Telling Mother about me?

[Robyn Roberts]

A few years ago my older sister passed away. My mother and her were very close and she often talks about her,when I visit. I think my sister may have suspected of my dressing,I did use a lot of her nice dresses and gowns growing up. I don't know if she ever said anything to our mother about her suspicions? I've wanted to tell my mother about Robyn,but afraid of what her reaction may be? I guess my worst fear would be that she would think I'm trying to replace my sister? I thought maybe showing her a few pictures of me,to see what her reaction would be? Or even going over dressed,next Halloween? Any suggestions would be appreciated on how I should introduce Robyn to my mother,if at all? My mother is 83 y/o and in good health.

Thanks Robyn

[kimdl93]

Well, I think that enough time has passed where your sister's death won't be an issue. I think the best think is to just begin a conversation with your mother about you live and your gender identity. As a mother, I'm sure she is curious about your life. That's as good a place to start as any.

[outhiking]

Hi Robyn. I suggest approaching this as you would telling an SO. It's probably best to ease into it at first. Good luck.

[Jenniferathome]

First, pictures or dressing in front of her is not the right start. Discussion is. But before you do that, you have to think about why you want to tell her. Is it for her or for you? How will she be better for it? How does it affect her now and in the future? Unless you are living with her, I see no reason she needs to be informed.

[Ruby John]

Why do you want to put your mother on your cross dressing trip? Think it over again. Good Luck Ruby

[monalisa]

Why stress your mother out and give her more things to worry about. I don't think she would care to know. Keep it your secret.

[lingerieLiz]

Why would you want her to know.

I came out to my mother when I was in my early 20s. She had a hard time with it. Not bad enough to not borrow my dresses though. Eventually she accepted it to some extent.If I had it to do over I would probably never tell her.

[AltairaMorbius]

She more than likely knows already, Mom's know everything. At 83 if she has not brought it up I'd pass. However, on youe next overnight visit ask to borrow a night shirt if she wears them and see how she reacts.

Cheers,
Amy

[deebra]

At 83 she came from a whole different generation with different values than we have today, DON"T TELL HER, it would hurt her , you are her son not her daughter or something else (gay, feminine, sissy, perverted, etc.). Her time is short, let her be proud of the son she has known all her life. If you are burdened to tell someone, tell it to a tree, then no one will be hurt.

[Robyn Roberts]

Thank you for all your suggestions, I have decided not to tell her. It isn't like if I told her that she would want to go out shopping with me or something I guess? I'm now her only living son and I agree,it will serve no real purpose in telling her. I think if she already knew from my sister,she would have asked by now?

[DonnaT]

I showed my mom a picture, and she asked who it was. It took some convincing for her to believe it.

She had no problem with it, and not having any daughters, appeared delighted that she could pass some of her things to me, especially earrings.

[PaulaQ]

I think if she already knew from my sister,she would have asked by now?

Robyn, she may not want to know. She may know, because of your sister, but she may still not "want to know", and so deny it. You'd be surprised how many parents do this on all manner of things. It depends a lot on your mom and how she deals with stuff. My mother would fall into this camp, I am 1000% certain of this.

[Beverley Sims]

Halloween is a good time to show her you dressed.
I would tell her that you are going as a girl to a party dressed and would you like to see the costume beforehand.
This may illicit some response about her views on the subject and whether your sister had said anything.
You could be claiming to go to a party as a girl and ask what she thinks.
There are a lot of situations you could conjure up to get her view.
If it is positive then you can open up if need be.

[whowhatwhen]

Moms always know everything.
Although my mom isn't happy about me being trans, she always knew.

Telling her depends on how you feel about it, if there is no reason to come out to her then it's perfectly reasonable to keep to yourself.
If you're like me where there is a great possibility that it cannot remain hidden then it's probably better to be upfront with the truth.

...That's not to say it will be clear sailing.

[Cheryl T]

The first time I dressed for Halloween of course there were pictures at the party. I showed them to my mother and she said to my dad, "Wanna see what your daughter would have looked like if you had one?"....little did they know.

[joanna4]

I know that it wa a few years ago and I'm very sorry about your older sister passing away and I'm sorry that your mother had to endure the pain of losing a child.

I do remember a short video on Youtube of a Hong Kong drama where the son is a crossdresser who dressed to replace his twin sister who passed away, it was a secret only the mother and son. One day he had a heart attack and was discovered by paramedics dressed a women. That's about all I remember. Now that's that, what I would do is be myself and dress for myself and not try to be someone I'm not. Have a great one

[Ezekiel]

I didn't really have to tell my parents as I got caught numerous times when I was younger, they took me to various therapists etc. But since I told them I would stop back when I was 15, recently I had to come out again. I was a bit blunt myself, lacking any kind of elegance in the way I said it, so I'm not sure this would be the best way. It was when we were having lunch together, I stopped eating and said it. My mother didn't take it well but in my case I don't really care much. I advise not to use this method if you really care about what she thinks or the reaction she may have. Doing it at Halloween can be a little too rough, I think its better to take her for a walk and quietly talk with her while in your usual clothes. My opinion though.