Anonymous GG Question--CDs only to answer

[Mimi]

A GG asked me to post this question so she could get the CD point of view:

Why is it that a GM who CDs and is out of the closet regarding CDing, and who has an SO that is totally supportive and accepting, would still want to CD in "private?"

[NathalieX66]

Not enough specific details.
Self loathing? Embarrassment?

A girl that I'm now dating loves me, and knows this side of me, but I'm not sure there is complete parity between us. Yeah, nothing's perfect, I know. I just feel like we are on separate bandwidths, but want her as a life friend.

[Pearl]

i guess it depends on what private means. dressing when the SO isn't there? i do that a lot. (my SO doesn't care, but she is really in my corner.) i don't think of it in that was, as private, i just dress at home most of the time, whether she is there or not. it is private, but if she came home i would be glad to see her.

[aalynn88]

maybe the CD is still afraid of being humiliated or insulted out in public.

[Rachelakld]

If a GG went out regularly for coffee and cake, would that means she's not allowed coffee and cake at home.
Actually, while I like the attention while being out, I prefer to relax at home with wife and kids (plus at home, everyone knows I have hairly legs, so I don't have to hide them like I do when I go out)

[SarahLynn]

Just a guess but i see it as the thrill factor. I would also guess the CD'r is new to the activity and as such still gets a phyical (sexual) thrill from the dressing. And to further my view he is embarressed by that thrill. Or he is just embarressed to dress or be dressed in front of her.

SarahLynn

[JenniferMBlack]

I don't understand the in private part. I mean if your a cd and out with an accepting SO then why would it matter if it is private or public? I am going to answer because you want to dress when you want to dress even if you are staying in. If shes means to sneek around then I have no answer for that, because you wouldn't need to.

[MaryBeth1]

because even with a accepting wife i do it at home and a friends house because if we would go out together and someone recogize us or would say anything she would be embarressed. i'm not in the business of embarassing my wife. i'm passable but i don't risk going out. yes i would love to go out and maybe in the future will do it but for now i'm good at home and a friends house which is my wife's bff. Hope that answer your question.

[savvy_fudge]

It's like anything in life. Just because we can go watch a movie at a theatre doesn't mean we don't watch movies at home. I suppose it can be more comfortable, if you grew up used to hiding it and dressing in private it can be a hard habit to break. I dress sometimes when my SO isn't around, it can be easier, I can do and redo my makeup if I don't like how I look without feeling like I'm ignoring my SO. Hope this helps.

[Laura28]

As a crossdresser who's wife knows ans encourges me i still am more comfortable dressing on my own i travel alot and love being dressed in my hotel room, the SO loves for me to send her pics or we skype . even though she encourges me i still feel a little on edge in front of her i know it is stupid.

[Beverley Sims]

Only guesswork here. I CD all the time, I do not necessarily go out all the time so there is a lot of private dressing.

[Crissy Kay]

I just feel more relaxed, and laid back, when I am dressed alone. Even though its Ok with my SO, I still feel a little odd, being dressed up with her around. That may be the case with other cds who prefer to dress private as well.

[Barbara Ella]

Even with an accepting and supportive spouse, there is that lingering nagging fact that support can be up and down without much warning. You read the threads all the time, and my wife is an example. She went from extremely supportive to DADT quite quickly, and i believe it was because I did too much dressing with her, that should have been done in private. It is not always for show, but for inner peace, and who really knows when too much is too much until after the fact.

Barbara

[Julogden]

Living a life in fear of being "discovered" is hard to completely overcome, so maybe there are insecurity issues?

Carol

[giuseppina]

A thread about the acceptance pendulum can be found here: http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...It-Now-I-Don-t.

[Melissa Rose]

The question is a little ambiguous as to whether out of the closet means only to the SO at home or out in the mainstream public. Looking at it both ways, several reasons come to mind. The CD may want to dress in a way that is in some manner inappropriate for a public venue, want to wear something they do not feel comfortable wearing in public, or wear something they think will be met by disapproval from the SO. This is not meant to be disrespectful or judgmental, but some CDs gravitate towards sexualized women's fashions often less than appropriate for their age or body (e.g., mini skirts, super high heels, fishnet stockings, gowns, sexy secretary). Private dressing, whether in or out of the SO's presence, is a way to wear these outfits not suitable for public view. There is also the possibility of dressing being sexually stimulating, and it is something the CD feels uncomfortable sharing with the SO. As for going out in public, it could be the reasons already mentioned such as fear, embarrassment, humiliation, etc..

[Eryn]

I'm pretty much the other way around. I usually only dress when I'm going out.

However, I can understand why a CDer might prefer privacy. We have our own internal doubts and fears that must be considered. The SO might be fully supportive and accepting, but sometimes the most difficult acceptance is that within the CDer.

[Frédérique]

A GG asked me to post this question so she could get the CD point of view: Why is it that a GM who CDs and is out of the closet regarding CDing, and who has an SO that is totally supportive and accepting, would still want to CD in "private?"

[SIZE="2"]Maybe the GM CD respects the “supportive” SO, and secretly distrusts her alleged acceptance. I know I would. To me, “totally supportive and accepting” is a recipe for disaster. I’m not saying it can’t happen, but I would be suspect. Also, MtF crossdressing does not require participation from a SO (IMHO), so he, the GM, may wish to cultivate his own “space” for crossdressing – if it came about under secretive circumstances, he may feel more comfortable within those parameters...

It’s a fragile situation, I think. The wrong word at the wrong time, or a tell-tale facial expression, could end the relationship. She may be doing all he can to placate his crossdressing desires simply because she needs him, but what if he morphs into something she cannot accept? His privacy may be his way of keeping the relationship intact – he needs her, in other words...
[/SIZE]

[Cheryl T]

Since my SO is fully supportive and we go out all the time together doing everything, why would it be unusual for me to dress at home???
When she became comfortable with it she told me I could dress anytime I please and I do. Every day when I come home from work I change and I spend most weekends dressed. This is "private", but no different then if I was about to go out....and this way I am ready at a moments notice should we need to go somewhere for something. I don't understand the problem here....

[andrea lace]

Its my first alone time and yes I am dressed. I do dress in front of my wife and today is the first time I have dressed on my own I suppose it doesn't matter to me either way. The only difference is that I don't get any GG tips.

[Joanne f]

There is the possibility for several different answers to this so I do not know if it is fair to guess without more information but you might have a clue for the reason by simply looking at the type of clothing that is being worn when dressing in private , as the more sexually visual type of clothing may mean it is for a different reason than if it is just more in the way of every day type of clothing as most people use different clothing for different reasons but as I say it is only a guess and the only way you will really know is to ask and hope that you get a truthful answer.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Mimi, It's the feeling of guilt and the shame of dressing.

[2B Natasha]

I'm pretty much the other way around. I usually only dress when I'm going out.

However, I can understand why a CDer might prefer privacy. We have our own internal doubts and fears that must be considered. The SO might be fully supportive and accepting, but sometimes the most difficult acceptance is that within the CDer.

I agree here completely. I'm the same. The only time I dress in private is when the wife is out and about and I am wearing a skirt. Most of the time I have it on before she leaves and still on when she comes back. I wear it more like a robe or pj's. I'm not going to go full girly mode just for the sake of doing it. Unless I'm trying to figure out outfits. Even that I do with her to throw ideas out there and get feed back.

While I believe each there own. I do not dress in private. I find it boring.

[ambigendrous]

I'm one of those, I guess. My darling wife is supportive of me and has absolutely no issues seeing me all dolled up. But, she has asked that our kids and grandkids not be a part of this part of my life, and that I don't go out in public. I fully accept those limitations without reservation. I'm perfectly happy being able to dress any way I want at home, any time I want, and since I sport a beard and moustache that I've had for over 40 years I won't be able to blend in out there anyway it doesn't bother me a bit. I underdress almost daily anyway so I guess you could say I do it "in private", although my wife is indeed part of my "private" life.

[~Joanne~]

For me, It's because I am not ready for the whole world to know especially because it's full of closed minded people. It's not really that I "want to" still be private, it's more like I "have to". When I over come a few fears that still linger, and I reach the point where I just don't care anymore or it becomes more acceptable, then I will be able to truly be myself.

For the record, My SO has never been anything but acceptable and supporting and wouldn't have a problem with others knowing, it's all on me right now. I don't have a problem with keeping this private at this time.