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Thread: Liars, Dreamers, Trolls, Pictures and Identity

  1. #1
    Don't call me 'hun'... Smile's Avatar
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    Angry Liars, Dreamers, Trolls, Pictures and Identity

    I'll start by saying I make no apology for the following.

    Ive been on these forums for around 3 years now. Through this forum I also found cross dresser chat city, Im sure many of you are familiar with it or one of its other names.

    My problem is this.
    I spend time, effort and money to dress pretty. But after this, more time and effort gets spent on taking pictures of any new dresses, shoes, wigs or makeup techniques.
    I take my dress up time quite seriously, as I do with my other 'hobbies' or endeavors.
    I spend time and effort to fill in lengthy chat site profiles, upload my best pictures there (and here) when ever there is a new one.
    I do my best to be nice to people I encounter, and engage them on a level higher than "Yeah, LOLZ" when ever I can.
    I post well constructed replies to peoples posts, and if I start a thread, I make damn sure it's concise and to the point using correct grammar and punctuation throughout (when the spell checker tells me )

    My problem is that there are individuals here and on other websites who are here only to lie by setting up fraudulent profiles using pictures they've found on flicker (Ive found them myself) and other less pure URLs.
    There are individuals here and elsewhere who make an account only to engage in a fantasy role, to tell fictional stories about their Transvestic escapades.
    (Im sure many of you will remember my personal favorite who claimed she visited her clinic and passed as a female for the doctor, even to the point of having a HCG positive urine sample stashed to get diagnosed as pregnant)
    There are individuals here and elsewhere who only post to get a rise out of others.
    They may do it by chattin lyk dey r txtin der frend or by making purposefully hurtful or inflammatory remarks towards people.

    The reason I have a problem with this behavior is that I hold others to the same standards I hold myself. I therefore do not want to know, nor do I care what you say you are. Pictures tell a thousand words, so is it not better to just post a pic of yourself from time to time? Apart from the additional compliments they bring, there is an extra layer of icing slapped on your trust cake for every one you upload. Gives people no reason to suspect KNOW DAMN WELL you got them from the internet, stealing someone else's likeness.
    Posting regularly, and having 2000 posts and 300 friends doesn't mean crap in my book. What are you posting? Is it constructive, helpful or useful? Or is it just post after post of "Totally agree".

    It's a sad day when I have to question the level of integrity amongst members of this community. It's even more sad that I'm not the only one and the subject is rarely broached.
    What it boils down to, is this...

    I find it very difficult to trust ANYONE that I meet here.
    Its easier in chat sites because video is very good at determining identity.
    But here, youre one in 27,101 (at the current count) you can make yourself be 4 different people with 4 different accounts because nobody will request validation of your identity.

    By now you're probably thinking
    "Why such a rant? They're not hurting anyone"

    No. They're not. But neither am I. And I manage to not hurt anyone whilst at the same time offering up my femme identity for the judgement of the masses.
    I either meet your approval or I don't, but the bare bones of the point is honesty.

    I didn't start my search for answers to be fed horseshit by dreamers and hairy panty-wearers, I came for the advice of the wise and the beautiful.

    If you're still reading well done.

    I will close by saying, there will be some of you taking offense right now. The ones who have never posted a picture, never offered any words of merit.
    They will be thinking
    "You cant say that... you dont know me!"

    THAT
    , lads, ladies and all in between, is my point.

    Peace

  2. #2
    Extraordinaire May(be)'s Avatar
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    you know, people get different things from this forum. If someone needs to construct a fantasy life for whatever reason I am fine with that. Everyone's needs are different and not everything needs to make sense to me.
    I also sympathize with pathological liars, though, because i think more of us on here are liars than care to admit it. We lie in lots of ways: We lie to ourselves about what we are, we lie to the world when we walk out dressed as the opposite sex (because the world views sex and gender synonymously), we lie to our wives, etc. who are we to judge when we are all hypocrites anyway? Yes, we are all hypocrites.
    I'd like to also state emphatically that i have not lied to anyone on this forum, and it has been liberating. I only hope others find the same freedom in their own time.
    Last edited by May(be); 12-16-2012 at 09:04 PM.

  3. #3
    Senior Member Leah Lynn's Avatar
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    Smile, I can appriciate your post, all valid points. I dislike posers. I would love to post photos of my endeavors, but I'm not very good with the modern electronics. I used to have several 35mm SLR's and was a pretty fair photographer; I could understand all the settings for them. Last time I tried to use photoshop, I destroyed everything. Then, there's the undeniable fact that I'm less than photogenic. I shall work at developing the new skills and attempt to put up photos of myself, especially when out and about en femme.

  4. #4
    Isn't Life Grand? AllieSF's Avatar
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    Peace to you and yours. I have heard this rant before and really do understand where you are coming from and really do respect your opinion. You have been here for almost 3 years. I believe in that time, someone has brought up the point of why no pics from some members. I know I have read many during my 5 plus years here. We are a big family here and are actually made up from a very representative cross section of the general people out in society. So, yes, you are correct when you say some people come here as trolls to play out their fantasies, to lie, start trouble by always taking the opposite position to whatever topic they chose as their target. However, the Admins and Mods here do the best possible job that they can with us members' help when possible to identify and delete those type of members.

    Now, your premise that we should post pics periodically sounds good to you and maybe a few others, and at the same time not so good to quite a few members here that for whatever reason, reasons which they do not need to justified to anyone, decide not to post a pic. As has been said in all those previous threads many times, over and over, please respect their wishes and do not try to coerce through per pressure someone into doing something that they have decided not to do. You mention false pics being used by the trolls. Who is to say that some of our best members here are not using a pic of someone else for themselves? So what? If you do not want to take the time to read enough posts by someone to get a better feel about who they may be and if they are lying or not, then in my opinion, that is your problem and not any one else's. I live life in a positive way and trust just about everyone, until they give me a good reason why I should not. Yes, I may positively reply to an unrealized troll's thread, and I know that I have in the past when they eventually disappear or get banned. However, that does not cause me to doubt every other member here. A pic is a pic, here on a public website where for a lot of people who are so far into the closet that is not what they want to share nor expose to others. They are not ready now and may be never ready to show a pic of themselves. That is more than fine to me and I believe to most of the members here. I respect their right to decide what is best for them and you should too.

    I have posted only a few pics here when I felt like it and not because of any worthless insistence from someone like you. If you do not want to trust, or believe, nor give merit to meritorious members here just because they did not post a pic for your enjoyment and verification, that in all reality is your loss and not theirs. You may be ignoring a lot of good advice and experience that will help you to mature in this life here on this site and in the real world outside of this site. I continually learn, change and mature directly based on what I read here. I am intelligent enough to weed out most the chaff to get the best out of what is here. I believe that you are similar and can do the same.

  5. #5
    My Ship has sailed? Barbara Ella's Avatar
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    Dear Smile, well said. Please don't forget that there are individuals of extremely varying levels of competence (with what we do, not mentally speaking please), self acceptance, and confidence here. So merely not having pictures is no measure of condemnation in and of itself. Not everyone has the same gift with words and thought expression, and find it difficult to relate their innermost feelings on this topic. There are some of us who fight low self esteem, and often struggle to get up the courage to post our thoughts on particular threads where we feel we will be judged as not relevant. I support what you have written, and I have the same feelings toward the troll type individuals, I am probably just not good at ferreting them out as others who are more experienced. So I have found my niche in welcoming others here even if my posts are probably considered mundane.

    But your point that we do not know is valid, and requires trust. I have to feel that the majority of us here, who have experienced the angst of our life, are honest, and I won't let the few destroy the positive experience of this forum. From your post I do not feel you will let them do that to you either, and that is good. We all have a long way to go, and I so enjoy doing it together.

    Barbara
    He (she) who would learn to fly one day must first learn to stand and walk and run and climb and dance.
    - Friedrich Nietzche -
    I may never get to fly like the other girls, but I do so want to dance, so I continue to climb.

  6. #6
    Silver Member "Mary"'s Avatar
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    No offense taken, I wouldn't disagree with lots of it, but I don't think you can say that. I mean I don't think you are allowed to.
    Mary

  7. #7
    Silver Member Angela Campbell's Avatar
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    You have to remember that it is not easy to take good pics of yourself. I have one of me as an avatar and it took close to 40 pics before I got one that looks even halfway decent. Some just do not want their likeness on the internet.
    All I ever wanted was to be a girl. Is that really asking too much?

  8. #8
    The Girl will Out! Kaz's Avatar
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    Hi Smile,

    I don't subscribe to many other CD forums because my available online time is taken up with this one. I do like to have another life at times!

    Totally hear what you are saying, but diversity is something we should embrace, surely? We all have differing needs here and this a core strength of the site. Many of us are at different stages of our own personal journey through this, and I totally respect everyone's views... well, almost! There are a few I have issues with - isn't life great!!

    I have just realised that I replaced a 'real' photo on my profile with a construct... an angel, well maybe a fallen angel... this, in my world, is metaphorical... not a disguise. So before you criticise me... this is me... happy to oblige!
    Attached Images Attached Images
    Kaz xx

    __________________________________________________ ____________

    This Woman Within is Flying without Wings

  9. #9
    Silver Member Rogina B's Avatar
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    All in all,this forum is a very good group of people

    I sure don't think there are many frauds on here.Especially considering how many people are members and active ones at that. There are grumps,for sure,but so what. The "Tminded" community is so diverse and forum members on here range from"panty thrillers" to fully transitioned girls.So with that,peoples viewpoints often vary tremendously. The administration and moderators are pretty good at picking up on things,including inconsistant posts[lying]. For a forum that encompasses the whole world,I doubt you could ever create a better one.
    Happily living a gender fluid life.

  10. #10
    Member Michelle M's Avatar
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    I don't know how many I am speaking for, but another thing to consider is our professional careers. I've been passing regularly, and my face is quite recognizable while out as Michelle. A photo could ruin me, if exploited.

  11. #11
    Gender Explorer Meghan's Avatar
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    I totally understand.

    It's so easy to be drawn in to it all. I've had a couple of very disappointing outcomes when trying to help out individually. It only takes a couple of times getting burnt after freely lending an ear, support, effort and energy.

    My wife calls these types "psychic vampires". They steal time and energy and ultimately do not return the favor.

    I hear you here...I wish people were open about who they are and what they want instead of tricking others. It's not fun, and it hurts, and I understand.

    Hugs

    Meghan
    "No matter how far you've gone down a wrong road, turn back."

    ~Turkish Proverb

  12. #12
    Gay Smurfette Dolphin :D Tamara Croft's Avatar
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    First of all, members are free NOT to post a picture if they don't want to, maybe they'd get outed? Secondly, chat city has NOTHING to do with this site, it's a link and thirdly, I take offense to this: -

    But here, youre one in 27,101 (at the current count) you can make yourself be 4 different people with 4 different accounts because nobody will request validation of your identity.
    I don't know where you get this information from, you are NOT allowed more than one account, yeah some get through because of IP changes, proxies etc, but most do NOT... do you have any idea what admins do when checking out a new account? no probably not, just come here spouting your mouth off... well I don't like your tone and finally....

    THREAD CLOSED!!!
    Administrator

    This is a free board, you'd do well to read the rules and not PM me with insults because you can't read. The next person that PM's me with insults, name calling, bitching etc is going to find my foot firmly planted up their butt on their way out...

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