Looking for advice on going out in public for the 1st time

[WantingtobeVictoria]

I have been crossdressing for almost a year. My wife REALLY loves it. She wants us to go out together. Of course I am really nervous...not sure what to wear...where to go. I need some advice please.

[Keri L]

You might consider going to a local TG meetup for your first time out, if there is one close by. They'll likely head out somewhere after the meetup that is TG friendly. Worked for me.

Have a blast and be safe!

Best,
Cate

[BobbieBrooks]

late movie, then some place for coffee/desert afterwards. dresss to blend and relax, just two girls out having fun!! Do this all the time with the wife.

[docrobbysherry]

No, I wouldn't advise any of those unless u pass. Then, go to all of them or anywhere u like.

If not, I'd recommend a gay or off brand club/bar. You'll both probably be more comfortable and have more fun!

[kimdl93]

Ask your wife for advice

[Jenniferathome]

If you are with your wife, there is no limit no "safe haven" for which to search. Two gals going out works anywhere.

[Leah Lynn]

Forget passing. If you are comfortable, go anywhere you like. My late wife and I had a few GNO's (Girls' Nights Out). And I sure as heck don't "pass". Ignore the idiots and just enjoy a night out with your wife. Dinner and a movie, then coffee later, with some girl talk. You just may be the bff she's looking for.

Leah

[sandra-leigh]

No, I wouldn't advise any of those unless u pass. Then, go to all of them or anywhere u like.

I don't "pass", but I ain't staying inside!!

Today I left my house in a denim skirt and lipstick, and carrying a kimono purse; took 3 buses; picked up a muffin at a Mennonite-run bakery; had my gender therapy session; walked a few blocks and into a bank; then a couple of doors over into a grocery store; after which walked about 3 blocks along the second-busiest street in the city, over into an italian deli for a good half an hour; then another block walk into a florist, followed by another block's walk and into a large pharmacy; another block's walk and hop onto a bus; followed by another block walk along a street with a fair number of people; stood around for 10 minutes at a busy bus-stop; a half hour bus ride on a full bus (with someone sitting beside me half of the time); off and walked the block to my house -- all with my skirt et al in plain sight.

Did I ever get looked at? Yes, but barely more than anyone else. Looked at "funny"? Yes, but quite briefly in each case, with people obviously dropping me from their attention immediately afterwards (within two steps.) Did I ever get stared at? No. Did I ever get laughed at or spoken to disrespectfully? No. Did I talk to any strangers? Yes, all of whom were neutral (cashier trying to take care of a lineup) to friendly.

My biggest concern for the trip? That I lost my cell-phone on the second bus on the trip out. Followed by avoiding the puddles of melt-water (my boots leak). Worry about what others might think was way down the list.

[Beverley Sims]

Going out together is lots better than going solo.
When with company you are nearly ever singled out.
When looking at a group of women, how often do your eyes dwell on one of them singly unless she STANDS out in some way.

[Kelly Smith]

I have been crossdressing for almost a year. My wife REALLY loves it. She wants us to go out together. Of course I am really nervous...not sure what to wear...where to go. I need some advice please.

Catch a sale at Macy's. They are very TG friendly.

[Rachelakld]

My first was an out of town coffee shop open early on a week day before most workers hit the road, apart from 2 staff members, I was the only person there for the 30 minutes. I do feel safest in the morning before most people start their day or shopping malls or other open public places.
But go and have fun.

[ReineD]

I'm a GG. How well do you blend or pass? If your presentation is good, then you can go anywhere. If people can immediately tell that you are a man, then you might want to stick to safe places such as LGBT or alternative clubs.

My SO blended in well when we started to go out together in public, but I was afraid of unpleasant interactions with others and so I preferred the safety of the clubs (not straight clubs). Also, when we did go out in the mainstream my SO wouldn't say a word for fear that others would detect the male voice and honestly that made for a very boring evening.

Eventually I did feel more comfortable going out in the mainstream and my SO worked on her voice to at least be able to soften it a little. So now, all is good.

[jjjjohanne]

You've been crossdressing only one year and you want to go out? That's unusual! Also, your wife loves it? That's surprising. In fact, I find all of this hard to believe... Normally, first outings are fear filled nighttime events. The CD is normally hiding and avoiding large groups of people. Those outings are dangerous. If you are actually going out with your wife, she will push you to do normal things. That might freak you out so much it shuts you down. I would recommend going out in the day while kids are in school. Go to the movies where you can get comfortable with the truth that you are in public. Then maybe go out for an early or late lunch in order to avoid the crowd. Entering a restaurant is tough, but once you are seated, only the people near you will know you are there. Only go places where educated people are. They are much less likely to behave unprofessionally toward you.

[meganmartin]

Just look your best and go, like others said I would not worry about passing.
Enjoy the moment....

And having a wife that is willing to share this with you is priceless!!

[SexyErica]

I went out for the first time just two weeks ago with my wife and a cd friend of mine to a LGBT bar that had a drag show that night. I was nervous as hell but once we got there it was a blast no incidence at all felt very welcome. Of course it really helped having my wife and a friend along for support.

[JenniferR771]

And...plan ahead. Don't drink too much water. Restroom issues.

[Lorileah]

I go anywhere I want to go. Bu then I quit caring what people I didn't know thought about me.

My GF and I went many places together. Go get something to eat at a chain restaurant and then do whatever you would do after that on an normal date...show, shop, walk in the park.

All this "passing" stuff is over rated.

[~Joanne~]

You've been crossdressing only one year and you want to go out? That's unusual! Also, your wife loves it? That's surprising. In fact, I find all of this hard to believe... Normally, first outings are fear filled nighttime events.

I am finding it hard to believe also. I am not saying it's not true but hard to believe. My SO is very accepting and supportive but would she want to go out on the town with me dressed? I guess I won't know until I ask but even after a lifetime of dressing on and off and finally coming to terms and telling her in the last 5 months, I am not ready for this adventure yet myself. I am not saying it is impossible for her to want to get out there, she may be in a pink fog, just unlikely.

I have a question for Reine, who is a very smart woman and has a lot of insight to all of this and has had a CD SO for a while now, would you say You love your SO's dressing?

If this senerio is true, then why not let your wife decide where she wants to go and then dress accordingly. Might make for a better night

[Chickhe]

Just make it nothing but enjoyable for her and it will go well. It may sound odd, but she will want to protect you and the best way you can win her support is by being a 'man'. ...in the sense that a woman would tell a female friend to grow a pair...and not be scared to do anything.

[ReineD]

I have a question for Reine, who is a very smart woman and has a lot of insight to all of this and has had a CD SO for a while now, would you say You love your SO's dressing?

I love my SO, and my SO dresses. I can't separate the two, it is not something that I have given myself the option to cut out or ignore. lol

But to be realistic, it stands to reason that it is difficult to navigate the CDing sometimes in our society. There are people (we don't live with ) that we wish to not tell. And keeping secrets is stressful. Also there is much bias about it in our society. Sometimes when we go out and people stare at us more than a passing glance, I wonder what they're thinking. Also, I've been socialized as a woman, to expect to be in a relationship with a man, and so the perfect equality (everything the same) in our relationship is foreign to me at times, when for all of my adult life I've been accustomed to a more yin/yang approach. (This is our second relationship).

But, I've weighed all the benefits and the negatives, and the benefits far outweigh the negatives. Also, I do not know if I would even have fallen for my SO if s/he was not who s/he is. There would be an important part of the psyche missing if the gender non-conformity was not there.

So the bottom line is that for the most part, I find pretty much the same things uncomfortable about the CDing that my SO or any other CDer does given that it is not well accepted in our society. But I think this is natural.

It may sound odd, but she will want to protect you and the best way you can win her support is by being a 'man'. ...in the sense that a woman would tell a female friend to grow a pair...and not be scared to do anything.

Wise words, indeed. Going out dressed is scary for each partner in the beginning, and hiding behind a wife to avoid stares, etc, is not a good idea. It will make her feel as if she is the guy, and a lot of GGs don't like that. If you are brave, she will be too.

[sandra-leigh]

You've been crossdressing only one year and you want to go out? That's unusual!

It was a Saturday that I realized I was a cross-dresser. On the Thursday of the third week following (so the 19th day), I went out to the second busiest mall in the city wearing a skirt that was less than half-way down to my knee; that was my earliest practical opportunity or I would have gone out in public sooner. My realization that I wasn't just "trying on" clothes so as to be able to shop better for my wife, that I wanted to wear the clothes myself, had been followed immediately in my thoughts with "in public".

I make no claim to be typical; I am just saying that such things really do happen from time to time.

[Jenniferathome]

Going out dressed is scary for each partner in the beginning, and hiding behind a wife to avoid stares, etc, is not a good idea. It will make her feel as if she is the guy, and a lot of GGs don't like that. If you are brave, she will be too.

The first time my wife went out with me, I was not nervous at all, honestly. She however, was so worried FOR ME, that she didn't have any fun. She was watching others, constantly on edge which gradually put me more on edge. So, before going out last weekend, i told her to forget me. Just enjoy herself and the result: she had a great time. We had good company too, but she told me at the end of the night that every time she looked at me she wa surprised to see "Jennifer." Basically, she had forgotten that there was something different that night. My counsel is to tell your spouse to forget you. When she has a good time, you will

[Jay135]

You've been crossdressing only one year and you want to go out? That's unusual! Also, your wife loves it? That's surprising. In fact, I find all of this hard to believe... Normally, first outings are fear filled nighttime events.

Mayhap I shouldn't say, but I've been doing this for less than a year (see when I joined? Mayhap a month or two before that)...and I've been out in public no less than a half dozen times already. My first experience was the very first weekend I dressed "100%", where I went out for a midnight drive...nowhere in particular, just out for a drive. It was _very_ liberating, and I didn't have to interact with anyone (except other cars on the road), and I danced in my seat to my favorite music.

I went out en femme in a public venue for the first time a few weeks after that...and that was to a tiny local gay bar, where I met up with a few other girlfriends. Yes, it was very nerve wracking, but in the end it was a fabulous experience. Next time I went out (mayhap a few weeks afterwards), it was to a boat parade with just me and the wife (and TONS of people all around- more than I thought would be there). I felt wonderful (lost in that pink fog all night), but she said that she felt the stares of others on me, and didn't like it (she hasn't been out with me since, and said she doesn't want to again, for now). Last time I went out (last week, as a matter of fact) was to dinner and a movie (Rocky Horror Picture Show, anyone?), with a group of girls, and it was such a fun time. I get a smile on my face every time I think about the times I've been out...

So far, I haven't had any problems, confrontations, harassment, or trouble from anyone (at the boat parade, I swore I heard a "Did you see that tranny back there?" comment at least once, but that's it). From what I can see, as long as you're not making a scene, or being a nuisance to others (or are a terrorist ), it seems people are usually too busy doing their own thing to care about girls like us.

Like I said, going out in public for the first time en femme is a pretty scary experience...at first. If I were to give advice (although I'm probably not someone people should take advice from), I'd say to start small...try just taking a drive outside- doesn't have to be anywhere in particular, just a drive out. If you feel courageous enough, look up a LGBT friendly bar, or a (dimly lit) restaurant to drive to.

I think once you go out in public for the first time, you'll feel the freedom of being out there, and you'll be hooked. I know I was!

[Antoinette]

If you got a close supportive friend you two can go out somewhere. As long as you're out with a friend, nothing else matters

[Sandra]

First time I went out with Nigella I was scared and we only went for a walk round the block. I wasn't scared not because she didn't pass but scared as to what might happen if someone had a go at us, as it was nothing happened, well one called her a freak but we just kept on walking.

Ask you wife where she would like to go, wear clothes that are appropriate for where you are going, most of all enjoy yourself.