Ask a Transexual

[Aprilrain]

I kinda always kept the potential of "going back" in the background as a coping strategy, I knew I woudn't but it was comforting at the beginning to think that I could go back if I were making a mistake. The only step that felt totally permanent to me was SRS but by the time I did that I was well past the point of no return mentally and emotionally.

[arbon]

At what point during your HRT did you know you couldn't "go back" because the physical changes were too much? And at that point, how did it feel?

I did not answer the question very well. I have been on HRT for over 4 years and the physical changes have not been so significant that I could not go back if I wanted to. Stop the hrt and cut my hair, and I could do it fairly easily, if I wanted. I have not had FFS or a BA or SRS.....

The hardest part would be the legal and social change again.

[Rachel Smith]

Shortly after starting HRT. I would say about 3 weeks or a month when the incessent lightning bolts stopped in my head.

[kkaye]

I intend to make physical changes of permanent facial hair removal and eventual limited hormone treatment. But, absolutely no intentions of losing my package, or anything that will affect it. My question is. Do any of your girls have recommendations.

[Aprilrain]

My recommendation is don't touch hormones if you don't want anything affecting your "package."

[Angela Campbell]

took just a few weeks to lose the "morning wood" after about 2 years it will not function at all in a male way. Testicles are pretty much gone. As April said....if you want your "package" unaffected, stay away from hormones.

As far as limited use.....you don't get to pick and choose the results.

[Nigella]

To be blunt, don't consider any changes that you cannot undo. As you have been advised, hrt is not something that is limited, the results are variable in what happens to your body, however, the package will be affected. Stay away from HRT, it's not a toy.

[TIFFANY B]

At what point in your life did you know it was time to transition.

[steph1964]

I knew it was time to transition when I realized that I wouldn't be living much longer if I didn't. I thought that transitioning would ruin my life. I was married, have 2 children, a good career and a house. I thought that I would lose everything. I was hospitalized twice for stroke symptoms ( likely due to stress) and I was very depressed. I knew that if I didn't transition then I would either have a stroke or end up committing suicide.

It turns out that it was one of the best decisions I've ever made. Although my wife and I separated, we are still good friends. My family and friends accepted me and I'm now happily living as a woman.

Transitioning is very hard and has the potential to devastate your life, so it shouldn't be taken lightly. But when I hit bottom, there wasn't really another option.

[Rianna Humble]

I knew it was time to transition when becoming whole was more important to me than any potential losses (family, friends, career progression, return to politics ...).
Some of those losses have materialised, others not, but those that have were a price worth paying.

[Jorja]

If my parents would have helped me, I would have transitioned as young as possible. I had to wait until I was 23 and had a few dollars saved up before I could even consider it.

[Angela Campbell]

I knew when I realized that when I was the boy all i could think about was the girl. When I was the girl, I never thought about the boy.

[Kimberly Kael]

Much like Rianna I finally made the leap once I no longer feared all the potential losses that I risked by transitioning. A huge part of conclusion only came about after getting enough practical experience in public that I knew I wouldn't be a complete social pariah.

[I Am Paula]

I started getting physically ill, or I'd have long bouts of crying, at the thought of presenting male. Sometimes it would take me an hour to get dressed (male) in the morning.

[Tina_gm]

What is your take on GD? by that I mean, is it how much you do or did not like the male parts and body, or that you wished and liked that which was more female/feminine? I do not know if what I feel is GD. If it is, so be it. The only thing I truly detest about me as a male is body hair. I like the feminine aspects of myself, and would like more of them. It is like for me, it is not how wrong it is to be male, or to present as one, but how right I feel or would as a female and to present as one. Is this considered GD?

[Melissa King]

I have 2 questions, so I'll separate them for ease of answering.

As it's not been long since I've begun being open to both family and friends, I have troubles manipulating my voice to sound female (My voice isn't exactly deep either, but I can hear the difference when I talk to female friends). What did you do to help yourself get by this stage and what tips could you give me?

This one I have to be straight forward with. After transitioning and the healing process, how is sex? Was it better than your birth sex or equal or perhaps worse? Most youtube videos or information sites you can watch or read don't explain into this area (or not that I've found). Understandably, everybody is different so results would vary from person to person.

[Rachel Smith]

Gendermutt

For me GD was mind numbing. Couldn't really focus on anything, just had lightning bolt random thoughts all day.

Didn't hate my male parts.

Your last ? would be best answered with the help of a qualified therapist.

[Ann Louise]

Melissa,

Voice continues to be a challenge for many of us, myself certainly included. One of my dearest friends, a beautiful trans woman who transitioned quite a while ago, is so discouraged by her voice that she's remarked to me that she "...just can't do it." Public clockings, frowns and attitudes accordingly follow her nearly where ever she goes, and it's so sad because the incongruity is so great between her natural beauty and that darn voice. It takes a toll, surely.

I didn't allow myself to go there though. Although you may find courses of voice training specifically directed towards trans girls, they seem to be expensive, and typically include the particular proclivities of trainer which you may or may not find suit you. Similarly, there are likely actual voice trainers in your area perhaps, who for a respectable hourly fee will be able to help you out. Don't forget your checkbook though.

Fortunately, there is a mishmash of trans "voice" things on the net, YouTube for example. I would suggest taking as broad a sampling of what's out there on the net as time permits, and Try Them, no matter how stupid or embarrassing it might seem at first. I floundered for many months, then, one day during a seemingly futile training session, seemed to brake out into a higher range within which I still continue to practice each and every day, all day, with everyone. I think it's an attitude of confidence as much as working within the physical limitations that all that testosterone left us with. Once you think you're "there," no matter how tenuous, stay "there" and don't go back to your lower range Ever. You are to train your brain to accept that this new range is your "true" range, and you can only do that by it continually and repetitively ringing it in your head through your ears. And lose that monotone if you've got one - it's more than range and pitch. I've found comfort in a range surrounding the note D(4) on the piano, which leaves a bit of range above that for nice inflections of my voice to express myself better.

Sex? I lost my libido early on in HRT, but after a year or so stirrings began to return through the familiar old mechanisms of meeting new attractive people, taking in nice looking men and women in public, and of course, the net. My pre-op attempts at reaching the Big O were rather futile at first, but nonetheless, became successful. Post-op sex? I've only been out of surgery for three months, but I would say that I absolutely have an interest in sex, but my take on it is different than in days of yore. I want to meet new, interesting men and women, gain friendship and an emotional linkage with them, and then we shall see what we shall see. Based on what I've been told, I am not expecting the mega-earthquake type of orgasms that males might have, but hey, if a mega-O comes my way, I'm ready. Meow (=^_^=)

[MsVal]

I am walking down the road blissfully going further and further without a destination in mind or an end in sight. I will remain a CD ... unless that changes.

For those who did not know from their earliest years, those that learned somewhere in adulthood that they were not a CD, but TS instead. How did it come about that you learned that about yourself? I want to know about your inflection point.

Best wishes
MsVal

[BilliG]

I am blessed with the ability to present in either gender quite convincingly. I would prefer to be 100% female but since I am married my wife has requested that I be present as her husband half the time. I am early in my transition and I feel for the sake of my daughter (10) and wife, that I should go slower. This has caused some problems though. Let me give an example:
We were on vacation recently. My wife met a lovely lady and her 10 year old daughter and struck up a friendship that lasted the week. I was on the beach in male presentation when I met her.
For the rest of the week my wife asked me to not come down to the beach in female presentation. I complied but it felt bad. I don't have an answer for "part time" transitions. It's quite easy if you are anonymous. I didn't want to make this lady and her daughter uncomfortable since it is their vacation too and my wife and daughter were enjoying thermselves. It would hard to explain and uncomfortable for everyone when you know someone.
I have so many questions. Anyone with experience?
For me it would be much easier to present 100% as female. I think it just makes me look like a very confused person to come down one day as male and the next as female. Even I am not comfortable doing it. How can I expect others to understand and be comfortable?
I wouldnt know how to begin explaining it.
Anyone else been at this stage? Suggestions?

I think it just takes practice and experimentation. The male voice is dynamic and is certainly able to reach the tones in female. I have a link which might be helpful: http://lena.kiev.ua/voice/

http://lena.kiev.ua/voice/

I have 2 questions, so I'll separate them for ease of answering.

As it's not been long since I've begun being open to both family and friends, I have troubles manipulating my voice to sound female (My voice isn't exactly deep either, but I can hear the difference when I talk to female friends). What did you do to help yourself get by this stage and what tips could you give me?

This one I have to be straight forward with. After transitioning and the healing process, how is sex? Was it better than your birth sex or equal or perhaps worse? Most youtube videos or information sites you can watch or read don't explain into this area (or not that I've found). Understandably, everybody is different so results would vary from person to person.

[Jennifer-GWN]

For me on the voice side I'm working to maintain a range between G3 to D4. My therapist wants to see 5 tonal steps consistently and solid with resonance capacity. D4 is tricky beyond projecting loudly the Vowels. But regularly work through the alphabet with resonance fluctuations and tonal variances.

[Krisi]

"Ask a Transexual":

Ok, here goes. It's a practical question and a bit personal, I hope you don't mind.

If you are married or in a "permanent" relationship (with a woman), has your wife or partner stayed with you after your transition (and surgery)? Have you remained faithful to each other sexually and how is sex accomplished (in general, not in detail)? Have you wondered what sex with a male would feel like now that you have the vagina?

Thanks

[Jamie M]

Hi krisi,

I'm two years full time, about 16months HRT and planning for surgery sometime late next year if everything goes well. My partner and I are technically still married although we now just refer to each other as our partners. It has been an incredibly hard and long road for both us to stay together and we've come very close to parting because of the very reasons you have mentioned above. She is in no way gay and I am very definitely Bi sexual. Long story short we are now in a platonic and non sexual relationship. Sex is an issue for both of us and does crop up from time to time but so far we are making it work and not focusing on the physical side we are both missing ( for my part the addition of decapeptyl anti androgen helped me immensely in that department ! ) .

Will things continue like this indefinitely ? Your guess is as good as mine and I did have a great deal of difficulty not overthinking that question. My counsellor and I spent a lot of time figuring out the difference between sticking our heads in the sand over the issue and realising that a decision about our future did not have to be made right now. We are getting on and our relationship is working for now, that's all we need for now and we'll let the future figure itself out.

We have both discussed the idea of sex outside the relationship in a hypothetical way and we both know that for us, that would not work. If we are going to be together then we can't be splitting ourselves elsewhere. that's just us and it might work for others but for now and the foreseeable future , sex in not in the equation for either of us

Hope that helps ,
Jamie

[Jorja]

Krisi,
While the usual out come is a divorce or breakup of the relationship , there are some relationships and marriages that do survive. We have at least one for sure and maybe two or three couples on this very forum that have survived transition, FFS and GRS. It can be done but it takes two very special people to do it.

[Nigella]

Ok, here goes. It's a practical question and a bit personal, I hope you don't mind.

If you are married or in a "permanent" relationship (with a woman), has your wife or partner stayed with you after your transition (and surgery)?

Yes, she is one of the Admins on this forum, she has supported me throughout my transition, despite being given the "opportunity" to walk away if she wanted to

Have you remained faithful to each other sexually and how is sex accomplished (in general, not in detail)?

Yes we have been faithful to each other in all aspects of our marriage, the marriage is not and never has been about sex or sexuality, it has always been about love and partnership. Sex, after HRT and surgery, has been just as two women having a relationship.

Have you wondered what sex with a male would feel like now that you have the vagina?

I guess I would be lying if I said no, but then again, I believe that cis people have at some time thought about sex with another man, or woman, it is then down to the individual on whether they act upon that thought.