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Thread: Ask a Transexual

  1. #276
    Senior Member Melissa Rose's Avatar
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    All of my closest friends are cis-women with one exception and I work with almost all cis-women. I am more comfortable working with and being friends with women than with men.

  2. #277
    Member Mirya's Avatar
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    GBJoker, why do you feel uncomfortable around cis women? It's one thing to feel a bit uneasy around them, but if you're going out of your way to avoid contact, that's another thing entirely. Why do you think that is?

  3. #278
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    I absolutely adore the company of women. The friendships I have with them have been the best in my life.

  4. #279
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    I sort of understand what you are getting at GBJoker. Particularly early in transition it can be very daunting as you are constantly thinking of a group of women "do they accept me as a woman or are they just being polite and then laughing at me behind my back".

    That being said I don't have particular prediliction for associating with either gender spectacularly though I probably connect with women more than men.

    But men are soooooo gullible and eager to please it can be fun to play with them and mess with their heads sometimes (in a safe, fun way of course).
    Last edited by Kate T; 10-08-2016 at 02:04 AM.

  5. #280
    What is normal anyway? Rianna Humble's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by GBJoker View Post
    Random thought I wanted to pose to others here. Despite how much several of us want to be female as much as possible within physical and financial restraints, does any one feel uncomfortable being around GGs?
    I'm sorry, Joker, you are well wide of the mark here. None of the transitioners in this section want to be female. Either we are here because we are female misclassified as male at birth, or we are here because we are male misclassified as female at birth.

    As to my answer to your question, I feel very comfortable in the presence of GGs, I also feel comfortable in the presence of trans women, trans men, non binary people and GM's unless any particular individual is hostile to LGBT+ people in which case I might feel uncomfortable because of their attitude or actions.
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  6. #281
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    Mirya: I know why. But I can't say it here. Besides, as Rianna's post shows, words alone are enough to generate a buzz; I'm not going to post ideas.

    Kate T: That's not what I'm having going through my head, but was wondering if any one else had that or something else going through their head.

    All: Thanks for answers.
    Last edited by GBJoker; 10-08-2016 at 04:55 PM.

  7. #282
    Aspiring Member Georgette_USA's Avatar
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    My experiences were/are all over the place. Pre-teen not many girls around other than in school. Teen years were a very mix, not many girls wanted to hang with some nerdy boy, not many nerdy girls.

    At family affairs would spend much time with the Aunts and Grand Mother.

    In Navy no females around. Early days at work it was mostly men. Did hang with one woman I worked with, I think she knew what I was going through. Told her I loved this one pair of pants she had, and she gave them to me. After I started working as female, we ALL would go have a drink after work.

    When out on my own, I always tend to talk with other women. Some know some don't, so we can talk about our shared experiences. Easier for me to talk with other woman, seldom start talking with men.

    Only recently have I been with other TG people much, but I still gravitate toward cis females mostly. Love dancing with them, not many of my TG friends will dance, but I am working on them.

    I also have quite a few Gay men friends, we can talk about all kinds of things, without the expectations of sex in the way.

  8. #283
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    Quote Originally Posted by GBJoker View Post
    Kate T: That's not what I'm having going through my head, but was wondering if any one else had that or something else going through their head.
    Apologies GB, I did not intend to assign thoughts or experiences that were not your own.

    I actually find myself enjoying the company of men more now I've transitioned, at least civilised polite men. That is mostly because now I can respond and behave naturally around them without having to deliberately construct an appropriate expected response.

    Plenty of women do NOT like associating with other women. I'm the closest thing my wife has to a "girlfriend" and believe me she is very very female.

  9. #284
    Silver Member Tina_gm's Avatar
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    Was any of you who identify as TS ever comfortable as a male, or man? Did you ever felt happy as a man? Up until 2012, I was just a regular guy with one exception... But I completely identified as and was comfortable as a man, felt happy being one. Specifically on my wedding day in 2012, I remember feeling such an immense pride as being the husband of my wife. Later that year I opened the pandoras box so to speak. Things are just not as clear as they once used to be.
    Chickens should be allowed to cross the road without having their motives questioned

  10. #285
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    To put it in a nutshell, yep for 48 years I never had any thought of transitioning. Yep I was different to the boys I grew up with, not so much into the "macho" sports/activities, but not into the more feminine pursuits. I was comfortable with living as a male, followed the typical male work pattern, steelworker, Armed Forces and so on. GD hit me at a late point in life, but I have never regretted my past. I was not sure what triggered my GD, but I have no problems with living my life now instead of then.
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  11. #286
    Member Mirya's Avatar
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    I'm almost 40 and started transitioning a year ago. I was able to survive with gender dysphoria for as long as I did because I avoided all gender-specific situations. Growing up, I always hated it when my father told me to "be a man" or "man up". As I grew older, I avoided doing "manly" activities. I did not hang out with groups of men. And when it came to dating, as much as I wanted to be around women, I did not want to date them, because that would put me in a male gender role. I never married, never had kids, never even had a girlfriend (plenty of girls asked me out though!)

    Eventually this type of lifestyle, which was more about coping and surviving rather than living, became impossible. I had no friends left, because I was effectively living a life in isolation. So, despite my conservative religious upbringing (which was a big reason why I never allowed myself to explore my gender identity), I stopped hiding it. I gave myself permission to get out there, meet transgender people for the first time, see a gender therapist, and ultimately decide to transition.

    So to answer your question, gendermutt, no. I have never, ever been comfortable as a male for as long as I can remember. But it was somewhat manageable if I never put myself into a male gender role.

  12. #287
    Member MonicaJean's Avatar
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    gendermutt, I only identified as male up until I turned 43, which nearly coincided with my "a-ha!" moment of realizing that I was indeed trans. After going thru 2+ years of transition, I can see why I never truly felt at home in my own skin up until that time. It took me feeling and experiencing this side of transition to understand the depth of the first 4 decades as the 'before' me. I'm 46 now.
    Thankful for crossdressers.com, great people here have helped me realize who I really am on the inside. (formerly michelle1)

  13. #288
    Member shellybme's Avatar
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    Did any of you start out as a crossdresser only and then as time went on you wanted to become more and more feminine to the point you realized that you are a transexual?
    [FO

  14. #289
    Member Mirya's Avatar
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    "wanted to become more and more feminine" is not an accurate way to describe it. It's nothing like that at all.

    While I did used to think that I was a crossdresser, the realization that I'm a transsexual came about not from a desire to be more feminine, but from an honest introspection of myself. For me, that involved meeting other crossdressers, transsexuals, and non-binary people in real life - spending time with them, talking to them, and really getting to know them. It involved sessions with a gender therapist. I kept a daily journal to collect my thoughts. I carefully examined my social interactions with boys and girls and men and women through all stages of my life starting from early childhood. And in trying to understand the reasons why I was dressing, I came to understand my true gender identity as a woman.

    It actually didn't take that long once I started searching. From the moment I started meeting other transgender people for the first time, to the realization that I'm a transsexual, it was about 6 months. When you meet other trans people and really get to know them, it helps you to understand yourself that much more.

    Once I realized I'm a woman and accepted myself for who I really am inside, I actually started becoming less feminine, at least with regard to my clothing choices. Since I knew I was a woman, I no longer felt it necessary to dress in overly feminine clothing to express who I am, because I knew who I am. That was a year ago, and since then, I can count on one hand the number of times I've worn a dress. And I haven't worn a skirt at all since then.

    Some additional thoughts about crossdressers 'becoming' transsexuals... I put 'becoming' in quotes because you don't actually change from one to the other. You were always a crossdresser, or always a transsexual, from the moment you were born. Our gender identities are formed in the pre-natal stage, while still in the womb, when the epigenetic development of our brains causes us to be a transgender person. By the time you reach the age of 3, your gender identity has been formed. It might take a long while for you to realize what your gender identity really is, but it's always been the same and it doesn't change.

    So when looking back at one's life, it's very common (I'd even argue that it's essential) for a transsexual to have experienced some sort of body or social dysphoria from long before puberty. In fact, when getting my letters for SRS, the two therapists specifically asked me 'what was your earliest memory of gender dysphoria?' In my case, I had multiple instances where I experienced GD as early as age 5 or 6, but I kept those thoughts to myself and tried to bury them, realizing even at that young age that I'd get into trouble if I spoke about or acted on them.

    It's not a matter of asking yourself 'am I feminine enough to be a transsexual?" Rather, the question you need to be asking yourself is, 'what is my true gender identity?'

    And regardless of what the answer is, and who you are and where you are on the transgender spectrum, embrace it. Be proud of it. Whether you're a CD, or a TS, or a non-binary TG of some kind, accept yourself and love yourself. You're wonderful just as you are, as long as you are true to yourself.
    Last edited by Mirya; 01-24-2017 at 03:32 PM.

  15. #290
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    I agree with Mirya mostly. I didn't have GD pre-puberty, so that is probably my one disagreement.

    Being transsexual is about your sense of self. If you want to be more feminine or if you want to dress more, it is likely stages of crossdressing. There are many transsexuals who will tell you that they aren't that effeminate. It isn't a requirement. There are all kinds of women who are more masculine. I think this is where some get confused as they attribute various stages of crossdressing (getting out more, feeling "girly") with being transsexual and they aren't. A transsexual may feel this way, but it isn't a sign in itself.

    So the self examination is important. You have to understand the whys of what you do and not the actual acts themselves.

  16. #291
    Call me Pam pamela7's Avatar
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    Hi Shelly,
    I feel the late-onset TS, like myself, don't have such an obvious lifelong dysphoria, even with a lengthy and deep introspection. We are more likely to CD first and find ourselves in a journey that keeps getting deeper.

    I agree with Mirya about a considerable effort of introspection, looking back, and there are signs to be read in experiences all through life. What's the difference between a CIS boy who liked to wear his granny's clip-on earrings and lipstick, and a late-onset TS who realises she liked that experience for a whole other reason? The answer lies in a whole series of little episodes which join up to show a consistent pattern. It was there, we just did not see it before.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dJFyz73MRcg
    I used to believe this, now I'm in the company of many tiggers. A tigger does not wonder why she is a tigger, she just is a tigger.

    thanks to krististeph: tigger = TG'er .. T-I-GG-er

  17. #292
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    Liking granny's clips and lipstick has nothing to do with being TS. If you think so, you are greatly fooling yourself.

  18. #293
    What is normal anyway? Rianna Humble's Avatar
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    Sue, I think that Pamela was using that as an example of where the same behaviour can be experienced by someone who is TS and by someone who isn't. She then went on to point out that the way to tell is by a series of other indications. In other words she is not saying that this is the way to tell.
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  19. #294
    Call me Pam pamela7's Avatar
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    That would be a correct interpretation, Rianna. It's a whole different experience to have lifelong hiding the truth from everyone else (one typical experience here), and hiding it from yourself (and therefore also accidentally from everyone else), which takes a lot more digging and unpicking. There are a myriad of ways in which a person can feel different or alienated from others - such as autism, sociopathy, neuro-diversity, social access, early life traumas, as well a possibly gender identity difference, to be considered as factors which might make the gender ID eventually invalid. All these things require due and deep consideration. And at the same time there's no point navel-gazing all the time.

    In the end, you will know because you did not regret the GRS.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dJFyz73MRcg
    I used to believe this, now I'm in the company of many tiggers. A tigger does not wonder why she is a tigger, she just is a tigger.

    thanks to krististeph: tigger = TG'er .. T-I-GG-er

  20. #295
    Aspiring Member Georgette_USA's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by pamela7 View Post
    In the end, you will know because you did not regret the GRS.
    That is not the time and a bit late to be sure.

  21. #296
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    Quote Originally Posted by pamela7 View Post

    In the end, you will know because you did not regret the GRS.
    I agree with Georgia on this one. I was late onset, initially considering myself "just a crossdresser". I even lived 24/7 before even considering any "medical intervention", HRT, SRS etc. I was not sure how I coped living male for 40 odd years, but GD hit me very late on.

    However to the point of your post I have quoted, that is why we have "gatekeepers". I believe in my case they were thorough enough to determine that SRS was the right road for me, the therapy and HRT regimen determined that.

    If you regret having SRS you should not have passed the "gatekeeper" in the first place and you have been failed.
    Listen carefully to what is said, quite often you can hear what is not being said

    The joy of correcting a mistake can bring pain to another

  22. #297
    Call me Pam pamela7's Avatar
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    Agreed, but that is for sure an irrevocable test, that was my point.
    Has anyone ever regretted? I ask cos presently, the system is overly biased towards avoiding such errors.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dJFyz73MRcg
    I used to believe this, now I'm in the company of many tiggers. A tigger does not wonder why she is a tigger, she just is a tigger.

    thanks to krististeph: tigger = TG'er .. T-I-GG-er

  23. #298
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    Quote Originally Posted by pamela7 View Post
    In the end, you will know because you did not regret the GRS.
    I love it when someone with zero personal experience makes an authoritative statement such as this.

    Go have your surgery pamela7, then let the people here who desperately need qualified knowledge know if you did the right thing.

  24. #299
    Call me Pam pamela7's Avatar
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    i'd love to see some qualified knowledge expressed here. Let's see some. I guess 18 months 24/7 is zero experience, nice to know.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dJFyz73MRcg
    I used to believe this, now I'm in the company of many tiggers. A tigger does not wonder why she is a tigger, she just is a tigger.

    thanks to krististeph: tigger = TG'er .. T-I-GG-er

  25. #300
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    And are you post-GRS? That is the question.

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