I can’t stay long...

[KellyJameson]

The forum is a microcosm of life Freddy.

Each of us sits on the bank of the river watching everyone float by while we are also in the river floating by them.

Think of the thousands of people who have passed through your life even if it was only passing them on the sidewalk.

All of humanity as "Ships passing in the night"

It is an illusion to think they really have left because like a pebble thrown in a still pool of water that sends ripples in all directions we touch and change each other in ways often beyond our own awareness or understanding.

Life is a river that is always flowing that we are born into and than leave upon death but the river even though always changing is still changed by the time we have spent in it so nothing is lost.

The question is only how we want to ride the river of life while we are in it and in that ride how we want to try and change it and in the changing of the river be changed by it.

Sensitivity creates the desire for a certain measure of solitude because for creatures like us life can be "to much" sometimes and this can leave us to much "outside" the river we are meant to be a part of.

We were created to create the river of life to serve the deeper purposes of life which is the support of this river which is a flow of ever changing consciousness that our consciousness is part of.

When we become to far removed from this river we suffer loneliness which is the rivers way of calling us back.

I came to the forum "was changed" and went back to the river to make my contribution to it but yet I have never left.

All the gifts that I realized from here changed me to than be able to offer gifts to others.

I cannot explain on this forum what I'm doing but I'm helping others that I would not be able to help if I first had not evolved into what the forum helped me become which really was nothing more than seeing what I already was but needed to see through other peoples eyes to understand so I could stop resisting that which I feared to than allow for the "becoming" I had been resisting.

If you would like to write a piece here is a challenge to your imagination. It is a riddle.

When is a crossdresser no longer a crossdresser even though he still crossdresses. (Nothing to do with being TG/TS)

[noeleena]

Hi,

Iv been here simce 19, 5 ,08. I did not come here or any of the many other forums im on to understand about myself as i had done that from age 10. so the info iv seen over the years was about others & i was interested in seeing how others got on the issues they faced & what they were able to do in regard to them selfs , dresser's & trans, along the way i found out about those like my self & others who are intersex.

As for the computer iv only been on one for 5 years so had never used one before that, & does not mean im that good with computers, as it is its been very hard, in many ways,

For my time here has been interesting learnt a lot very different in the views & talks iv had with other members, with it up's & downs .over all i enjoy it here, with our veried views & take's on life & things, & with so many comeing from different backgrounds does tend to liven things up a bit,, so ill stay awhile ....

...noeleena...

[AmyGaleRT]

After I initially joined this forum, and had been here for a couple of months, I went on hiatus for over a year. This was mainly due to the feeling that, as long as I wasn't able to muster the courage to come out to my fiancee (which I had been urged to do), reading and participating here wasn't going to do me very much good at all. Well, it was nearly three months ago now when I finally got over that hump. Since then, in the words of Celine Dion, "it's all coming back to me now!"

I am trying to channel some of the natural exuberance I have into helping others here. Some things that I've seen posted by others tell me that my efforts haven't been entirely in vain. Even my fiancee has noticed this, and I think it pleases her. She thinks that I'm being seen as a role model; I am of course intensely flattered and humbled by this.

So I don't think I'm going anywhere. It's been a long time since I've felt this much of a community anywhere online. I thank all of you who help make it so.

- Amy

[Kate's at home]

Hi Freddie,

I've been coming to this site for a little over 4 years or so now. I do not visit regularly, as I'm busy with many other things and there is only so much time in a day (or week or month, and they fly by). I do try to check in though maybe 2-3 times a month. And, I do so to remember that I'm not alone in this. A kind on 'normalizing' if you will. I rarely have anything to say as much of what has formed in narrative I understand at varoius levels, but some days I do feel like chatting and might have something to add.

I do always feel "safe and secure" on this site and appreciate the various perspectives offered. I also consistently enjoy the quality of both your critical thinking and writing. Please keep doing it!

Have you ever considered sharing some of your visual work here?

All the best,

Kate

[RebeccaLynne]

Granted, it takes time and effort to read the posts, write responses, and then respond to the responses, and some of us are not predisposed to enjoy writing.

Frederique, reading posts is an enjoyable pastime for me. I've gained a lot of insight by doing so. Reading really requires a minimal amount of time and effort on my part, and I learn a lot from the posts I read. Listening, rather than speaking, leads to greater understanding of the challenges and difficulties many of us are presented with.

As to posting... I type with one finger, and merely composing a thoughtful response can take upwards of an hour. Unless I've something amazingly prolific to impart, I generally defer to others who will air their thoughts in viewpoints closely mirroring my own. At least one of them will do so in most cases, so I'm free to continue to read and learn.

I've been a member since August 2005. We're friends, and I always enjoy reading what you've written. You're one of my favorites, as are so many here... keep on writing, and I'll keep on reading!

[CassandraSmith]

I do think that dressing for the vast majority of CDers is kink or sexual. [...] I think the people who do stay here, do so because cross-gender expression meets perhaps a deeper emotional or psychological need than it does for those who move on.

I've just recently (last few years) begun to break the sexual part off from it. I suspected this might be how I needed to mature as a CDer.

It is a social thing to me. [...] So I have no idea how long I will be here. I only hope that the duration will be "just right".

Exactly!

[...]I frequent the Transsexual Forum much more often than the MTF CD Forum, because the topics on this forum aren't really relevant to where I am on my journey. I know that sounds snobbish.[...] For whatever reason, I've moved pretty quickly down my path and realize that my future is something in addition to cross dressing.

Well it doesn't sound snobbish to me. It's about how far down the rabbit hole one wants/needs to go and I'm thinking that I may follow your path myself.

My presence here ebbs and flows based on my personal needs. When I first came here, I was confused and scared about becoming a "full-on" CD. I learned a lot, made a few friends and enjoyed my awakening.

I agree with the comments about repetition.

I've only been here a week and I already could see that pattern somewhat. Yes, the awakening is an awesome thing. I'll bet that it's enjoyable just to stop in and see it happening to new people from time to time as a reminder of that rite-of-passage that was experienced long ago.

There is some pressure, I don't think it is intentional necessarily, to try to keep up with those who are dressing daily, be open about dressing with the world, and to believe that if you're not advancing "the cause" you're not being true to yourself or other dressers. Once this feeling settles in, it's hard to comment because everything sounds negative, and most of us don't need more of that.

Really interesting observation.

I am trying to channel some of the natural exuberance I have into helping others here. Some things that I've seen posted by others tell me that my efforts haven't been entirely in vain. Even my fiancee has noticed this, and I think it pleases her. She thinks that I'm being seen as a role model; I am of course intensely flattered and humbled by this.

- Amy

I concur. I know I've said it before but you definitely have a gift.

[LilSissyStevie]

I think I come back because of my addictive personality.

"Like a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool repeats his folly."

[Frédérique]

I recently had a conversation on Facebook with some one I met here who said she no longer comes to this sight because of the "restrictive nature" of what she was allowed to post.

[SIZE="2"]Funny, but I don’t feel the site is all that restrictive. I guess if you’re a free spirit, just doing what comes naturally, a place like this can seem very restrictive – maybe the crossdresser feels he or she needs to conform, and this conflicts with the person’s prime directive!

In the art world that I inhabit, the artist needs to adhere to certain rules regarding subject matter, size limitations, presentation, and awareness of who will be looking at your artwork. Some find this to be too restrictive, so they spend a lifetime decrying the system. I guess I’m used to it. If I come up against a restriction, I try to work with it, since it benefits everyone to do so. Any thoughts of willful subjugation are…well…subjugated, and I really don’t mind conforming a little…[/SIZE]

Well, I'm not nearly as verbose as some members, including the originator of this thread.

[SIZE="2"]Verbosity becomes me. How’s that for a SHORT answer? [/SIZE]

The feeling that there were so many others that were dealing with the same issues that I was, and that "hey, I'm really not all that different"!! This was all so new for me, having others to talk to, and the help they offered.

[SIZE="2"]Yeah, that’s exactly how I feel! It really helps to come in contact with others, however fleeting this contact may be. I remember a time when I crossdressed in a vacuum – I was happy doing so, but there were no other “voices” to soothe my own troubled inner voice. Loneliness yearns for company, even though I feel crossdressing is largely a solitary enterprise. It’s just nice knowing there are others out there like me, and it’s OK to be happy about one’s crossdressing...[/SIZE]

The thing to remember is that people give what they can. It's important to accept that and allow them to move in and out of our lives.

[SIZE="2"]I see individuals like orbiting (or randomly moving) celestial bodies – now and then we encounter one another (our paths cross), we travel together in each other’s company, and then our “paths” diverge for one reason or another. That’s how it is, but it’s kinda sad, isn’t it?
[/SIZE]

I suspect that many people register just to see the pics in the Gallery that cannot be seen otherwise? Or they post here a bit then decide they are not interested in the chatter, they mostly like to "play", and the rules here are too strict for them?

[SIZE="2"]Well, I don't look at the pics in the Gallery all that much – I prefer the avatars or profile images. I suppose some people don’t need the so-called “chatter” (this kept me away for a time when I first joined), but others read and don’t write, or they feel they have nothing to “say.” That doesn’t stop me! People complain about my verbosity (see above!), but they rarely submit any of their own semi-original thoughts for perusal. I can tell you from experience that many come here to complain about something, period, damn the subject of crossdressing. To be fair, it’s like this on other forums. Sometimes, finding a miniscule nugget of wisdom or encouragement can be like panning for gold in the Mississippi River with a teaspoon, but it’s well worth the effort…

As for the rules being too strict, I will often submit something (a thread OP, for instance), and then log off. I come back a few hours later, looking at the screen with one eye closed, expecting to see a PM from a Mod entitled “Thread moved,” or “Post edited,” or even “Thread deleted.” When I see nothing of that nature I feel good, but I always expect the worst. You don’t suppose that’s because the site IS too restrictive, do ya? I guess “you learn by doing” and "be patient" would be my advice to newbies…[/SIZE]

Some of us live in the real world. . .we're not in Kansas anymore. Others of us live in what we believe is the real world, but it really is Kansas. Not that Kansas is a bad place or anything, just a good Metaphor, I suppose.

[SIZE="2"]Do you know anything about Kansas? It’s just like anyplace else, but you can actually dress like Dorothy, let your skirt blow in the incessant wind, and gaze at the Milky Way by night. COOL!

BTW, if you happen to visit OZ someday, say hello to Princess Ozma for me…[/SIZE]

[Beverley Sims]

People come, people go, some stay for a while and then move on.
Why? They become dis interested in what is written and look for new adventures.
There is some repetitiveness in threads and some have been there done that and are not great thinkers or scribes like some of us.
Life is faster for them and they thought they were going to find their thrill on crossdressers.com.
Those of us that are left entertain and assist the new and troubled ones.
We give sage advice and understanding and caring where needed and I think if we can help someone we are not wasting our time here.
So don't get downhearted there is always someone you can turn to to help.
If you need a bit of a lift I could probably tell you a few weak jokes.
No we have a section here for that.

[Prissy Linda]

I'm glad you brought up this post Frederique as I have wondered the same thing quite often. I visit the forum every day, several times a day but don't post very often, probably because I don't express myself that well in type, i'm more of a verbal person so I sit here and listen to those who do communicate their feeling and frustrations, hopes and fears. There are some members that come and go as you stated, just when I feel I am getting to know them they disappear from this site.
Who knows why, maybe they found something or someone else to occupy their time, but it puzzles me a bit when I see some member come on here with so much to say then just poof, they're gone. I'm just thankful for those who stay, it's almost like having friends who sticks around although I myself don't contribute very much. I hope this makes sense.

[CassandraSmith]

]I see individuals like orbiting (or randomly moving) celestial bodies – now and then we encounter one another (our paths cross), we travel together in each other’s company, and then our “paths” diverge for one reason or another. That’s how it is, but it’s kinda sad, isn’t it?

I know that feeling and I've worked to become a glass-half-full kind of girl and be grateful whenever anyone adds something positive to my life. However, I want it known that I am definitely the melancholy type and I hear the undertones of what you're saying.

[Carlene]

Some people sit in the back row in the hope they will go unnoticed and because they feel that they have little to add. Others, are here but don't post very often because they have come to believe that their personal emersion into a transgender world is a private journey.

A great many members have chosen to quietly accept who they are or are becoming, but don't post for a variety of reasons. Please don't think that most of the back benchers don't appreciate your posts.....we do! We have not slithered away.

Carlene

[Joanie_Shakti]

I come and go at forums. Usually, I joined because of a question or a new interest. Then I'll read back as much as I can on topics I'm interested in. After a while, my participation will lag and I may stop visiting. It didn't help that I did much forum participation at work. Even before policy change, Crossdressers.com is not a site I would think of accessing there.

As for this place, I joined up a few years ago when my occasional dressing turned into something strong. I was semi-active, then tapered off. I had been gone for awhile when I discovered last spring a message a couple of months old, from a participant here who lived in a neighboring town. This person had wanted to meet up a few months previous, but I wasn't open to meeting others yet, nor appearing in public dressed. (Small town, big employer.) I came back online and left a PM back but it looks like she hasn't participated here since shortly after leaving me that message. I felt bad that I missed her. If you're reading this, I hope you're okay.

Anyway, I checked in here on occasion to see if there was a reply to my PM and then dropped out again. Had a lot of time during the Christmas holiday so started reading and commenting here again. Now that I'm back at work, I expect to taper off once more. Most of my posts are "me, me, me," anyway, just like this one.

[Sylvermane]

I know for me I left for a good long while after joining but only because I was so messed up. I'm a paranoid schizo with bi-polar and I was off meds so nothing mattered to me any more. I honestly had forgotten about this place until I found it in a random search trying to find myself and my past. I wonder how many people are in that boat sometimes. I do know its more common than I ever thought. Another reason may be they aren't comfortable with what they are becoming or are interested in. It took me some time to fully understand what I was and accept it. Maybe they are just exploring thoughts they have had but either don't want to or can't go any further than simple exploration.

I have been around for the last couple weeks or so and don't plan on leaving again anytime soon. As I said in my intro post this place was a needle in a haystack for me to find. I would guess that in order to find this place I went through 100+ places which turned out to be fetish / porn sites. I knew there were like-minded people and that I wasn't alone but it was quite hard to find... for me at least. I like seeing the pictures galleries. Seeing other people who have the confidence to go all the way, I kind of envy them and wish I was more open about it. I like reading the many threads that pop up, they all serve to reassure me that I am not alone and tell me that what I am and what I do is ok... and that there is nothing wrong with it.

[SandraInHose]

Guilty of the OP's observation myself. Joined in November '05, posted about a hundred posts in the first couple of months, then left for no reason for a year or two. Oh, I'd check in from time to time, but rarely contributed.

I just happened to log in here right before Christmas, and have been here virtually every day since. But as with this and every forum I belong to, there are things that I personally may find lacking, or uninteresting, or I may just move onto another of my hobbies for a while. For example, I haven't logged on to my astronomy forum in over six months, after being a daily visitor for nearly six years. No reason in particular...I just didn't feel like it held my interest anymore. And I know that will be temporary, and I'll be back before I know it. Sometimes it's as if I'm reading the same questions/opinions/comments over and over again, and I may very well have been guilty of posting my own thoughts multiple times myself. When I realize that, it's time to step back from the keyboard for a while.

[sami1952]

I'm still here for the only reason that this was the first site i came across having to do with crossdressing and it has brought me a long way from the first day i join.I have read ,enjoy reading treads from other members. I have also enjoyed looking at the pictures that are posted and have seen the way cd's look and express them selfs in their female attire.Although i don't post much here but i do visit every chance i get and i don't have to worry about getting hit on from males who only want sex and call us dirty names.this is a great site for me.thanks

[Barbara Ella]

Freddy, what you and some others are doing on that shore, and you may not notice it, but occasionally there is a lifeline thrown out that some will grab, and pull themselves to shore to relax on the bank, feel the sun in their face, smell the grass, and linger, and even occasionally manage, perhaps unknowingly, to cast a line into the current for someone else. I stay because I am learning all the time, as I suspect are you, and to enjoy the company.

Barbara

[Kathi Lake]

. . . she no longer comes to this site because of the "restrictive nature" of what she was allowed to post.

What some would call 'restrictive' I would call taste, class and restraint. Having logged onto "those" sites in the past, I am soooo glad that the moderators here keep the sexual stuff to a minimum.

Freddy, as a former member of "The Verbosity Brigade" here, I too have seen many who come, post, learn and grow, and then leave - some for a time, and some forever. I have posted less as of late due to personal issues, time constraints, and the natural ebb and flow of life. Might I return to my wordy ways at some point in the future? Possible. Life is funny that way.



Kathi

[Sandra1746]

I've been a member just under a year now and have averaged slightly over a post a day, not a lot but for me it is significant. I also "lurked" for almost a year before I joined.

I like this site and enjoy interacting with the others here, it has made me think about my identity and what path I want to take. I very much appreciate the moderators "restrictive" attitude if that is what it takes to keep up the civil and decorous nature of the site and its conversations. I've seen other sites that would give a sewage pond a good reputation.

My activity may rise and fall as other interests intrude but I'm not planning to leave any time soon.

Hugs,
Sandra1746

[Allisa]

Well you got me to respond.I guess I am so sporadic with my participation is that I do not really relate to alot of the threads or they are just repeats of what has been hashed over before.I do enjoy scanning for subjects that seem to catch my eye by the way they phrase thier titles.I post once in awhile just to vent or relate a story to others here,but I really have nothing of interest to say as a rule.I'm just not a social butterfly,but I am drawn to this site as a moth to a flame.Well nuff said.

Bye for now?

[ReineD]

When is a crossdresser no longer a crossdresser even though he still crossdresses. (Nothing to do with being TG/TS)

When he knows he is a crossdresser. Then he dresses true to himself.

[Huntress]

In my forays into CD.com participation, I was initially heartened by all of the engagement. I knew only so much about Internet forums, but quickly learned that they were amazing tools of education and enlightenment and stunted tools of particular political bents.
I saw genius, cruelty, cluelessness, artfulness, and harbingers of hate. Sexism of every stripe in every direction, by every gender & sex. Many truly mean postings by contributors and Mods. alike. I also saw postings of love, fellowship & guidance by contributors and Mods. Too often I would come and see ruthless censorship. The type of which made me participate less. My participation slowly winnowed down to visiting and reading the fun posters, and quickly pushing on. Life is way to short to deal with mean people.
C'est la vie.
De Oppresso Liber,
Huntress

[Aylineira]

I know I don't post as often as I would like but I'm still here! I'm not one to get into heavy matters though on some posts. I like to mainly be in on the happy ones.

This is probably the only real mature place you can go to on the internet and talk about yourself in an open manner. This site has really helped me learn a lot about CDing in general and the people who are just like me.

[Celeste]

What price can one put on therapy,this site is invaluable and sincere in that respect.We should treasure a place where extending ourselves to others is appreciated.I for one will never grow tired of reading well intentioned post that help others with growth and acceptance.It's that"giving" part of ourselves that makes us a special part of this world.

[Frédérique]

We give sage advice and understanding and caring where needed and I think if we can help someone we are not wasting our time here. So don't get downhearted there is always someone you can turn to to help.

[SIZE="2"]I feel I’m responsible for my own happiness, which may explain why I crossdress (!), so I try to swallow any sadness I may feel when another member I love and admire stops posting. At first, I used to feel kinda angry about the site when this happened, but now, after innumerable comings and goings, I can see that it has nothing to do with the site per se. Individuals are just that: individuals, and they do what they have to do according to their own pursuit of happiness. Meanwhile, I’m still here, and I’m wondering why. What’s wrong with me?[/SIZE]

[SIZE="2"]Just today my friend Cassidy put an interesting thought into my head:[/SIZE]

“…some folks that come and stay may actually believe the confines of this place are in fact their reality. It may be easier to live here than out and about in the real world so to speak. We deal in the every day while some may not so the only reality is here.”

[SIZE="2"]Hmmm…[/SIZE]

Some people sit in the back row in the hope they will go unnoticed and because they feel that they have little to add. Others, are here but don't post very often because they have come to believe that their personal emersion into a transgender world is a private journey.

[SIZE="2"]So, why join a discussion forum if you’re not going to join in the discussion? I mean, I lurked for three years because I couldn’t find a hand-hold, but I know I joined the place because I wanted to discuss certain things. I keep wondering what I read that made me finally introduce myself and “take the plunge,” so to say. Maybe somebody said (wrote), “WHEEEEEEEEE…”[/SIZE]

I would guess that in order to find this place I went through 100+ places which turned out to be fetish / porn sites. I knew there were like-minded people and that I wasn't alone but it was quite hard to find... for me at least.

[SIZE="2"]I didn’t look TOO long before I found this place – I think it was on top of the list. The sheer number of members “viewing” at any given hour attracted me, plus the huge number of thread topics. I figured I could insert something meaningful now and then, as soon as I thought of something! It is very disheartening to wade through fetish/porn sites trying to find a positive depiction or mindset about crossdressing. I think the first time I had access to the Internet I looked up CD’ing, and I had a hard time locating ANYTHING relatively innocent or not aligned with pornography. On another occasion, a search for a decent story about crossdressing netted me a nasty computer virus! That’s what makes this place, and the members within, so valuable to me…[/SIZE]

Freddy, as a former member of "The Verbosity Brigade" here, I too have seen many who come, post, learn and grow, and then leave - some for a time, and some forever. I have posted less as of late due to personal issues, time constraints, and the natural ebb and flow of life. Might I return to my wordy ways at some point in the future? Possible. Life is funny that way.

[SIZE="2"]I was thinking of YOU (and others) when I wrote the OP! When my “personal issues” are threatening to overwhelm me, I often come here, settle in, and try to write something, if only to momentarily escape from my troubles. At other times, when I’m away from the site, I think about all the people I’ve met HERE who are still out there, somewhere, dealing with their own particular situation as best they can. I’ve met many individuals on this site that I have great respect for – by comparison, I’m less worthy of respect because I have only a fraction of the expertise and experience that others have. I feel sorry for newbies who have never encountered someone who might have been a crossdressing “role model” for them, but maybe someone will float by any minute now. BTW, Kathi can verbose me under the table!


I agree that the site has “taste,” and some of this overly verbose writing can be seen as an attempt to reinforce the former, much like flying buttresses are used for support in cathedrals…[/SIZE]

What price can one put on therapy, this site is invaluable and sincere in that respect.

[SIZE="2"]Beyond therapy, it may be more important to be somewhere, however artificial, where one can discuss things that are never broached in mixed company, i.e. real life. A crossdresser may want to talk about crossdressing, but there’s precious little audience for it OUT THERE. On the other hand, we can all relax here knowing that someone, finally, WILL understand how you feel, and it’s OK to be who you are, as you are, and nobody is going to assume you have a problem of some sort. Acceptance and support are more therapeutic than therapy, if you ask me…

Please excuse my verbose (wordy) responses – just sitting here enjoying my “self.” [/SIZE]