Spousal gender balance

[Jenni Yumiko]

My counselor stated that I "look" for women (when I was dating) that balance out my feminine side. Meaning I wouldn't marry a Barbie because that wouldn't balance out my feminine side since I'm somewhere in the middle between alpha male and female. I wasn't quite sure I agreed with that, while my current and hopefully last wife isn't a Barbie I have dated quite a few barbies, then I thought about the fact that I never told those barbies and the ones that knew were usually around middle of the road of Barbie/androgyny. Does this apply to anyone else? Was an interesting statement and was wondering the general validity of it.

[JenniferR771]

Good point, maybe. I think I prefer women with short hair. Some slightly masculine aspects to her personality are just fine.

[PaulaQ]

I bet this is spot on. I think it applies to me, as well:
- girly girls can just read me and have never even agreed to go out with me.
- my wife grew up with her dad and several brothers. She used to get pissed off if I tried to step in and fix something she was fixing. (Just as well, I suck at stuff like that.)

She definitely balances me in many ways.

[JeanneF]

There's probably some truth to this. My wife is definitely on the girly side, but she also has had lesbian relationships in the past and is comfortable with gender and sexual fluidity. We're probably closer to a lesbian couple in our dynamic.

[kimdl93]

Doesn't apply,in my case in terms of physical attributes...but I do tend to be attracted to assertive ...not domineering, but self confident women .

[Beverley Sims]

Sometimes I think shrinks read too many books instead of applying some of their knowledge to what the problem is.
I agree you do have to read to find out, but some of the esoteric reasoning that comes from psychiatrists, psychologists and therapists make me wonder why they didn't take up philosophy as a second major.

Was I a bit harsh?

[Angela Campbell]

I have always been attracted to the personality first in a woman. The looks did not really matter except for neatness and cleanliness. I do always seem to find though in most relationships I have had that I always wanted them to be more feminine than they wanted to be. One would wear a skirt or a dress only when she had to dress up for something. One would not wear a dress at all and had very few nice clothes at all. One was soooo feminine and loved to dress nicely with lace and high heels but also looked wonderful in jeans and tennis shoes. She was the love of my life. All were special in their own way, but I think I appreciate the feminine touch more than the jeans and t shirt days.

[flatlander_48]

I bet this is spot on. I think it applies to me, as well:
- girly girls can just read me and have never even agreed to go out with me.
- my wife grew up with her dad and several brothers. She used to get pissed off if I tried to step in and fix something she was fixing. (Just as well, I suck at stuff like that.)

She definitely balances me in many ways.

Funny. Lots of similarities for me. My wife (2nd wife), strongly identified with her father. In fact, the didn't get along for many years because they were so similar. In her younger days (20's, 30's), she rode motorcycles. She rebuilt a VW bus engine. She worked as a maintenance person in a factory. She managed a women's shelter and she was a massage therapist. She has a degree in organizational theory, but she never really worked at it. Often when we disagree it is over HOW to do something: how build a shelf, how to repair something, etc. Being a mechanical engineer for over 40 years, it sort of rubs me the wrong way sometimes, but I'm better about it than I used to be. It doesn't feel like I'm being challenged quite so much these days.

Older and wiser, I guess. Or maybe less energy to invest, perhaps. Take your pick!

[Jenni Yumiko]

Bev, I think in my case she read my wife/me pretty well, the point was does anyone else fall into this, I think you misunderstood me.

[daarleane]

Funny. Lots of similarities for me. My wife (2nd wife), strongly identified with her father. In fact, the didn't get along for many years because they were so similar. In her younger days (20's, 30's), she rode motorcycles. She rebuilt a VW bus engine. She worked as a maintenance person in a factory. She managed a women's shelter and she was a massage therapist. She has a degree in organizational theory, but she never really worked at it. Often when we disagree it is over HOW to do something: how build a shelf, how to repair something, etc. Being a mechanical engineer for over 40 years, it sort of rubs me the wrong way sometimes, but I'm better about it than I used to be. It doesn't feel like I'm being challenged quite so much these days.

Older and wiser, I guess. Or maybe less energy to invest, perhaps. Take your pick!

i can certainly agree with that feeling, like you I have over forty years of professional experience "doing projects" but she still treats me like her first husband (deceased) who couldn't fix or build anything. Old habits die hard I guess, maybe one of these days she will change her ways, the odd part of it is that the longer it goes on the less I care.

[flatlander_48]

i can certainly agree with that feeling, like you I have over forty years of professional experience "doing projects" but she still treats me like her first husband (deceased) who couldn't fix or build anything. Old habits die hard I guess, maybe one of these days she will change her ways, the odd part of it is that the longer it goes on the less I care.

I think what's at work was, in part, the prevailing attitude for many women who came of age in the late 60's to early 70's. Women were just beginning to realize that they were a force to be reckoned with. Subservient feelings with respect to men were not part of the plan. In that context, any attempt by men to "fix it" felt intrusive. I understand what causes me to react as I sometimes do and I'm much better at diverting my attention for a moment or two. Usually that's enough to allow things to mellow out a bit.

If I was on the outside looking in, I would have to say that our marriage is certainly unique in some ways. This is the second marriage for both of us and my wife never changed her last name either time. If I'm not mistaken, this also goes back to the early days of the Women's Movement. It's another way of maintaining ones identity independent of men.

For those of us with Significant Others, the crossdressing mindset does provide some unique opportunities. Who would have guessed that when we started this journey, one result would be a better understanding of human nature in general and women in particular? Fascinating...

[bobbimo]

Hi Jenn,
WOW that explains a lot for me.
I've always preferred taller women, and now I know why!
My wife was pretty close to my size and build when we met and when I discovered my CD-edness.
So I think the answer is that our subconscious is always working, and if we are lucky we can actually tune in and find out whats in store for us, the rest of our lives.
Amazing!
Bobbi

[genevie]

With three wives to examine, I can say they all were not barbies. Little make up and certainly few heels. My current wife owns no heels of any height. The only ones in the house are mine. So what does that say? Not a clue. Did I pick them for their less feminine traits? Or did I pick them for being real? I think the last is the answer. I like a woman with no facades.