On again, off again.

[Sylvermane]

I have lately become much more interested in dressing and expressing the other side of myself. But I keep coming back to the reality that I will never be happy with myself even if i am "comfortable". I look almost comical when I do dress around the house and know that going out and such is never going to happen without serious changes in society and acceptance issues. So I keep going back and forth in my head about if I should continue to pursue this or just leave it on the back burner and just accept that reality isn't fantasy, as much as I'd like it to be. I am transgender and I accept that but I also know that I will never be able to do anything about it other than wallow in light misery about it.

Anyone else feel this way, any thoughts that may help me decide what I should do with myself? I love the feeling of a good pair of pantyhose and a skirt and heels but I just can't decide if it's worth the eventual let down that I feel after the short glow falls off. I'm at a loss of what I should do and am hoping for viewpoints I'm not seeing.

*EDIT* Didn't know of any section that this fit in so if it needs to be moved please do so.

[SandraInHose]

I have had similar sentiments over the years.

Having lifted weights all of my adult life, and even though I don't look like 'Mr Bodybuilder', I still have a pretty rugged physique, and know I'll NEVER pass, even as Mrs Doubtfire. I can only fantasize about what some of the luckier ones can pull off...interacting with society dressed as a woman. I'm soooo envious!!!

But once I accepted that bummer, I still do what I can around the house as far as dressing up. Your comment about the letdown after dressing up was one I experienced quite often, but learned to deal with it as best I could. This may be a bad analogy, but it's kind of like no matter how good a meal at a fine restaurant is, you're still going to be hungry 4-5 hours later anyway. But it doesn't stop me from enjoying that meal, even though that cycle is constant and unending. (<--Hope that makes sense?) To me, dressing up is worth any potential letdown, and if there is a letdown, I'll deal with it when I get there.

[marion]

i am totally with u girl. life is hard as it is without the wish to be whom we want to be. x

[Stephanie47]

I don't think any one on this forum can really understand why they are a cross dresser. It takes a lot for any one of us to overcome the reluctance to ignore the societal norms and customs. When I am out and about as a male I see numerous female forms; sizes, body shapes, hair color, skin color, height, etc. The women dress in a wide spectrum of fashion, from the elegant to the hideous. I see makeup that society would view as professional to that best described as clownish. I see women who attract the rave positive reviews of men. I see women who unfortunately draw the unwanted attention of boorish men because they don't meet the societal norm of attractiveness.

Where does leave me? And, you? They only reason I do not venture outside the comfort zone I have established is the reason I cross dress. It gives me comfort. I know I will never pass as a woman. I will always be 'made' as a man in a dress. There are some venues I will be accepted for who I am.

I dress for the comfort it gives me. It is not a compulsive behavior. It is a part of my inner self. Why? That is not material anymore.

I would suggest you find the level of cross dressing that makes YOU feel comfortable. If venturing outside your comfort zone destroys you comfort, do NOT venture forth. I read postings all the time on this forum where the comfort zone is just wearing a woman's panty. Or, pantyhose. Or like me, the entire ensemble of a 1950's or 1960's woman.

If you want to wear a petty skirt and blouse with heels and pantyhose with a bearded face in the privacy of your home, accept that self imposed limitation. I see some really really really gorgeous creatures on this forum, who could easily compete in a womanly beauty contest. But, sigh, I am not one of them. Still, I am happy with who I have become. I am not the same cross dressing person I was a teenager (thank God) or one, two, three or four decades ago.

[Karren H]

We all are in a prison of some sort..... I know that with an unaccepting wife I will never ever be allowed to freely dress around the house..... I have to keep my fem things out of sight so she doesn't get pissed off..... I know I will have to sneak off by myself and dress somewhere else.... and even though I do go out enfemme..... the times I can seem to be lessening every year..... all these things suck.... but they are what I'm stuck with..... so I accept that it is what it is and make the best of it..... for me whining about it just gets me and everyone else depressed..... and I don't want to go there.... so I enjoy those things in life I have to enjoy.... and grin and bear it on those things I have to do or can't do..... its my life as I know it.......its the only one I have..... I refuse to make it an unhappy one.....

[Sheila11]

Thank you for the perspective Karen.

[Angela Dressing]

Well said Karren

[kimdl93]

I think each of us has similar feelings at one point or another. I honestly don't think I'm remotely attractive enfemme, and given my stature, there's little chance that ill be mistaken for female. Still, it's important that I do go out and risk some embarrassment. I soon forget that I'm neither pretty nor passable, and,enjoy the freedom of being myself in the real world. It's not a fantasy.

But take a look at the women in the world around you. They are not all perfect Barbie ideals. They come in all shapes and sizes...some attractive and others not so much. The reality for us is the reality they deal with each day as well. Perhaps accepting ones shortcomings and facing the world is the real feminine experience.

[Angela Campbell]

I think all of us can look good enough to pass a little it just takes a lot of time and a lot of work and a lot of sacrifice. I once thought I never could, but in six months time I have done well enough to go out in public. Maybe I am clocked sometimes but not always. I am working very hard though, I have lost over 80 lbs, learned the right clothes and body shaping to make it look real, learned a lot about makeup and how to sit, walk, gesture and all around appear feminine. Don't give up if it is what you really want. I figure I will be pretty good in about another year as I can see a lot of improvement so far. I experiment with everything and have tried many things that just did not work. I spent a lot of money and time. It just depends on how bad you want it. You can do it, don't give up, give it time!

[Nikki A.]

I don't feel that I'm attractive either and I don't think that I pass in most cases. That said I do go out and have had no unpleasant experiences in the real world. There is a part of me that just feels it is the right thing to do and I feel no embarrassment or shame in going out.
Since I'm not completely out to my kids (they know that I do sometimes dress in a mixed mode) , I tend not to dress near home, to save them some ageda. But eventually I know that I will finally come out to them, if they haven't already figured it out.

[Gretchen_To_Be]

Similar to Sandra, I've had a rugged male life and it shows. 25 years in the Army. Muscles, scars (thankfully not on my legs, so I still look OK in heels and hose) and a square jaw. I'm under no delusion that I will ever pass, and frankly, that's not my goal. I'm extremely happy to be able to experience something I always yearned to, and am lucky that my wife so far is accepting. I suppose at some point--maybe in a few years when my wife knows I am a CD and not a TS--and is secure in our marriage, I will want to go to one of those transformation services and see a glimpse of what I might look like if I invested the time and effort. To make that worth my while, I will want to lose some weight. Enough so I can squash the rest with a corset and look decent in a dress. 'Til then I'm a waist-down cross dresser, I'm afraid, and for now that's enough for me. Of course, I'm still new to this. I see you have been here since '09. Maybe like you the glow will fade and leave me wanting more. Time will tell, I suppose.

[Sylvermane]

I hope i didn't come off as whining definitely wasn't my intention anyway. Was just curious about others perspectives on the aforementioned issues. But I do thank everyone who has responded. Has been very insightful.

To above, I have been here since 2009 but I forgot all about this page for a few years as I was very sick at the time and didn't keep up with much of anything. All things considered I'm still very new to this forum, but am grateful to have found a place where I can talk about things like this without fear.

[I Am Paula]

Kim once again nails it. Very few mistake me for a woman, but I try to look my best everyday, but a life confined inside would be far worse than any long look I may get out in the world. If you've done your best, and your comfortable, then enjoy.
You all may find some solace in knowing- Ugly GG's will ALWAYS out-number ugly CD's. Smile-Celeste

[docrobbysherry]

I think it all depends on how important "looks" and "passing"r to u, Syl. Look what Almostalady wrote!

For me it's ALL about looks! I could care less what others think, I'm my own worst critic! That's why since I can't pass, I don't much care to try!

However, when I look in the mirror I don't want to see a skinny old man there. I want to see a hot young woman! And, I often do.

I believe if u want something badly enuff, u can make it happen. No matter what!

[lonster]

Wouldn't it be nice...to be among like minded individuals who accept you as you are whether you are "passable" or not. Somebody needs to suggest a big tea party or something...where all us girls can get together and just be who we are! I'm diying to wear my new cute outfit!

[NathalieX66]

I don't ever think that there is any level of complete peace in being any level of transgender whether you're an occasional crossdresser that hides your stash and dresses in secret to hide it from your wife, or you're someone that is transitioning/transitioned and lost family/friends/job or whatever...and all points in between from the two scenarios I gave. It's all a compromise in some fashion or other. You accept the compromise because that's the way it is, and always will be.

Compromises include:
your own physical features
hair (body hair, or receding hair lines)
relationship issues/friend issues
big feet
big nose
money....or rather, lack thereof.
living in secrecy

[I Am Paula]

There is a big bunch of people who accept (or at least tolerate) you. They're right outside your door. The real world is a much nicer place than you may think.-Celeste

[Leah Lynn]

Well, I'm no raving beauty, check my photos! However, I think I look a lot better than some GG's I've seen. (Think Helen Thomas, retired White House correspondent!) But, I go out anyway, because it's fun. A GNO with some other girls is a blast. Shopping with someone else or a group is better than therapy. I can't afford FFS, so on goes the makeup, and if it doesn't pass, tough noogies!

Bottom Line: Do what you want; what you enjoy. Do not go meekly to the grave. Head in full throttle, champaigne in hand, saying, "What a ride!"

[k lynn]

Karen always enjoy your view on things and like you said life is to short to be un happy

[lonster]

Sylvermane said:

I will never be able to do anything about it other than wallow in light misery about it.

...as long as it remains to be "light misery" it sounds like you can remain as is. But if the misery becomes unbearable, you may need to consider a few things. Going to see a good counselor is one of the things I would recommend. I am amazed at how a little bit of couseling helped me to accept who I am, and help me stop feeling bad about dressing up.

Also, defining a time and place that it is acceptable for you to dress up is helpful. I am almost always dressed in my girl clothes at home...it's either that or nothing at all! The one other place I allow myself to frequent dressed up is a nearby park where I rollerblade. I always prefer to rollerblade in a skirt. Often I even mix it with a mens top, but always a skirt, (and sometimes tights if it's too cold).

Loni

[Vieja]

No matter how hard I try I still always look like a little old fat guy in a dress. Could it be that that's what I am?


Vieja

[YorkshireRose]

Good question and one I am sure we have all faced at times, certainly I have. At first I was obsessed with trying to look passable and as the wonderful Sherry has intimated with effort we can all get to a level we are happy with. Even if you feel you look "comical" around the house, the key thing is do you feel good in those clothes? Do they make you smile and feel happy? If they do then that is what matters more than anything else.

Charlotte

[Joanie_Shakti]

I've found that self-hypnosis has worked to allow myself to accept myself and feel and actually look more attractive. I was surprised a few years ago to find how many different hypnotists sell feminization MP3s online. The range from the erotic for fetishists to tracks for serious transgenders and the casual crossdresser in between.

I don't go out in public dressed as that would be detrimental to my job and friendships. But after listening to a hypnosis track or two, I can carry my female image with me in male mode. I find doing this, I often get friendly smiles from women and am not my usual, cranky self.

I started out with Isabella Valentine's erotic recordings as those were the first I found. I also have some by Lady Lita that I like as she will customize them with a suggestion or two. Mine have suggestions such as "You are Joanie," "(male name) has become Joanie," and "(male name) has shapeshifted into Joanie."

I received an email today from Lucille Sorella, whom I haven't tried yet but have checked out her website. She's having a sale until December 31 on her feminization titles. I plan to order her “The Femme Allure HypnoTransformation Program” and “Unleash Your Femme Sexy” programs today.

A web search for feminization hypnosis will bring up a lot of choices. Most of them are reasonably priced and if not instant downloads, you will receive a link within a few hours, though I found one hypnotist, "Mind Mistress," sends hers out on CD from Canada, so you don't get instant gratification there.

From reading threads here, I've come to realize that most of us here are still of a skeptical, negative, male mind, so your mileage may vary. But for myself, Ive found that these MP3s have helped me embrace being a crossdresser and feel and look more attractive too.

[Beverley Sims]

Keep practicing and you will eventually smooth the bumps off.
A lot of experimentation and you will get out someday.

[LisaSue]

I can only say one thing for sure about Lucille Sorella, Joanie. I absolutely ADORE her!. The legitimacy of her products as with any, is debatable. One thing I think is not though. While she does make money on the stuff, I think she truly cares about people, and really does have a soft spot for the TG community. Call me naive, but I think she genuinely cares. I feel that she more than fairly relates the possibility that there will be no noticeable results. However, she sees us as the women that so many of us feel that we are, and treats us as such. Any interaction I've had with her or her staff has been positive. For what it's worth.