So I'm driving down the road yesterday between thrift stores as Wednesday is my buying day for my Ebay business. I was as usual presenting as my usual self. A fat middle aged white woman. Normally I blend well and rarely get a second look. Not because I believe I pass, as I believe most of us don't. In fact I think few do. I think that most people just don't pay any attention and those that do either accept, are too polite to say anything or just don't give a s&*t. I'm OK with that. It took me a long time to get to that state of mind. I go about my daily grind basically not caring or thinking about all of the above. Until 3:55 pm yesterday when my belief system was shaken off it's foundation in a hurricane Sandy sort of way.
I pulled up to a red light and was aware of movement in the vehicle next to me. Why the F&^% did I look. All I had to do was keep my eyes forward and this entire post would not exist. but no! I had to turn my makeup encrusted fat face to the left and look right into the eyes of two young women laughing hysterically. At first I thought maybe they were laughing about a joke they just heard or something like that. At times like this we all want to believe that it's not about us.
I looked away hoping I was right, but alas when I looked back a few seconds later they were still laughing and this time pointing right at me. Still trying to salvage what was left of the bricks of my foundation I really wanted to believe they were laughing at the fat lady and not the transsexual. That I can live with. I've always been large and it's something you get used to. No that wasn't it. Why was I blessed with a natural talent for reading lips? When I looked for the last time just before the light changed I clearly saw one of the saying over and over again "tranny" "tranny" "tranny". Just as it was confirmed the light changed and about a block away I turned into my next destination. I went inside and began to shop, but as I walked around it seemed as though everyone was looking at me in "that way". The veil was lifted, like the crew of the Black Pearl in the moonlight everyone was seeing me for what I am. A fat middle aged white man in a fat middle aged white woman's clothes. Some days I just want to throw in the towel.