I have been away from this site for a long time. Oh, I checked back from time to time but now I am getting nostalgic. I first posted on July 12, 2010. I just went back and read that post. I was unsure what would happen then. I was a CD but knew somehow I was more. I could see it in my words. Its been 2 and a half years since. A LOT has happened. It's amazing to read those words now. I wanted to repost my words here in this specific section for a reason. I was experiencing a lot of feelings during these times. 2010 was a HUGE year for me. 2011 and 2012 were no slouch either. This is the moment I realized I needed more, or at least I was reaching out to people like myself. I have no idea how I found this site. But on July 12, 2010 I wrote:
Hi There Girls!!
Hi all you gorgeous girls out there. This is it. I finally am showing myself to people. I have been doing this for 25 years since I was 13 and I got curious about my Mom's bras and those magical pantyhose. I seem to be going through an awakening of Amanda lately. My wife doesn't approve but we had recent conversations that are making me hopeful. She seems to be OK with it but it has definitely changed our marriage since 2001 when she found out a little bit after 9/11. I used to be heavy into CDing as we were dating and built an awesome "Girl Empire" of everything. Then I got married, threw everything out (cry,cry) and thought she would "save me". Well Amanda never went away. I love her. She is inside me constantly. I guess she is the perfect woman that I really can only emulate. It feels so magical to emulate girls. It makes me vibrate with pleasure and pure fun from the top of my head to my cutely painted toes. It just feels like no other feeling to be a girl. I have dreamed of what it would be like to be a real girl for 25 years. When I see a hot girl I always ask my self do I want to BE her more or be intimate with her more. Usually "be her" wins. I still don't know what this makes me label wise but I just know it feels like the best feeling in the world when I am simply...Amanda. PS. I wish I had a better wig but I made due with this one and some borrowed clothes. I need to build another Girl Empire.
Oh Amanda never went away alright. My wife was NOT OK with it after all. I embraced being myself. I AM Amanda. She is not another person in me as I thought. I am Amanda. I do not emulate women now, I live it. Through this site I met people who led me to other people like my partner. I met her in Washington DC in July 2011 at a CD/TG event. She was TS. A light came on in me and I saw how I could live. How I COULD do this. I knew inside it was right. Intense therapy, the beginning of HRT, electrolysis, name change, full time, first girl job, two states, thousands of driven and flown miles and many, many friends later, here I am. I would like to tell the people just starting out that it is possible to live your dream. I didn't have many obstacles like marraige (divorce in April 2011) Kids, or even a job.(Laid off May 2011) The road was still difficult. There is always family and job issues. But, If you feel those feelings that you may be more than a guy who feels compelled to wear women's clothing for fun, this site can be a great start to a better and larger world. I am still astounded by where I am now.
Ten Years Living 24/7 as a Mature Lady
Originally Posted by Maiko Newhalf
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