How Did You Break It To Your Wife?

[andrea lace]

this is the third time i have written and keep getting knocked off.I was scared before telling my wife nervous while telling her and insecure after and still am.I had to tell her as the secret was eating me alive.she has accepted me as andrea and i will make sure she is the very best friend to my wife.only time will tell as to what happens but andrea will still be with me its a part of who i am i hope you find the courage to tell your wife im sure you will have a huge surge of relief no matter what the out come

[GabbiSophia]

i did it yesterday .. look for it if you want to read about as I am going to write it,,

[Ariamythe]

I'm seeing several of you saying you told your wives early on, even before you were married. Color me jealous! I wish I'd been that honest with her AND myself so early in our relationship. Not only would it have made me happier, I think, but now I've missed out on dressing as a twentysomething. .

[stephNE]

I have never been one to hide anything. On about our third date (33 years ago), I asked he if she would like to help me with a fantasy? She said sure and asked what it was. I was in her apartment and told he I'd like to try on some of her clothes, she jumped up, when to her closet, and starting pulling out things she thought I could fit into - bra, panytyhose, skirt and sweater. We're still married, but I am bigger and can no longer fit in her things, so we go shopping together and I buy my own things.

[Jenniferathome]

My strategy...keep it light and fun and 'tell' her nothing. What I mean by that, just do it, don't attempt to explain it and keep any feelings you have to yourself because she won't understand it and you won't be able to explain it. Instead, pick a fun time to dress up, include her and show her that its enjoyable. Pick something like halloween, go out on the town and have fun. Learn to accept it yourself and show her a positive attitude.

Never, never, never do anything even remotely close to this. This is not a "fun" topic. It's serious and you need to talk and talk only about it until she is ready.

[Jenniferathome]

My wife and I were married for about three years before I told her anything. Basically one night we were both kinda drunk and in the bedroom and I asked if there was anything she ever wanted to try that we hadn't done, so we did. Then she asked me and I told her I wanted to wear her panties whilst doing adult things together. I was ready for a rejection, which I would then blame on the alcohol if it happened, but she was cool with it. For the next four years or so I tried to keep it at just wearing panties, but eventually I started taking it further. She found this out when she found my copy of My Husband Betty. She has been back and forth, even on the same day, about her level of acceptance.I agree with everyone here though, get it out of the way on the front end, or she'll always wonder what else you might be hiding.

This is a great example of trying to parse it out. I doesn't work. Heed this advice.

[~Joanne~]

This is a short version. My SO took it fairly well. Certain things factored into it. First, she already knew that I dressed once on halloween and had planned on doing it again this last year (which I did). Second, I openly wore hose for the longest time. I knew I wanted to tell her but not the how or the when but a cop pulling me over, mostly dressed, kind of forced it. Turns out that I need not had the "talk" at that time but I am glad I did.

[cyndigurl45]

Well I'm in a little different boat, but had a similar reaction, you see I had been living with a man we are already gay, he has always been the male and I although male was closer to my femine side jokingly I called myself his wife as I do the traditional female roll the cooking cleaning etc. But when I told him I wanted to live fulltime as a woman he freeqed out at first but the more he thought about it and the area we live being openly gay is though, so we moved and now our neighbors know us as a normal couple.....

[Stephanie47]

Sometimes things just evolve. I thought my desire to wear my mother's lingerie and dresses was a passing fad of a teenage male unable to score with girls, a poor substitute. I had not even thought of cross dressing for several years, including our relatively short courtship. I did wonder after I proposed if the cross dressing monster would return. Nah, marrying a very cute, sexy, alluring and sexually stimulating women had to be a cure.

Well, it took a couple years, but, I just had to try on one of her floor length nylon nightgowns. She discovered me in the kitchen wearing it, while drinking a glass of water. She asked, and, I told her the truth at the time. I liked the feel of the fabric. She was OK with it. We did buy nighties for me to wear, and, also a garter belt and hosiery. After our son was born and we lived in a one bedroom apartment, she requested that I not wear them to bed. OK, no problem.

I was still not a cross dresser??? It wasn't until five seven years into our marriage that I bought my first slip and panty while working in San Francisco. When my wife discovered by little stash which fit into a 12 x 12 x 5 inch gift box, it contained a vividly red sexy bra. That she could not understand. Neither could I. We had the all to similar discussion. She found it upsetting. I sensed her total discomfort watching movies such as "Tootsie" (1982).

So, sometimes limited acceptance leads to total rejection. Going from wearing a nylon floor length gown to bed does not confer acceptance of being fully en femme as I am now.

[Lorileah]

If I remember correctly we were walking through a Montgomery Wards store and I saw some heels on sale and said "Gee, I like those." She said "If I buy them for you you will wear them". I still have the shoes 30+ years later. For my GF I sent her to my web page with my photos. She IM'd back "who is that?" I said me, she said "OK" she loved Lori as much as my male side and was unhappy when I didn't dress very often.

In both cases it was early in the relationship. I believe you tell he as soon as possible so she can make up her own mind. It isn't fair of you to lie to her

[reb.femme]

Thank you for sharing that. I think it's very honestly stated. I hope I can summon up that sort of gentle revelation when my time comes.

I used Jennifer's letter as a basis for my revelation. The words flow much more naturally, if previously rehearsed. My wife was great, but obviously it can go either way. I've only been out to her as a CD for 8 months now (been together for 38 years, was a kid back then) and the level of acceptance flows from good to not so good. From your description of your wife, you should be able to come through this but again, this is you, not the others.

I sincerely hope this goes well for you.

Rebecca

[abigailf]

My strategy...keep it light and fun and 'tell' her nothing. What I mean by that, just do it, don't attempt to explain it and keep any feelings you have to yourself because she won't understand it and you won't be able to explain it. Instead, pick a fun time to dress up, include her and show her that its enjoyable. Pick something like halloween, go out on the town and have fun. Learn to accept it yourself and show her a positive attitude.

I don't know. I kind of like this idea, it is definitely different. It is true, what we do is not fun, heck it is not what we do either it is what we are. But to introduce it in this way may go a long way in building a future understanding. Who knows, maybe it turns out you are only a cross dresser and making it fun with your partner is just what you needed.

Of course, this would not have worked for me as I am transsexual no doubt and my wife is adamant that she is not a lesbian. So, that ended that.


If anyone does tries this (or had tried it), please PM me and let me know how it goes.

[Amanda M]

What is critical is tha she needs to know. Perhaps not all at once, but in little bites. Whatever you do, just take it as slowly as you can. Right now she only knows you as her loving Mister, and you are about to introduce a new dimension into your relationship.

Most likely, her first reactions will be " Is he gay?". "Am I not woman enough for him?" " Does he want to totally transition to being a woman?"

And that, is just the start. Remember, this is the person you love. Do not, under any circumstances, force her to confront more than a tiny bit a time.

Put yourself in her shoes, and try to anticipate her fears and anxieties - but don't just go with your own agenda. As her to be open, to tell you how she feels, and what SHE wants, so that in the end you may be able to compromise.

But slowly slowly slowly.

I can only hope that this turns out well for you both. Please let us know.

Best, Amanda.