issue of transgender children, since they are less threatening. The media has featured many stories of transgender children who are bitterly unhappy unless they live as the other gender. Once the prejudiced person can accept the reality of gender disphoria in children—who are totally innocent of sex—he or she may be able to accept gender difficulties in other adults.

[kimdl93]

Ever wonder how those friends might react if they were taking about a loved one, instead of TG as an abstract notion?

[Danika140]

I solved this perplexing riddle of how to keep a close friend close. I stayed true to myself and who I am, remained honest and open to those I cared about. I quickly found out who my closest friends truly were.

I've found that the more honest, open and secure I am with myself, the more others are willing to accept it for what it is. This generally has lead to a friendly conversation, word of encouragement or they just accepted it and moved on.

[TGMarla]

Perhaps one of these days, people will wake up and realize that there are a helluva lot of crossdressers out there, whether they want to admit it or not. And one of those very same crossdressers is probably a close friend.

[melanie206]

There does seem to be a lot of us but still not holding my breath either. Human's seem to be predisposed to oppress the perceived "other". On the other hand, we've made legal progress and some young people I have encountered seem much more accepting than those middle aged and older.

[Stephanie47]

I think there is more acceptance among the general population in some areas than others. In Washington State same sex marriages became a fact this weekend. Hundreds were married. All the newscasts were gushing acceptance. Yet, almost fifty percent voted against it. The vast majority of state constitutions not define marriage as between one man and one woman. I suspect guys wearing dresses fall into the general non acceptance category. Of all the couples seen on the newscasts, I did not see one 'bride' in a bridal gown. It was either two woman dressed as women or two men dressed as men.

Yes, love may garnished a little acceptance from family members. But, there are many families who will shun their own who are gay or lesbian and cross dressers. It's a lot of NIMBY.

In my support group (PTSD) the issue of transgenders using the women's rest rooms at a local college came up. There was nothing but ill feelings expressed, including from the group leader. The views of the old farts of the 1960's still prevail. You younger CD-ers should be grateful to have more accepting contemporaries and a longer period of time to convince the non accepting that we are nothing more than great guys.

[jodie k]

what "views of old farts from the 60's," you mean like trying things that weren't accepted by society, such as anti-war protests, drugs, rock music
etc. that are commonplace today because of them...

[Angela Campbell]

It is just like in junior high school. Many will "pile on" and be hurtful of others who they see something different about. Many say these things and do not really beleive it but it is the image they want to portray as they feel it will make them seem more important or in control. They think it will make them look better to others. These are usually small people inside. I have known many who talk this way about gay people until they get to know one at work and then many times they actually like the person and their stated views will sometimes soften a bit.

[sometimes_miss]

<snip>Yes, love may garnished a little acceptance from family members. But, there are many families who will shun their own who are gay or lesbian and cross dressers. It's a lot of NIMBY. <snip>

Same with friends. Some will change their opinion when they realize a friend is gay/TS/TG/CD, others will initially seem o.k. with it, but slowly, quietly distance themselves from that person until they are out of their life completely (that was my experience with several people).
With the information age now with us, I suppose that 50 or 100 years from now, things may be very different, but that doesn't help us right now.
I apologize to those who feel that we who prefer to stay in the closet may seem cowardly, but I simply can't handle any more problems in my life than I already have. I don't want to start becoming excluded from 'the backyards' of the few friends that I still have.

[Foxglove]

It may be these people have never thought much about the issue and are just talking on the spur of the moment. If they're ever forced to face the issue, some of them might be more open-minded.

Some won't be. There are some you simply can't get through to.

If someone says they don't understand TGism, that's no surprise. If they say they think it's gross, that's no surprise, either. TGism is naturally distasteful to a lot of cispeople. There are people, however, who can accept that they have no right to persecute what doesn't actually hurt them.

[Angela Campbell]

I can understand them thinking it is gross too. Sometimes I look in the mirror and think the same thing.

[dsmth]

I agree that when people talk about something that they think is "abstract" in the sense that it really "has nothing to do with themselves" (and have no experience) they will be quick to judge based on more-or-less un-thought-out perspectives. Although I would probably feel the same way if my friends talked about TG negatively (this has not happened yet) I think you have to take their opinions with a grain of salt as they say. They know not of which they speak, right? Nobody should care what a person says if what that person says is based on mostly ignorance.

[Foxglove]

Nobody should care what a person says if what that person says is based on mostly ignorance.

I can't entirely agree with this. Recently I had an argument with a very convinced religious believer who knows nothing about LGBT people, but insists we're sinners and need to repent. If it's just a few people who believe stuff like this, no harm done. But if there's lots of them, it can have an impact on our lives.

[famousunknown]

So my SO and I went out to dinner with our best friends. Some how the subject came up about transgender. It know I shouldn't be suprised but man they are fast to say how gross it is or how they just dont understand. In todays world you would think they would be at least a little more open.

WHY would you think they would be at least a little more open than anyone else is? It's simple. Transgenderism is not accepted in today's society.
It's not considered normal, no matter how the labels get twisted. Fight and campaign for TG rights all you want. You'll never be accepted in mainstream society.

[Foxglove]

Fight and campaign for TG rights all you want. You'll never be accepted in mainstream society.

Oh, ye of little faith! So many things that were and are no longer, so many things that are now and were not before. That's the world we live in.

Annabelle