[SIZE="2"]Many, many threads ago I came across a response from someone, a GG, to be precise, and it made me wonder if there is a lack of understanding about what MtF crossdressers are trying to achieve. In short, I got the impression that many people assume we are all trying to be beautiful women, according to some personal model or definition we subscribe to, and this is VERY hard for some people (let’s call them outsiders) to swallow. I’m here to tell you that this perception is flawed – it may be true in some instances, but not all the time, or even part of the time...
Am I trying to be a beautiful woman? NO. I worship beauty, to be sure, but let’s be realistic and try to do something achievable, OK? There’s no doubt that, at some point in our lives, many of us have been “awakened” to the idea of MtF crossdressing by some impression of beauty, usually in the form of a woman, using this incident as a springboard to launch us over the gender barrier. It happened to me. One day I saw a very beautiful woman, and I was awestruck, using the correct definition of “awe” in this instance. Good! I’m OFF, ready or not, on my quest to embrace the beautiful and become a more beautiful person. I can only approximate my original inspiration, but I must keep the memory fresh at all times. Thus, I begin my masterpiece, my M-to-F transformation, knowing full well I will never look as good as HER, but hope springs eternal...
Now may be a good time to discuss what the word “beautiful” means. Here is a modern quote from the Urban Dictionary:[/SIZE]
"Anyone can be beautiful. It's not about the clothing, the hair, the make-up. It's about the way your smile radiates warmth, or dancing when you're excited, no matter who's watching. How to be beautiful? There are no guidelines, and anyone who tells you otherwise is telling you how to be pretty. Pretty and beautiful are not synonyms. Pretty is but an adjective, whereas beautiful is so much more."
[SIZE="2"]That’s a good starting point – beautiful is not “pretty.” I’ve met some beautiful women who were not pretty, and I’ve met several pretty women who were not beautiful. At all. Beauty is very impressive and memorable, and it goes far beyond superficial appearance. I think beauty has a lot to do with elegance, grace, and loveliness, while “pretty” denotes something less striking, perhaps pleasing, or attractive, or even nice. You may disagree, but aesthetics come into play when beauty is being discussed – I should know, since art (my profession) is primarily concerned with aesthetics, and the latter happens to be the philosophy of beauty. Beauty is indeed in the eye (and mind) of the beholder, but why would a GG assume that all MtF crossdressers are trying to BE beautiful women? I wish, I suppose, but isn’t this a bit unfair?
It’s not in the cards; in fact the deck is stacked against me quite cruelly. I cannot even approach a reasonable facsimile of a beautiful woman, anymore that I can approach Everest without sherpas and a generous supply of oxygen. Oh, experiencing beauty has got me this far, but I will always fall woefully short of any beautiful presentation. I do the best I can, under some very queer circumstances, but I am both cognizant and accepting of my shortfalls. I suppose some women, or outsiders of any gender, must see our attempts as a ridiculous exercise in futility, but they are only seeing what is on the outside. My ongoing beautification is self-satisfying, and my innate male-ness will not allow me to give up, even though my so-called masterpiece is less than good, or less than thoroughly pleasing. You have to have impossible dreams, you know...
It may sound like sour grapes to a GG, but I’m not at all concerned with looking beautiful. I don’t wish to be attractive to others, nor do I wish to attract someone. I can manage pretty on occasion (I think), but beautiful is beyond the pale. Frankly, I’d rather try for adorable! I don’t try to do more than I can, in fact I take steps (in my cute shoes) to not be noticed. I would rather affect a “plain” presentation, and blend into society as I dream my girly dreams and enjoy my crossdressing. I get an insight into what women must feel when I wear their clothes – they have to look attractive all the time (theoretically), and their clothes can be very revealing and sensual, while male clothes conceal and dull the senses. Of course, some women buy into this obligation to be attractive, while others blaze a trail away from conformity. It’s the same with us MtF crossdressers, except reversed, replacing anti-sensuality with all things sensual and feeling the difference. The clothes are beautiful, even though I am not, but I can feel beautiful by wearing something lovely. That’s as good as it gets, and I want any beautiful feelings I obtain from my crossdressing to stay with me as I transform back into drab. It means a lot, when you’re male by birth, to feel beautiful now and then, but how would I go about explaining that to a REAL woman?
I get the feeling that all women are laughing at us, whether they show it or not, because we are apparently trying to be beautiful. That’s wrong, I think, as well as ignorant. Beauty is something that gives pleasure to the senses, and that is an excellent description of what MtF crossdressing provides. Sure, it would be interesting to be a beautiful woman, or even a temporarily pretty one, but I’d like to be a lot of things – I don’t think I would enjoy being one of the 24/7 beautiful people, always having to look as attractive as possible, standing on a lonely pedestal, fulfilling my “role” according to man’s wishes, and having to deal with vulnerability all the time. No, I am content to “pass” now and then, whenever I feel the time is right, and not push the proverbial envelope too much. I like my “self,” and, from my perspective at least, I’m sitting pretty...
Are you trying to look like a beautiful woman, or are you trying to either be or feel beautiful (or pretty) in some way?
PS – I wish I could trot out the exact quote that launched this piece, but it’s long gone and hard to find...[/SIZE]
Originally Posted by JerseyGirlDonna
