Valid point, Marleena. It's just like therapy...learning calculus or to ride a bike for that matter. Well meaning people, like us, can offer advice, share our experience or insights and offer encouragement. But if a person hasn't learned to accept herself, no amount of kumbaya will help.
Maybe YOU are actually seeking help, but publicly expounding a declaration of acceptance to show everyone how it must be. Yes, self-reliance is important, but few individuals have constructed such a well-maintained pedestal to stand upon. If you have truly accepted yourself, I think your stoic presence here is helping everyone…Originally Posted by Marleena
Have you helped me? Let me check...um...hold on...er...ah...YES!
Marleena your post have helped me quite a few times so thank you!
All we can do is try to help guide each other and give support when we can.
Ah crap it seems this thread has gone wrong. I'm not seeking praise but thanks for the nice compliments.This was my feeble attempt of self realization that I can't change the world as much I'd love to.
I think Kelly said it best when she said we touch each others in ways we aren't even aware of or expect.
But you do help me, Marleena. You and all the other ladies here help me with every post I read. Each one is another opportunity to laugh, or to think, or to offer words of encouragement, or to share my experience, or to share in another's joy, or simply to crank up my feminine empathy and feel with that person.
I have tried to offer my own help in kind. The feedback I've seen indicates I'm succeeding to an extent.
- Amy
Amy Gale Ruth Bowersox (nee Tapie) - "Be who you are, and be it in style!"
Member, Board of Trustees, Gender Identity Center of Colorado
aka Amelia Storm - Ms. Majestic Hearts of All Colorado 2018-2019, Miss Majestic Hearts of All Colorado 2015-2016
Marleena and Amy,
I reiterate my previous reply.
Do not take it personally that people do not reply.
Even Tamara was upset once by the perceived lack of response from someone she had helped.
Now there is a tough babe, I would not want to mess with.
She is obviously human too.
I am sorry we just have to move on if we are to progress.
Work on your elegance,
and beauty will follow.
This is true. But some need to know where the water is to begin with. I like a line in a song I heard once
"no I don't need a miracle but I could use a push in the right direction"
All I ever wanted was to be a girl. Is that really asking too much?
I don't think we can provide much push. I think the pull, the attraction of possibility, as demonstrated by others, can sometimes help overcome the inertia. But at the same time, I see what Marleena is talking about. Many of us have deeply ingrained emotional issues and behaviors that stand in the way of personal growth. You can think of many recent posts by individuals lamenting their situation, but feeling trapped. They often express envy and wish their lives could change...to be more like those they admire. But I'd first remind these individuals that every person, even those who seem to be living the dream, still face the challenges of daily life. And second, each of us who has experienced growth or realization of living some or all of our lives as women, each of us has faced barriers and found the resolve to overcome them or circumvent them. It's the doing...drinking the water...taking action that makes the difference.
Just to play devil's advocate amid this festival of sweetness and light, let me add this comment.
Altruism is, in essence, a vice; do not think that anyone will thank you, reward you or even notice that you have made any contribution at all. Remember that no good deed goes unpunished and punishment is cumulative and always severe.
After recognizing and thoroughly understanding the above, induldge yourself! I will applaud you, think highly of you and stand by you to take on the world if called upon; this is a vice in which I have frequently indulged in a long and checkered past. Just understand the likely results and you won't be dissapointed.
ALWAYS plan for the worst, then you can be pleasantly surprised if something else happens!
"The important thing about the bear is not how well she dances, but that she dances at all." - Old Russian Proverb (with a gender change)
Spoken like a true cynic. No telling how many times in my life I've said something similar. I must be mellowing in my old age, though. A friend of mine just did me a very great service, and I left her in no doubt as to how grateful I was. And will I ever repay my debt with acts, not just words? I've already offered. And I meant it.
Annabelle
Only a small percentqge of members, actually participate here to help.
OR to learn.
With the expectant result.
Wow. I am glad most people do not feel this way. My experience is to the contrary so I will continue to help where and when possible. If altruism is a vice then it is one I am proud to have and, unlikely many vices, one that will not lead an earlier demise. True altruism is not about receiving anything in return, keeping score or getting recognition.
If it is a dog eat dog world then don't wear Milk Bone underwear.
A little hard on donnalee, I think, who was just offering a reality check.
There are some people who won't do anything charitable without recognition. I remember years ago a celebrity who went to visit wounded soldiers in a hospital. The camera crew was delayed about an hour. Instead of beginning the visitation without cameras rolling, he sat iin the waiting room fuming over his stolen spotlight.
But I agree that real altruism isn't about getting thanks or recognition.
Here, we can't push help onto others. We tell our stories. Sometimes it helps others, sometimes we are helped by reading others' stories. Unfortunately, there are some here who, having finally figured it out for themselves, think they have the answers for all.
I can help you.
However, I'm trained in it. Most people are not. Most are really working on their own stuff when they try to help people. I know not to work harder on the client's issue than they are are. I have boundaries. I know about self care.
Here's a simple test... if you'd rather be [fishing,skiing,Youtubing,walking,riding,surfing,et cetera] than helping, you are in the right frame of mind to do some good.
Cassy
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