My wife is sleeping and I decided to do a little dressing up for the first time while she's home. Extra sneaky makes it extra fun! I'm in a DADT relationship, but gotta admit part of me would love to be caught right now! Also fun to have a place like this to come talk about it! Might have to post pix someday!
You will have to improve your relationship with your wife somehow.
You can't remain hidden forever.
Work on your elegance,
and beauty will follow.
My wife knows I am TS and dress in the mornings while she and my daughter sleep. I lock the basement door and that means I'm dressed OR I don't want the dogs downstairs. I have two large dogs that can open the lever handle doors we have. Being Irish Wolf Hounds I wish I could teach them to use the toilet, they are tall enough to just sit or stand over the bowl.
This is a fun place to chat and find support. It is nice to know that one is not alone.
Have fun.
The same thing came up today for me. The dog is annoying in the early a.m. so I went to walk her and needed shoes. I started to get the regular shoes then thought, why not those wonderful little ballet type of shoes? Hell, why not a bra? Did that. Felt good. Love those cheap little shoes. They make my femininity. Came back. Wife was waking up, an hour earlier than usual. Took off the shoes, bra and made coffee. All normal. I wrote all of this because I do believe my wife will be able to eventually accept at least some of my CD feelings. For me it will be to appreciate myself for who I am and be strong in my convictions before a big confession session. Or not. Being a fallen away Catholic, confessions are a mixed bag for me. Maybe, start small and just wear the shoes. Putting Nair a full scare on my legs for the first time wasn't even noticed. I sure did, though. It feels very good. Life's good.
I have no problem with BEING dressed in front of my wife and neither does she. However, I do avoid the process of actually GETTING dressed in front of her. That seems a bit weird to me...
I always wonder when people say they are in a DADT relationship. Does that also include "Don't care?" DADTDC could be OK, DADTPissed Off would be something else all together. My SO is DADT, but has also stated she is not supportive and does not want to see anything, creates some timing issues, but I respect her decision and time my "Carla time" when she is not arround. Don't know how this is going to work after she fully retires next year, but she knows it is part of me so maybe she'll allow me my personal time. I will say however keeping her unaware is NOT a healthy thing for your relationship. Best of luck to you both.
Sounds like a recipe for disaster. Sneaking is sneaking. You don't see it as such but I will bet your wife does, and it is awful cold sleeping with the dog this time of year.
So you really don't want your wife to EVER be on board with this I assume. I used to sign my posts "Everyone loves a train wreck, unless you are on the train." You my friend are the engineer on that train.
The earth is the mother of all people and all people should have equal rights upon it.
Chief Joseph
Nez Perce
“Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” - Fred Rogers,
Quite the contrary, I really want my wife to be on board with it, but she refuses to talk about it. Maybe if she catches me in the act it would force her to talk about it...Originally Posted by Lorileah
The problem with doing something like this to generate discussion is that you will not likely hear the words you want to hear and they could possibly be at a volume you will not like. Angering someone to get a discussion going doesn't get things going in the right manner. If you want to talk, she is your wife, sit down and talk with her.
Ditto - good advice. This is not the best time of year to risk an unnecessary fight or hurt feelings.
That's not a good way to bring it up. She will be angry with you for sneaking behind her back.
If you want to talk about it with your wife, sit her down and have the talk. DO NOT let her "catch" you dressing as a way to start the conversation.
[SIGPIC]http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/image.php?type=sigpic&userid=82706&dateline=137762 0356[/SIGPIC]Linda
Wise words...Effective communication does not come with anger...heat of the moment snap decisions are usually extreme.
Im sure you girls know better than I do. But the way I would (mabye) if I broched the subject w/ her. I would joking put her panties on after sex or as we were joking around and ask her if I t hought I looked sexy as I made a cute pose. Just to see what she says.
This might work if you want her to talk with a lawyer, or it might lead to yelling at you.
To me, DADT means she doesn't want to know, and if she sees you dressed, she knows.
Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.
Ditto.
Besides in your opening post, I detected excitement over the fantasy, more than a desire to have a productive conversation with your wife: "Extra sneaky makes it extra fun! ... gotta admit part of me would love to be caught right now!"
Trust me if she does not expect you to be dressed and she walks in on you, she will not join in on your fun.
Reine
Hi JA, I can empathise somewhat with the situation. I dress in the house when my wife is around - routinely these days since I have accepted myself. She knows but doesn't want to come upon it in any way. I have fallen into the 'I think we have a DADT relationship' mentality... She 'accepts' in that she knows about my CDing, but she is not accepting of it and sees it as just plain weird. She will not discuss it - period!
She has never seen me in 'full-on' Kaz mode (make-up, wig etc), but she has found 'things' around the house when I have made mistakes. Once came into my home office with a size 12 coat hanger asking if it was one of mine. When we have big fall outs, as happens in most healthy relationships, that is when it gets brought up with big negative connotations.
She has once caught a glimpse of me at the top of the stairs late at night with the light behind me in the doorway to my office in a skirt and heels. She won't have seen much - Her response was 'Oh my god what are you wearing!' and disappeared to bed. Next morning nothing was mentioned.
If you do 'get caught' don't expect a red carpet!
My wife and I have been married for eons and have three grown up daughters. so we have a lot of history together. She won't leave me because of my dressing - it will be because of 'everything else' we have had to deal with in our married life - but I know she will never embrace this side of me, so I don't try. She gives me space - I try not to abuse it.
Tread carefully on this! Seeing you dressed may relieve your need to have it out in the open, but it does not necessarily address her needs! You need to understand these and work on your relationship!
Last edited by Kaz; 12-16-2012 at 06:32 PM.
Kaz xx
__________________________________________________ ____________
This Woman Within is Flying without Wings
I must agree with the others. You can't "force" her to have this discussion. She has to want to, or else it will not go well. If she doesn't want to now, it will take more time.
I believe that what you are doing is very risky if as you say you are in a DADT relationship.If caught do you expect your wife to just shrug her shoulders and accept you as you are. I think you are more into the Extra sneaky makes it fun than you are being serious about your little hobby. Unless you can talk this through and come to an arrangement I suggest that you keep your dressing to when your wife is out of the house.
Even then there's the risk that she will come home early for some reason. Or you will leave something out, leave lipstick on a glass, etc.
[SIGPIC]http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/image.php?type=sigpic&userid=82706&dateline=137762 0356[/SIGPIC]Linda
If I may interject into this conversation. Honest communication is the key to no matter what relationship you are in. You are obviously tired of hiding and want it all out in the open, but "forcing" her to talk I am sure you will not like the way the conversation ends. Being blindsided is never a good thing. Talk to her feel out where she may be and do it gently and slowly. This will go a long way towards honest communication and not you ending up in the dog house, literally.
I wish you the best of luck.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]----Live....Laugh....Love------SO of Cassandra Lynn.
This is bigger than hiding a playboy under the bed, or cheating on your diet. If your wife catches you accidently/on purpose way more sh*ts gonna hit the fan than if you have 'the conversation'. I think you're playing with fire. My 2 cents-Celeste
Only out yourself on your terms, DO NOT GET CAUGHT!!!
I denied myself, hid, cowered, and sneaked from age 24 to mid forties. Then in 1993, I got caught. That began the most miserable twenty years I've ever put up with including war, of which I am a disabled veteran. I would never put up with that kind of lowdown treatment again. I was overwhelmed with embarrasment since she outed me to every relative and mutual living being we know. We fought real hard, harder than with any of my enemies. That's why I come here so bitter at times. I still feel the belittling, bigotry, and verbally abusive pain.
Mark 2012 as my release from prison, because I actually took a stand and did not whimp out. My spirit was so broken that I was indeed ready to die for the injustice I was born with. That's why a don't feel comfortable with the cute fun and games so often discussed on this and other forums. Please don't ask me why I didn't commit suicide, I don't get it either.
But the only stand I had was to leave the marriage, and I let her know that it was my only hope. She did leave, and for that short time, I actually felt relieved to be who I really am. She came back. We have made an immense number of changes. Unbeknownst to her, our adult kids are so very understanding that it is incredible. It's a mystery how my SO could not talk to them when they pleased to do so. My daughter, 29 and the youngest, took several gender courses at her university so she could understand her dad's condition. Several months ago, after conversing one on one with them, they agreed to fill their mom in on the psychology and effects of being TG. SHE CAME AROUND, and let's me fully express myself.
The biggest stronghold my wife had was because she didn't want harm for the kids.
So it did turn out good in the end. However. DON'T GET CAUGHT!!!
Last edited by TeresaL; 12-17-2012 at 12:12 PM.
Poor Jordan, what started as fun now has morphed into a chastisement. And yes I led that charge. But "we" have experience and "we" are all just trying to keep you from crashing here.
Most people don't like being cornered. And that is what you are trying to do with your spouse. You will get bitten. If you want her to be on board, you have to make it comfortable for her.
The earth is the mother of all people and all people should have equal rights upon it.
Chief Joseph
Nez Perce
“Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” - Fred Rogers,
DADT means your wife knows of your cross dressing. That suggests to ME that there are either spoken or unspoken boundaries that have been established. I'm in a DADT marriage, which, seems to work fine for both of us. On occasion I have unintentional left out a bra (red) or panty (white) which is found and tucked out of sight.
Wantinng to get fully en femme and be caught by her is changing the rules of the game. Are you ready for the potential consequences? Play with fire and you tend to get burned.
Glad I found this forum so that you can all talk sense into me lol! I definitely have to figure out a way to have a sit down conversation with her about this... Just gotta wait for the right time.
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