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Thread: By what name does your SO address you?

  1. #1
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    By what name does your SO address you?

    What's in a name?

    Hey, this is probably about the 100th thing I ought to worry about, in terms of dealing with my wife, but it will come up. This is more aimed at people who's SO accepts them.

    For those not accepting, I assume your SO always uses your male name.

    I'm being optimistic here, and hoping for some acceptance, otherwise I suspect my femme self will be called "that bitch."

    So when does your SO use your femme name / male name? Was this a hard adjustment for them?

    It occurs to me to ask this, because one of our kids switched from using his first name, to his middle name, when he was 10. A lot of the family had trouble with this - not so much minding the name change - but remembering to use it. A few still don't always get it right, 16 years later! :O

    I didn't have a problem honoring his request - hey, I go by my middle name too. But it was an adjustment.

    So how's your SO handle this? What name do you prefer when it's just the two of you? If you switch names based on which mode you are in (guy / girl), is this hard for you SO?

  2. #2
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    Quote Originally Posted by PaulaQ View Post
    ...So when does your SO use your femme name / male name? Was this a hard adjustment for them?
    When we go out, my wife tries very hard to use "she" and "Jennifer." It's hard. She slips up and I am perfectly comfortable with that and thrilled at the effort.

  3. #3
    Gender adventurer JamieG's Avatar
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    For many years, my wife knew I dressed but didn't care to know my femme name. She finally asked about 6 months ago. Since normally I'm in male mode around her she'll just use my male name or her pet name for me. However, occasionally she'll work my femme name in: "What's Jamie going to do tonight?" or "This would look pretty on Jamie". It's a nice gesture.

  4. #4
    Junior Member Tink's Avatar
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    Hmm, thank you for bringing this up. It's something I should really talk about with my BF. He's not "out" so the he/she issue isn't an issue in my daily life but now I've joined here maybe it should be? He has mentioned extremely quickly in passing something about choosing a femme name where he joked about not needing to change his name as the name he was born with is unisex anyway. When he's dressed I use his name or a pet name for him, but maybe I should bring the subject up about whether he would prefer me to call him something else when he's dressed. Definitely given me something to think about so thank you.

  5. #5
    Gold Member Alice B's Avatar
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    She refers to me as Alice.

  6. #6
    Gold Member DonnaT's Avatar
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    My wife slipped up not long ago and barely stopped using my fem name.

    She stopped going out with me because she found it hard to refer to me as Donna, she, etc.
    DonnaT

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tink View Post
    When he's dressed I use his name or a pet name for him, but maybe I should bring the subject up about whether he would prefer me to call him something else when he's dressed. Definitely given me something to think about so thank you.
    I think it is worth delicately bringing it up. It's possible his name is fine in dual use - and depending on how he feels about his gender, that may be the best possible representation.

    I will tell you though, from my perspective, until I started communicating on this forum as "Paula", she wasn't a real person to me. She was just "this thing I felt sometimes", and didn't understand. When I started to communicate using her name, and especially when I'm called "Paula" outloud, some very profound things happened:
    1. Paula likes to chat! And she has her own personality. Oh, it's really my personality - but hers is like only the good parts of it! (At least so far.)
    2. Being called Paula felt normal.
    3. I realized - I am Paula, and she is me.

    This won't apply to everyone - it may not apply to anyone but me. But this is what I experienced.

  8. #8
    Junior Member Tink's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PaulaQ View Post
    I think it is worth delicately bringing it up. It's possible his name is fine in dual use - and depending on how he feels about his gender, that may be the best possible representation.
    How he feels about his gender, I think, is a somewhat grey area. Sort of. It's complicate of course lol I'm the only person he's ever talked to about all of this & he's been CDing for over half his life. We have talked sporadically and briefly about how he thinks his life may have been totally different if he'd been able to be more open about it all at a younger age and the kind of options he feels would have been available to him that are no longer not. (I have tried to reassure him that it's never too late for anything but at the time I was walking a fine line between supporting and feeling like I was pushing him too fast in sharing his CDing with me if that makes sense). I'm in danger of hijacking your thread so will shut up now. Feeling like a rude newbie lol

  9. #9
    Lake St Louis Dee LSL_Dee's Avatar
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    My ife had called my D for a long time and no it is evolved into Dee.
    I am trying to slowly have close friends call me D(ee) as if they have not figured it out by now.
    Dressing is 10% Paint and 90% ATTITUDE

  10. #10
    Junior Member Breeze's Avatar
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    I call my SO by his male name as that is who he is whether he is dressed enfemme or endrab and he is happy with this too!
    I tend to use words like love, honey darling etc which have no gender.
    But that's us
    Last edited by Breeze; 03-26-2013 at 05:39 PM.

  11. #11
    AKA Jenni Aly Jenni Yumiko's Avatar
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    If she's mad, usually jacka__
    If she wants something, love, dear
    If she's playful, Pookie
    She doesn't recognize my other side as being a different person that requires a name as I am the same person.

  12. #12
    Member andrea lace's Avatar
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    My missus calls me Andy as that is my name. Although I have this alter ego I still go by my guy name. I have thought about my wife calling me Andrea or Lacey but deep down I am still the man she married. I also find it bloody hard to act feminine so although I dress like a girl sometimes I still behave the same way it doesn't matter if I am in jeans or a dress what you see is what you get.

  13. #13
    Aspiring Member EllenJo's Avatar
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    My wife calls me Susie as in "Susie Homemaker". This started out as a joke long before she became accepting. As her health deteriorated, I became the "woman of the house" by default. I think she felt bad that she could no longer take care of the house so she jokingly referred to me as Susie when I would be cooking and cleaning. We had a DADT situation until several months ago when she told me that if dressing makes me happy, then she wants me to be happy. I still have boundries that we agreed on but now when I am dressed she calls me Susie. I have told her about Ellen Jo but she just says that to her I am Susie and that is more than fine with me.
    Somtimes the light's all shining on me, Other times I can barely see.
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  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tink View Post
    ... He has mentioned extremely quickly in passing something about choosing a femme name ...
    Tink, representing for myself only, I chose a name I liked but only because I didn't like the incongruity of my male name to my female presentation. For me, the name is meaningless, just a name that is unequivocally feminine. Do ask your BF about it. He'll be embarrassed but appreciate the interest.

  15. #15
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    She does call me "Crissy" most of the time, while I am dressed up around her. But I think its more of a joke to her then anything else!!

  16. #16
    Senior Member Read only Allison Chaynes's Avatar
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    "You" is usually about it. Her sister is dating a MTF TG woman and she told me when I decide on a femme name, when I am en femme, she will call me by that name. Hoping she can make the wife more comfortable with it!

  17. #17
    Member DaniG's Avatar
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    When we are alone my wife often calls me Dani. This is something she does to be playful, to reward me, or just to make me feel femme. And she knows me well. To hear my name on her lips is such sweet delight that many evenings even while other pleasures might distract me I eagerly wait to hear her say it.

  18. #18
    Platinum Member Eryn's Avatar
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    My wife calls me whichever name fits my presentation. If we're discussing my male or female sides she refers to them by name no matter how I am presenting at the time.
    Eryn
    "These girls have the most beautiful dresses. And so do I! How about that!" [Kaylee, in Firefly] [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
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  19. #19
    Miriam
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    When I'm en femme around the house it's my male name or Dear (though occasionally 'stupid' might be more appropriate ;-). When in public it's Miriam.

    Miriam

  20. #20
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
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    About 50/50, it is all about how I am presenting, dear gets a lot of airings as do some other stupid names.
    This usually reflects on my "stupidity".
    Work on your elegance,
    and beauty will follow.

  21. #21
    A California Girl Rachel Morley's Avatar
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    When we are out and I am en femme she will always call me "Rach" and if she is talking about me to someone else she refers to me and she and calls me Rachel. If she is introducing me to someone (like someone at our TG support group's socials) she will say "this is my spouse, Rachel". Unbelievably, she has never slipped up and used the wrong pronoun or accidentally used my male name and as far as I can recall, the only time she has referred to me as her "husband" was when she called and purposely outed us/herself when booking a makeover for me at MAC.

    I asked her one time how come she has never "forgotten" and she just said that in the beginning she focused very hard on doing the preferred thing (preferred by me when in public that is)of not using any reference to my male self and somehow she just always managed not to. Nowadays, after almost 6 years of us going out in public together it seems natural and normal to call me Rachel.
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  22. #22
    Silver Member noeleena's Avatar
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    Hi,

    Jos , has allways called me noel. = no-el. no-e. or no-by.well after 39 years, she allso calls me noeleena. all others , friends or the many i know & many i dont know call me noeleena. 2nd name is edwina,


    ...noeleena...

  23. #23
    Lady in Being (7/20/17) AmyGaleRT's Avatar
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    My fiancee usually calls me "dear," "sweetheart," or "babe," but if I'm en femme, she will sometimes use "Amy dear." If she spots me coming out of the bathroom having just finished the transformation process, she'll say something like "I see an Amy!" That's my cue to go out and show her my outfit.

    We haven't been out together in public, but I would encourage her to just use "Amy" if/when that ever happens.

    - Amy
    Amy Gale Ruth Bowersox (nee Tapie) - "Be who you are, and be it in style!"
    Member, Board of Trustees, Gender Identity Center of Colorado
    aka Amelia Storm - Ms. Majestic Hearts of All Colorado 2018-2019, Miss Majestic Hearts of All Colorado 2015-2016

  24. #24
    Aspiring Member RachelPortugal's Avatar
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    On the odd occasion we are on a girls' night out together my wife calls me Rachael.

    If we are shopping and I am in Bob mode, she will refer to Rachael in the third person, often asking "Would Rachael like this?"
    Rachel,

    As a crossdresser my personality has several facets. Therefore, I suppose I can be forgiven for being facetious.

  25. #25
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    My SO calls me Launa. She came up with the name and I said yeah I like it!

    Other times I've been called missy or Mrs

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