Ever feel overwhelmed?

[GroovyChristy]

Hey, all. I just wanted to see if anyone else has experienced what I'm experiencing. I love the feeling I get when I'm wearing women's clothing, but I am just now really getting into it. Sure, when I was little I would try on my mom's shoes and that kind of thing, and I've always felt a little out of place among male peers. Feeling feminine is completely normal and familiar to me, but the clothes, makeup, etc. are still mostly new. There is so much I need to learn. GGs have their moms or older sisters to mentor them in these things and they learn it throughout their childhood. CDs, T-girls, etc. are lucky if they have someone they can trust to talk to them about this and guide them through the process of trying to bring the inner girl to the outside.

So many new clothing options to look at, so much makeup stuff to learn about, shoes, tucking, walking like a woman, training your voice, breast forms, etc. This is all very exciting (despite my extreme anxiety about shopping in women's sections), but very overwhelming. I know that I want to pursue this, but it is such a daunting challenge. So I guess my reason for posting is to ask, how did you others start? How is the process going for you? No journey is easy to take alone, and this is the hardest I have faced, but it feels so right. This girl just needs a little advice and moral support.

[Nicole Erin]

Well with "walking like a woman", just try not to walk too much like a man.
With clothing - pay close attention to the styles of women your age and similar build/weight. Best to find stores that market to these women so you are not "guessing" as much with style. You eventually develop a sense for style but it takes some trial and error. Makeup - Just keep it basic.
With socialization - just really note how women interact with each other, how they interact with men etc. It takes some learning.
What NOT to do - don't waste time getting advice about "how to act like a woman" from other CD/TS cause many think they know it all but you would end up being a caricature of a woman. The Tg who will give bad advice about "acting like a woman" are the same ones who claim they just instinctively "know". TS are the worst about this. No they didn't just "know" they had to learn too. I am TS and I will not sit here and claim to know it all.

How did I start?
Got my first makeover at a store. Bought my first outfit at walmart - a black tee, black skirt, gold belt and some two inch heels. Bought a makeup wardrobe at some drug store (entry level makeup for learning, don't blow $200 on DEPT store makeup while learning) Learned a few things from an ex drag queen who was TG also. Once i was "out" I learned things from talking to female friends and relatives.

Here is a rough order of things you can do to start -
LEarn of your female clothing sizes and the basics of makeup. Buy at least one basic outfit (but stay away from "fetish" things like hoochie skirts or five inch heels) You will then at least have a starting look pulled together. Learn confidence if you plan on going out. But stay away from bad places and don't be walking the street at 3:00 AM like many beginner CD's do. Really observe how men and women behave. Yes, I said "men and women" cause you need to see what male habits you should break.

You have much to learn and the best place to learn is the real world. Not some tranny venue and not based on your hormones. check out websites about style, makeup etc.

Oh also - if you ever decide to start living full time as a woman, THEN things start getting complicated. But that is way more advanced than where you are now.

EDIT - When shopping, stay away from shops online or real world that cater specifically to CD cause they are over priced. Do you really NEED to spend several hundred dollars on fake boobs?

[GroovyChristy]

Your post is a wealth of good advice, and I will take it all to heart. Thank you!

[ReineD]

The link below might help with the walk. Use the sliders to see an exaggerated female walk (to the right), and an exaggerated male walk (to the left).

A word of advice: just as you don't walk like the example all the way to the left, real women don't walk like the example all the way to the right. If you observe women (and men) walking at the mall, you will notice that both walk fairly similarly, somewhere around the middle. Like Erin said, don't exaggerate else you will look like a man who is trying to walk like a woman. If you do walk like John Wayne though, try to walk more like the middle position.

Click on the "Lines" radio button at the bottom to better see the motion:

http://www.biomotionlab.ca/Demos/BMLwalker.html

There are tons of youtube videos to learn how to put on makeup. Go for the natural look, else you'll look like a drag queen. And for styles I agree with Erin. Look around you to see what the GGs your age and your shape are wearing.

Also, just so you know, most of us GGs didn't get lessons on how to be a girl from our moms or friends. I personally never bothered much with makeup. My friends and I were not into it, nor were we into looking girly. There were some girls in my high school who were into makeup and hair, but not most in my era. It was more about skiing and rock concert and smoking things that we shouldn't have smoked. And later it was art school where it was an honor badge to look as natural, unadorned, and bohemian as possible. lol. My mother and I had completely different tastes in clothes, and she thought all my choices were horrible. Looking back, I can see her point. Anyway, everyone makes mistakes when they learn, even GGs and it's just a question of getting started. I eventually got it right by my mid-20s by looking at catalogs (like you will) and by noticing what the women around me were wearing (like you will) but then in my late 20s I had kids and I wore blue jeans and easy wash tops for the following 15 years. So really, the CDers who have spent years studying women know an awful lot more about styles and makeup than I do. One member here sent me a very long PM once (at my request) and told me more stuff about panty hose than I never new existed. Up until then, I had just gone to the mall to pick up any pair that fit from the rack, in a nude color.

Once you get started you'll see that it's not rocket science and it won't take you long to get the hang of it.

[Kate Simmons]

Many of us here are cast into the role of Mother or older Sister, are we not? We share our experiences, advice and friendship. It's not as much about stats as it is about feelings. That is how women operate in this world.

[Jenniferathome]

How do you start? First, tackle what you can most easily. Talking would be last, for example. It will be difficult and time consuming. Walking in heels can be addressed by walking in heels. Practice. With clothing, dresses are easier to wear as they are not a bunch of separates that you have to match BUT, look in stores at the mannequins and the outfits they show. Take a picture. Do a lot of people watching and really pay attention to the when and where of how the women are dressed. Make up can be bought on line along with books or videos on YouTube. Find a local group for support. It's journey.

[Beverley Sims]

It all happens one little bit at a time over many years.
Just like boobs, they do not grow overnight.

[Lorileah]

I agree with Nicole Erin generally. I have not figured out the whole age appropriate thing yet though especially since a lot of us don't look our age. Wear what you LIKE not what you think you are supposed to wear. Realize that you make not be noticed usually but you will NEVER Pass (Never say never...it would be so unlikely and if you expect to pass you will crash in flames when you get pegged.) It usually is not the walk it is the voice that gives you away. Just walk relaxed. Someone told me that women saunter and hen I noticed that the TG's who took that to heart looked like they were doing a1940's Zoot Suit walk, their knees bent and their rear sort of tucked. The other extreme is the stripper walk, the boom, thrust boom thrust. Don't over do anything. The walk the talk the look whatever.

If you want to look like a suburban soccer mom, then go for that. If you want to look like Marion The Librarian , go for that. Don't buy the if you are 40 you cannot rock heels. Don't buy the if you are 50 you have to wear skirts at mid calf. If you like and YOU think it looks good, wear it. For Gawds sake don't throw together an outfit just because the skirt was cheap, the top was cheaper and the stockings were free. You would not believe the number of posts I saw 20 years ago that said "I am wearing my lime green mini, fluorescent pink pullover V-neck with my orange striped leggings and my 5" heels. I just thought some poor circus clown must be running around naked. Dress to impress, dress to feel good about yourself.

[Lynn Marie]

[SIZE="3"]Welcome to the forum Christy. My CDing never caused me to feel overwhelmed. Like I've said before, it's just a progression. It took me at least 5 years to finally get hair and makeup. My poor wardrobe was so small that I only one pair of heels for my first time out! They were way too tall, but I got a wonderful compliment on them from a gorgeous girl. LOL They're still way too tall, and they still get compliments!

Being overwhelmed is looking at the whole task all at once rather than breaking it down into manageable parts and tackling them one at a time. Lingerie is sometimes referred to as "foundational garments". Start with a good foundation and build from there![/SIZE]

[CassandraSmith]

[...]There is so much I need to learn. GGs have their moms or older sisters to mentor them in these things and they learn it throughout their childhood.

We're your new older sisters and each of us has a different approach to it all just like in the "real" world!


Cassy

[Lorileah]

We're your new older sisters

Thank you for not saying "mom".

[CassandraSmith]

Thank you for not saying "mom".

Yeah, I couldn't quite go there. Besides, there can be only one!

[carhill2mn]

I suspect that most of us started out slowly only wearing certain items of clothing or shoes. Eventually, many of us decided that we wanted to present a better feminine image so we began leaning how to do makeup, got a decent wig, purchased some different outfits, etc. All of this requires some practice and trial and error. It is great if there is someone who is willing to help you.

Do not expect perfection right away!

[Frédérique]

So many new clothing options to look at, so much makeup stuff to learn about, shoes, tucking, walking like a woman, training your voice, breast forms, etc. This is all very exciting (despite my extreme anxiety about shopping in women's sections), but very overwhelming. I know that I want to pursue this, but it is such a daunting challenge. So I guess my reason for posting is to ask, how did you others start? How is the process going for you? No journey is easy to take alone, and this is the hardest I have faced, but it feels so right. This girl just needs a little advice and moral support.

[SIZE="2"]This is the best place for support, no doubt about it...

I did everything very slowly, step by step, over the course of three years, until I was reasonably satisfied. I never had the resources to be “overwhelmed” by it all, rather I just did what I could with what I had. I never took things beyond my own comfort level – approximation is good enough for me, since I’m not TG and I don’t have to change my ENTIRE persona to achieve personal happiness. Looking back, I perhaps did more than others would have dared to do, but I didn’t know that at the time – I prefer to take my journey alone (I must, I feel), but it is good to know that there are many others out there, each one on their own voyage of discovery...

BTW, breast forms came along late in the “day” for me, but I finally welcomed them to my...er...bosom...[/SIZE]

[CassandraSmith]

[SIZE="2"]This is the best place for support, no doubt about it...

I did everything very slowly, step by step, over the course of three years, until I was reasonably satisfied. I never had the resources to be “overwhelmed” by it all, rather I just did what I could with what I had. I never took things beyond my own comfort level – approximation is good enough for me, since I’m not TG and I don’t have to change my ENTIRE persona to achieve personal happiness. Looking back, I perhaps did more than others would have dared to do, but I didn’t know that at the time – I prefer to take my journey alone (I must, I feel), but it is good to know that there are many others out there, each one on their own voyage of discovery...

BTW, breast forms came along late in the “day” for me, but I finally welcomed them to my...er...bosom...[/SIZE]

The same approach works with mountain biking. Never take a descent or a path that you aren't completely comfortable with. Always walk the bike if the slightest doubt comes in your mind; doubts are just stray thoughts that break true concentration. I've never had a bad crash when I was fully in the moment; my worst wipe outs were when I was too tired, scared, or pressured. In time, you're taking really steep runs and not even thinking about it at all.

[ReineD]

The same approach works with mountain biking. Never take a descent or a path that you aren't completely comfortable with. Always walk the bike if the slightest doubt comes in your mind; doubts are just stray thoughts that break true concentration. I've never had a bad crash when I was fully in the moment; my worst wipe outs were when I was too tired, scared, or pressured. In time, you're taking really steep runs and not even thinking about it at all.

What a wonderful analogy! That's exactly how my own SO did it.

[GroovyChristy]

Thank you all very much. I think what I need to do is just take it slow. Just like with music, I cannot expect to become an expert overnight. But delving into it gradually, starting with basic stuff, etc., as you all seem to suggest, seems like the right way to go about this. I'm very glad I found this site. To realize that I'm not alone, that I'm accepted, and that there are many here that are successful (as evidenced by your photos - no way I could pick you out from GGs!), is a great pleasure and quite encouraging.

[docrobbysherry]

Good attitude, Christy! Take it slow and easy and try to enjoy the trip. And, don't worry about your destination!

On the scary side, I'm more overwhelmed these days than when I began 15+ years ago.

Because when it comes to woman's things, the more I learn, the more I realize how little I really know!

[Celeste]

I felt pretty overwhelmed also.What helped me the most was approaching one item at a time...for instance,when I first got into jeans I spent a few months looking into the different styles to see what would work best for my body type,or when I first wanted to address my brows,I spent a lot of time trying to learn everything about grooming them and the different shapes.So I believe staying focused on each item individually until you find what works for you and then moving on is best.

Somehow I came to the conclusion that I never had to rush any part of the learning and that we always continue to improve.Taking pictures and spending time evaluating them can help you to see where you need the improvement.People always say here....save the bad pics,they can help you too.