Where do i go from here

[janette_05]

hi, This is my first post..ok I am a cross dresser, I just gathered the courage to tell my wife of 5 years...she was a little supprised and taken back. I am looking for advice on how do i go on with things? She helps me a little with sizes, small things like that...she just does not understand it...I did buy her the book my husband wears my clothes, to help her out....she will wash my "girl" clothes in the laundry and put them away, but she does not like me having shoes or things like that laying around

thank you

[Nikki A.]

take it slow and easy. Push to hard and you'll lose whatever progress you made. Also answer any questions she may have and remember that she will have lots of reservations initially

[Alison_Mathers]

I agree with Nikki, go slow and let her adjust. This is new to her and needs time to process it.

[Jenniferathome]

Hi Janette. What a crazy ride, eh? My advice is always the same: talk to each other. Do understand that she will never "understand" it. YOU don't, do you? It is a thing that I believe is genetic so how does on explain that? She should be welcomed to join this forum as well. It's much better than a book and there are many women here with whom she can chat. The great news is that you are out. While embarrassing for you, you have to let her ask questions, ANY questions and you have to answer. I am sure she has asked the "Are you gay?" "Do you want a sex change?" questions but she'll have a million more, most of which she can not conceive just yet. Invite the questions.

Good luck

[SarahBJackson]

Let your wife get used to your crossdressing. Ease into it and tell her that it's all about comfort. I didn't just show up one night as Sarah and say, "Hey honey, look at me!" I showed her my shoes, then my nylons, then my panties, and eased into it.

Also, be 100% honest too. Tell her everything and ask her opinion on stuff like fashion advice.

[Bethany_Anne_Fae]

If you get anything out of these posts thus far... its take it slow. There is no need to rush yourself or her into anything. The sad stories from others having gone through what you are now are a testament to what we are telling you.

[DaniG]

Talk to your wife. Tend to her needs. Rassure her constantly that she is your one and only true love, and means everything to you. Treat her better than you have ever treated her.

But most of all, listen to her. Ask her how she's doing, not just with the dressing, but with everything in her life. Keep the lines of communication open.

And everything everybody else has said so far.

I love your name, BTW. Good luck, girl! :-)

[Bree Wagner]

My advice is always the same: talk to each other.

Yep! Everyone moves at different speeds, though slow is often best, but no one goes anywhere if there's no communication. There will almost certainly be ups and downs in your journey together but hopefully you'll be able to talk through all of them.

You're the one who knows your wife the best and what she'll respond to, so look at any advice you get here through that prism. It sure sounds like you're doing fairly well so far. Good luck on the rest of the ride!

-Bree

[Diversity]

This is a big step, and you did the right thing by telling your wife. Most likely, this is going to take a lot of time. You will need to exercise a lot of patience and understanding with your wife and allow her time to adjust to this new situation. Maintain open and honest communications as often as is needed. Allow her to set the boundaries of acceptance through discussions you have with her. Be understanding and look at things through the eyes of each other. Good luck to you. Many of us are in very similar situations as you are.
Di

[Beverley Sims]

I would just keep going like this and do not overwhelm her with things she does not like.

[Jenni Yumiko]

I feel ya jannette, I'm at about the same point in my life with my wife, the exception I think is we are going to couples gender counseling. It's a loooong road for sure with a lot of ups and downs. As everyone echoed, GO SLOW, let her lead, don't overwhelm her, don't make your guys life revolve around this pink elephant taking over your room. Communication is key, I let her bring things up, and I tell her and show her I love her and understand that what she is going through and feeling is ok and she has every right to range emotions.

[Cheryl T]

The way to proceed?
Take it slow, don't push her too fast and TALK, TALK, TALK!!!
Tell her how you feel, answer her questions honestly and don't take offense if she says something that might seem awkward...remember this is all new to her. Apparently she is open to it if she's already helping you, so just go at her pace. It's difficult I know. Once I came out to my wife I wanted to dress all the time (now I do) and wanted her to be a part of everything (now she is), but you must moderate your desires to coincide with her level of acceptance and understanding.

[nhlighthouse]

The most important thing that hasn't been said here IMHO is Don't take away the title from HER as the Women of the house..Do not compete against her knowingly or UNknowingly. I feel that would destroy any women and lose her support for your journey.....
Like everyone said....Go nice and slow and do not overwhelm her.

[Karren H]

Funny but I don't know how she could understand it when we don't even understand it? If she hasn't booted you to the curb then you are way ahead of the game..... Just don't overwhelm her else she will do a 360 on you so fast you it will make all your pretty things spontaneously combust... maybe even with you in them!

[NicoleScott]

I agree with the others that you should talk talk talk, but my advice would be to not overwhelm her with talk about your crossdressing. Answer her questions, engage the conversation, but let her initiate the conversation at least some of the time. And comply with her wishes that you don't leave your shoes and things laying around. Low key.

[deebra]

Start wearing panties every day so she can get use to seeing you in fem, then slowly add the next item, maybe a bra every now and then; it sounds like her acceptance so far will allow you to "get there" but slow and communication are the key. Tell her (at the right time) it's all just clothing and it should be an individuals choice what they like and choose to wear, not some strange designer and assure her you are not going out in fem and embarass her and you aren't gay.

[Sandra]

Hi,

Don't take the advice of deebra as it will most likely land you in trouble unless you have spoken to you wife about doing this.

Keep the lines of communication open don't push things with her, when she asks questions answer them honestly and don't say things because you think it's what she wants to hear.

You could suggest that she joins this forum and then joins us in FAB as section just for wives/partners where we support and help each other.
Oh and don't expect everything to be ok right away this can take months even years.

[Laura912]

Imagine holding a butterfly in your hand. Notice how carefully you move your hand and fingers? The butterfly is your wife. Be easy.

[janette_05]

Thank you all for the advice....we have the lines of communication open, still some days not an easy subject to bring up....but at least she knows i do this and its not a secret

[CindyT]

So great to hear you are making progress!!! Go slowly and be gentile....