When I was fifteen (many years ago) I was privy to a conversation that some cops were having. They were putting down a crossdresser that had been reported to them in a local department store. They went and arrested him/her (you could get arrested for CDing back then). They didn't have any kind things to say about the CDer. Thats just one of many reasons I'm so private about my CDing although I have ventured out on ocassion.Originally Posted by Sarah Charles
If the sales associates had enough time to dish a customer then the store management had the place overstaffed.
Having done retail management in an earlier life I always told my employees it was easier to lose a customer than to gain a new one. People shop where they feel welcomed by the staff.
My thoughts perfectly. "Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Cry, and you cry alone."
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A CD AND HIS WARDROBE, ITS A BEAUTIFUL THING.
Don't let it get to you. Most people don't understand and it is weird to them. And some people are just plain mean to. You can't let what you fear they think matter to you, because really it does not matter. Go out and enjoy yourself.
two friends and i went out to a mainstream nightclub (expensive) and it was packed. We wandered around for a while looking for a place to sit. (there was none) while we were looking I was aware of a few who were looking at us (2 gurls and 1 GG) and I just tried to go with the flow so to speak. I smiled at folks and said Hi to those that said it first. I knew there was going to be talking behind our backs but was just playing out in my head and trying to figure out was it because I was a tall girl with a fur jacket or what. Before we left I didn't really care anymore as It was fun for a little while. It would have been more fun if we could have found a place to sit.The waitresses were trying to help us too and were very nice and respectful to us and that helped.
Gossip has been around since the human model came out, that won't change. And people are cruel too! Just going out on Halloween once or twice showing my legs off sent the gossipmeter into the red for weeks if not months. Took a long time for the whispers to quit and even longer until the sideways glances and smirks to quit. It takes a lot of folks to make a world, a whole lot. It's best to live life observing the "golden rule." Personally, I don't judge, I'm a live and let live type. I just avoid the snips and snitches like a plague.
The worst thing about gossips is that it's an issue with self esteem! The people always throwing barbs at others trying to defame or debase them are only trying to pull themselves up and increase their self importance by downtrodding someone else. This ultimately has only the effect of showing such a persons true self, a jerk. And the amazing thing is that these people will single someone out and say they're gay or some other disparaging tag whether it's true or not! They will actually make things up to hurt others irregardless of whether it's true or not! And that just isn't fair. I agree with most others here, live your life on your own terms and the heck with everyone else. It's what you think that matters, not what anyone else thinks. It's like when a guy gets a better car or a raise in pay or wins a trophy at golf or something--somebody will be jealous and try to drag that person down for even that!
I often think that God put the trials and tribulations, and the jerks on Earth to remind us that this is not Heaven!
as long as they wern't being nasty about it -- after all .. think about it ! it is pretty funny after all ... really! a guy in a dress! we are CROSSDRESSERS .....................Debra
I adopt the view that it is gossip between two SA's. If they are talking about me behind my back I must have made an impression on them.
They are also leaving someone else alone for the time being.
Work on your elegance,
and beauty will follow.
In this little town that I live in where absolutely everybody knows me, there's no telling what people are saying about me behind my back. Sometimes I think, "I wish I knew. . .", and then wisdom prevails and I tell myself, "You don't want to know." What does it matter to me? Nobody says anything nasty to my face, so why worry about what they're saying elsewhere? I'm happy now. Am I going to go back to my old life because I'm worried about what people are saying? I don't think so. If I'd do that, there was no point in coming out of the closet to begin with.
I read a little story one time, and for the life of me I can't recall who it was told about. I'd have to go back through my notes, and I can't be bothered right now. Unless I'm mistaken, it concerned a well-known ancient philosopher, possibly Aristotle, but I'm not at all sure of that.
Anyway, one day some of his followers came to him and told him that people were saying some awful things about him behind his back. He replied, "That's alright. They can even kill me if they want to, as long as I'm not there."
Annabelle
My point is that there are a lot of people here who think that going out crossdressed will have no effect on their lives, that no one really cares at all. I'm sorry to tell you that people talking behind your back is not the limit of what is the worst that can happen. There are a lot of people who not only think we're odd, but truly don't like us, some to the point where they'd happily see us dead. And while it rarely goes that far, I've seen plenty of homosexual people discriminated against behind their backs, and have absolutely no doubt that it happens to crossdressers as well. Sure, you can argue about the legal ramifications all you want, but when they want to hurt you (physically, financially, or just to make your life difficult), they'll find a way to do it. All because they just don't like us.
Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.
I guess there are a few people short on life experience and tolerance. Don't take it personally, these people aren't intelligent enough to think things through.
To offer an alternative viewpoint, the thought that I might get giggled at by two pretty shopgirls, when I buy heels or a suspender belt, actually increases the excitement for me. But then I'm a special case; almost everything gets my imagination going...
X
Girl me
sales people
Many years ago I frequently bought lingerie at a little store in Pasadena, CA. I was always looking for super elegant peignoirs. On one memorable visit, there were two GGs in the store when I came in. Fern, the owner, told me that she had just visited the apparel mart (wholesalers) and found some gowns I would love. I was already well over the embarrassment of others knowing I was a CDer.
Both GGs were quite vocal with their negative opinions and asked Fern why she would sell to 'transvestites'. She immediately responded that she had a very large and dedicated clientele of CDers and that we had excellent taste, were very nice and friendly and as a general rule, spent way more than the ladies ever did and that she thoroughly enjoyed our company. Fern even made special trips and purchases just for us as she knew many of us liked the super frilly long gowns etc and bought several in each color and design. She even hosted special after hours shopping times for us and served refreshments. We always had a ball and she made beaucoup bucks.
The 'ladies' loudly expressed their disbelief and disdain and Fern ever so nicely simply said "Sorry you feel that way. Well you two have a nice day. I need to help this gentleman pick out a few nightgowns now."
That day I spent 500.00 with her and left the store on cloud nine.
To be fair, would you have noticed or commented on them making fun of an overweight person, or an older woman buying age inappropriate clothing, or how their boss is a bitch. People talk. They may not always say the right thing, but they will talk.
Enjoy yourself, express yourself, worry less about them and be happy in who you are.
Rebecca Bas
Heisthebride is right. Some shop staff will insult anyone. I know really gorgeous, elegant GGs who hate going into certain clothes shops because the young women working there are so unpleasant to anyone not in their own age group. This is not about us - it is about them - they are just inadequate people who try to make themselves feel better by putting everyone else down. Forget about them.
Sara, do -you really expect total acceptance by everyone for everyone. The true nature of your family and friends becomes known when they feel comfortable enough with you to perceive that you probably think like them. It's anyone who is different than themselves. People I've known for decades talk disparagingly of gays and lesbians, transgenders, blacks, Asians, Jews, Catholics. all ethnic peoples, fat people, skinny people, young people. how they dress, yadda, yadda, yadda.
Washington State just passed a law affirming same sex marriage. That was long after the law was passed to protect gays and lesbians and forms of gender expression (US). My small city of 200,000 has gone further and explicitly protects the same in employment and housing. What is always interesting is the large percentage (not quite 50 %) who feel it is OK to discriminate against those they do not like. There would not be a need for hate crimes laws, if there wasn't hate.
`figured if I was the most entertaining thing in their lives it said more about how sad their life was than anything bad about me. Many of the women I work with see cross dressers as the freaks who get programmed on Montel or Maury or some other second rate show. Real life is always more interesting and exciting than "reality".
hugs rita
Dressing is not a choice.
Its a passion.
I might consider calling the store and simply asking them to have a talk with their sales agents and stress that negative speech may have lost a customer. You don't even have to say what it is. It would be the same if they were going on and on about some 70 year-old mans boney legs or how some old lady had more wrinkles than a prune. Really, that's just unprofessional on any level. I'm not about controlling what people think but rudeness is just not acceptable if they're trying to run a business.
That's an interesting strategy. Tell them that when they make fun of us, it's a turn on and a thrill. That would likely slow them down a little. Consider the following:
( how do I ever follow the double video above me?)I have a rule that I never look over my shoulder when leaving a place. What goes on or is said is no concern to me and only adds paranoia which I stopped having 10 years ago. It was replaced with CONFIDENCE and who gives a S---!. I sometimes like to reverse the situation, throw the ball back and embarrases them next day as sugary sweet saying..." whats the matter hon never seen a transvestite before hmmmm? Well we'll have to fix that right now, you've got 10 minutes I tell you all about 'us' and answer your '20' questions before you even ask them. Whatddaya say sweets?"
It floors them, makes them smile and give girlish laugh, give me a high 5 and we become gossipy girlfriends for the moment and great gilfriend customers from then on. The barrier( for them) is broken. Its cool, and It works.
Last edited by Megan70; 01-31-2013 at 07:30 PM.
Although it isn't always possible, I like to leave the staff behind with a big enough commission (or tip) that they won't harbor any negative feelings about my visit, and will be anxious to be the one serving me the next time. I know several SAs who have told me they look forward to my visits, and I think they're sincere as far as that goes, although if the truth is told, it's probably not entirely due to my sparkling personality. If they have to say anything at all after I leave, I'm hoping the conversation goes something like, "she's an ugly woman, but she just spent $500!"
- Diane
If George Costanza were a crossdresser, he would go out dressed and leave a tape recorder to see what the SA's said about him after he left. I would probably take a plain-clothed (DRAB) friend to stay behind. I really want to try that one day! Am I as nuts as Costanza?
Would I prefer people to make fun of me to my face or after I leave? Hmmm, hard one.
TELL US SOMETHING BAD ON HERE ABOUT THE SALES LADIES LOOKS. LOL LOL LOL lol lol lol lol
did THEY HAVE HAMMER TIME FEET? did they look homely?
i bet you can think of something! maybe even a few things.
Its never going to stop but it should people make fun of each other all the time we or all different and others just dont see it untill they are the ones being made fun of
That happened to me just before christmas. I went into a Nordies in San Jose to get some tights and thought I was in boy mode, I made it obvious they were for me. The first SA I talked to was a holiday temp, and the next SA had to go back to the storeroom for my size.
I paid for the tights and as I was walking away I heard the giggles. Well, what can you do?
When writing the next chapter in your life, start with a pencil and eraser - my first page as Miki is full of eraser marks.
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