Is your extent of crossdressing inevitable?

[Brynna M]

The general consensus is that crossdressing is something inherent to a person. Its not something that is chosen or curable. But what about the extent to which we crossdress?

Some people seem ok with just undergarments in private others underdressing still others occasional full female presentation on up to living as a female full time... We can't cure crossdressing but can someone who wants to go to the point of occasional full female presentation be ok with undergarments in private.

Everything is ultimately a choice but some choices are much harder to make consistently that others. Will I eventually "need" to go as far as I imagine or can crossdressing be controlled to a lesser level?

[carhill2mn]

The answer to your question will vary by individual. The desire to crossdress is probably not "curable". Some individuals will be satisfied with partial "dressing", maybe occassionaly. Others will find it extremely difficult, even to the point of having physical and/or emotional problems, if they are not able to "dress" fully or frequently. Some will learn that they "need" to go "further" as time progresses.

[~Joanne~]

I certainly believe that each individual controls how far this goes. It might start as simple as a pair of pantyhose then the curiosity moves to heels, then the dress, next you know you really feel good about the whole presentation so that becomes your comfort level. There's nothing wrong with what we do so experimenting with different things is natural. Is this curable? No, or many of us wouldn't be who we are today but thats just yet another choice

[CynthiaD]

I guess I don't really understand the question, especially the part about "controlling" your crossdressing. The question seems to suggest that crossdressing is something bad, or something that should be avoided if possible. I don't see it this way. If crossdressing is something that makes you happy, then why not do it as often as possible, to the greatest extent possible? If it makes you unhappy, then don't do it at all.

Of course there's the middle ground where it makes you happy because it satisfies a need, but it makes you unhappy because you think it's wrong. This is much more complicated. In this case it may be necessary to do some careful self examination to determine what it is you really want, or even seek the advice of a professional.

Or maybe something else. Like I said, I don't really understand the question.

[ReineD]

I think it's a question of trade-offs.

When I was first with my SO and began seeking information, I read a statement online from a well-seasoned crossdresser. Or maybe she considered herself TG. Or maybe she considered herself TS but who wasn't going all the way, I don't know. At any rate, he (she?) said, "We go as far as we possibly think or dream we can". This puzzled me so much that I sent her an email and her explanation went something like this:

Different people will have different barriers to the crossdressing. Some people have the size or type of bodies, facial features, etc, that they feel would never pass. So they stay closeted, possibly until they feel that they CAN go out and be under the radar. Some people were raised and/or live in more conservative situations than others. Some crossdressers have open-minded spouses and others don't. Some people have riskier personalities or take more chances than others. Some people are more self-confident than others. People even have different personal definitions of gender. All of these things combined means that people will set conscious or subconscious limits on themselves based on their various personalities and life circumstances, in other words based on their personal internal and external barriers. They will find their own balance, whether this means just underdressing, or going out full femme on a regular basis, or anything else in between. Also, things can and do change and grow over the years. So some people may come to want to live full time, if they feel that they can.

[Maria S]

Each individual is different. We all started off with a simple pair of tights or pair of knickers. Some are satisfied with that but some progress further. Personally I remember when I first started CDing I wanted to progress the level of dressing quite quickly but it is an ongoing project. Even now I am still improving/upgrading my look. The better you look the better you want to look.

Maria

[Wildaboutheels]

It's easy for [especially] new people to get this idea that certain things are inevitable as their are so many Forum MYTHS that circulate regularly here. Too many here like to opine "we all........"

Oh really?

We all will eventually succumb to the pink fog?

We all don't know where we will be on this "amazing journey" a year down the road or 5 years down the road.

At least one Forum Dino has proclaimed that there are only 2 kinds of CDers. Those that have left the closet. And those that want to.

Utter NONSENSE.

Statements like that by longtime members do no good for the newbie CDers to the Forum who MIGHT be confused enough already. And I'll bet it is especially troubling to new GGs to read such stuff.

I'm quite sure SOME can't help themselves. Nobody with more than a single digit IQ would go through all the time, effort and expense to transition if they were not wired "differently".

I'm just as sure it's so very easy for others to CLAIM they are powerless. Awfully convenient for something that may be a hobby, habit or addiction.

Regardless of whether someone actually transitions or not, there are very few laws to prevent anyone from "wearing the wrong clothes".

And regardless of what many here say, there is no right or wrong way to CD whether someone has any intention of leaving their closet or not.

YOU control just how far you will go as long as you don't become brainwashed by all the Forum MYTHS.

[Jenni Yumiko]

I think the extent is what you individually makes you happy. If your happy with just a pair of nylons, it won't progress past that unless you want to or are swayed into it.
There is the more more more factor, ESP when in a group setting like this, you just have to know what you want and how far you want to go. I do think you should go all the way befor you make that decision, as you will find your comfort zone within that area. (Experiment!)

[Geena75]

I might suggest that, if your heart beats a little faster at a certain level, to maintain that level until you just feel good/comfortable. You control what you do and when you do it -- not your emotions. My emotions would tell me to go 100% this very moment, regardless of the consequences. I decide where I want to go with it at this time, balancing my emotional needs with the other mryiad needs of life.

[Alice Torn]

I remember that nylons or PH were my first curiosity, then dresses, at age 14. But, i did not dress fully , heels to wig, until i was over 50! I went months and years without dressing at all, but in my thoughts was doing it. Was too scared to buy women's items until about 50. I know that under stressful circumstances, like the military, and prison, or homelessness, it can be abstained from for long periods. I am one, who believes that humans are very, very adaptable, and under duress or circumstances, we can stop doing it. It may be very difficult, though, emotionally, and mentally.

[ArleneRaquel]

Since a very young age, about 8, I dreamed of living as a woman I feel that my being 24/7 was inevitable.

[Kate Simmons]

Really, the only way to "control" it as you say is to make it a total choice rather than let it remain a compulsion. Then it becomes mostly a state of mind and we can be feminine or masculine whenever we choose or a combination of both. Femininity and masculinity are merely two different sides of the same human "coin" after all.

[jayme357]

Reading this thread draws me to the snowflake theory. "No two snow flakes are alike". I doubt we can prove this but I suspect most of us accept it as a fun thing to believe. Why can't each snowflake that we catch upon our tongue be unique and different?

My goodness, why can't each of us on this forum be different? Why must we conform to someone else's perception of what we should, or should not be? Why cannot we be as individual and unique as a snowflake?

I will confess to being a rather simple person. I rather like it that way. I have spent a rather lengthy lifetime learning that it is really okay to be me. I am the only one to whom I am truly accountable. Why would I feel the need to live up to someone else's expectations?

Why can't I simply be a snowflake, uniquely different than any other? Perhaps something to think about.

[docrobbysherry]

I believe it's all a matter of levels, or stages. Here's my offering of possible stages.

1. Bra and panties under your overalls.
2. Add girdle and heels at home.
3. Add, wig, and makeup at home.
4. Wear that, plus corsets, hip/butt pads, and lingerie/bikinis at home.
5. Wear granny outfit, wig, makeup to Macy's.
6. Wear the #4 outfit to a club.
7. Completely over the top outfit and inappropriate out in public.
8. Me

[Brynna M]

Thanks ladies.

As usual there are few clear or easy answers. But it is nice to talk to people even if there is no on size fits all answer.
Thanks again, and much love.

Bryn

[ArleneRaquel]

For me my dressing went this way:
1. Try on my mothers clothes at about age 6-8.
2. Wore mothers stockings, later pantyhose as often as possible, age 12 & older.
3. Bought my first girly things, mainly lingerie, age 16 or so.
4. Went out, very late at night dressed enfemme age 18 or so
5. Bought femmy glasses and wore them when I was in my bedroom, age 18-20.
6. Age 21 I got married and my dressing becaome very infrequent, age 21-54.
7. Age 27-28, took part for the first time in local Gay Pride Parades, on the sly, always enfemme. Did this until I was well over 40.
8. Age 54 wife died, shortly thereafter dressed 24/7, stopped at 55, began again at age 56. Sometime underdressed and often slept enfemme.
9. At age 56 went 24.7 for good,started a new sexual wife at this time.
10.Still at it and loving the lifestyle. I'm now age 65.

[Beverley Sims]

Cross dressing is like a hobby you may never finish, even if you are 24/7.
There are always those finishing touches.

[Lynn Marie]

We all have constraints that set limits for us. Those of us with the fewest constraints will most likely push the envelope of this adventure a little further than others. It seems that when you've reached a level of presentation that makes you happy in the mirror, then the rest is just fine tuning and you're pretty much ready for anything.

[Cheryl T]

No one can tell for certain what your future holds.
I know that I always wanted to be out in public and be accepted as a woman and now I've been able to do that for the last 8 years and I feel so satisfied. I was always lacking something before that and that feeling is gone now. I think I'm at my maximum level, where yours is is something only you know.

[noeleena]

Hi,

Crossdressing .

Iv had to look at this quite a bit different more so over the last few years, & even just over the last some two months ,
How i see it will be very different from those here who are dresser's , i dont know what its like to be a cross dresser, i dont think like one never have yet.....

I'm a member of two groups members in the range of some 300. times of Renaissance & Edwardian,1400 to 1700 & 1900 to 1914, so we in the publics eye a lot ,

i make my clothes so youll gather im heavilly involved,

Now i was asked a ? one sunday at a meeting our Edwardian group were at by the Pastor, do you like dressing up in womens clothes & take on a personer of a woman fully & acting out a part with the others, now remember we do dress to the nines in our finnery , we have fun enjoy each others company & its really a neat time .

My answer was no im not dressing like a woman. i am one ( female ) im just not compleat in all aspects that a normal woman is ( intersex, ) . he stoped then thought & then said ... oh .....thats different then isnt it, i said yes i am,

I dont pass or blend in how i should as a female / woman, yet you know what nobody cares im accepted, yes people allways look at me im different im not bothered, & when people get to know me they dont have to 2nd quess what i am they know ,

So my dressing is quite different not in the same sence as crossdresser's, thats all.

...noeleena...

[Miriam-J]

I think it's a question of trade-offs.

When I was first with my SO and began seeking information, I read a statement online from a well-seasoned crossdresser. Or maybe she considered herself TG. Or maybe she considered herself TS but who wasn't going all the way, I don't know. At any rate, he (she?) said, "We go as far as we possibly think or dream we can". This puzzled me so much that I sent her an email and her explanation went something like this:

Different people will have different barriers to the crossdressing. Some people have the size or type of bodies, facial features, etc, that they feel would never pass. So they stay closeted, possibly until they feel that they CAN go out and be under the radar. Some people were raised and/or live in more conservative situations than others. Some crossdressers have open-minded spouses and others don't. Some people have riskier personalities or take more chances than others. Some people are more self-confident than others. People even have different personal definitions of gender. All of these things combined means that people will set conscious or subconscious limits on themselves based on their various personalities and life circumstances, in other words based on their personal internal and external barriers. They will find their own balance, whether this means just underdressing, or going out full femme on a regular basis, or anything else in between. Also, things can and do change and grow over the years. So some people may come to want to live full time, if they feel that they can.

This is great stuff, and I agree. Another "barrier" is your own loyalty to your male self. For some of us, out 'guy mode' is very important and we can't imagine life without it. CDing is a part-time activity because we want and need to be totally a guy for a large chunk of our lives. This is amplified by the need to be the man for the wife and children.

I could find a way to express in gal mode nearly 100% of the time, but I have no desire to do so. I like being a guy, and I like my role in my family and society as a guy. I balance that with this need to also express as a gal.

Miriam

[Jocelyn Quivers]

I will use a really bad analogy which may or may not make sense. Cross dressing can be controlled just like high blood pressure. For starters once diagnosed it's more than likely going to be with you for life regardless of anything you do, and it's more a matter of you learning to accept it, and learn how to accommodate it into your life. On the lighter end cross dressing can be controlled minimally by underdressing, partial dressing, etc. Being the equivalent of controlling said medical condition through exercise and diet. On the more serious end it may progress to where it's "controlled" by dressing completely, an emergence of a separate fem persona, permanent body changes ranging from permanent hair removal to you know what else, therapy, transitioning, going 24-7, etc., and maybe a divorce, loss of friends and family, loss of employment, etc. thrown in there. The equivalent of going on medication, making changes to diet and exercise, getting a triple heart bypass, heart transplant, pace maker, etc. End of bad analogy which may or may not make any sense....

[Lindahexi]

I have just been through a period of non dressing which is the reason I have not posted for so long. For about a year I managed to exist in drab male clothes, but it was always in my mind that I wanted to get fully dressed and made up as a female. I guess that as I have been dressing most of my life it was inevitable that I would not be able to resist it for ever. Now I have started again and it feels so good to be en femme, the downside is that because I stopped posting for so long I've lost my friend and contacts on this site; I have no one to blame except myself, I'm so sorry that I stopped replying (posting) and apologise most sincerely to all those wonderful gurls on the site that helped me in the past.

[Antoinette]

For me its gotta be more than just crossdressing. So i decided on taking hormones. Crossdressing just makes it seem like i'm always playing dress-up. I want the whole image to be me without the back and forth (male/female).

[Laicee]

Hi All. This to me is an interesting question that i can relate to. Having been dressing privately for the last year, for me it started out with a question and a pair of panties bought on a whim: "I wonder what that feels like to wear these?" I wore 'those' on and off for about 3 months. Then, I aked the same questio of myself when I bought a pair of Leggs thigh highs. obvious to me at that point I needed a skirt, then a bra, then breast forms, oh heck, nails, makeup, jewelry. Most surprising to me, skinny jeans! scratch that, most surprising to me was when I felt I had given in to my questioning, and shaved my arms and pits. I still am not sure what i'm doing, but i feel pretty and good while I'm doing it! Brings a whole new meaning to one of my lifelong rules; Never go sraight, go forward!
And with respect to another lifelong rule; Rule number 1: Always have a scapegoat! for me, I blame the local 99 cent store! and Goodwill Thrift seems to have been a cozy conspiritor as well
Now, if I could just get rid of this facial hair without having to constantly tweeze it!