that was my experience too. I didn't need therapy, I needed a letter with a signature. I had to waste a lot of time and money to find a good one.Originally Posted by MeganHenry
that was my experience too. I didn't need therapy, I needed a letter with a signature. I had to waste a lot of time and money to find a good one.
I think that talking to another person that has a similar world never hurts and perhaps they know someone that is clued in on it all.Eryn is correct in that many professionals try to fluff up their resume [or their areas of expertise] by learning something at another's expense.
It SURE is my hair ! I have the receipt and the box it came in !
I've never once had any therapeutic experience even remotely similar to those which you've described in your original post. Every therapist I've ever encountered has been encouraging and affirming as I've revealed my feelings to them -- of course, I've found a good couple of therapists in all my years and haven't had to shop around much, so my base sample is n=2, which isn't the best o.-, but the policy statements of the APA and NASW (assuming you live in the US) would indicate that they're the norm. My current therapist is very much LGBT-affirming and extremely helpful when it comes to trans issues. Most therapists who ARE LGBT-friendly/affirming will, particularly in areas otherwise devoid of LGBT-affirming therapists, advertise themselves as such. I'm not quite sure where you live, but, given your fears, I'm assuming it may be characterized by a certain social conservatism? Either that, or you've had little exposure to the therapeutic process. Either way, I'd go so far as to say that the majority of licensed therapists are LGBT-friendly. Go for it. :]
EDIT (additional resources):
http://www.socialworkers.org/pubs/code/code.asp (National Association of Social Workers' Code of Ethics)
http://www.apa.org/ethics/code/index.aspx (American Psychological Association's Code of Ethics)
Violations of these respective codes by members of these respective organizations can result in expulsion from the group and the revocation of a license to professionally practice in either of these two overlapping disciplines -- if someone discriminates against you or ridicules you, you have the right to report them.
It's great to have rights, isn't it? :]
Last edited by SarahMarie42; 01-14-2013 at 07:44 AM.
"None is more cruel and violent than the coward"
-Italian economist and sociologist Vilfredo Pareto-
I also suggest the link given by jessicawife. They list specialty in TG issues and which insurance they take and location
I have seen more therapists than I care to count. My mom drug me to them as a kid whenever a new philosophy on child rearing came out.
As an adult I have seen 2 the first one told me I was demon possessed and needed an exorcism.�� Needless to say I stopped seeing her and went into what I call the great hide told my wife I was cured and we have not discussed it since. I am now seeing a new therapist have only seen her twice so far. She has limited experience with CD but listens and asks questions that make me think. She has encouraged me to tell my wife which I want to do but am afraid to do.
I think when looking for a therapist do t be afraid to leave them if they are not a good fit. That don't have to be experts in the field of TG but they do have to be willing to learn with you. Look for someone who meets these criteria at the least.
. 1. Licensed
2. Willing to treat you.
3. Honest about their experience level
4. Do you click.
So far so good with my current counselor but time will tell.
I would recommend seeing a Counselor that specializes in TG/Gender issues. They job is not to tell you what you are doing is good/bad, right/wrong. Their job is to help guide you to cope/accept/love yourself and help you work out your issues.
My wife went to see a Therapist who specializes in gender identity and it helped her cope and even accept me (to some degree) as a cross dresser and it has really helped our relationship quite a bit.
That's terrible, sounds like only the last one even took you seriously. I'm sure there are good ones out there though, or at least I'd like to think so.
My recent therapist is weening me back to occasional visits. I asked her why, and she said I don't really need her as I'm comfortable, and do not mind being in Teresa mode. She wants to apply her energy to someone who is stressed about being a cd, TG, or TS.
There have been a few occasions that she's helped me to feel better. I've always felt coarse and manly. But on my first solo visit, maybe just to be polite, she told me she called my name twice because she couldn't pick me out from the GG in the lobby. She has more than once told me that i am a convincing female. Albeit, I'm going to accept it at face value as if it were true, and not question it -- I have to present, and it does no good to doubt again.
On another visit, she told me that there is nothing wrong with me, irregardless of what society thinks. And yes, I've asked for the nonexistent blue pill,and she always assures me that there is none.
My lack of self-confidence to express and blend in female role has been helped by her therapy. I think that is vitally important if we are in public and fear being outed by appearance.
Last edited by TeresaL; 01-14-2013 at 12:17 PM.
I saw one therapist for about 5 years. I'll call her "Sue".
I laid out certain ground rules in the beginning. (1) I didn’t feel that I need to be cured. (2) My parents had both passed, so we couldn’t go about blaming them. (3) She had to come up with diagnosis and treatment codes that were not “Crossdresser”; I might need to get my security clearance back.
I found Sue very helpful in understanding myself, understanding how to talk about this with my wife, and understanding that I couldn’t change my wife’s reaction, only my wife could.
My graduation, so to speak, was when I asked my wife’s “permission” to go to a TG conference for 4 days. My wife gave me permission.
While she didn’t encourage it, Sue allowed me to dress for the sessions if I wanted, and occasionally, I did.
My adult daughter was always getting into some sort of "situation" which was causing me quite a bit of stress. We often spent a whole session on how I could deal with the stress my daughter was adding to my life. Sue helped me out greatly.
While she was out of network, Sue was covered by my insurance as an out of network doctor.
I saw a second therapist, I'll call her Fay, for about 3 months during those 5 years. Without doing any serious evaluation, Fay decided I was gay. This was very helpful to me, because after some serious thinking, I decided that Fay was wrong. Fay encouraged me to dress for the sessions. As you might guess, I didn’t need much encouragement, so I showed up dressed for every session after the first one, each time in an entirely different outfit. Fay gave me lots of positive feedback and encouragement on my girl look. In fact, she didn't recognize me the first time I came in dressed.
Therapy is supposed to be a no judgment zone, and Fay probably broke protocol by complementing my girl style. Sue never said anything positive or negative about my dressing for sessions. I loved the sessions with Fay for the positive feedback I got on my dressing, but it very quickly became clear that Fay wasn’t helping me. I couldn't get her past the gay thing.
Overall, my results were positive. Just remember, "Therapy is a no judgement zone." The therapist should help you to "find youself". He/she shouldn't give you his/her answers. If you are being judged, you have the wrong therapist, and you should find another one.
Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.
When I was fifteen I got into some CDing trouble. The judge recomended therapy for me. I went to a psychiatrist for six months and then to a pyschologist for another two years. The pysychiatrist beat me up brutally in my first five or six sessions. He wanted me to be 'open' about my CDing. After that he went to belittling me about my CDing. After six months I was transferred over to a psychologist. My CDing was only mentioned in the first five or ten minutes of our first session. After that it was just talk for about two years. Nothing ever helped me that we talked about with these two men. I was not 'open'.
After fifteen years of marriage my wife went to a psychologist and he really put CDing and me down. She reported just about every thing they talked about. He encouraged her to take me to see a psychologist in a different city that he knew that helped TG people. Our first counseling session was with both of us together. He promised to help me work through issues and eventually 'cure' me. After about two years we only talked about CDing in only my first session. He was content to let me talk about anything I wanted to do. He was also content to collect the insurance money he was being sent and my weekly co-pay. As you can guess my heart was never really in 'therapy'. Never did me any good. Perhaps if I would of sought therapy it might've done some good but rest assured it never would have 'changed' me.
Aria, I read through the thread and I found nobody has asked you "Why are you seeking a therapist?" Sure, I with everyone else recommends a therapist who specializes in gender issues. However, what is driving you to seek a therapist? Is there disharmony in the home, i.e., the wife is totally opposed to your cross dressing.
If you 'do not want to be cured' because you have accepted yourself, why therapy? It is one situation when the cross dresser is repulsed by his behavior, and, it's another thing if the wife is repulsed by his behavior. Reading thread after thread after thread of wives totally repulsed by a husband's cross dressing, I wonder if the woman does not need therapy. Therapy with dealing with cross dressing.
I go to individual and group therapy for combat related PTSD. My wife and I attempted to go to couples therapy. After awhile I just had to bag the couples therapy because all of my wife's issues she did not want to acknowledge. They were issued from her life before I even knew her. Anything that was contributing to conflict in our marriage was due to my PTSD. When you're married to someone for over forty years, you kind of know what the issues and faults of the spouse are.
I'm not prying, but, if you're comfortable with your cross dressing, then what are the issues needing therapy?
That was for the OP, but I'm applying it to my therapist who is releasing me because I'm not under stress with my SO. My GID is being treated through medication, and I have no need for other counsel.
FYI:
I've got some training and experience in counseling and was even a crisis counselor which included suicide triage and some of the stories here could likely be valid malpractice cases. The counseling and APA related trades do have codes of conduct and beating up clients is definitely not an effective treatment modality.
Also, counselors and psychologists are just people and they can be really stupid just like anyone else in the world. You have to be careful dealing with this industry. It wasn't but a decade or two back in which introversion was considered a disorder.
Cassy
One counselor, an MSW, suggested I read this guys book on sexual addiction and its treatment:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Patrick_Carnes
Couple years ater I called the Psycholigicl Association for a referral dealing with cd. They found me a doc--who later borrowed one of my books
All your stories and advice have been helpful.
Quick update: I have decided not to seek a therapist at this time. Finding one that would take my insurance and could meet at times I had available turned out to be a nightmare, especially when you toss in "sensitive to CD issues" in the mix. I think I need to figure some things out myself, anyway, first before I talk it out with a pro!
Ali Edwards
Transgender Science ~ Blogging with WrodPress ~ Tweeting on Twitter
"I am half-sick of shadows," said / The Lady of Shalott.
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