My wife came home early without calling and caught me.

[DonnaT]

Yep, it's one thing to tell her you cross dress, it's an entirely nuther thing for her to see it.

Time to take your place back in the bedroom, however. Once in bed, tell you're sorry she had to see that. Then roll over and go to sleep.

Let her bring up any further discussion.

[Leslie Langford]

If she wasn't feeling well. it probably didn't help. It happened to me many a time. It's not so much that we do it as it is they feel we do it "behind their back" so to speak when they are not around, probably prompting them to question what else we might be doing. Solid communication is the key in this instance.

I agree that a good "heart-to-heart" is in order rather than allowing this situation to continue festering, but be prepared - it ain't gonna be pretty, and expect a few strips to be torn off your back in the process.

But to Kate's point - part of this conversation needs to address the relative gravity of this "discovery" vis-a-vis coming home unexpectedly and finding you in bed with another woman, which is a far more likely and frequent scenario among "real" men. It would be interesting to hear that given her 'druthers, which option would she really prefer...

[pink.switch.love]

ugh. the negative connotations.

Listen OP - it is not a BAD thing that you CD - it is good thing.

[Sandra]

I don't know for sure BUT I can say that if you're hiding something like this in the first place it surely is a sign that something is horribly wrong with the relationship. You're supposed to be able to tell that person anything and everything... trust them with your deepest secret.

Oh and it's still the wife's fault..yes trust is a big thing so how about trusting the wife enough to tell her. Do you know how a wife feels when she finds out after years of marriage that her husband is a cder, she feels betrayed and untrusted and don't try and tarr all relationships with there being something horribly wrong with the relationship because it isn't so.

[pink.switch.love]

Oh and it's still the wife's fault..yes trust is a big thing so how about trusting the wife enough to tell her. Do you know how a wife feels when she finds out after years of marriage that her husband is a cder, she feels betrayed and untrusted and don't try and tarr all relationships with there being something horribly wrong with the relationship because it isn't so.

I didn't mean to imply it is the wife's fault... most likely it is the opposite.
If you LIE for years and years to your SO - the relationship is FUBAR.

[Deedee Skyblue]

I don't know for sure BUT I can say that if you're hiding something like this in the first place it surely is a sign that something is horribly wrong with the relationship. You're supposed to be able to tell that person anything and everything... trust them with your deepest secret.

Did you read the OP? She said "just before Christmas - I told my wife about my dressing."

[pink.switch.love]

Did you read the OP? She said "just before Christmas - I told my wife about my dressing."

Yes i did. The conversation went beyond that.

Also it seems like there was a long period of dishonesty.

People that really love on another accept each other OR love enough to leave.

Really.

[Kelly Smith]

Yes i did. The conversation went beyond that.

Also it seems like there was a long period of dishonesty.

People that really love on another accept each other OR love enough to leave.

Really.

No dishonesty. I had only been dressing a few months.

I am not ready to force a "you accept or I leave" ultimatum on my beautiful bride. Seems brutal.

[Annette Anderson]

My boyfriend likes when i dress so i don't have this problem

[Stephanie47]

Even though your wife knew of your cross dressing, she really did not conceive the extent of the cross dressing. She was predisposed to have a negative view of the revelation. Sure, tell a woman you like to wear women's clothing. What did that mean? Throw on a dress? And, that's all. Or, the entire deal.

It's not just the wearing of women's clothing. It's the psychology behind it. If a man has absolutely no desire to cross dress, and, his wife knows that, I bet she would be more agreeable to helping him dress up for Halloween. That's just a goof. Catch him, intentionally or unintentionally emulating a woman, that's different.

Maybe Kelly's wife felt lousy, and, did not remember to call ahead before arriving home. If a woman realizes her absence from the home may give him the time to dress, then I would hope she'd call home before arriving unannounced.

One reason to not get caught is the plain fact the wife will never see her husband in the same way after seeing him en femme. Her self denial has been shattered.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Kelly, It sounds like you need one of those bumper stickers that says, (( $#!+ HAPPENS )).

[pink.switch.love]

No dishonesty. I had only been dressing a few months.

I am not ready to force a "you accept or I leave" ultimatum on my beautiful bride. Seems brutal.

So you went through a process of self discovery and told her about it the whole way through? Or did you do it for a while and then tell her?

I was really just putting the consideration out there - sounds like she will never like it and you always will.

Usually making it "work" is some type of lose-lose situation where everybody is unhappy.

[Kelly Smith]

Even though your wife knew of your cross dressing, she really did not conceive the extent of the cross dressing. She was predisposed to have a negative view of the revelation. Sure, tell a woman you like to wear women's clothing. What did that mean? Through on a dress? And, that's all. Or, the entire deal.

It's not just the wearing of women's clothing. It's the psychology behind it. If a man has absolutely no desire to cross dress, and, his wife knows that, I bet she would be more agreeable to helping him dress up for Halloween. That's just a goof. Catch him, intentionally or unintentionally emulating a woman, that's different.

Maybe Kelly's wife felt lousy, and, did not remember to call ahead before arriving home. If a woman realizes her absence from the home may give him the time to dress, then I would hope she'd call home before arriving unannounced.

One reason to not get caught is the plain fact the wife will never see her husband in the same way after seeing him en femme. Her self denial has been shattered.

The fact is She doesn't see me the same way at all. She winces when I approach her for sex. This morning she refused me and she said that she wants me to stay in the guest room permanently. The truth is, I don't mind. I need a change of pace and am ready to explore my feminine side much more deeply.

[~Joanne~]

*wonders how many SOs call home before they come home sick to warn the other SO to not be doing something they don't want to get caught at*

Mine actually does She usually calls to see if I need anything to be picked up on the way home and I usually do the same. If i am dressed I usually say "Joanne is visiting" and she says "so what do you need anything? "

[Kelly Smith]

Mine actually does She usually calls to see if I need anything to be picked up on the way home and I usually do the same. If i am dressed I usually say "Joanne is visiting" and she says "so what do you need anything? "

I would love it if my wife were that accepting. you have someone very special. Cherish her.

[Marleena]

I am not ready to force a "you accept or I leave" ultimatum on my beautiful bride. Seems brutal.

Kelly she just might turn the tables on you so be ready for it. Some wives can never accept that their husband is a crossdresser. We've seen it here many times. Good luck with this.

[RonniCD]

Fortunately, I've never experienced being caught (though the notion has long been a fantasy, but with a different outcome than yours, Kelly). I really don't have any advice. I thank the stars that I have a fabulous S/O who would be thrilled to come home to find me fully dressed and made up for her. Good luck to you Kelly.

[pink.switch.love]

The fact is She doesn't see me the same way at all. She winces when I approach her for sex. This morning she refused me and she said that she wants me to stay in the guest room permanently. The truth is, I don't mind. I need a change of pace and am ready to explore my feminine side much more deeply.

And you don't think you should consider breaking up???
If what you say is true - then I'm right.
Don't stay in that situation - it is unhealthy. Get an apartment.

[jenni_xx]

Mine actually does She usually calls to see if I need anything to be picked up on the way home and I usually do the same. If i am dressed I usually say "Joanne is visiting" and she says "so what do you need anything? "

That's different to what Lorileah said though. Your wife isn't calling home to warn you that she's coming home.

In regards to what Stephanie47 wrote (quote: "If a woman realizes her absence from the home may give him the time to dress, then I would hope she'd call home before arriving unannounced"), I completely disagree. No one should feel that they have to call home before they arrive, irrespective of whether they were expected to be home at that time or not. If a wife/girlfriend knows about her partner's dressing and doesn't approve, or makes it clear to her partner that she doesn't want to see him dressed, then it isn't her responsibility to ensure that she doesn't see him dressed. It is the husbands responsibility to ensure that that doesn't happen. He can do that be being completely honest with his partner - for example calling/texting her to inform her that he is using that time he has alone to dress. After all, even if she doesn't approve, or doesn't want to see it, she will still know that it is going on. And by being completely honest, at least this way her partner would be showing understanding and being considerate of her wishes, to ensure that she isn't subjected to something that she doesn't want to be subjected to.

[Stevie]

If you are being banished permanently is not a good sign. You should have a heart to heart talk with her. You did this behind her back she probably feels like you betrayed her.

[cdxmatty]

im sorry Kelly just try to stay positive.

[Kelly Smith]

On Sunday my wife told me, unless i resist these urges, our marriage is over.

You know, that doesn't sound like a bad bargain. The kids are grown and our sex life together is over.

Thanks, everyone, for lending your ears and giving your best advice.

[pink.switch.love]

On Sunday my wife told me, unless i resist these urges, our marriage is over.

You know, that doesn't sound like a bad bargain. The kids are grown and our sex life together is over.

Thanks, everyone, for lending your ears and giving your best advice.

Good for you. Be yourself and move on - there is somebody out there that will love you for exactly who you are and will enjoy this aspect of your life as much as you do.

[PaulaQ]

On Sunday my wife told me, unless i resist these urges, our marriage is over.

I'm so very sorry it went this way, Kelly. My heart goes out to you, I mean that.

[~Joanne~]

I would love it if my wife were that accepting. you have someone very special. Cherish her.

I am amazed myself how she has/is handling this. Believe me I am lucky but I spent a ton of years hiding this. and all isn't all honky dorey either but most of the negatives are because of my fears more than anything else