should i tell her i crossdress, we have been together for 1 year now, and she doesnt know, we live together and i do it in secret with my own clothing, im worried she will not like it, she loves me to bits, and she has wanted to dress me up before but i said no, only because i would had liked it too much wish i said yes, but could i get your thoughts
The majority will suggest that you should tell her. It sounds like an excellent way to take her up on her offer to dress you. If she is willing to do that, then most likely she will be willing to support you. Don't forget to do some nice things for her as well.
Yes; I agree with Laura, Go and say to her, You did want to dress me up, why not
now, I would like to see what it feels like.
Just go slow, an old saying, be carefully what you wish for, you might just get it.
Rader
I think it's better coming clean on your own, than being outed and having to explain yourself.
I too say you should tell her. She deserves that much from you before investing more of her life in this relationship without total honesty.
With that said, I had an additional comment - and it has to do with her asking you to dress before. I think her asking this should be looked at as irrelevant to the initial conversation of you being CD. After that conversation is addressed full, and it is found that she is totally accepting then and only then should the second conversation be brought up. Her reason may have nothing to do with you being CD. Possibly she expected it to be a one time thing to have fun with. Possibly to show you how she feels women have it harder then men in getting ready etc... Who knows.
You may or may not be reading too much into it. Thereby keeping your hopes up.
I say first things first.
Wise counsel, honesty is best.
I can't add anything to the advice above other than you've been with her long enough your GF should know about you. This is a long closed thread by a respected genetic lady about how to disclose:
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...ner&highlight=
Once she knows, your GF will appreciate taking things slowly while she digests your revelation.
It's up to you, but it might be a good idea to delay telling her until after the holidays so it doesn't look like you're fishing for girly gifts.
Good luck.
Last edited by giuseppina; 12-15-2012 at 07:41 PM. Reason: Added thought
The truth is easier to remember too.Originally Posted by StacyCD
Dana Ryan
Go slow.....flash her a picture..... nothing to racy, and test the waters.
I think you need to tell her if you plan to stay with her. It's possible her invitation to dress up was her attempt to draw you out. If not, she may at least be open to the idea to some extent.
I'm gonna say it again, honesty will set u free
the only limit that u set, is the one u set yourself.
I say be honest with her. Yes you should definitely tell her if you are planning to further your relationship, but when it feels right to you to tell her. The fact that she brought it up should be some inclination that she will be more accepting and supporting than others. Its not an easy thing to come out thats why I say tell her when you feel comfortable to tell her but not to wait too late.
Keep us posted!
-Monique
"Music is a lie. It is a lie. Art is a lie. You have to tell a lie that is so wonderful that your fans make it true." -Lady Gaga
Monique Youtube
Be honest, and straightforward. Resist the temptation to use the dress you up invitation to get her to dress you, and then come out. Put on your big girl panties, and look her square on and let her know who you are. Be honest and kind.
Barbara
He (she) who would learn to fly one day must first learn to stand and walk and run and climb and dance.
- Friedrich Nietzche -
I may never get to fly like the other girls, but I do so want to dance, so I continue to climb.
I suspect that if she asked, and you aren't trying really hard to be macho and ultra-masculine, that she has already suspected, and would love nothing better than to get to know Jessie, since she is obviously an important part of you. When you refused her offer, she may have feared that you were threatened.
If you are trying to put up a front as someone who is a "man's man" - stop it now! If she wants to drive, let her! If she wants to take control, give her the chance! If she wants to wear the pants, let her! If she wants to put you in a skirt, it's because she loves that you have given her the freedom to be her.
Enjoy!
Here's the flip side to consider. What if you tell her and she starts to freak out, and wants you to promise never to do it again? Jessie is a very important part of who you are, important enough that you are not comfortable with her NOT knowing. At the same time, you love her very much, but does she love YOU or some ACT you created to survive in this relationship. I suspect that she loves you. Have you seen a "chick flick" together, and did you cry? Have you just cuddled with her for hours even without the intent of having sex? Have you brushed her hair, rubbed her back, and scratched those spots where the bra makes her itch, even after she has taken it off?
Have you complimented her on her make-up, a particular clothing selection, her shoes, or the way she has put together a particular combination? Do you compliment her wardrobe even more than you complement her physical attributes (breasts, legs, butt...). Do you look her in the eyes when you talk to her - instead of looking at her chest?
These are all things that tell a woman that there is a wonderful woman in there screaming to come out. At the same time, a woman doesn't want to blow a wonderful relationship with a wonderful person who is the best of both man and woman by pulling your covers too soon or too much. If she DOES love the woman inside as well as the man on the outside, she doesn't want to do anything that will make you feel threatened or that you think she thinks less of you because you have your feminine side.
Another bit of news. You probably aren't getting away with anything. If she's been in your bedroom, while you were in the bathroom, she has checked out your dresser. You might not be wearing the pretty things where she can see them, but she probably KNOWS you are wearing them. What she doesn't understand is why you lied about it. She really has no idea how much pressure men, especially young boys, experience in being forced to behave like boys. Maybe, growing up in grade school in the 1990s, you didn't get as much hard core physical abuse if you were a "Sissy" and the boys and girls were more tolerant of feminine boys who MIGHT be gay or bisexual.
I suspect that if she wanted to dress you up before, that she may have some other wonderful ideas in mind for the two of you, adventures you will BOTH enjoy very much!
Nope... just show her on some fun occasion like halloween.
Chickie
I agree with Laura 100%.
I must tell u I have lost 2 gf's when I told them.
I would tell her slowly, let her dress u up ... and let it go from there.
Good luck and please let us know what happens.
There should be no secrets ever in a relationship, you need to talk to her and let her know what's going on. A good time would be when you tell her you changed your mind and would like for her to dress you. Prepare yourself for any reaction you may get.
Yes, tell her. Don't lie, not even the tiny little white lies that some have suggested. As has been said, the truth is so much easier to remember. If you can learn anything on this board it's that hiding cross-dressing from a significant other is a two-fold problem. Even spouses that are/would be fine with the dressing run into trust issues when secrets are kept and/or lies are told. If she is crazy about you and the love is there it will survive and perhaps even thrive when you don't have to worry about lies and guilt.
I know it's scary, I have done it. Personally, I would tell her by explaining why you declined her invitation to dress you up.
Some unsolicited advice for after you tell:
It can be really easy to get lost in the "pink fog". Having dealt with feeling different, weird and guilty for as long as you can remember it's easy to be a bit selfish in regards to dressing when you initially find someone that supports you. Just be mindful of her moods and reactions and when in doubt ask.
- Natalie
P.S. that's what part of the alphabet would look like if Q and R where eliminated.
-Mitch Headburg
"If you think you think outside the box, you're trapped in one"
- M.C. Paul Barman
You should tell her sooner than later and if she offers to dress you again take the opportunity to do it.
It is one way to broach the subject and you will be able to find out what her opinion really is.
Work on your elegance,
and beauty will follow.
Every day you do not tell her makes it more difficult to do so later, because as each day goes by, the ultimate issue becomes less your dressing and more your trust in her and your own honesty. If you do not tell her, then one day you may suddenly realize that you have been married for ten years and have a child and the risk of her not accepting this side of you have become too great.
Get her to ask you to dress up again and then tell you that you do like it and have done it for some time.
Let her asking be the ice breaker
I don't wear women's clothes, I wear MY clothes !
yes, tell her. Now. I regret waiting so long! Like I have said before in these threads, if she freaks out and want's nothing of it, then can you honestly see yourself happy in this relationship for years to come???
"Boys can be Brides too!"
You should tell her. Come clean. Dont get caught hiding it. Thats far worse. etc. Everyone will tell you plenty of things that you should do to make it easier on yourself. SOMETHING TO NOTE: If you tell her...PAY ATTENTION TO HER FEELINGS FIRST!. You telling her is going to instill all kinds of thoughts in her that may or may not tear her to bits at first. She might question herself, her looks, her body, anything is possible and is most likely probable. Make sure you are clear with your intentions no matter how nerve wracking it is. Most important of all. DO NOT think that everything is okay with her even if she isnt telling u things arent okay. She is gonna try and be strong for you if she loves you enough to work through this but you need to be there to support her as well and ask her how shes doing with it and help her move through it as you do.
Being dressed up is much better if you have someone else to admire and enjoy it with you.
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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary-wise; what it is it wouldn't be, and what it wouldn't be, it would. You see?
- Alice Kingsley
I'm new to this CD interest...okay, obsession. I thought having hairless legs would start a conversation about it but it hasn't. What I do notice, is how lovemaking is with shared bare legs. The skin sensations are so much different. If I can keep my wife happy in that arena, she will be in my corner, I know it. Trust is important but timing has to be as well. At this point, I want to make a good CD appearance. I have a long way to go. Notice, I have no photo in my profile, yet. For me, the best advice in this thread has been to take notice of your wife and let her know you love her. I have been doing that and she appreciates it. She's even going to give me a pedicure for Christmas. Life's an adventure, isn't it.
If you stay with her long enough, she will eventually find out. It is likely that it will be better for both of you that she doesn't catch you. It shows that you trust her, and want to be honest with her, and do not want to deceive her. If she understands this, it should make it easier for her to be accepting. If she catches you, one of the questions she is going to wonder about is why you didn't trust her - and she is going to wonder what other secrets you are keeping from her.
It's not wrong... but it is forbidden!
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