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Thread: Ask a Transexual

  1. #226
    Living MY Life Rachel Smith's Avatar
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    No. She told me to get the **** out if I was going to go forward with it.
    My parents should have known something wasn't quite right when I kept putting Kens' head on Barbies' body Rachel Smith May 2017

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  2. #227
    Silver Member I Am Paula's Avatar
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    Still married, and best friends with my wife. Sex has been off the table for a very, very long time. We do enjoy everything else a married couple does. My wife objects to the term 'gay marriage', but has gotten used to 'Same sex marriage'.

  3. #228
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    Well, part of your question infers post-op, but the rest isn't phrased that way, so I will answer anyway and leave the "how do you do it after GRS" alone.

    My wife and I stayed together and it is still a loving relationship. We have always been faithful to each other and I don't foresee that changing. In some ways, it seems my transition revitalized us. There are other outside issues that improved in the same time period, so it is probably a composite effect. We do have sex. It isn't like it used to be and it isn't like it will be (I am scheduled for surgery). Without details, the closest I can say it is exploratory.

  4. #229
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    Quote Originally Posted by Krisi View Post
    If you are married or in a "permanent" relationship (with a woman), has your wife or partner stayed with you after your transition (and surgery)?
    Four months after I came out to her, my wife told me to leave. I started transition the day I left. About 10% of us who are married stay together with our spouses post transition. Those marriages are often sexless, as best I can tell.

    Have you remained faithful to each other sexually and how is sex accomplished (in general, not in detail)?
    N/A for me - but if it's going to happen, it's going to be essentially lesbian sex between two women. Even pre-op, this is really the case. It's really nothing like having sex as a male.

    Have you wondered what sex with a male would feel like now that you have the vagina?
    No, I wondered what having sex with a male would feel like for a long time before I started my transition! I don't have to wonder now, as I have a boyfriend, although I still don't have a vagina. I am very much looking forward to finally having proper intercourse post-op. I really disliked having sex with women - it just seemed to be the only choice I had.

  5. #230
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    Thank you all, ladies. I see there are a variety of different situations, both in the partner situations and the degree of physical transition. It's good to know that some marriages stay together and it must take a lot of love for that to happen. I wish you all the best.

  6. #231
    New Member vanessalaw's Avatar
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    My wife was very supportive in the beginning, but the further I got into my transition the more difficult it became for her.
    I understand though, it's a very tough spot for a spouse to be in, she didn't ask or want my transition. We divorced a few months after I started hormones.
    It hurt for a long long time, I was angry, depressed, resentful. But I moved past that. I turned her world upside down, and she is a blessed person for having supported me so long.
    I think it worked out the best for both of us. I'm happily married now to a man I love dearly, and I think if we'd stayed together it would have made us both miserable in the end.

  7. #232
    Member Abby Kae's Avatar
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    Did you ever NOT know that you were a woman? It seems that a statistically significant portion of the transgender women here have always known that something wasn't quite right for them.

    For me, it's never been so cut and dry. For many years, I've been able to live a masculine, male life without feeling like I was faking it. But as I discovered more and more about how much I want (even need) to be feminine, I started asking myself more questions that I've never contemplated before. "Is this why my favorite presents at my 4th birthday were a My Little Pony doll and a Barbie?"

    "In all the video games I've played as female characters, is it really because I just like the view from the back?"

    Is it even possible to come to this realization so far down life's road?

    I don't know who or what I am, and I don't think I ever have... but while the idea that I'm transgender (or gender fluid) seems to fit a lot of my puzzle pieces together, I feel like I'm missing some sort of core thing that definitively states, "Yes. You're a woman."

    Am I broken? Doomed to never know who I really am?
    Last edited by Rianna Humble; 07-13-2015 at 11:16 PM. Reason: This forum is gender neutral

  8. #233
    trans punk Badtranny's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Abby Kae View Post
    Did you ever NOT know that you were a woman? It seems that a statistically significant portion of the transgender women here have always known that something wasn't quite right for them.
    Be careful of what you read here. There is no vetting for honesty or identity. We pretty much take everyone at their word, which is fine for surface relationships but very bad for actionable intel.
    In my view, a transition shouldn't even be considered if you never had any gender dysphoric feelings as a child. Some may disagree but transition is so damn difficult that I can't imagine doing it without the feeling of contentment in my bones.

    . "Is this why my favorite presents at my 4th birthday were a My Little Pony doll and a Barbie?"
    Perhaps, but be very careful about reaching back and plucking out selective memories. Many young girls would not be happy to receive such gifts, and many boys grew up playing with dolls to become regular straight dudes. I saw a comic once depicting a little boy playing with a baby doll as a horrified woman tells the mother "you shouldn't let your son play with dolls, or he might grow up to be..." the mother replied "a father?"

    Dolls and Ponies do not a little girl make.

    "In all the video games I've played as female characters, is it really because I just like the view from the back?"
    Thanks for bringing this up. Now please drop this ridiculous line of reasoning. I see it a lot on this forum from the younger crowd. Maybe I'm just a cranky old lady, but do yourself a favor and try not to bring video games into serious discussions about grown up issues. It tends to have a negative impact your credibility.


    I don't know who or what I am, and I don't think I ever have... but while the idea that I'm transgender (or gender fluid) seems to fit a lot of my puzzle pieces together, I feel like I'm missing some sort of core thing that definitively states, "Yes. You're a woman."

    Am I broken? Doomed to never know who I really am?
    Broken? probably. regular men don't have these questions. Are you a woman? Probably not, it is a pretty rare thing after all. Should you transition? I wouldn't advise it. It's really a bad idea, even if you feel completely normal afterwards. I would've rather taken a pill to make me a normal dude. My life was good then.

    I think you should find a therapist and do some self discovery. Maybe you're gay, or gender queer, or maybe you're just a standard straight male CD. Maybe you're a real live transsexual and you need HRT and transition to sort it out. Who knows? At the end of the day, only the shadow knows. Your shadow.
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  9. #234
    Country Gal.... Megan G's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Abby Kae View Post
    For many years, I've been able to live a masculine, male life without feeling like I was faking it.
    This jumps out at me a little, that you were able to live a masculine life and not feel that you were faking it. While I lead a good life I always had issues knowing that I was not being completely honest with myself. I overcompensated to try and prove my masculinity.

    I am not going to say your this or that as I believe that is an answer you need to come to yourself. My only recommendation is get a good therapist and work thru your feelings.

    Am I broken? Doomed to never know who I really am?
    Nope your not broken, you suffer from the condition called "being human"....

    The answers you seek are inside..

  10. #235
    New Member Ayadooo's Avatar
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    Q1. would you like to surprise your partner (female/male) who met you several days ago ?
    Q2. transgendering ,, is it more about the personality ,, or more about having a special life as a special person who is demanded by people ??

  11. #236
    Silver Member I Am Paula's Avatar
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    Q1- Yes, with some flowers, or a cake.
    Q2- transgender is not a verb.

    Please try to restate your questions.

  12. #237
    Member Contessa's Avatar
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    No I don't think that I was really abused but a little by my mom would may have just over punished her child. But maybe I did do some to cope, and then also to living with an over bearing wife for over forty years. But don't alot circumstances happen that may be the same for others in this community. I am 24/7 and have been for about 5 years. I've finished my transition by what I will do, no BA no FFS no SRS. I am just a happy little old lady. Haven changed my name nor my voice. My only thing is I still love women and always will even when though I not with one. Once I heard from behind me I had gotten on a trolley "What a beautiful man," I said nothing to the lady because she said beautiful I could live with that. There have been a lot of things said to me but I still go about my life as a woman and will for the rest of my days cause its me and I want to. And also most everyone who knows me Call Me Connie or Contessa

    Connie
    Is this what you are asking
    [COLOR="blue"]Contessa Marie D

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  13. #238
    Aspiring Member Georgette_USA's Avatar
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    My question is on long term health problems. I am a 65 year old woman at this point.
    I had SRS in 1977 at 26. Had HRT from 1975-85 then stopped. We never had blood tests to monitor Estrogen/Testosterone levels.
    Looking for any long timers that can relate any medical problems related to the whole MtF TS.
    My partner died in 2014 at 79, lung cancer. Since then I have started to search out any tests to have done.
    Had a mammogram, Bone Density, PSA, Testosterone levels, Heavy treadmill heart tests.

    Georgette

  14. #239
    Aspiring Member Cristy2's Avatar
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    What is some of the things one should look for when searching for a therapist?

  15. #240
    Member Kimberly Kael's Avatar
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    Ideally? Experience with the trans community, especially someone who specializes in gender identity. Of course that's not always available or practical. I would look for someone who wants to listen and ask probing questions over someone who wants to offer a specific set of answers or course of action. Asking around at local support groups can be useful but beware of the therapist that everyone loves because they'll sign off on anything, no questions asked. You don't want a gatekeeper who withholds treatment until you jump through hoops but you do want someone who makes you take your time to think and provides information before expecting you to make life-changing decisions.
    Last edited by Kimberly Kael; 03-12-2016 at 11:25 AM.
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  16. #241
    Aspiring Member Cristy2's Avatar
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    Thank you for the info, Kimberly. I spent so many years trying to hide from it and had jobs that made it very easy to bury it, but now I do not have that luxury and it is time to quit running and grab the tiger by the tail.

  17. #242
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    Couple of questions...

    1. I've been told to have sex before starting any transitioning. Any thoughts?

    2. I've noticed a tendency for those who are fully transitioned or going to fully transition to look down upon those who will not or cannot alter their genitalia. I personally have been flat out dismissed and shoved out of groups simply because I honestly do not know if I'll be able to have true SRS. Thoughts?

  18. #243
    Silver Member I Am Paula's Avatar
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    Kimberly, your choice to have SRS or not is entirely you own. You are just as much of a woman either way. It's nobody's business, nor will anybody else ever know.
    Your transition is yours alone.
    Re: question 1- wether you have sex now, or never can't effect transition. It's like saying you can't transition til you've used an elevator.

  19. #244
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    Nevermind.
    Last edited by TSKimberly; 06-01-2016 at 05:13 PM.

  20. #245
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    Quote Originally Posted by TSKimberly View Post
    1. I've been told to have sex before starting any transitioning. Any thoughts?
    I don't understand, what's that got to do Transition?

  21. #246
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    Yikes, Kimberly ... sort it out!

    1) You don't need to have sex as a male if you don't want to.
    2) You don't need sex to find a partner.
    3) USING sex to get a partner is manipulative.
    4) Establishing a relationship based on your birth sex, yet intending to transition and not disclosing, is dishonest.
    5) Groups can do whatever they want. Don't like one, find another. Don't like any, don't bother.

    SRS decisions are intensely personal. I'm not sure who "most members" are, but in fact, most trans people do not have SRS for a variety of reasons.

    Focus on what you need to do.
    Lea

  22. #247
    Country Gal.... Megan G's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LeaP View Post
    Yikes, Kimberly ... sort it out! .
    Yes times 2

    If that is your current thought process Kimberly I really think you need to sort a few things out before you involve anyone else or get involved with someone..

  23. #248
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    So... Basically, what I'm reading/hearing is that I shouldn't be thinking about transitioning at all at this current time?

  24. #249
    Silver Member I Am Paula's Avatar
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    Wether you transition or not is one thing. Nobody has suggested that you don't do it.
    What everybody here is saying is that sex (the act) and gender are not related.

  25. #250
    Aspiring Member MissDanielle's Avatar
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    I know plenty of trans women who were virgins before they started transitioning.

    Some of us experience dysphoria if we are placed into the "male role" during sex.

    I suggest finding a good therapist if you haven't done so already.
    I'm a nice Jewish girl.

    I'm not a girl, Not yet a woman.

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