I am with Miss Joanne on this, the rest of the world could be something this person is not ready to face. If you are not ready to have the world know, then staying in a private setting may be the best option in this persons mind. The reason not to go public is for th ereasons everyone else has written about.
I take this to mean that rather than SHARE the experience with her, the man still dresses privately. In that case, it is shame or embarrassment. He does not have the confidence to face up to what he really is, a cross dresser, in front of his wife. It would be a way to cope with the fear of, "I'm not the man she married." When of course, he is!
It is a big but well worthwhile step for a CDer to take the plunge and go out being away from his comfort zone.
Maria
I am most comfortable in womens clothes, I adore going out and doing my shopping, meeting people,dinner, whatever, fully dressed... my family does know I dress, so I am very far from closeted, but I also enjoy just having alone time at home so if the house is empty at times I may still get fully dolled up in something just to lounge around in my leisure, enjoy a movie, cook, whatever
I not really sure what the problem is. Why can't a CD who is out of the closet and dresses in public also dress in private? Am I missing something here? Most CDs dress because we like wearing womens clothes, makeup etc---whether in public, private or both. Think of it like eating a meal--sometimes we like to go out to a nice restaurant with others, sometimes we like to eat at home by ourselves---nothing wrong with either.
[SIZE="4"][/SIZE]
I have not read the other responses so as to not sway my thinking. Like GGs, we can be a bit sensitive about how we look, and may not feel comfortable presenting in front of other people, even those that love and support us. It could also be a desire to not be the center of attention, which is what would invariably occur, IMHO. I do not have an SO at this time, so I cannot speak to your point with my own experiences, but those are my thoughts on the matter.
He may prefer to socialize as a guy.
Myself, I put in a significant effort to try to "pass". Once I got a handle on which colors and styles to wear, and colors and application of makeup and hair. I found I liked being recognized as male.
For me, I grew up being drilled that that any Heterosexual guy that dresses as a girl is messed up in the head. I still remember trying to see where my family is at on these subjects and how intensely BADLY they responded to it. Same for my best friend. Pretty much all the people I grew up closest to would be more comfortable seeing CD's removed from society. As my mom put it once. "Men who dress up as women are sick and should be shot".
So, even though my SO (or Girl Friend as I prefer to see her) is comfortable with it, I am not ready to face the music and share with the world (which leads to a new topic of my own that I will post one of these times).
I don't CD in private. Some times my SO is here and sometimes she isn't. She's still better at doing my makeup then I am, and loves doing it.
Hugs,
Teddie
CDing has been engrained into my soul as being wrong,
Being taught from a very young age that boys clothes are for boys and girls clothes are for girls.
Society supports that somewhat, there are certain places where it may be OK to just be your self
But on a whole, steping out the door can be a very frightening thing.
I have had enough stresses in my life, I don't really need to add a stress just because I like something.
Stay private and save the issues and possible ridicule.
my sister's reply when I told her how I prefer to dress
"Everyone has there thing, all that matters is that you are happy, love what you do and who you do it with"
See, I see the opposite. The crossdresser continues to crossdress because it simply feels natural to do so, thrill or no thrill. Perhaps he dresses in private because he feels too much pressure to be better looking than he's able to when in front of his SO.Originally Posted by SarahLynn
Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.
Cassandra, I don't understrsand why you would turn it around and ask the questions that you have.
Is there any social stigma attached to a woman playing the guitar. If so, then please explain to me what it is. If not, then how does it it work as an analogy.
Yet you still answered your own question nonetheless. You wrote: "answer: enjoyment, practice, relaxation, recharging, exploring"
You then say "take your pick". Is it one, or all of those? Or are all your choices those which encompass your reasons for dressing? If the latter, then maybe for others it is only some of what you say, none of what you say, all of what you say, or more than what you say. So how does your guitar player fit in to that?
As for your final sentence, I disagree completely. Art form? We're artists? I think that's quite offensive actually. One that implies that we're putting on a show. There will be many who only feel the need to dress for themselves, not as spectacle, not to express to others their inner selves, but rather as a form of self-expression intent for the eyes of only the beholder. That does not make an artist, nor does it automatically equate to it being an art form.
You may retort that certain artists feel that way - in that they will never present their work in the public sphere. But I would still disagree. For many, it will remain a lifetime commitment to what they want to do without the need, nor necessity, of acceptance from others. For many, it will be a personal expression of their inner selves, with no need to externally express that to the outer world. (I hear you - some artists may still feel that way so the analogy still applies). But it falls short for me, in the very sense that the canvas in which such people paint is not themselves, but something external to themselves. They may think that they are expressions themselves through their work, but rarely, if ever, will they become that particular work of art themselves.
And the ones that do? They are the ones who express it to the world, irrespective of the social consequences.
If I understand the question, the CDer is out and the GG wants to know why the CDer dresses in private (at home, with or without her there?).
The reason why we crossdress transcends the location. When the female side of us needs validation, she needs it. We may stop ourselves from doing it where it could be embarrassing but I don't know why we would not do it when there is little or no reason not to.
Leann
Leann
Enjoy who you are but stay safe.
Great question! Thanks for asking!
Quick bio for perspective: I am not totally out of the closet in regards to dressing, however I have ventured out in public a few times. Including outings with each my previous two ex-girlfriends.
Even for the "totally out" in regards to dressing there is still a matter of personal safety. Not to mention there is often a heightened possibility for embarrassing situations. I am sure there are a bunch more on this path...
But not all reasons for an 'out dresser' to dress private are negative.
It is also something to do. In my experience, both personal and as a society, it's a relaxing and/or escape thing. Maybe you play a video game. Maybe you practice make-up. That is to say; Sometimes the benefit is the act, not the audience.
Some rapid fire responses would be: Lazy. I don't feel pretty. Broke.
Hope that is helpful!
- Natalie
P.S. that's what part of the alphabet would look like if Q and R where eliminated.
-Mitch Headburg
"If you think you think outside the box, you're trapped in one"
- M.C. Paul Barman
I dress all the time having come out of the closet. However the only difference I feel is that when I am dressed for my boyfriend it is to please him and make him happy. My attitude is slightly different when in private as I use that 'Me' time to experiment and change my behaviour and learn how to be more feminine. It's something I find easier to do in private time as there are no distractions - unless I'm doing some online shopping at the same time lol!!
Melanie
My history is that of a bisexual with more male partners than female. However, that was largely situational as I believe my attractions to be close to 50/50. Relationship history is married, divorced and current married. Present wife has known about me completely from the beginning and is very supportive. I'm a member of our LBGT affinity group at work and am out as a bisexual to the group (about 15 people) and to some personal friends (3). However, I am not out as a crossdresser to anyone other than my wife and 2 friends. I live in a small town of about 11,000 and it is dominated by my company. It may be more rare to go out and NOT see someone that you know from work.
While I underdress nearly all the time, I have only been out fully dressed once some years ago. Present wife (before we were married) and I went to a university campus to see Rocky Horror Picture Show and then on to a gay bar for Halloween celebrations. All this was about 45 miles from my home. In the grand scheme of things, I don't believe that I am all that passable, so I don't choose to just get dressed and go out. It would have to be very particular circumstances, but unfortunately that bar that we went to is not longer a gay bar.
Many weekends I will dress completely from the neck down. It is always a unique situation to feel your boobs bounce or hear the whisk of pantyhose. My wife likes it when I dress, so there's no negative impact (other than pushing the envelope regarding my wardrobe budget!). Anyway, dressing at home keeps me connected with my other self and that's a good thing!
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