Do Women actually like Men who Cross-Dress

[nylon45]

I must say , one of the reasons I asked the question in the first place was the negative reaction from women/ladies over my crossdressing awwww

I wouldnt say I am God's gift to Women (lookswise) and am no George Clooney , Johnny Depp or whoever the latest hearthrob is at the present time though equally I am no Quasimodo either...lol
When I date girls , after a period of time , I may mention about my love of Nylon or Heels/Boots and Blouses/Skirts etc and I would say 99 times out of a hundred , the reaction I get is one of shock and dare I say , even , repulsion
I can never seem to hold down a relationship and this is purely down to my compulsion to dress up - if I was "normal" for want of a better word , there would not be a problem but as soon as the issue of dressing up is mentioned BANG , the feelings & love from the women is never quite the same as it was

Any suggestions , ideas or miracle type cures ?

Dave

[ReineD]

I've posted twin advertisements on dating sites, one plain, one that mentions the crossdressing at the end of the ad, otherwise identical. Know what? The one with the crossdressing mention gets ZERO replies, other than prostitutes and an occasional 'thanks but no thanks', and that's on sites with many millions of members.

Wrong tactic.

Had I known that my SO crossdressed without having developed any affectionate feelings toward her, I don't think I would have been interested. The existing stigma would have overridden any initial attraction. This isn't a GG's fault, really. We live in a society where there is a lot of misinformation and misunderstanding about men who crossdress.

To give a bit of background, I consider myself to be rather typical. I never imagined that I would end up in a relationship with a crossdresser. I had known my SO without knowing about the CDing for enough time to have become interested in my SO as a person. When he told me shortly after our first kiss, I liked him enough to want to learn more about her. Admittedly, my initial impression based on the link that she sent me describing the crossdressing, was somewhat superficial. I did go through a period where I felt she was no longer interested in me, as she went from being closeted to going out everywhere in the mainstream and this nearly ended our relationship. The reason that our relationship nearly ended was not because she dresses, but because I honestly felt as if it didn't matter to her whether I was there or not and that at times she preferred for me to not be there. But, we worked through it and everything is stable now.

At the same time, my SO is happy in both her expressions (she identifies as dualgender) and so he is not a reluctant male. If he was, I don't know how our relationship would play out.

I don't know much about you, but if you present as a woman at all times outside of work or other times when you need to present male, then I can see why it might be difficult for you to find a GG who accepts this. When a TG only presents male because she has to, I think she has reached the point where, if it were not for obligations, she is living full time female (in spirit) not unlike someone who is non-op. And this might be more than the average GG is prepared to accept.

[lingerieLiz]

I've been married for many years. Yes, I told my wife before we were married and not too far into the relationship. She would rather that I'm not a CD and to this day doesn't understand my need to CD. She does accept that I do and I shop with her and her friends who know. I don't think there are very many women who prefer a CD over a straight guy, but given that they know you are willing to accept you.

Advertising before meeting brings up images of the impersonators that we see on the talk shows and in clubs. I'm no more like them than a woman dancing in a strip club.

[PaulaQ]

I don't think there are very many women who prefer a CD over a straight guy, but given that they know you are willing to accept you.

This is the same experience I've had being handicapped. There are basically zero women who are looking for a handicapped guy. (I'd honestly be a little afraid of a woman who was specifically seeking a handicapped mate.) There are some who will accept one. I suspect looking for "acceptance" is way easier than looking for "preference."

[Kathyxd]

I'm one of the lucky ones. I started a new relationship in Nov 2011. I told her a month or so in that I liked to dress and she was fully into it. We regularly go out shopping together and she loves to choose new outfits for me.

She encourages me to dress regularly. (Not that I need encouragement). She loves doing my hair and make up.

I hope everybody is lucky enough to find an SO like mine.

[Lorileah]

I ...am no George Clooney , Johnny Depp or whoever the latest hearthrob is at the present time though equally I am no Quasimodo either...lol

Interesting you should mention heartthrobs. Looks closely at them and you will see that especially the younger ones have either an androgynous or slightly feminine face and features. Don't look at Clooney now, look when he was on that sitcom in the 80's. Depp? well he was in Ed Wood and his Jack Sparrow would not have to go far to be a CD. Justin Bieber?...we won't even go there. Point is that young people (especially females) look for the not so He-man types. (Dustin Hoffman, Tom Cruise, Shaun Cassidy (look it up kids)...) However one of the drawbacks to younger women is they are also looking to start a family and no matter how you slice it, they look for a more manly man for that (nature is a ...witch).

as the issue of dressing up is mentioned BANG , the feelings & love from the women is never quite the same as it was

Sorry it wasn't "love" it was lust or hormones or alcohol. Still I say come out early so the fall isn't so hard

Any suggestions , ideas or miracle type cures ?

Don't try so dang hard. You are out hunting. You either need a new hunting ground or you need a new way of hunting. Work smarter not harder. If dressing is hugely important to you, go out dressed. Don't go out looking like a man and then spring it on her later. Go to places where there is a mixed crowd. NOT a gay bar unless you want a man. Go to bar that has men and women with leanings toward the gay community. At least there, there will be women who ARE accepting. And the best way to attract someone (male or female) is to be in a relationship with someone else...don't know how that works but it does

[ReineD]

Don't try so dang hard. You are out hunting. You either need a new hunting ground or you need a new way of hunting. Work smarter not harder. If dressing is hugely important to you, go out dressed. Don't go out looking like a man and then spring it on her later. Go to places where there is a mixed crowd. NOT a gay bar unless you want a man. Go to bar that has men and women with leanings toward the gay community. At least there, there will be women who ARE accepting. And the best way to attract someone (male or female) is to be in a relationship with someone else...don't know how that works but it does

I guess we all speak from our own personal experiences, but I think there is value in having gotten to know someone first and determined there are romantic sparks before telling. But, likely every situation and solution depends on the area that people live in and the dynamics of the people involved.

I think that going out dressed to meet women is doable in a progressive metropolitan area where there are such places. But a large chunk of the US population lives in small-town America, where there are no such venues. Our closest one is 2 hours away, and even then it is filled with admirers.

Another thing I'd like to mention, at the risk of having every middle-aged GG on this board mad at me is that many single middle-aged women feel as if they are condemned to be alone for the rest of their lives:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandsty...dle-aged-women

So in certain situations a middle aged GG might not be initially put off by the crossdressing. If she is lonely and motivated to go out looking for partners, she might be willing to prioritize what is important (a loving mate) and not so important (how he chooses to dress occasionally). As to how many women might be willing to be in a relationship with a full-time TG, this I don't know.

[Lorileah]

As to how many women might be willing to be in a relationship with a full-time TG, this I don't know.

156,656. I counted them

[paulinescotlandcd]

Although I have told a few, three to be honest, I would say the majority don't.

[Janet161]

I think that some women who are put off by crossdressing think that it involves an objectification of women and are therefore offended by it. I think they misunderstand; however, when CD's dress in sexy outfits (as many enjoy doing, myself included) I can see where they may get that impression.

[Flent]

See, I keep getting these vague answers. The funniest one of course being, "Just go out and meet people" and ". they're out there. You just have to find them". Which tell us, basically, nothing new.

Have you thought about taking up a traditionally feminine hobby? Quilting, knitting, that sort of thing? The lone straight men who show up for those kinds of activities tend to be swamped with female attention. A friend of mine met her husband due to his interest in a very non-masculine hobby.

[MissTee]

I know one woman that does. I married her over 3 decades ago. Love of my life, soul mates, yada-yada. Between the two of us, we've never met a shoe sale we couldn't conquer . . .

I'd offer up that your Ms. Right will want you for who you are, not for what you do (golf, duck hunt, race motorcycles, cross dress, etc.)

[sometimes_miss]

Of course there are. How hard are you willing to search is the real Q. Why do you think there are so many different Dating sites out there? Of course it's likely a very small puddle to pick from and not PlentyofFish.

Why do you think there are almost an infinite # of car models/styles/colors/packages... to CHOOSE from? Different strokes for different folks.

Of course ther Pontiac Aztec was never a big seller and maybe it would equate loosely with a CDer. There ARE people with Aztecs who love them, I read in a car mag letter. One person's ugly is another's idea of beauty.

If only finding the right GG was as easy as ordering a car...

Many Dating sites do have a long list of boxes that can be checked. At least they used to.

That's great, apparently you've already found those sites. So, why are you keeping it a secret? Why not just list the dating sites you've found that have crossdressing as one of those checkboxes instead of writing everything else but? Your post as written is simply just another 'go meet people' one with no help whatsoever.

Have you thought about taking up a traditionally feminine hobby? Quilting, knitting, that sort of thing? The lone straight men who show up for those kinds of activities tend to be swamped with female attention. A friend of mine met her husband due to his interest in a very non-masculine hobby.

As above, I have no trouble meeting women. I work in a predominantly female field of work. What I have trouble doing, is finding women who are interested in dating someone who crossdresses, or at least doesn't find it a sexual turn off.

I think that some women who are put off by crossdressing think that it involves an objectification of women and are therefore offended by it. I think they misunderstand; however, when CD's dress in sexy outfits (as many enjoy doing, myself included) I can see where they may get that impression.

I don't think that's it at all. I think that women (and men) either find someone sexually appealing or they don't, and it involves a lot of different things, many of which people simply refer to as 'chemistry'. But that's not so; apparently the 'chemistry' we feel is simply a collection of visual inputs as well as beliefs of what the other person is like. When a woman sees a man with many feminine behaviors and then you add the visual of his appearance in female clothes and mannerisms, it most often turns them off sexually, and that is the end of any potential intimate relationship. Sure, you may become friends, but as we all know, once in the friend zone, it's usually impossible to get out, most especially if there's something about you that she particularly finds sexually unappealing, because if there's no 'spark' there, there's not going to be any boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. It's going to be brother-sister. I already have a sister. I want a girlfriend. And the women that I've come out to 1. don't know any other women who might be interested in me, and 2. aren't interested in me themselves, either.

I'm not posting this to be a downer; more so, at some point I'm hoping to inspire a woman to figure out a way for us to get past the roadblock that crossdressing presents to us (because I've been trying to figure it out for decades, and I'm not having any success with it). Sure, there are going to be a number of rotten guys here just like anywhere, but I'm betting that there are also some really great guys who simply are stuck with what nearly all women consider a deal breaker.

[RonniCD]

See, I keep getting these vague answers. The funniest one of course being, "Just go out and meet people" and ". they're out there. You just have to find them". Which tell us, basically, nothing new. Then I always get hit with the 'you have a negative attitude' stuff. No, I'm simply realistic and know the odds. I'm not delusional and think that all women will 'love me once they know me'. I've seen the impact that occurs when a woman is faced with me dressed as a woman, and basically, there's simply no way to make me look good that way. Later, learning about the sexual difficulties pretty much nails my coffin shut.

Darlin', would it help if we all gave you names and numbers of beautiful, well adjusted GG's who are totally into CDing and are dying to meet a girl just like you? As Wayne said to Garth, "And monkeys might fly out of my butt"!


ReineD, Purple8229, Kalibrooke, StephanieDrag, Flent, and others have all offered you good advice and comment.

The Question is "Do Women actually like Men who Cross-Dress?" My answer is "Yeah, some do. They're hard to find, attracting someone with CD as the basis of attraction or a possible relationship is nearly impossible, and it's very difficult to predict which of the women you date are going to be at least OK with it. But, they’re out there. You just have to go find one”.


I can only tell you about my own experience. I'm over 50, OK? When I got divorced 9 years ago from a DADT marriage of 13 years, I got on the market in the usual ways: internet dating, going out, dancing, referrals from friends, all that stuff. The attraction has to start from the 2 people that you are. Since my divorce, I was in a 3 ½ year relationship, a 1 year relationship, a brief 3 month relationship, and have now been in a relationship with the love of my life for the past year. All of these women were totally OK with my CDing. The rub was I didn’t trust the 1st one enough to fully embrace and indulge completely with her; the relationship with the second one was very rocky and conflict-ridden and didn’t survive. The third one was the least tolerant, and she had been in an on again/off again lesbian relationship with a woman for the past 5 years! I told these women somewhere around 1 to 3 months into the relationship. We had already established a relationship and attraction based on the basic man/woman equation, and then I revealed another aspect of myself. It was a gamble, but I cannot envision sitting at the first coffee meeting and revealing that I’m a crossdresser and having that relationship turn out well under any circumstance. Why not? Because it’s not my core identity, and not the sort of thing you reveal in a first conversation. Neither would I talk about my mild coronary artery disease, occasional ED, hernia surgery, how I got fired once from a great job because of my management style, or how mean I was to my little brother growing up. These things would all come out all in good time, as the story of me unfolds naturally as we have FUN and get to know each other.

It’s hard for me to imagine women out there who are focused on finding a crosdressing man as their primary criterion in a mate. I think it would likely be an unhealthy focus that’s rooted in something that’s probably no good. There are always exceptions, but IMO such a woman is likely to have some serious issues probably stemming from childhood abuse or a personality disorder, and not someone I want to be around.

I told my current mate at the time we made a commitment to be exclusive with each other. Of course I was nervous about it, but it couldn’t have gone better.

She is totally OK with my CDing, and goes shopping with me. She buys me panties, PJ’s, baby dolls, skirts and stuff for Christmas, Valentine’s Day, my birthday, and sometimes just because. She lights up when I greet her at the door, either dressed or underdressed. We dress up together and have date night.


I don’t spend much time en femme, just because that’s my style, but she would be ok with it if I spent all weekend as Ronni. I am lucky lucky lucky, and I know it. I tell her all the time how much I appreciate all of her.

So, I am 4/4 with the women I have told, and I didn’t do any prescreening in my Match or PoF profiles to stack the odds. I am lucky, for sure, but I don’t have any secrets for you Miss.

Get off your pretty panties, and go find a girl! They’re out there, ya just gotta find one. No one is gonna deliver one to your door.

[suzanne]

While its true that there are some women, bless them, that truly like, and maybe even prefer their men to be feminine, it's not realistic to expect to find one who is looking for a CD as a partner. For most, this would be an acquired taste, gained through appreciation of the WHOLE person. Just throwing it out there on the first date is no better than stating it in the dating service intro page. Its just too easy to say, "Sorry, not worth the trouble" and move on. Time and again, this forum tells us it is best to disclose shortly before the relationship begins to get intimate.

How to know who, or when? That's different for every situation, but I just love Purple's story about shopping, where she examined a women's shoe in a noncommittal way, gaging the reaction of her companion as the discussion escalated. True, in most of her earlier shopping trips the companion turned out to be a "fail", but that conclusion was reached before her date even realized what Purple was up to, so major discomfort was avoided and the relationship quickly and safely aborted itself. The happy ending is that Purple did eventually find the right person an she now has the kind of marriage we all envy.

The thing I would like to know from Purple is whether her SO initially liked CDers as partners, or was it just that she was open minded enough to accept whatever Purple brought to the table? This is important to me because I think the right attitude is that it's "not a big deal" one way or the other. Obviously, things won't work with an SO whose response is "ick", but as an extreme example, the hypothetical woman who looks for CDers to satisfy a fetish is equally superficial. Younger people seem to be less hung up on dressing issues than my generation, so there is hope for an open minded future.

[suzanne]

Don't read my last deeply too carefully. It was written too early in the morning, just after that first jolt of caffeine!

What I really wanted to say was that women who truly enjoy CDers are super rare. Its more realistic to try to find one whose attitude is "so what? Not a problem" and nurture it along with the other facets of the relationship. Purple's method is pure genius because she got the relationship she wanted while all the other "fails" had no idea about her femininity. Don't look for "I like CDs". That's just not realistic. Look for "Not a big deal". You can build a fabulous life on that foundation of open-mindedness

[tiffanynjcd24]

Wow thats very inspiring from you ladies i wish i can find a woman that be willing to accept my lifestyle. I afraid most ladies wouldnt like that i crossdresses

[Jessica86]

To find someone who "loves" it, I would take that as someone who is "all out". That means, participating in going out, doing things in the bedroom, and basically treating you like a woman all of the time. As I have realized, you are most likely not going to find a woman like that. The majority of women though, do tend to have at least SOME level of acceptance. Take my wife for example. She goes out with me, but not all the time. She does nothing in the bedroom, but talks with Jessica like she is me in male mode. I think...and stress the word think, that almost all women will have a don't ask don't tell, or a do it rarely around me attitude. The good news is finding one who just totally hates it so much, they straight up leave you, is just as rare as finding one who is going to go "all out." Just look for someone who accepts you for who you are. Respect them as much as they have respected you by even HAVING a level of acceptance.

[tiffanynjcd24]

To find someone who "loves" it, I would take that as someone who is "all out". That means, participating in going out, doing things in the bedroom, and basically treating you like a woman all of the time. As I have realized, you are most likely not going to find a woman like that. The majority of women though, do tend to have at least SOME level of acceptance. Take my wife for example. She goes out with me, but not all the time. She does nothing in the bedroom, but talks with Jessica like she is me in male mode. I think...and stress the word think, that almost all women will have a don't ask don't tell, or a do it rarely around me attitude. The good news is finding one who just totally hates it so much, they straight up leave you, is just as rare as finding one who is going to go "all out." Just look for someone who accepts you for who you are. Respect them as much as they have respected you by even HAVING a level of acceptance.

I agree with where you coming from thing is i do love and accept myself. I hard time with it because i dont know if anyone else would be with like i was confused and scared

[DawnD]

I can honestly say that yes, I do actually like it. I used to struggle with the affects of it on occasion (mostly to my fragile female psyche), but I really do enjoy what my husband wears. I shall explain.

1. I enjoy seeing him happy. Watching my husband grow into a person comfortable in his own skin has made my heart glow with love and pride. 2. I enjoy helping him dress. Teaching him how to do makeup has been one of the most rewarding things for me. 3. Going shopping, are you kidding me? 4. My husband is beautiful. I happen to enjoy both sexes equally, so having a male and female partner is perfect for me.

Do we have to pay attention to how we balance our lives as a couple? Yes, but that has nothing to do with his CDing and everything to do with the dynamics of our relationship. I need certain things emotionally, and I'm lucky to have an SO who is happy to give them to me. Does that infringe on my husband and his freedom to be who he is? I don't think so. I've never not asked him to be who he is to make me happy. Because him being who he is makes me happy all the time. In fact, I encourage him to dress more because I know it makes him happy.

I have never, nor will I ever be, one of those people who is attracted to the shell only. I know who is under the dress and makeup. I know who is under the jeans and t-shirt. That's the person I love. That's the person I married. If that person thought he needed to go "all the way" and be a full time woman, that's the person I would still love and stay with. It's how I roll.

[DawnD]

We met nine years ago when we worked together in a factory making windows. I am a pretty persistent person when it comes to something I want. And I wanted him. I pretty much stalked him. No lie. We hit it off right off the bat. Fast friends as they say. We started ferociously flirting, then dating, then in love. Before the love part came a confession to me that he wore women's panties. At the time, he wasn't a full on CD. He's evolved over the years. So has our relationship. So have I.

I raised myself through most of my childhood. I have never been the mainstream sort. I never developed that sort of mentality, because I never felt like I was part of it. I can't ever picture myself as judgemental, or exclusionary. I may not personally subscribe to the lifestyle someone else chooses. But I fiercely defend their right to live how they want to live. No revelations. Just who I choose to be.

As far as when I realized I liked what he wears? Pretty much right away. Like I said, I've always been attracted to both sexes. Women have this amazing sexual awareness that is just mind boggling. And men have this strength that is super sexy. I get both...yay me!

[StarrOfDelite]

My limited experience is that many women are fine with Crossdressers as friends, but that the vast majority do not want romantic involvement if that's what the OP meant by "Like." Most women like Gay men, too, because they don't have to worry about sexual tension with them. Just saying.

[DawnD]

Truth be told, if something were to ever happen to my husband. I don't know if I could ever go back to a non-CD relationship. If that makes me a minority, so be it.

[Maureen]

A coworker / friend of mine posted on Facebook yesterday the following "Getting a pedicure right now and no lie, there's a GROWN MAN getting his toes done right next to me WITH POLISH!!! He's changing from red to hot pink! WTF?!$&?!?" She got 7 likes from other women and 9 comments including "Crossdresser... Freak!" None of the comments were positive.

This post really rattled me and has caused me to feel depressed and ashamed. Depressed that this is probably the way many women feel about us, and ashamed that I am not brave enough to come out and stand up for this "Freak". I have been struggling with this secret my whole life. I thought I was making progress and believe that I would like to transition. I had my nails done in Vegas back in October and there were other customer's present. Now I know what they were thinking.

[Jamie001]

Why don't you post on that page that there was a time that women didn't get tattoos. Now many women wear multiple tattoos. Also men didn't wear earrings in the 1950 and women didn't wear pants. It sounds like the folks that replied to the Facebook page are a bunch of fundie conservatives that could be from the South or cowboy country. It doesn't matter what other people think. I get my nails done every two weeks and proudly show my red toenails in my normal feminine male mode. I don't care what people think, but I do get a lot of compliments from women and I love it when they tell me I have toes like a girl. Believe it or not, men that wear earrings still get the same comments to this day - some negative and some positive. Folks are very polarized on their views. You can either be yourself and say screw them like the first guys that wore earrings or the first women that wore tattoos, or you can can conform to societies expectations for a male and go back to a drab existence. It is really your choice. If you worry about what people think, your are giving-up control of your life and allowing other folks to dictate how you live your life. That situation is not much better than prison.

You really should go back to that webpage and stand-up for the guy that was being dissed.