Why do GG’s have a problem with US?

[Ambergold43]

Want an answer to this thread?

Read: "My Husband Betty: Love, Life, and Sex with a Crossdresser" by Helen Boyd

It is written by a very open-minded "GG" woman who is married to a Crossdresser and does an excellent job explaining some issues that many SO's might have with their Crossdressing husbands. Most women don't "have a problem" with CD'ers, though they might have a problem with how their husband or SO tells them, or how their husband or SO acts, or something like that. If women have a problem, its usually with the lying or sneakiness or obsessive behavior that some crossdressers exhibit, i.e. it's all he wants to do.

Crossdressing is rarely the sole issue in any relationship, if it is an issue at all.

Read it, its like $5 online or go check it out in the library.

[KatieGG]

I can't say I ever felt threatened or insulted or anything like that. When I first found out I thought it was a little odd in an intriguing kind of way and I never had a problem with it. But I can see why other women might, I mean it's not something we see every day and from what I have read many husbands come out after years of being married which would be rather upsetting to find out. But how would you feel if one day your wife or girlfriend told you she wants to put on a fake beard and dress like a guy? I think some men would feel kind of weird about that.

[Jessica86]

But how would you feel if one day your wife or girlfriend told you she wants to put on a fake beard and dress like a guy? I think some men would feel kind of weird about that.

I would find it insulting. What kind of guy wears a beard? If you are going to do it, do it right. Have a shaved look, and wear nice clothes like I have.

Now....let's reverse the sentence to answer to the OP.

I find it insulting. Wear nice clothes, like I have. Shave. No woman wears a beard.

See where I went with that?

[Frédérique]

At the same time, I realize that I'm not going to be everyone's cup of tea and I don't need to be. If I'm invited to the ladies party, great! I'll feel comfortable as long as the women around me are comfortable with my presence. I suppose my public presence at a women's clothing store or salon might seem like I'm crashing the party, but so far, the reactions I've received have been so positive and encouraging. My experience, in the real world, has been very much felt like a I'm welcome to join the party or the GG team.

Yes, I agree that MtF crossdressing is not, and probably will never be, a GG’s cup of tea. Despite surface indications that all is hunky dory, wouldn’t you say that cannot last, especially in light of how many threads tell about a SO’s turn-about (on initial acceptance) or the institution of a DADT policy? Obviously, some GG’s have no problem with it, but most GG’s cannot fathom either what is going on, or what might be going on. It seems to me they rightly fall back upon solid ground, i.e. what they do understand (or what they have been taught) about gender concepts…

I would join the GG “team” in a minute, but I may be overdressed!

But how would you feel if one day your wife or girlfriend told you she wants to put on a fake beard and dress like a guy? I think some men would feel kind of weird about that.

I was thinking about this very idea today, in fact I’d like to ask the FtM members if they have encountered any backlash from MEN. It seems to me that MtF crossdressers would have no problem with other forms of crossdressing, but males outside the community might take issue with it…

[Asche]

I did read the OP, and I disagree with pretty much everything zie said.

Mainly, I flatly dispute idea that disapproval of CD'ing is a GF thing. If anything, my experience both here and in RL is that GFs are statistically less likely to give CDers grief for their "hobby." That includes here: there are plenty of posts in this forum by CDers criticizing other CDers for how they choose to dress. For that matter, there's one right above mine in this thread.

As others in this thread have pointed out, GFs have complained about how their CD'ing SOs behave around their CDing. The lies. The expectation that the SOs and the relationship should be focussed on the CD'ers needs, desires, and comfort to the exclusion of the SOs' needs. I don't see this as disapproval of CD'ing per se, and I think the GFs have a point. A lot of CDers (like a lot of people in general) behave badly at times, and they would be the better for it if they listened when it's pointed out to them rather than blowing it off as "they don't understand." If you feel like these posts are "attacks" on you -- well, if the shoe fits....

It also rubs me the wrong way to see all GFs lumped together, as if they were a bunch of identical clones. Some GFs love the fact that the Man In Their Life CDs (and some of them post about it!), some think that CDs belong in jail, and others think -- well, just about any view you can imagine, there are some GFs who have it. Just as the CDers here feel disrespected when Society(tm) lumps them all together into a single caricature, I think it disrespects GFs to talk as if they are all dumping on CDers.

it is sometimes difficult for me to erase from my memory the countless posts I've read in this forum and a sentiment that is shared by many, that generally CDers are so much more feminine and dress much better, and even "pass" better than GGs, who are all so darned masculine because they wear men's clothes!

Yes, I've seen plenty of those posts, and they rub me (GM) the wrong way every time, too. This is disrespect for who someone is (GFs, in this case) at a fundamental level. And, no, I don't buy the claim "we're only talking about our ability to wear women's clothes." It's pretty clear from the context that these posters think that they're better at being women than the people who've been doing it all their lives. (Try looking up "mansplaining" sometime.)

And that's what I find annoying about the whole OP. To complain about GFs (all lumped together) "attacking" CDers, while not considering the things that (male) CDers (shall we lump them all together, too?) do that are the reason for those so-called "attacks" is classic sexism.

[Jenniferathome]

.... But how would you feel if one day your wife or girlfriend told you she wants to put on a fake beard and dress like a guy? I think some men would feel kind of weird about that.

Katie, you are absolutely correct. And don't limit it to a fake beard, we MtF cross dressers very often have additional "body parts" added to the mix. I suspect it would be far more than "some" who felt weird about it. We cross dressers have no objectivity.

[Trishpdxcd2]

Well I absolutely adore gg's who are open to girls like me, though I think they are much too few. I think it goes to basic biology of a man protects a woman and how could a man who dresses as a woman do that. But we evolve in many ways past primitive biology and the gg's who accept us are truly evolved in my mind.

[TNRobin]

I know of women who See's a TS,CD or a drag queen as competition. they do not want the competition. the TS,CD or a drag queen goes to more effort to impress and look there best.

That's pretty much the same thing that my therapist told me when I asked her that question.

[thewife/soon2bex]

There are so many postings here but there is one thing stands out to me on the board. As a GG I think one of the issues I see most are the "testing the boundries" between a GG and and SO. I put this in the same category of a child testing the boundries of a parent. I have seen GG's here who do their best to be supportive and their SO pushing the boundries without thinking of the cause or effect it will have on the GG. As a parent, this was the one thing with my child that would drive me nuts. Instead of thinking about what their supportive GG or W etc would think, they do it anyway without thinking of the consequences of their actions. If a GG/SO is supportive of the dressing and have discussed certain aspects of dressing that they are uncomfortable with I have noticed those who "just do it". Examples: shaving, wigs, going beyonds the boundries thereby ignoring the needs of those that love them. This to me is a major issues that does not take into the feelings or needs of the partner. Just my 2 cents but I believe if some would think before they do and really see what they are doing, it would change alot. I also think if more GG's did what their SO was doing and did whatever they wanted maybe the SO would begin to think about how their actions are affecting the woman who love them. Just my thoughts

[kimdl93]

[QUOTE=Frédérique;3110628][COLOR="black"].... Despite surface indications that all is hunky dory, wouldn’t you say that cannot last, especially in light of how many threads tell about a SO’s turn-about (on initial acceptance) or the institution of a DADT policy? ...COLOR]

Like so much else in life, the anecdotal evidence offered here of "initial acceptance" and those reports of susequent turn-about, must be taken with a grain of salt. We only get a glimpse, sometimes skewed, of the actual interactions between the CDr and her SO. I suspect that we CDrs are inclined to see acceptance when we hope for it, and may take things too far, too fast and without much thought for our partners. A more patient and considerate "coming-out" might help avoid some of the backlash you've described.

That doesn't mean that there's a reliable formula for acceptance. I do think that clarity, honestly and patience may improve the odds of acceptance.

[Di]

Sometimes I think of this place as a boys’ clubhouse, with an imaginary “no girls allowed” sign on the door. It isn’t exclusionist, of course, so GG’s wander into this No Man’s Land to complain about what we do from time to time. You know, “my boyfriend insists on crossdressing – please help me understand what’s going on,” or “I didn’t want this,” or “what’s wrong with you people, anyway, and can we get help for the afflicted?” Some GG’s even go so far as crashing the party, or pouring water on the glowing fire, or, in extreme cases, debunking cherished ideals right out in the open. What’s a boy/girl to do? I’d like to feel GOOD about my crossdressing, please...

I think you are being unfair with the GGs postings you are describing.
For these are the new GGs that just were told after 20 yrs or GGs that walked in on their partner. Give them credit for trying to go SOMEWHERE to understand.

You were given the answer HERE

Ambergold43

Want an answer to this thread?

Read: "My Husband Betty: Love, Life, and Sex with a Crossdresser" by Helen Boyd

It is written by a very open-minded "GG" woman who is married to a Crossdresser and does an excellent job explaining some issues that many SO's might have with their Crossdressing husbands. Most women don't "have a problem" with CD'ers, though they might have a problem with how their husband or SO tells them, or how their husband or SO acts, or something like that. If women have a problem, its usually with the lying or sneakiness or obsessive behavior that some crossdressers exhibit, i.e. it's all he wants to do.

Crossdressing is rarely the sole issue in any relationship, if it is an issue at all.

[VeronicaMoonlit]

Want an answer to this thread?

Read: "My Husband Betty: Love, Life, and Sex with a Crossdresser" by Helen Boyd

It is written by a very open-minded "GG" woman who is married to a Crossdresser and does an excellent job explaining some issues that many SO's might have with their Crossdressing husbands.

MHB is a good book that does explain the issues, I even have an autographed copy. (And an autographed copy of "She's Not the Man I Married" too. However, time passes and Betty has transitioned.

I would join the GG “team” in a minute, but I may be overdressed![/COLOR]

If that's the case, why do you refuse to identify as TG in any way, as you have stated many many times.

Veronica

[Tamara Croft]

If that's the case, why do you refuse to identify as TG in any way, as you have stated many many times.

In denial... and you won't get an answer because half the questions asked have been ignored... if Freddy answers you, I'll eat my hat

I think next time you get an idea Freddy, take more than a couple of days to think about posting it, all you've done really is bitch about the GG members here, when they've done nothing to you. Maybe when you've been led up the garden path and lied to about something for 20+ years, you'll know what it's like, until then, try and understand what it's like for others!

[Stephanie47]

Wow! I started reading this thread awhile ago and came back to it. Yes, Freddie's threads can be loquacious. The posts can also cover a lot of ground, a lot of ground.

Freddie opines: "What do you think the problem is?"

The responses for the most part seem to border on generalizations, the collective group responses to an individual marital relationship. So, really, "What do you think the problem is?"

Well, I'm in one of those "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" marriages. How did we get there? My wife clearly cannot understand why I do what I do. That makes the two of us. She does not want to participate. Fine. I do not want her to participate.

The next logical question is Why did she not split, when my cross dressing developed passed what we had mutually engaged in, which was friendly sexual bedroom play? In MY situation, it was because she knew it was two faced to discard a husband, who accepted her for who is is and did not kick her to the curb for revealing the things she had once done. I will tell you, the issues in our marriage that have really affected our marriage weigh heavily in her court. I accepted her for who she is, which is more than her perceived faults. The vast majority of guys I know would have dropped her, not unlike the vast majority, if not 99%, of the women, who would have dropped their cross dressing man.

I will wrap it all into a nice little gift box with a pretty bow. When she realized I was a cross dresser, and, a very closeted cross dresser, she stated she wished she had NEVER disclosed her perceived faults, her societal transgressions, her issues, because IT WOULD HAVE MADE IT EASY FOR HER TO JUST WALK AWAY FROM OUR MARRIAGE! She was more concerned of the scorn society may heap upon me, and, therefore her, because I am a cross dresser.

So, in my unique situation, my private situation, I do not seek validation from her or anyone else for who I have become. I do not want to leave my closet. I do not want her to join me in exploring myself.

I will not answer the question for others. My wife does not like cross dressing because it is something a man should not do.

[Tamara Croft]

OMG! I never knew! Sorry Tam..that must have been horrible...! My heart goes out to YOU Sweetness!

I hope you kicked his/her A** out to the curb?

Oh the sarcasm FYI, I wasn't talking about myself, I was talking about members in general, it never happened to me, I knew from the get go... so get your facts straight in future... sweetness...

[Debglam]

If that's the case, why do you refuse to identify as TG in any way, as you have stated many many times.
Veronica

In denial... and you won't get an answer because half the questions asked have been ignored... if Freddy answers you, I'll eat my hat

I think next time you get an idea Freddy, take more than a couple of days to think about posting it, all you've done really is bitch about the GG members here, when they've done nothing to you. Maybe when you've been led up the garden path and lied to about something for 20+ years, you'll know what it's like, until then, try and understand what it's like for others!

Freddy, I'm not piling on here but you have made clear in the past that your crossdressing is something personal to you and that you do in the privacy of your own home. That is cool but for those of us that are out and about and those of us that identify as somewhere on the trans scale, we welcome GG input.

[luscious]

there are some women who do not want an emotion and or feminine man and there are some who get excited that a man can or will dress like a girl and can look sometimes pretty.

many women will ponder the question" is he gay?"

[withasmile]

It has nothing to do with challenging my identity, I have not one speck of jealousy that my partner wants to be a girl. It has everything to do with frankly, embarrassment. Embarrassment over what friends, neighbors think, how they view me being with him (desperate, can't get a real man, weak - she puts up with that??) and how they might treat us - there are so many bigots in this world! Many people are not kind to anyone who is different, and are rigid in their viewpoints. ( Like some of my friends who are anti - Obama - you'd be amazed how nasty they can be towards those that voted for him- friendships lost over politics! - how shallow and silly! I managed to stay out of it - and still love them for all the other reasons i call them friends, but jeesh! ) I'd also worry about my kids and how they are treated. My kids have already experienced bullying for 'normal' reasons - why would I want them to experience the possibility of more? Many women are social creatures, their standing in their community matters to them.

It has to do with attraction. I like MEN - I could see occasional interactions with girls as something sexy - but it's not my preference. Sometimes if he's in the mood to dress its a turn off because I was craving him and not the type of play he has in mind when he dresses. It's dissatisfying then, and not fun. And I have a lot of fun with his CDing - a lot of the time. It's during those times I think a 'normal' man would be better because my needs arent being met.

Plus - with the attraction as a topic still - he is not a pretty girl. I've bought him things - I've helped him dress. The sad fact of the matter is that there are ugly GGs that you can put all the make up in the world on, and dress sexy, and no one would find attractive, never mind a 6'3 guy that could lose a few. One person on this site put it well, would you find your wife attractive if she showed up in a beard, and could only have sex with you wearing a suit and tie? Would you feel proud showing her off at the office party - even if she didn't look convincing as a man or particularly attractive? What if she chose to be this way every day and never made any attempt to look like the pretty girl you married? When sex is involved, I focus not on how he looks, but how he responds to the clothes, and the feel of the clothes.



I can't relate to many of the things he likes to wear either. I like to be comfortable. Heels are not comfortable. Pantyhose are not comfortable. ****ty clothes make me uncomfortable as too much attention makes me uncomfortable. A lot of the clothes he and other CDs like I've seen aren't classy - more trailer park style (sorry if that offends anyone generalizing about those that live in trailers. I do know that this isn't true for all, just making a point.)

Also - when he is dressed - he likes men too. I worry that some time from now he may only want men and not me anymore. CD does impact his sexuality. It would be foolish not to worry about it either, because I've read tons about CD ing, transsexuals, MtF etc - some do want to be a female in every way. it's a very real possibility that at some point he will want to be she full time - and where does that leave me?

Crossdressing affects my world too - that may sound selfish but it's a fact. And even though 'he is still the same person inside' that is part of the problem unfortunately. Any marriage has issues, things you think there is no way you can put up with for another 5, 10 years - hell another minute sometimes! Divorce seems easier, attractive at times. Put the added burden of dealing with cross dressing into the mix and it's easy to see why some women choose to divorce. It goes along the lines of why should I have to deal with this too, when you act like, behave like, treat me like.... - fill in the blank. It's a last straw sort of thing.

That being said, I do my best to be supportive, loving, buy him things and if he wanted to be a she full time I would continue to be that way. I would be his biggest defender. I might not be able to be married to him - I don't know. The craving to be with a guy guy could be too strong and the desire to have to not deal with all the challenges in addition to normal married life may be why we don't get to grow old together. I can't honestly say. I want to. I do love him.

When GGs say these things to you - it's not to rain on your parade or keep you from enjoying yourself. Have fun! But if you have a partner and you want to keep your partner, realize that what you do affects them. And honestly that goes for anything people like to do, drinking, hunting, video games, even volunteering -our desires, hobbies, and outside life can have negative effects on your married life if the others needs are not considered.

[Maria S]

In my opinion the GGs who come into contact with Maria are more supportive. I suppose they know the advantages of womanhood and can see why a man should want to do it or to live like you want to live. It is men that seem to disapprove of CDing as if it is some insult to manhood and that we are letting the side down.

Maria

[TGMarla]

I swear, this happens every time. Whenever a CD asks a generic question about the problems that real women have with us, even one that should elicit a discussion resulting in some teachable moments, the OP gets lambasted for piling on the GGs. I think it's rather obvious that for the most part, we all welcome the presence of GGs, very often the SOs of CDs (hate all these acronyms!), to our forum. They are best able to articulate the problems they have in dealing with crossdressing men in their lives, and bring us a female viewpoint to the whole issue. I would think that we would all welcome the opportunity to listen to them vent their actual issues on dealing with crossdressing in their lives. We certainly can all learn a thing or two from them. And isn't that what this forum, at least on one level, is all about?

But no, invariably it's more like stepping in dog poo. The thread gets opened up, and the politically correct among us just start piling on. You know who you are. And for the record, I don't give a damn about Freddy's font. It's part of her persona here, and if you don't (or didn't in this case) like it, then don't read it! She's articulate, introspective, detailed in her thoughts, thought provoking, and generally a very nice lady.

Why don't some of you attempt to be civilized? Sheesh!

@Withasmile - great answers, dear! That's what we all should be looking for! That's why this thread is here! Kudos!

[Beverley Sims]

I am replying to to this thread totally off topic now.
I have contributed but as it goes on I find a lot of diverse views, topical statements about most things and it is something you should read and try and absorb.
It seems like it is Freddy bashing time at the moment and what ever her faults she has engendered a wide range of discussion by most who remain silent.
Yes I do agree she should answer some of her accusers who have valid points.
If you poke a stick into a hornets nest, expect to be bitten.
Great discussions here I will read on.

[SarahMarie42]

This thread has grown into a behemoth! Wow! xD And a rather cantankerous behemoth at that!

I've actually never had any problems with GGs, whether they were friends or SOs. Guess I'm just lucky.