I was glad to read that you stuck things out Hon. Good for you. Personally, I don't go to places I don't know or where I'm not welcome or wanted. I just don't have the time or the patience for ignorance or hassle. When I go out, it's to enjoy myself and have fun, otherwise it's a waste of potential good time for me, legal ramifications notwithstanding.
Second star to the right and straight on till morning
Allow me to add to the thread, and give kudos to your wife for her support in getting you out, and standing by your side during this occurrence. I agree with others, and hope you will not let this slow up your desires, and continue to go out. Hopefully, as others have said, the next venue will be a bit friendlier.
Barbara
He (she) who would learn to fly one day must first learn to stand and walk and run and climb and dance.
- Friedrich Nietzche -
I may never get to fly like the other girls, but I do so want to dance, so I continue to climb.
Thanks for all the comments and advice. The next outing will be well planned. I was up all night on the River City Gems website, simply amazing to have that site and group in my hometown of Sacramento.
Btw, I am so happy & thankful I found you all. :..)
Next time you go out, try one of the local gay bars, preferably one that has a "drag night" You'll enjoy it more and be much more comfortable.
[SIZE="4"][/SIZE]
Kudos on the big night out! That was very brave of you. I don't think I would have been able to stay there. You handled the situation perfectly! I'm taking notes. And kudos on the supportive wife. You sound like you have a good thing going on there. Just do be careful and don't get overly brave. As much as we would like to think that everyone is accepting, they aren't. There are some people out there that would not think twice about causing us harm. So, just be safe.
"Oh my God, I realized, it's not that we're screwed up; it's just that we've been trained to thnk so."
~Rick Novic, Alice in Genderland
You get my vote for best avatar pic of the month! Nice eye makeup, but the wig is awful, and Steve Allen wants his glasses back...Originally Posted by Andy66
Somewhat envious of your adventure. I think its mostly good with regards to the fact that your wife actually was nice to doll you up nicely (something I would have wanted) and encouraging you to head out dressed. I think its also really nice for those people to cheer you on ^.^
The bouncer "with a problem" and those people shooting comments were the only downsides but don't let it get you down. Go Solar!
Congulaturation!
Allie is right, and it's not just California. Most progressive states with anti-discrimination statutes that address sexual orientation and gender expression use language that requires places of public accommodation (like businesses open to the public) to respect individual gender expression regardless of anatomy. In short, if one is presenting in public as female through attire, grooming, and/or behaviors, no place of public accommodation may force the use of any gender-specific facility based on perceptions. If you don't pass, that's no excuse for a business to force you into a box. This legal protection goes above and beyond the obvious that a person (of whatever unseen biology and anatomy) presenting fully and unambiguously as female will cause a lot less ruckus in the ladies' room than the gents'.
This protection is not common knowledge, however. To my direct knowledge, California and Washington have virtually identical statutes. I'm sure there's probably a nice compilation of laws state-by-state on the Web somewhere, but those two states' law could not be clearer that gender expression is a protected category, discrimination against which is illegal. I would counsel anyone who is confronted in such circumstances to ask if the enforcer is aware of the state's civil rights laws and how they specifically apply to the situation. If nothing else, it may put them sufficiently off-guard to back off.
That said, I agree with others here that the club you visited was not the best choice. Regardless of your legal rights and toleration of the management, the kind of crowd you describe can be dangerous for folks like us. I would certainly encourage you to get involved with the River City Gems for a calendar of safe events, and the Lavender Heights neighborhood in Sacramento is generally just fine. Faces if you want (extremely) high-energy dancing, the Mercantile for cheap drinks and a boisterous-but-safe bar scene, and more.
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