How many girls here miss having a significant other? To a point I have just given up even looking. I feel troubling a female with having a cd boyfriend is not worth putting anyone through. Besides bearing my heart and soul and being rejected isnt worth it . I know my habit of wanting to dress will never go away so is there an easy way to deal. Anyone else feel the same way?
Any gg's want to comment on how to make it easier? Any help would be appreciated.
Erica
One thing that i know can at least strengthen a relationship with someone who doesn't know or appreciate it, is just come out and say this:
"Cross dressing is definitely a part of me. It is not just a phase, it's never going to go away, and it truly makes me happy. But if it bothers you so much, then I think I could be willing to at least stop doing it, just for you."
Someone can't get mad at you for telling them how you feel. and you may even possibly gain some sympathy if you show her how much it really means to you! It will show her that you love her more than yourself, and maybe even soften her heart to let you do it a little bit in the future (maybe as a birthday present or something).
I don't think it will ever be easy to just accept living alone. I'm only 18 and I already feel lonely when I don't have someone close. The options are basically to find someone who happily accepts cross dressers (rare) or to find someone who will at least tolerate it enough to compromise with you!
I hope this helps, I havn't actually done this all myself, but it is what I would do if I had to make the choice...
Erica, if anything, this site PROVES that one can find an SO who loves you and an live with your cross dressing. Please don't use cross dressing s an excuse not to try. Women are capable of so much more compassion than your average man. Find a woman whom you like to hand out with. When if gets serious tell her. If she can't candle it, repete the process. There IS someone out there for you.
First, do you mind if I ask how often you crossdress, is it full on dressing all the time or just a few comfy things at home, do you go out dressed, etc. And also are there times when you are happy in guy mode, or are there times when home alone when you're just in regular guy clothes, and how much does this happen?Originally Posted by Erica Marie
... and then I'll give you my thoughts.
Reine
Erica, IMO, the odds are stacked heavily against you. Especially @ 5'7 and 120 lbs. "Conventional" wisdom [gained from too many years at various singles sites] is that most women "desire/prefer" men 5"10' or taller although for some height does not matter and they are smart enough to state it in their profile. Another common train of thought is that "he better weigh more than me". Of course there are women who "prefer" nerdy types and other women INSIST on bald men. I'm quite sure I read at least 10 profiles a week if not 20 [I live in a big city] for almost 5 years. Do the math. I don't ever remember seeing even ONE looking for a feminine guy or mentioning CDer preferred/wanted/accepted.
I don't think you have an impossible goal but I seriously doubt you are likely to simply run into a woman who prefers very "slightly built" men. I think your best bet for meeting such a lady would be on a specialized dating site. There are tons in big cities... IF you can or are willing to do the LDR thing.
I think it was you [in a thread I read] who dropped about 30 or 40 pounds through diet and exercise to "be/appear" more feminine? And yet, you are still stuck in the closet? Honestly, I think you need to find a way to escape the closet a few times as Erica and see if and/or how it affects your feelings.
Obviously wearing of "wrong" clothes is a PART of everyone here. It seems like a very important aspect to your life. I am just guessing that finding a platonic relationship with a GG and sharing your secret with her could really help you and be far easier than "seeking" a SO. At least in helping to figure out your ultimate destination.
You ARE just a "young pup" at 43 - a big plus for you.
Last edited by Wildaboutheels; 03-29-2013 at 02:39 AM. Reason: spelling
I never had the pleasure of having a significant other. Or dated anyone really. What's it like?
This sucks. And unfortunately I dont think there's anything anyone can do about this. To live an honest life you have to risk getting hurt, it's just the way it is. But when you find the acceptance and love it will be so so worth it.
You need to get this out of your head right now! I promise you that there are women out there who will not feel this part of you is a burden or that you are putting them through anything at all. Yes, we all have different reactions to crossdressing and will "deal" with it in different ways but you know what? That isn't your problem. You are who you are and you are entitled to live your life however you want. Please please don't give up and don't you ever think of yourself or any part of you as a burden.
I know how you feel. I lost my girlfriend a few years ago and have been very lonely since. There are not a lot of women who tolerate, and far far less who accept and participate in, their boyfriend's crossdressing
Hi Reine and thanx for answering. Right now is a difficult time for me. I dont get enough privacy at home to dress as often as I like so it has only been once or twice in the last few months. When I do it is usually only for a short time at home but it is full dress (make up, wigs, nice outfit,heels). But getting dressed at home is getting very old and getting out in my home town is out of the question. It is my goal to be able to be free and get out one day. I have only been out twice and it was in a diffent town but it was just out for a drive.First, do you mind if I ask how often you crossdress, is it full on dressing all the time or just a few comfy things at home, do you go out dressed, etc. And also are there times when you are happy in guy mode, or are there times when home alone when you're just in regular guy clothes, and how much does this happen?
... and then I'll give you my thoughts.
I do miss having an SO, first off I am not a very open person so it is difficult for me to meet new people more or less tell them that I crossdress. I was married and divorced and also had a gf that I had told. Neither were accepting to the point where it was Ok. I feel having a so that can tolerate it but not fully accept it would not be fair to her or me. So to this point I feel that it is easier to leave well enough alone and stay single.
Caroline, you being at only 20 yrs old I envy you more than anything. You have a full life ahead of you to find the things and the person that is most important to you. Dated a few time during and after high school and married way to young before finding out who I really am. Now I am divorced with a teenage son and a daughter who is heading into her third year of college. I see life passing me by more and more every day. Take advice from someone who has been there and back. Explore your choices and never be afraid to be yourself.
Last edited by Sandra; 03-29-2013 at 08:05 AM. Reason: merged consecutive posts, multi posting is not allowed.
Erica
Do I miss the idea of a wonderful woman in a (near) perfect relationship who would be tolerant of my dressing, as well as being a true soulmate? Yes.
Do I miss being with someone...anyone? No.
There has been no woman in my life I've ever been truly deep in love with, including my ex-wife. No woman that I wasn't relieved when the relationship ended, because I could be 100% myself again, and didn't have to do things and go places I didn't like in order to make them happy.
I have had ten serious relationships in my life, some better than others, the longest (by far) being my marriage (five years). The rest have been a year or (far) less. Truth is, I have come to the conclusion finding a true soulmate is not worth the trouble of the search, and therefore, I am happy to be me as is. The majority of my adult life I've been alone (besides raising a daughter myself), and this is how it should be.
Really? How so? Do you think that every crossdresser looking for a straight female mate has one? Yes, I have met women who SUPPOSEDLY were o.k. with crossdressing, but in reality were only willing to put up with it in order to not be alone themselves, when confronted with the crossdressing, they didn't really like it, or want to deal with it. Less than one in a hundred women are even willing to date a crossdresser (knowingly, of course). That means unless you tell her up front BEFORE you go out, you have a less than 1% possibility of even being compatible at all, before anything other topics come up. And if you then remove all those who initially thought she could deal with the crossdressing but later decided she couldn't, the chances are even less. So you'll have to date someone every night of the year to meet perhaps 4 women who MIGHT be compatible with you in other ways as well. So I guess that sure, if I live to be a hundred, I MIGHT find someone who is barely compatible with me. Or, I might wind up with another woman who may blackmail me during the divorce to get all my assets.....again.
Yes, some will say that WHEN I find 'the love of my life', all the difficulty will be worth it. So in the meantime, I should just subject myself to all the hassles in the hope that I might find someone?
Anyway, are there any solid figures? What percentage of members here actually have loving wives/SO's that are really just fine with their crossdressing? I don't ever remember any surveys being done, but from what I've read, it seems the percentage is really, really minute, rather than Erica's belief that everyone has a CD compatible female mate .
Last edited by sometimes_miss; 03-29-2013 at 10:23 AM.
Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.
Yep, I gave up on relationships 8 years ago and I've realized nobody wants me and the whole world hates me so I'll just be on my own for the rest of my days. I really sux to be old and ugly.
Hugs
/Giovanna
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
I have been extremely fortunate. My SO has no problems with my dressing at all to date. She works shifts opposite of what I do so dressing can be daily if I want it to be. Even when home together I can dress if I chose but I tend to steer away from it as "too much" can become just that.
I think there are plenty of women out there that would accept and support you. Finding them is not an easy task but hiding it away from them, You may never know who would be this SO for you or who wouldn't. We have GG's here that prove that every day when they join us to talk about all of the things CD related. A un supporting SO wouldn't do that.
Like you stated, this isn't going away, you have to be you, and as daunting as it seems, you just have to push forward to you find the person that is going to make your life complete and accept you for who you are.
Flip Flops were made for Beaches & Bath Houses, We have neither in 2017. Lose the flip flops!
Well, it's rather obvious. I am not unique here. I have a loving spouse who understands my cross dressing. Many others here are just like me.
Then you have not met the right women. Cross dressing alone is never the reason for bad relationships, that's a crock o' sh*t.
Not sure where you get your math but based on your own words below, you have no solid figures. Youhave given up and created a reason to give up. That's your choice but a flawed one in my opinion.
I don't know what the percentage is but that doesn't matter. IF you want a spouse, then that person is out there for you. Erica found two! Those relationships did not work out but NOT because of cross dressing.
Miss, your bitterness flows like a river. You have obviously had a tough time in relationships but all relationships are partnership. Be objective. What can you do to enhance the partnership? Be alone by choice, but not by excuse.
I have asked myself that question. I still feel like I would like a SO on one hand, but on the other I can wake, dress and be a woman until I go to work, and then I become a woman again as soon as I get home. My marriage of over 20 years just ended, not because of this (she didn't know), but because for our entire marriage we were both unhappy. People don't believe that her sex drive after marriage disappeared to 6-8 times a year if I was lucky and I have gone as many as 9 months without. Maybe that is where my CD desire came from. I always fantasized about the type of woman I would be (or would like to create like in the movie Weird Science), and she never wore the things that I liked. She didn't like heels, stockings, thongs, sexy lingerie, and I loved the idea of buying that for her but to no avail. I've had more fun alone and with another CD than I thought possible, so whether another real woman comes into my life is yet to be seen.
What's it like?...It's grim...very grim...
C
I have been fortunate as when I have not had a girlfriend I have had an entourage that encouraged me to go out with them.
Then they found a companion for me. Yes an attractive girl that accepted that I was dressing.
The formula appeared to be that they accepted me as interesting and introducing me to another girl who could take me home and reveal the man inside.
Worked for me nearly all the time.
Work on your elegance,
and beauty will follow.
Well, to do the math, first increase your percentage to "two or three in a hundred women". There are also "two or three in a hundred men" who crossdress. This would make it an even match, in other words there is a woman out there for every crossdresser.
Reine
Erica, live your life, find more time to dress, do your kids know you dress, if not would they be accepting, don't give up on life, live it, and if someone come a long then fine, find other in your area that dress, make friends. The closet is the lonely us place in the would.
I feel for the lonely girls in this thread, and who knows, I may be among your ranks depending on how things go for me. And I know, oh my gosh I know we aren't accepted.
But let me put something into perspective for you.
I'm handicapped. How many personal ads do you think there are that feature women seeking a man with a handicap? I'll tell you how many - zero. Anyone who marries me faces the very real prospect of caring for someone who can no longer walk at some undefined point in the future.
And yet, I've been married twice. So I have to believe that there is love out there for all of us. I have no illusions that its hard. Perhaps being CD/trans is way worse than any handicap - but I don't buy that, I have to believe love is out there.
I do not assert that it is easy to find. That would be a lie.
Its beautiful having a significant other as long as you tell her about yourself before things get too serious..... Its pure torture if you're in a relationship or married and she doesn't have a clue.....
Your level of crossdressing does not sound as if you are a reluctant male. So it is a question of finding women who are open minded about cross-gender expression. We are out there.
I can only suggest that you keep looking for a partner, not with the idea of finding someone specifically who accepts the crossdressing, but just to find someone with whom there is potential for a romantic relationship. You'll also need to not fear rejection. Please consider that women (and men) reject one another on the basis of mismatched attraction alone. It is a peril for anyone who seeks new partners.
At any rate, if the feelings of affection are mutual, in my opinion you do stand a very good chance that she will be open to the crossdressing, as long as this does not totally define you or your relationship.
I've just finished writing a response that describes this and rather than repeat it here, Ill simply provide the link (post #82):
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post3152799
Last edited by ReineD; 03-29-2013 at 03:46 PM.
Reine
I have had two wives yank my heart out and step on it so the marriage thing will never happen again.
I do think most women want the guy to be the "man" and I understand their need for that kind of relationship.
Do I need and SO to be happy? No but its nice to have at least one woman that at least understands you and is willing to let you be yourself.
Most women I have been in relationships with I have tried to be sympathetic and understanding to how they feel.That I can tell you will ruin a relationship at least for me it did many times.
I can't help it that is just the way I am.Seems most women want a guy that treats them like crap and talks to them like a dog which I never will understand.
Maybe its the tough boy image they seem to like IDK.
My advice is be yourself be it dressing enfemme and going out or just at home never hide the fact you CD.
If she hurls or bolts for the door its not meant to be.
If she is interested and stays you might have a chance.
Reine makes good points I can't argue with what she says.
Last edited by Tracii G; 03-29-2013 at 03:09 PM.
I absolutely agree with Jennifer 100 %! Very well put. Let me just add that the dressing can be a point of something that is shared rather than a source of conflict. I think it all comes down to establishing bounds on both sides and respecting them.
That's funny, in my case the truth, but funny none the less.
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