Just as a thought.... you don't want to overload someone but you don't want them thinking you wee lying by omission. So what is worse over loading or deliberately ommiting?
Just as a thought.... you don't want to overload someone but you don't want them thinking you wee lying by omission. So what is worse over loading or deliberately ommiting?
Great point Wbradm, A lot of us have felt that when we are going to tell our wives that we should tell everything and not hold back anything. It seems in this case that it is of the majority of posters here say that the cd overloaded her wife? okay, but we also read on here many times about taking baby steps, like a little here and a little more later. Some may call the op here one that has overloaded his/her wife, but to me, it is very necessary to tell everything so that the couple can deal with and work with, everything on the table. If the cd had ONLY said that he/she wore a dress while her wife was gone, then there would be criticism that he/she held back and therefore be called deceitful. So here, everything was told, so now, he/she is told she did wrong by overloading his wife. This thread is another perfect example of danged if you do and danged if you don't. If the op had said, that his house is yellow, the sky is blue, his car is green, and has two cats in the yard, some would still say how wrong he/she is. I guess it just comes natural for people.
peace and love,
Tara
well, at least she knew you liked to CD before she left. I hope she doesn't suffer too much from the information overload, but that's horse is out of the barn. Please take it slow and patiently. Be prepared to let her vent a bit and if an argument looms, ask her politely if the conversation can be postponed until everyone has had a chance to cool off a little. There will be more conversations, but I'd let them occur when she is ready to discuss.
Dam pink fog again
She found my makeup last night.
Do you know how expensive that is? I know expensive when I see it! Yes, I do know, 50 dollars.
50 dollars! Do know how much mine cost? 20 dollars.
I felt the I should buy something since the lady spent the time, effort and makeup on making me up.
No comment.
You really laid it out to her.
Pinkessence Transliving Urnotalone
Well you can't take anything back now, I would really focus on Damage Control! All these things coming out with minimal thought of placement, wording, reactions would seem to paint a really bad picture in anyone's mind. You need to step back, think about how to re-present this information in a better light, with more explanation, with more emotion to how you are feeling and more sympathy to your wife. This sounds like the same way you would explain this to someone off the street, not your wife.Originally Posted by Lori_Lynn
Got to complement you. Putting it all on the line. That's what I felt like doing. Laying it all out but I know my wife well enough to know that I pushed the envelope too far. I couldn't tell her that way. Sounds like she loves you.. she is definitely sorting it out in her mind now. Only time will tell now.. I hope everything works out in the end.
When your wife left on her trip she had a husband, a lover.
When she came back she had a cross-dresser, who will look like something else, even when not 'dressed' owing to the modifications.
Trust is the biggest casualty here.
You have left her no room for an opinion on any of this, just take it or leave it. You really think that makes you part of a relationship? No sex unless she agrees to another 'woman' in the bedroom? And when did you last spend $50 on her?
Your wife has the message loud and clear. She doesn't matter. Your female self does. And those jobs she thought you might do while she was away....you spent a whole weekend on yourself...
And if she had gone to a gay bar without you, you would have said....?
Sorry, and working your butt off, won't cure this. Maybe she'll take a fancy to a friend of yours? or come down with depression? or just run away?
What leeway have you left her to make a choice about anything? She can't even talk it over with a friend, not without 'outing' you.
My suggestion is diamonds. Flowers won't cover this.
Amen. There's going to no hope of this:
The cat's out of the bag. You need to work through it now. Basically this:
You've dumped a huge negative on her. You don't mention it in your post, but I hope you reassured her of the positive as well, ie you still love her dearly. You want to spend the rest of your life with her. You want to do what it takes to make her happy. You're willing to fight to find a solution that works for her. Marriage does not work well as an ultimatum. Marriage is a partnership. Start partnering.
I'd get both of you to counseling if I were you.
Good luck!
Thank you for the advice and input.
I think that I will keep my mouth shut, take the reins and work through it with her.
I will trouble you nice people no more.
I think it's good that you did, despite the sarcastic answers with no resolution, you just need to reevaluate how you present and re-present this to your wife
I think this just about sums it up nicely.
You did the right thing by telling her everything and by being yourself.
ok, lori lynn....So im sure at this point you realize that being impulsive about coming out to your wife was not a great idea. Things could have been handled much differently, but hindsight is always 20/20.
Now, you have a time bomb in your hands, but there is something you can do about it.
Start over with her and the conversation. Tell her that your sorry for the way you just threw it all on her lap. Start over about WHY you are doing this..."not that you just did it".
Not including her in something this important about your lives together is what is going to drive a wedge into your relationship. She needs to be able to understand your feelings on WHY you are crossdressing, going out and coming out. Just throwing it at her and hoping she will deal with it is not fair to her or you. She needs to understand WHY, its something that all accepting wives have in common, They seek to know WHY we do what we do as CD'ing men. Armed with that knowledge the have a better understanding of why we do things like wax, shave and go out. You have been honest about what you did, but now its time to honest about why.....
Although being honest with her is the only thing you really have going on for you, you have to be ready for her to be honest with you. She is going to be angry and hurt for dropping a bomb on her life. She needs to understand where your going with this, so that way she can have some input as well. Basically, what im trying to say is explaining where and what your "endgame" for crossdressing is, helps to ease our spouses confusion and questions.
Set up some boundaries. You two need to come to a common ground on where this will fit into your lives together. The only way to get there is by being compassionate about each others wishes and communicating with each other. CDing doesnt have to be something that is taking time away from your normal everyday life, it can be something that adds to a wonderful relationship.
Above all else, Communicate. Stay positive.
A married CD,
-Donni-
A quick up date, she finally asked me a few questions, trying to understand. I think things are going to work out but will take time.
I hope my answers helped her to understand, she seems a little more at ease now. We still need to work out the boundaries.
My best guess it that you did probably go a little too far. She left a husband at home, and you're trying to give her a girlfriend now with no warning. I'm praying for you, her, and your continued journey as you fully realize who you are, and what kind of relationship you and your wife will have going forward. Luv ya girl!
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