I just want to give up on the while thing. I want to purge. This thing really causes too many problems in my love life and is screwing me over. She says ita like she's dating 3 people and I can't argue that point. I feel like two people.. . .Two people battling for control of one body and I HATE IT. I hate it to the core. It's time to purge. . .I can't live two lifestyles anymore.
Put it on hold. Focus on your male self. I was about to purge last week, but I just pushed everything deep in my closet and focused on going to gym or taking care of my GF especially cause she is sick. Give it a few weeks, if you can. If you really feel like Allison is truly a second person, rather than a hobby, you may just end rebuying everything you purged away. Whatever you decide, good luck.
I think I feel more like Natalie than I do Kat. I think from this point I will go by Natalie.
Part of a recently ended relationship where a reason why it ended was my crossdressing.
Who's the third person? If you're two people?Originally Posted by AllisontheGoddess
Yeah, I totally get this. I completely sympathize with you. Unfortunately, odds are, purging won't help. Sorry. I wish you the best, and totally feel your pain. Not to be negative, but as best I can tell, the male side of your personality doesn't really win most of the time. Best you can do is try to find a balance you and your SO can live with. Yes, this can be hard, depending on the SO, and yourself. I've tried this at least twice in the past. And yet, here I am again. My experience is the desire for this does not diminish over time - quite the opposite.Two people battling for control of one body and I HATE IT. I hate it to the core. It's time to purge. . .I can't live two lifestyles anymore.
But again, whatever you choose, I wish you luck and success, and I mean that from the bottom of my heart.
If you really want to give up the whole thing, don't visit or post on a crossdressing forum, get rid of your female things, stop talking, reading, and thinking about crossdressing, and find something else to occupy your mind and your spare time.
You can do it if you really want to.
[SIGPIC]http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/image.php?type=sigpic&userid=82706&dateline=137762 0356[/SIGPIC]Linda
Be careful with purging, it becomes expensive re-buying. Focus on your male side, keep yourself so busy there's no time for Allison. And think about staying away from here. Reading about so many people having fun will again lead to temptation. It could come down to who is more important, your SO or Allison. Take a deep breath and think male.
Best wishes whatever you do,
Hugs
Traci Melissa Knight
To thine own self be true
When the student is ready, the teacher will appear
Allison,
Do not purge, it is a waste of time and an extravagant wast of money.
pack up your memories/clothes in a bag with mothballs and put it in a corner somewhere where no one is likely to open it.
You can re visit it at a later time and decide what you want to do when you are of a calmer mindset.
You may not want to live two different lifestyles and the decision is yours, my advice is put it away till you have calmed down.
Work on your elegance,
and beauty will follow.
purging doesn't work...many threads on this no matter how you try. Box it up and store it somewhere that is difficult/inconvenient to get to. At least way you may be less tempted to run to it all the time when its easy to pull out and wont be as expensive when you do eventually do go back. Last time I purged was 2009 and I've bought more than I got rid of since. Never again
From you bio I see you're twenty. That really is an age of sexual turmoil, raging hormones, etc. It raises a lot of conflict with your inner self. You'll find you may be able to walk away from expressing this side of yourself. Some call it a hobby. I think that is BS. No one engages in a hobby that is so out of the societal norm and customs. Sure, a gag at Halloween may be a once in a while gag.
I recommend donating you clothing. Not having them around will require, if you succumb to temptation, to make an concerted effort to go buy something rather than just getting into the back of the closet. Find some worthwhile activity or hobby to take up free time. Get of this forum.
Above all, if you notice or you're told by others, if your personality is changing for the worse- agitated, short tempered, etc, it may be you're unable to block out who you are. Your SO will be able to tell if your personality is changing. If she see that in you, she may realize the other person in the three way is a necessary part of you. Above all, approach life with balance.
Good luck.
Hello. I really empathize with what you're going through. Recently, I thought about purging and trying to put it all behind me, so I can attempt to be involved in 'normal' romantic relationships.
What stopped me was the knowledge that it has ultimately never worked before. I may have gone a year, two years, five years in full on guy mode, with hardly even a second thought. But one day, I inevitably find that the dam cracks, and everyone nestled safely in the valley below gets washed away.
In the end, my real regret is having to re-invest all the time and money I spent in the first place. And, fashion being what it is, some of those pieces that you love most dearly will never be found again, save in a lucky trip to a thrift-store, or a fortuitous eBay find. This time around, I have spent more money than ever, and put together a wardrobe that I am very happy with so far. I just can't throw it all away again, knowing what lies in my closet - both literally and figuratively.
I'm not saying you can't put it behind you - everyone's different. But be very, very sure that's what you want to do. And really, if you can find a way to store it somewhere, with a trusted friend or in a storage unit, that's probably the best way to go.
Good luck, and I hope you're able to find the happiness you're looking for, whatever route you choose.
(:
"She ain't waiting 'til she gets older, her feet are makin' tracks in the winter snow.
She got a rainbow that touches her shoulder, she be headed where the thunder rolls."
-Van Halen, "Secrets"
I have to agree with the comments here .Just store your stuff away in a tote or a box for a bit take a break and see what happens ?.I have purged many times only to regret it and go out and buy more clothes (which =lots of wasted clothes and money ) I hope all the best for you
I have a hubcap diamond star halo
Life has taught me that you can't run from who you are. If your GF can't deal with it then that's her problem.
You'll never be happy trying to be someone you're not for someone else.
Okay, end of sermon and best of luck.
You're misleading yourself. There's only one person inside of you....how you dress doesn't change that. And its not a matter of who's in control but rather how you CHOOSE. Learn to accept that this is you and that you are responsible, in control and living the life you want. Purge all you want, but you can't change who you are. Better that you learn to accept yourself, and that you stop pretending that there are multiple people in you. And for your SO, you can be consistently yourself, regardless of how you dress.
I'm with Rachel Murphy. Your feminine side is not a habit. It's not a fetish. It's not a perversion. It's a fundamental part of who you are. It will never go away. Purging will do nothing. Until you accept that you're part girl, you'll always be in pain. If reading this is difficult, then get yourself into therapy. Don't be ashamed. I'm in therapy, and I'm not. It's not about being broken. It's about society's broken expectations that gender variation does not exist.
Please, believe me that there's great joy in accepting your true self. Being a woman is wonderful thing! Take pride in your femininity. Once you do, you will attract people who will love and accept you for who you are.
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