Avrial,
you are my hero! i think i am going to start doing that now
Avrial,
you are my hero! i think i am going to start doing that now
Maybe nobody cared. But did they notice you were wearing female shoes? Yes, no question about it.Originally Posted by Avrial
the only way you passed is if people thought you were a matador.
Oh, I'm sure people noticed, no doubt about it. No one cared enough to say or do anything directly to me though. It's just not a big deal to people. I guess for the purpose of this discussion, no, I guess we can't really call them passing. I don't think a subtle flat is going to get noticed too much though. The noise and color of my bright red flip-flops probably attracts more attention.
Felicity, I like your answer of "because I like them" if someone does ask... and I really do like them. Flats looks good, and I'm not afraid to say it should the opportunity arise. Go for it, and let us know how it works out for you.
Nobody cared because it is none of their business! It really isn't any different than a person that has visible tattoos or body piercings, or anything about their appearance that is different. In fact, the shoes are much less noticeable than piercings or tattoos. Anything that is different will most likely be noticed, but it is not a big deal. We need to stop worrying about what other folks think, because to do so is to give them power over yourself. Also, the flats look very good in the pictures that Avrial posted. Much nicer looking than clunky/fugly men's shoes.Maybe nobody cared. But did they notice you were wearing female shoes? Yes, no question about it.
the only way you passed is if people thought you were a matador.
You will become stronger in the ways of the Pink Fog. May the Pink Fog guide you and be with you now and forever.
my main response is "because they fit". I tell people that I have an extremely narrow foot (AAA) and to buy a mens shoe that narrow costs BIG bucks, while a nice fitting womans shoe is under $30 at Payless or under $50 dang near anywhere else.
Jenn
I think there is a certain irony here in that some think it is going to be perceived as strange or weird if a guy incorporates women's shoes into his "guy" wardrobe. Yet, many CDers go out fully dressed--and I'm sorry but very few can pull off passing--with the intent to deceive people into thinking they are women, but are probably just as likely to be "made" as someone noticing a guy in ballet flats. Is that any less strange or weird? I know that most CDers don't think of it as deception, but that it is often how it is perceived.
Yes, that is the issue. Most folks are not going to notice the guy wearing women's shoes, and if they do, they will just assume that he likes women's shoes and is the male equivalent of a Tomboy. On the other hand, they will be much more confused by the CD that doesn't pass.
I bought a pair of these at Kmart for my wife. She really loved them and I had to get her another pair, but in black. After all her telling me how comfortable they were, I decided to try a pair for myself. Online only $15. $30 in the store. I've been wearing them in drab a couple days now. Think I'll be ordering a pair in black for myself as well. With jeans they just look like cowboy boots. But the heel is higher than any cowboy boots I've worn. So definitely lets you know you are in women's heels. They feel better with nylons, but that's a bit much for me in guy mode, so I just wear black nylon men's dress socks. Frankly they are almost too high for me for outside use. But I'm certain with some practice I'll get used to walking over rough rocks, sand, and slopes. Normally all I do is walk from the bedroom to living room on carpet.
http://www.kmart.com/shc/s/p_10151_1...sKmartShipConf
[SIZE="3"]*** Barbie Lanai ***[/SIZE]
I sometimes wear my Ballet shoes around the yard and many times to the store. I would say 95% of the time no one notice.
People notice, but they just don't care. Why would they care what shoes you are wearing? If you think logically about it; it doesn't even make sense.
Great look, Avrial! I do it all the time. Be yourself. Wear what you love!
I wear these all the time ,, An never get any grief . Got some more in a different on order ,, All depends on what they are an what they look like ? So don't hide your fancy
Sandals wear um an show um to the world ,, LOL,,, I do !!Attachment 200302
It’s not that wise to make a general statement like this. No, some people just don’t care. But yes, some people do pay attention, and they have zero problem getting in your face about it. Is it their business? NO, but has that ever stopped loud-mouthed bozos? A lot of it depends on where you live and where you go. Whether you agree/disagree, whether it’s right/wrong, whether it’s fair/unfair, doesn’t matter in real life. It will never be generally socially acceptable for a male to wear women’s clothing/shoes in public. Please live your life however you want to live it.
Did you read my other comments about other folks that just don't fit the norm? For example, a person that is covered in tattoos or piercings. Folks don't get into the face of someone that has a lot of tats or piercings. Wearing women's shoes is much less noticeable. Did you realize that tattoos were originally only worn by men, and that back in the 1950's and 1960's earrings were only worn by women. Why has this change in the year 2000? The reason the change occurred is because women just got out there and wore tattoos and men got out there and wore earrings. That is how change is effected. If anyone got into these folks faces, what do you suppose they did? They told them to mind their own business. No one has the right to criticize anyone's appearance regardless of what they are wearing as long as it's covers the appropriate body parts. It is none of their business. Anyone who is in the minority will may need to stand-up for what they believe. Women did this long ago. When they first started wearing pants, people called them lesbians but they dealt with it. I also remember men being called gay for wearing earrings, but guess what, they kept on wearing earrings and now a lot of men wear earrings.
If you don't get out there and wear what you want to wear as a male, then change will never happen. I suggest that you go over to http://www.hhplace.org and read how men successfully wear high-heels as men. In the end it is just shoes and it doesn't matter if they are women's. When someone asks me if I'm wearing women's shoes, I respond "no, they are my shoes".
Your tattoo/piercing analogy really doesn't work in this case, as it's not the same thing. It really does matter what people do. But that doesn't mean you aren't free to do what you want.
Jamie, perhaps in your world men can prance around in women's shoes, etc. without reprecussions, but some of us have families and careers to think about. We don't want to hurt or embarass our families and we don't want to hurt our careers by "not fitting the norm". Now if we decide to go where nobody is likely to know and recognize us, prancing around in women's shoes or even 100% dressed as a female is just fine.
I believe our choice not to wear women's ballet flats in male mode is just as valid as your choice to wear them. It's an individual decision based on personal circumstances. I hope you can at least agree with that.
[SIGPIC]http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/image.php?type=sigpic&userid=82706&dateline=137762 0356[/SIGPIC]Linda
I understand your point of view, however, the only way that change is ever affected is by not fitting the norm. It is only shoes, a very trivial thing that doesn't make you a criminal or a bad person. I have learned in the past several years that there is a very big difference between myself (feminine male) and the average full-on crossdresser. For me, it is all about incorporating women's items in my normal feminine male look without attempting to emulate or pass as a woman. Essentially, I'm like the opposite of a Tomboy and I believe the term that has been used on this forum is "JaneGirl". I realize the most full-on crossdressers are extremely closeted in their everyday lives to the point that some of them even hide their secret from their wives and other loved-ones because of their fear of rejection. I am beginning to realize that a full-on crossdresser will be judged much more severely by society and loved-ones as compared to a male that just like to incorporate feminine items while presenting as a male. Most full-on crossdressers that are closeted are extremely concerned about wearing feminine in male mode that may insinuate that they are possibly a crossdresser. They don't want anything to tip their hand because if someone sees one feminine thing than they feel that everything may be exposed. I believe the reason for this concern stems from the thought process that if they are seen wearing a feminine item, folks may start thinking that they may be a full-on crossdresser that attempt to emulate a woman and since they are so closeted to friends and coworkers this is the last thing that they want to happen. I have come to realize that there are a lot more consequences to a person that is discovered as a full-on crossdresser as compared to a feminine male that just like to incorporate some feminine items into their male presentation. There difference in consequences regarding being discovered as a full-on crossdresser that emulates a woman as compared to a feminine male is huge!! A feminine male is not a big deal and is just like a Tomboy, however a full-on crossdresser is analogous to a women that puts on a fake beard/mustache and stuffs a sock in her pants. I didn't understand this concept in the beginning but I am now beginning to understand why the closeted crossdresser that fully emulates a woman may not want to be exposed because they may be judged severely as compared to a feminine male.
I wear Skechers all of the time. Not exactly super feminine, but I like them, though I have to find them in a wide size.
Due to my own physical constraints I cannot wear heels, at least not anything more than 2" tops and they can't be pointy at that.
If I had any idea that therapy, hair removal, hair transplants, doctors and medications were so expensive I would have planned to be rich first.
Well said Jamie.
Jamie, excellent post. You brought up some very good points.
I'm in the same boat as you as feminine male. For me, and I assume many of us, there's no such thing as fully dressed. My feminine things don't stay in the closet for special occasions; it's who I am every day. Everyone knows and expects that my presentation will be feminine... and not just appearance, but also personality and mannerisms. It's not possible for me to be exposed as anything that I don't already openly share. I have nothing to lose by wearing a pair of shoes.
This is in very stark contrast to those who have significantly different masculine and feminine modes and do believe they have something to lose by being questioned.
I suppose this is getting pretty far off the original topic though at this point...
For the purpose of the original discussion, I truly believe that a completely plain pair of black flats could pass if dressed accordingly.
"I'm in the same boat as you as feminine male. For me, and I assume many of us, there's no such thing as fully dressed. My feminine things don't stay in the closet for special occasions; it's who I am every day. Everyone knows and expects that my presentation will be feminine... and not just appearance, but also personality and mannerisms. It's not possible for me to be exposed as anything that I don't already openly share. I have nothing to lose by wearing a pair of shoes."
Bravo for that wonderful post, Avrial!!! Indeed, my "feminine" things are part of everyday life. I admit there are two schools of thought presented in this thread. In one, we wear what we like as part of our true selves. That's me. ... Others, it seems, feel they must to go fully dressed in wigs, makeup, dresses, lipstick, stockings and heels ... just to wear an earring. It is they who are prisoners of society, IMO.
I think younger CDs - me included - just wear what they like in "guy mode" or whatever. Of course, I wear nice shoes 24/7. Luv it.
I definitely enjoy womens shoes more than mens... but since i havnt gotten used to shamelessly wear whatever i want in public yet, the nerves would make it not even worth it.
It could take some time, but eventually i will get over it and start going out with completely femme shoes
You have to be comfortable in your own skin and take it at whatever pace is comfortable to you. I stated off wearing Keds, but now days some unisex looking Skechers or women's running shoes are a good place to start.
I love your avatar photo, Felicity!!
Geneva and Avrial, It is always wonderful to hear from two more feminine males like myself. I first started wearing women's sandals years ago and since I live in a warm climate, my feet are on display in women's sandals almost everyday. After I started wearing women's sandals I went to a nail appointment and my nail technician suggested that since I wear obviously feminine women's sandals, I should wear bright red nail polish on my toenails like a woman. I have been getting pedicures every two weeks and wearing red polish on my toenails ever since that day. It is one of my signature looks. My friends and family expect to see me wearing women's sandals, red toenails, a femme hairstyle and carrying a women's purse and bright red women's wallet. When people meet me for the first time and see my women's sandals and sassy red toenails, they know that I have a very strong feminine side and I am not afraid to express the woman within me. I was in a beauty supply yesterday the the clerk noticed by high-heel sandals and told me that she loved them and wanted to know where I purchased them. I get a lot of compliments from women on my shoes and for the most part, men just ignore them. The great thing about this situation is that I don't have fear about wearing any style of shoe and will even wear extremely feminine strappy high-heel sandals with rhinestones and other adornments. These types of sandals with the red toenails just scream feminine, but the wonderful thing is that it is normal for me and therefore I don't feel out of place.
I agree that the majority of the crossdressers here on this forum are prisoners of society by having two distinct modes of 100 percent masculine or 100 percent feminine. They are binary like a light switch and are usually very worried about anything feminine being exposed because they are worried about being exposed as a crossdresser. Being a feminine male has so much more advantages because you don't need to hide and you can't talk women's fashion with other women. Also, one of the most fun things is to go shoe shopping and to nail appointments with GG friends. Being a feminine male is so much better for me than living my life worrying about being discovered as a crossdresser, because in my case there is nothing to discover.
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