After years of surpressing feelings and not realising what those feelings meant last week was a revelationary moment. I realised that CD'ing is me, its what I want and its who I am.....and I am suprisingly comfortable with it. I am also happy in "bloke" mode as well and I know I am not gay. I just don't find men attractive at all.
My dawning moment came on Wednesday, on Thursday I told my wife. We have a pretty open and honest relationship and she has always been fairly open minded.
Unfortunately it didnt go well. She feels that she doesnt know who I am, that I have deceived her, she finds CD'ing a real turnoff, she is angry / hurt / upset (and any other negative adjective you want to add). We haven't had an argument about it because she knows that I've not done anything wrong - she actually told me that it would have been easier for her to deal with if I'd had an affair.
I have told her I want to dress, infact I have to dress and I would like to share that with her. However if she cant handle it (which at the moment she REALLY cant) I will be discrete and she wont see a thing. She feels at the moment that she is trapped by two "sh*t" choices, leaving me or staying with me CD'ing. She feels that she cant have a sexual relationship at the moment because she will have images that she doesnt want. I have told her that I will answer any questions she has as honestly as possible but I wont bring the subject up. She needs time, whether time heals only time will tell.
I am lucky, my best friend is very supportive and she has offered to shop with me and help with make up etc. I'd love it if my wife would be the same, but she wont - certainly at the moment. She has a close friend too (also a close friend of mine) who is very supportive and not phased by me being a CD'er (infact has offered to help me become Stephanie too)
Are there any support groups, counselling / therapy sessions that any of you can recomment. I love my wife and she (I know) loves me too - and I really want to get through this, however I need to be true to myself and who I am.
Thanks in advance
Steph x