Sad

[katlee]

GF says she hates that I like to wear a dress, she hates the fact that I am more feminine than her (at times).

I am crying on the inside...

Could use a virtual hug right now.

[Tracii G]

Time for a better GF IMO.
If she is THAT insecure you are better without her.

[PaulaQ]

Hey Kat -

I'm sorry for your troubles. It'll be ok, hon, it'll be ok.

[suzy1]

Hugs girl.

You have to see it from here view point as well but I still understand why you are sad.

Life sucks sometimes.

All the best.

[MichelleR276]

Lots and lots of wonderful hugs for you today!!!

Be patient with her. Let her get to know this side of you.

-Michelle

[Stephanie Miller]

Sounds like there is need for a little give and take here with those two problems.
#1 She dislikes you in dresses - Lay off the dress's for a while. Just go with skirts
#2 She is not feminine enough - Invite her to join this site. It has helped many people get in touch with their feminine side.

If all else fails it might be best to move on early, than to get too deep in a relationship that you both will regret the rest of your lives.

[ReineD]

I'm sorry. But, I would encourage your girlfriend to look deeper into why she feels the way she does. I suspect it's a little more than thinking that you are more feminine than her (at times).

You should ask her to join this forum for support. We have a private FAB (Female At Birth) forum. She can read about it here:
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...f#faq_gg_forum

I don't know your girlfriend, of course, but sometimes GGs have a poor body image that is quite separate from what their boyfriends do or don't do. And when they work on improving their own self-images, they discover that they were projecting their own bad feelings about themselves onto their boyfriends.

Another potential issue, is that your girlfriend is past doing all the "girlie" things. So maybe things like makeup, dresses, heels, nails, etc, aren't important to her, and it bugs her that they are important to you. For example, these things are not a huge focus of my attention, although I do appreciate that my SO is into them. But, if I had a female friend who wanted to spend a lot of time talking about that stuff and doing girly things, we wouldn't be spending a lot of time together. For me, putting on makeup and a dress is just as utilitarian as it is for you to shave. I do it, and then go on to enjoy my day. I suspect that a lot of GGs are like this.

And last, sometimes GGs feel cast aside when their bfs crossdress, depending on how much of their relationship revolves around it. They can come to feel as if the CDing is so much more important to the boyfriend than they are.

These are only some of the things that could be at the root of your girlfriends' feelings, and I do encourage both of you to look into it more deeply than you have. If you do this, you might find a solution and then you'll both be able to move forward both in your relationship and with the crossdressing.

[katlee]

Thanks for the feedback, interesting enough I haven't dressed in front of her for months. I think it could be body image, but a lot of times I think she wants a manly man. I think she is making a laundry list of all the things that she doesn't like about me to try rationalize something.

[Marleena]

Katlee some women can't or won't accept their man CDing. It's unfortunate but true. You really need to talk with her and see where she is with it all. You can't force it on her or each time you do dress it will be a reminder of something she can't accept. Best of luck.

[Karren H]

Hugs girl.

You have to see it from here view point as well but I still understand why you are sad.

Life sucks sometimes.

All the best.

Sometimes? Just varying degrees of suckiness!

I agree... Dump her and get a new girlfriend ...

[kimdl93]

If you want this relationship or any other to work, you need to try to see the situation from her perspective and learn to understand why your dressing evokes anger. Ask her to explain her feelings as best she can - and don't debate or dismiss what she says...just listen. Take it in, think about it and come back later to talk again., but next time ask if she could think of anything that would help make her feel better about it.

[ReineD]

Maybe his girlfriend just wants a man who acts and dresses like a man... Why is it always the SO who is somehow at fault or narrow minded because she isn't down with cross dressing ? It's always her that needs to be "fixed"

I never said that katlee's girlfriend needed to be fixed or she was narrow minded.

I was assuming that they are both in love and interested in resolving the issues in their relationship, given that katlee isn't likely to be able to stop the crossdressing. If this is the case, they have three choices:

1. Katlee does bite the bullet and purge, but we all know this is not likely to be a long term solution and katlee stands to eventually become miserable. This will not do their relationship any good.

2. Katlee goes underground. This is also not advisable. GGs don't tend to like this.

3.. They try to figure out what it is about the crossdressing that katlee's girlfriend does not like. I don't buy the "he's more feminine than I am" line.

If it's a question of having bad self image, katlee's gf will only benefit from improving this, whether they stay together or not. If it is a question of katlee's gf not liking to spend time doing nails and pouring over fashion magazines (I didn't know when I answered previously that katlee had not dressed in months), then this certainly is an activity that they can stop doing together. If katlee happened to have been in a pink fog (again, I did not know that katlee had not dressed in months), then katlee could scale back the enthusiasm a bit and spend quality time with his girlfriend.

Or, it could be a number of other things for which there are a number of viable, reasonable solutions, without having to assign "blame" on anyone.

And last, if after all of this katlee's girlfriend still does not like the crossdressing (if she is indeed "turned off" over this), AND katlee cannot stop, then I'm afraid they will need to part ways so that they can each find partners with whom they are more compatible.

But ... assuming they want to stay together, it makes sense to me to try the other solutions first. Don't you think?

[Stevie]

Sorry to hear that about your gf. Hope things get better. Too many negative people out there.

[Julogden]

Kat, I know it sucks, but you're better off knowing what she feels even if it's harsh. There's really no sense in trying to change her, she is who she is. Time to move on, as awful as that feels. If you're uncertain about where you are with your dressing or gender issues, work them out before trying to get into any serious relationships, then be utterly honest when looking for a new potential partner once you know exactly who you are and what your dressing needs are.

Carol

[Mermaid]

*hugz*

Unfortunately most girls like to be the pretty one in the relationship...maybe she will come around...maybe not. If not...there are tons of girls out there that like pretty boys

[Jodi Anne]

Hugs girl, sorry to hear GF troubles, sad times indeed.

[FelicityMay]

I know how you feel :P
my GF got pretty upset when i told her about this, i decided to let her go.
-hugs-

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Kat , You are lucky that she is only a GF just think what it;s going to be like if she becomes your wife you know that it won't end well.

[Rachelakld]

Hugs.
I hope you find that special someone who is willing to let you be you, soon.

[SarahBJackson]

Kat, I wish you the best of luck. Stick with it and you might find balance.

[nhlighthouse]

() virtual hug.................

[Beverley Sims]

A virtual hug from me.
I do have to say move on and there will be someone else out there a little more responsive to you.
It is not all bad.

[Jennifer Marie P.]

Some girls are jealous on how other girls look.

[Jenni Yumiko]

I think you need to consider how long you have been together and how your relationship is aside from the CDing. how much "in love" are you, and do you see her as the one. It sux that she isn't into it, but if you and her are very serious about your relationship maybe some understanding and knowledge will help her out. I agre with ReneeD, before you "throw away" your relationship, if it's a good relationship otherwise, try to cultivate it.

[Debbi]

Hi Katlee,

It's always sad when those we care about and love don't like something about us. No matter what it is. When we're in a meaningful relationship with someone, we always want and desire to be pleasing to that person in everyway. But there will always be things that our partner will dislike. Small thing, big things and just things in general. Dressing, being who we are, expressing our fem side, to me, is a big thing. It's part of who we are and what makes us happy. everyone deserves to be happy with who they are. I've learned over many years that this is who we are and we cannot, and should not try and change because someone disapproves. We must embrace this part of our lives and those that truly love us and care for us will adapt. Being who we are and wearing what we like is OUR choice. Aside from disapproval of our choice of clothing from others, we are not causing harm to anyone or doing anything morally wrong. I don't believe in changing who we are in order to gain acceptance or approval from Anyone. And if wearing a dress brings peace and happiness into your life, then be happy and wear your dresses girl!

Sheesh! Didn't mean to get carried away and perhaps I'm getting to deep about your situation. It just struck a chord with me though. I've been through that in the past and allowed the same disapproval to dictate how I lived my life and the outcome was not a positive experience for me and ultimately not positive for the relationship. Be who you are, wear what makes you feel best and you'll be true to yourself and others. That's soooo important!

I wish you all the best and hope you stay true to YOU! A happy You goes a long way girl!

Hugs!