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Thread: Ask a Transexual

  1. #76
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    Knowing many Transsexual women, I find the further we travel away from Trans-land and become normal functioning women in society, the less important the terminology becomes to us.

  2. #77
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jorja View Post
    Knowing many Transsexual women, I find the further we travel away from Trans-land and become normal functioning women in society, the less important the terminology becomes to us.
    I like hearing that. You're fully integrated back into the world as women, not in-betweeners or newbs. You're not fretting about whether you're a CD or a TG or a TS or a...whatever. You're able to live your life with all that garbage behind you and are more concerned with other, more important, aspects of life.

  3. #78
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    The problem is, some can never get to that point.

  4. #79
    Senior Member stefan37's Avatar
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    To get to that point of fully integrating takes a long time, and I am not even close to that point yet. At present I am at a very awkward phase for myself and those around me. Those that are there or have been there know what I talk of.
    "When failure is off the table the only thing left is to negotiate levels of success" M Hobbes

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  5. #80
    Just A Simple Girl Michelle.M's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jorja View Post
    Knowing many Transsexual women, I find the further we travel away from Trans-land and become normal functioning women in society, the less important the terminology becomes to us.
    A very keen observation, indeed. And I'd agree.

    As for whether "tranny" is a derogatory term, I'd say that all the answers given so far are correct. It depends on a variety of factors such as context, who the speaker and the listener are, intent and environment.

    In my experience it's kind of like using the "N-word"; insiders can use it, but outsiders can't. In the circles in which I travel we sometimes use "tranny" to describe ourselves and other trans women but we don't want civilians saying that to us or about us.
    I've gone to find myself. If I should return before I get back keep me here to wait for me so I don't go back out and miss myself when I return.

  6. #81
    Member Kimberly Kael's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jorja View Post
    Knowing many Transsexual women, I find the further we travel away from Trans-land and become normal functioning women in society, the less important the terminology becomes to us.
    Understandably so. Once we're comfortably aligned again with the gender binary there are plenty of more pressing issues that we face, challenges that have a lot more in common with the general population. Just because we've got ours doesn't mean there isn't value in considering those who are still struggling, or who have yet to begin their journey. Spending time on forums like this one and donating to causes like LGBT youth shelters isn't about enriching me – it's about paying it forward, recognizing how much I benefited from the work of many who preceded me down this road.

    Quote Originally Posted by Badtranny View Post
    If the word tranny offends you then perhaps you should have some therapy to find out why you are wiling to give away so much power.
    I'm offended that the transgender populace is misunderstood and derided. That so many of us struggle for decades to come to terms with who we are, knowing full well how much negativity and violence is aimed at us collectively. I don't think concern for others and a desire to make the world a better place is a problem I need to work on. Nor do I demand that others take the same approach I do to improving matters. Disagreement is part of diversity, and I agree that you make a positive difference just by being out there, living a productive and rewarding life despite the stacked deck. Visibility is an important step for any minority when it comes to societal change.
    ~ Kimberly

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  7. #82
    trans punk Badtranny's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kimberly Kael View Post
    I'm offended that the transgender populace is misunderstood and derided. That so many of us struggle for decades to come to terms with who we are, knowing full well how much negativity and violence is aimed at us collectively. I don't think concern for others and a desire to make the world a better place is a problem I need to work on. Nor do I demand that others take the same approach I do to improving matters. Disagreement is part of diversity, and I agree that you make a positive difference just by being out there, living a productive and rewarding life despite the stacked deck. Visibility is an important step for any minority when it comes to societal change.
    Well, ...okay then.

    The only thing I'll add is being hyper sensitive or responding to every perceived slight, is not a good strategy for us or any marginalized community. It makes us look weak and reactionary. I prefer to look strong and unflappable.
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  8. #83
    Member Kimberly Kael's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Badtranny View Post
    The only thing I'll add is being hyper sensitive or responding to every perceived slight, is not a good strategy for us or any marginalized community.
    So true. There's a huge difference between finding teachable moments and flying into an indignant rage. I try for the former, and do my best to listen as well as speak. There's no value in being absolutist or expecting the rest of the world to be as informed about issues that are personally relevant to me.
    ~ Kimberly

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  9. #84
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    Did HRT or any part of your transition affect your sexual orientation? I've read that one's orientation can change and am curious about your experiences.

  10. #85
    Just A Simple Girl Michelle.M's Avatar
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    Nope! I was heterosexual before transition and I still am heterosexual post-transition.
    I've gone to find myself. If I should return before I get back keep me here to wait for me so I don't go back out and miss myself when I return.

  11. #86
    Member Kimberly Kael's Avatar
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    I think the terms heterosexual and homosexual can be ambiguous in the context of gender transition. Nobody's ever entirely sure what sex they're supposed to be relative to. That's one of the reasons why I identify as a lesbian, which makes matters a lot clearer. I guess we could try to popularize the terms gynophile or androphile, but that kind of sweeping change sounds like an uphill battle.

    Back to the original question: no, nothing has changed regarding who I am attracted to.
    ~ Kimberly

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  12. #87
    What is normal anyway? Rianna Humble's Avatar
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    I agree with Kimberly that the terms heterosexual and homosexual are at best ambiguous for a TS My Gender specialist prefers to talk in terms of whether you are attracted to men/women/both.

    I asked him early on about changing orientation and he said in his experience it can happen but not often. My attraction to other women has not changed so far.
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  13. #88
    Just A Simple Girl Michelle.M's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kimberly Kael View Post
    Nobody's ever entirely sure what sex they're supposed to be relative to.
    That may be true for you, but I am not the least bit unsure of whom I am attracted to. As for "what sex they're supposed to be relative to", I'm not sure what that means but the standard of "supposed to be" doesn't have to apply to anyone unless you want it to.

    Quote Originally Posted by Rianna Humble View Post
    I agree with Kimberly that the terms heterosexual and homosexual are at best ambiguous for a TS
    No, those terms have well-established definitions; not ambiguous at all.

    Quote Originally Posted by Rianna Humble View Post
    My Gender specialist prefers to talk in terms of whether you are attracted to men/women/both.
    That's sexual preference, and not the same thing as sexual orientation. For most of us sexual orientation and sexual preference match up, but that doesn't make the terms interchangeable.

    I believe that your therapist is correct; sexual orientation does not change, or at least not often. In your case, your sexual preference stayed the same, but by definition your orientation changed. Now you're a lesbian, before transition you were not.

    In my case I was heterosexual before transition and I still am, but the gender of my partners has changed.
    Last edited by Michelle.M; 07-29-2013 at 11:37 PM.
    I've gone to find myself. If I should return before I get back keep me here to wait for me so I don't go back out and miss myself when I return.

  14. #89
    Silver Member kellycan27's Avatar
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    My sexual preference didn't change.. In another thread I mentioned that people thought I was gay because I liked boys and at the time I looked like a boy.
    "one day I'll fly away..... leave all this to yesterday"

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  15. #90
    Member Kimberly Kael's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Michelle.M View Post
    That may be true for you, but I am not the least bit unsure of whom I am attracted to. As for "what sex they're supposed to be relative to", I'm not sure what that means but the standard of "supposed to be" doesn't have to apply to anyone unless you want it to.

    No, those terms have well-established definitions; not ambiguous at all.
    So when you say that you were heterosexual before and still are after transition, you mean you were attracted to women and are now attracted to men? Or that you were always attracted to men because you've always been female, but that people mistakenly read you as homosexual pre-transition? Or do you mean you've always been attracted to women, and don't care that for any observer who accepts you as a woman that you now appear homosexual?

    No, that's not the least bit ambiguous.

    I didn't mean that I was confused about my orientation, just that the words to describe it are confusing when you know I've transitioned and aren't sure whether it's relative to my assigned sex or gender identity.
    Last edited by Kimberly Kael; 07-30-2013 at 12:27 AM.
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  16. #91
    Just A Simple Girl Michelle.M's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kimberly Kael View Post
    So when you say that you were heterosexual before and still are after transition, you mean you were attracted to women and are now attracted to men?
    Exactly.

    I think we sense that this is ambiguous because we get confused about the working aspects of sexual orientation. Look at the root words. "Homo" comes from the Greek word for "same", as in homogenous (of the same kind), or homonym (two distinct words with the same sound). "Hetero" refers to the complement, the opposite number, the yin-yan relationship.

    Sexual orientation has nothing to do with a person's plumbing. My orientation has more to do with the person being my opposite number. Some of us began to explore that before transition, like kellycan27 who points out that people thought she was gay because she liked boys and at the time she looked like a boy.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kimberly Kael View Post
    . . . the words to describe it are confusing when you know I've transitioned and aren't sure whether it's relative to my assigned sex or gender identity.
    Got it. It only matters if you think it does, as this is your business. For me it's relative to my gender identity (and I'd guess that's probably true for others as well). I was in a heterosexual relationship with my boyfriend when I was pre-op; the same holds true for many of my friends.

    "Assigned sex" is based on how our bodies are configured, and the assignment is made when we're born. If you're a woman with a penis (gender identity) and you have a relationship with a straight man then you're likely to identify as a straight woman, irrespective of plumbing. If you prefer women and have a woman as a partner you probably identify as a lesbian, as many of my friends do. Some of these friends are post-op, but many are either pre-op or non-op.

    This doesn't have to be any more confusing than we make it. YOU are the one who gets to define yourself. My comments are meant to explain how I define it, and nothing more.
    I've gone to find myself. If I should return before I get back keep me here to wait for me so I don't go back out and miss myself when I return.

  17. #92
    Silver Member I Am Paula's Avatar
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    Without resorting to labeling sexual trysts as XX/XY or XY/XY we all feel we have to call it something. Cumbersome to say the least. Early in ones transition, it's easy to call sex with a man homo, but later, as a more female form is achieved, it becomes obviously hetero. So where did we cross THAT line? It would be so easiest if people stopped asking us our orientation.
    I yams what I yams-Popeye

  18. #93
    Just A Simple Girl Michelle.M's Avatar
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    Aside from eating and breathing, sex (and all things related) is probably the most universal aspect of human existence. It's the foundation of the propagation of life and human relationships. Yeah, it really is important.

    If people could have open and sensible discussions about sex and to do so without shame or embarrassment then we probably wouldn't have so many unplanned pregnancies and, even more importantly, there wouldn't be such xenophobia when it comes to accepting anyone whose sexual orientation is different than our own.

    I have no problem answering questions about my sexual orientation or how that was affected by my transition. Knowledge is understanding. That doesn't mean I share intimate details, but open, mature discussions about sex and sexual orientation? I'm in.
    Last edited by Rianna Humble; 07-31-2013 at 02:34 PM. Reason: quote from deleted post removed
    I've gone to find myself. If I should return before I get back keep me here to wait for me so I don't go back out and miss myself when I return.

  19. #94
    Gold Member Marleena's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dreamer_grl View Post
    Did HRT or any part of your transition affect your sexual orientation? I've read that one's orientation can change and am curious about your experiences.
    Hi Dreamer, sexual orientation usually does not usually change during transition. For Michelle her sexual preference changed. That does happen and is documented.
    I have confused people (what else is new )by stating I was straight while living a TG life as a guy(sexually attracted to women). Starting transition and still being sexually attracted to women well that would define me as a lesbian instead.

    The fact is every TS woman is actually female and always has been. So put simply if they were always sexually attracted to men they were always straight. If they were always sexually attracted to women that would make them lesbian.

    Hope that helps.
    Last edited by Marleena; 07-30-2013 at 11:24 AM.

  20. #95
    Silver Member I Am Paula's Avatar
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    I'm OK with the question, I just don't have a good answer.

    Dreamer_grl- For what it's worth, my therapist says HRT won't CHANGE your orientation. However, if you've been sitting on a fence about it, it may push you over.
    her opinion- pheromone receptors changing. Not scientific, but...who knows.
    Last edited by Rianna Humble; 07-31-2013 at 02:37 PM. Reason: Quote from deleted post removed

  21. #96
    Just A Simple Girl Michelle.M's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marleena View Post
    Hi Dreamer, sexual orientation usually does not usually change during transition. For Michelle it did, so yes it's possible and does happen and has been documented.
    I don't want to split hairs, but no, my sexual orientation did not change. My sexual preference did. The two are not synonymous.
    I've gone to find myself. If I should return before I get back keep me here to wait for me so I don't go back out and miss myself when I return.

  22. #97
    Gold Member Marleena's Avatar
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    @ Michelle. Fixed my original reply for you..

  23. #98
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    Sorry for the wording, ladies. I think you all still understood the question though and your answers are appreciated.

    I'm currently hetero with some slight bi interests, hoping to turn homo after transitioning. In other words, I like girls now and hope to keep that attraction to girls later. Time will tell.

  24. #99
    Member Kimberly Kael's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dreamer_grl View Post
    I like girls now and hope to keep that attraction to girls later. Time will tell.
    It will. I have zero evidence to back up the claim, but I suspect that for a lot of people what changes during transition isn't their fundamental attraction but rather the environmental factors that play into relationships. What does society have to say about your relationships? Ditto for your friends and family? Who feels comfortable showing interest in you in public? These all play a role of some kind in how we feel about ourselves and others.

    In my case, I took to lesbian pride like a fish to water. I don't mind being controversial,and I was already in a stable relationship with a woman I love deeply. So nothing changed, and everything changed.
    ~ Kimberly

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  25. #100
    Just A Simple Girl Michelle.M's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kimberly Kael View Post
    . . . but I suspect that for a lot of people what changes during transition isn't their fundamental attraction but rather the environmental factors that play into relationships.
    You may be on to something there. I see a lot of girls who get confused about what direction they should go instead of just letting things flow. Looks like you've got it figured out.
    I've gone to find myself. If I should return before I get back keep me here to wait for me so I don't go back out and miss myself when I return.

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