Should I come out to my doctor?

[PaulaQ]

So I need to go in for a physical. I'm suffering a LOT of anxiety. I'm on an emotional rollercoaster. I'm not dealing that well with being transgendered, at least not yet. (Hey, I'm new at this - I'll probably improve!)

I think I should probably disclose all this to my regular MD when I see him - this seems pretty significant, even if there's not much for him to do about it at the moment.

What do y'all think?
Would you tell?
Anyone have any negative outcomes from telling their physician? (I wouldn't think so, but it doesn't hurt to ask.)

I am considering a much less delicate speech for my physician than what I've prepared for my wife.

Thoughts anyone?

BTW, were it not for the anxiety and mood swings and general craziness (how have I not been banned from here?!?) I wouldn't feel the need to mention this at all to him, at least not yet.

[Sylvermane]

I wouldn't. But only because what is he gonna do, its not a medical problem. At least not until you are ready if ever to transition and become TS. The best he can and likely will do is advise you to find a gender therapist I would imagine. But I don't trust people generally so I may and probably am worried about nothing.

[Wildaboutheels]

I think your wife should be the first one you tell. IF she turns out to be accepting, you are likely not to NEED to confide in or tell him. Or maybe anyone else? It may turn out you might be happy simply dressing at home? No way for you to know, is there?

IF your wife "approves" I think you will have far less trouble telling ANYone you think needs to know?

[PaulaQ]

I think your wife should be the first one you tell.

Yeah, she'll be the first. I'll see the doctor shortly after that though, and unless it goes really swell with my wife, I will be a mess when I see him, in all probability.

[Lisa Gerrie]

I think it's very appropriate to talk to your doctor about anxiety. As somebody who has struggled with both depression and anxiety, I can tell you that it does affect your physical health. Whether you choose to disclose the source of the anxiety, and in how much detail, is probably optional. I tend to head for my doctor to treat the symptoms and my therapist to treat the cause. I take medication because both think it's a good idea.

[Joanne f]

Your doctor is there to help you and not judge you so if you think that it will help you to get to the bottom of this anxiety and mood swings then it would not do any harm in mentioning it as it may give your doctor a clue on things that he/she may find like signs of stress or high blood presser, anxiety and mood swings can be a sign of you not copping with not being able to express yourself in the way that you would like to but it can also be attributed to other things so it would be a good idea for you to say something about what you are feeling and that in it's self helps as it has a way of taking some of the burden of being TG off yourself , I personal look upon being TG as one of the feelings that can give out quite a lot of anxiety and mood swings simply because at times you can not quite understand where or what you are meant to be or even why you are doing it so it is important that you gain all the knowledge you can about your feelings so that you can learn how to control them instead of them controlling you which is not good for you or your wife as she no doubt has to take the brunt of your mood swings .

[Stevie]

Unless it is medical related I wouldn't tell him. My wife and I see the same doctor and she always ask about her and my family. I wouldn't feel comfortable with it.

[Sandra1746]

Your doctor is there to help you and not be "judging" you. They are also under both ethical and legal restrictions to protect your medical information. If your CD/TG/** tendencies are causing stress then it is a medical condition and it falls in the areas your doctor needs to consider. Besides they may be (or may recommend) a 'neutral' listener that could help you get your mind arranged.

Good luck,
Sandra1746

[Karen_K]

Anxiety is certainly something your doctor might want to know about if he is the kind who doesn't just treat symptoms. He may be able to refer you to a good counselor as well, if that's what you're looking for. If you're worried about privacy, depending on where you live he may be legally obligated to keep your information confidential.

[I Am Paula]

Do you present female 24/7? If yes, then wear your regular femme attire to the Dr. If not, and you have no medical gender related issues, he doesn't need to know.
Karen K. Everyplace in the civilized world has VERY strict medical confidentiality.

[kimdl93]

I think you need to tell your regular doc about mood swings, anxiety and the source. Its important for him to know and there won't be any adverse consequences.

[Loni]

i say NO do not tell your regular Dr.

not his line of work. he/she is a medical person, not a head person. (sorry just do not know the correct title).

and if he is a anti it could go bad for you. he could get you labeled as defective..as some Dr's still believe being trans is a mental defect.

get down to your local transgender group and get the names of a good therapist who does transgender work.
and they have a list of medical Drs that know and treat transgender folk with respect.

[Anne Elizabeth]

My two cents is If you feel that your anxiety is some what related to crossdressing or trans then i feel you should talk to your doc about it as is is a part of the diagnostic tool. Then I feel you should ask if he knows of a gender counselor that you might talk to. You doc might have some resources that can be recommended. I think seriously talking to a gender counselor can help you put things in perspective and that alone can help a lot with the anxiety. I always consider the mental process before taking drugs to take care of a problem. You should know after a few sessions if there needs to be a medical intervention to help. Just going to a counselor and getting stuff off your chest and out of your head can help bunches. All said if cross dressing and/or gender identity are causing physical problems with your doc and your doc does not know this how can your doc help you fully.

[Kate Simmons]

This is something that has to totally be your choice. The only reason it ever came out with my Dr. was that back in 2005 he wanted to know where I was and what I was doing when I collapsed and was taken to the ER. I had to tell him I was at the local LGBT club and had been dancing. I was taken by ambulance to the ER half in and half out of femme. Otherwise he wouldn't have known. The only comment he made really, after lecturing me about not taking my BP meds, was that he thought my getting the aerobic exercise by dancing was great.

[Lorileah]

Doctors need any detail of your life that you believe could be causing you issues. High blood pressure? They will ask about diet and exercise and stress. Depression, they will ask about stress and life style. Metabolic issues...diabetes....weight gain...insomnia....irritable bowel....they need the WHOLE story. You know many things can be treated without drugs if you just help the doctor diagnose. Otherwise, you will be placed on drug after drug after drug. And they won't work as well as if you allow the doctor to know that your mental situation is a part of the issue. Dealing with things that stress you out can make a huge difference in you over all health.

So I believe that the doctor needs ALL the pieces to the puzzle. So if your TGism is an issue to YOU, you need to tell them. Or you can continue with your insomnia, high blood pressure, weight gain (or loss), anger issues. And you can shorten your life so that would also take care of if you should tell or not...but then it wouldn't be your decision

[Beverley Sims]

I was going to reply, but after reading other posts here, I think take in what Lorileah has posted
It is all there. If you think CDing is causing you stress, tell the doctor and he may advise a therapist.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

being transsexual is a medical problem

being a tg/cd with major anxiety issues is a medical problem...

some doctors are not supportive and that means you may need to doctor shop..

none of the other stuff matters...

[linda allen]

If you feel that you are really transgendered, not just a crossdresser, I think you should tell your doctor. This may be the cause of your anxiety.

And if you are really transgendered, you might as well tell your wife as soon as possible. It's not going to get any better by waiting. She needs to know. So does the rest of your family.

[Kelly Greene]

Paula

I can only speak from my own experiences, when I started having health problems due to stress I found it necessary to tell my doctor about all the stresses I have been going through including my being tg. His reaction was entirely professional and he explained that being tg has to do with brain chemistry and this is just how we are there is no disorder or fault in someone being tg. The doctors advice was to get dressed up however I like whenever I need.

[Jamie001]

Kelly's situation was the exact situation and advice I faced from my doctor. Whenever I go for a doctor I am always my feminine male self so everyone knows that I don't see gender in a binary manner. We need to stop causing ourselves undue stress and just be ourselves.

[AllieSF]

I am in the camp that says that you should tell your doctor about your anxiety/depression or whatever, but you do NOT need to tell him the details unless you want to. Go find a good gender therapist and give the details to that person. If you ever go on hormones, then your GP does need to know.

[boink]

If you're having true anxiety issues and your transness is a big part of that then it is probably a good idea to disclose that to your doctor. It's going to help them to better treat and handle your situation if they are fully informed. I would strongly suggest coming out to your SO first if you haven't done that, and would recommend you see a therapist who can help you work through your gender/anxiety/and depression issues.

[AllyCDTV]

You say you are suffering a lot of anxiety. Certainly talk to your doctor about it. You may wish to suggest that you think it might be related to some possible gender dysphoria issues you are having but don't play doctor yourself and try to make it appear that you have already made the diagnosis. That is the job of your doctor. You could also start by saying that you think it is caused by some psychological issues that you are rather sensitive about and would rather discuss them with a mental health professional and see if he accepts that. Chances are, your doctor will want to check to see if the anxiety symptoms are caused by anything physical and if some anti-anxiety drugs will help. If he confirms that it is truly a psychological issue, he might just refer you to a mental health professional and leave it in their hands. Getting a referral will probably mean your insurance will cover the cost. If I understand correctly, gender dysphoria is not considered a health issue unless it is causing you mental suffering. By your own admission, it appears to be. Since you have yet to tell your SO, make sure he understands that this is confidential and he is not to discuss it with your SO without your permission.

[PaulaQ]

Answers to things that have been raised in the thread:
1. Coming out to my wife first - yep, will do that tomorrow or sunday. I have a speech prepped, and have rehearsed it some with my therapist. She needs to know what I am going through. Note: This may increase my stress. In fact, unless I win the spousal lotto, that seems fairly certain. However, I'm not so sure this is neccessary - my doctor would have no permission to tell my wife.

2. Am I really TG, and not just a CD?
Yes, I am TG. I am a woman trapped in a man's body. I feel like a freaking prisoner in my body and in parts of my life. I've been battling this for a very long time. I don't understand the extent of this, what I should do about it, what I can do about it, or much of anything else. I'm not really thrilled by the prospect of this, but hey, like it or not, there it is. I'm not going to keep fighting this and trying to suppress it - that has screwed over my life at least twice before. (It's probably about to do it again, too.)

3. Is this causing me issues?
I suspect I am suffering, to some extent, from GD. I am miserable, a lot of the time. Dressing takes the edge off this. My anxiety, when I'm not dressed, is through the roof. I don't have any really major immediate real life problems. However, I feel certain that I am doomed. This isn't real, I know it isn't real, but I can't shake these feelings. They color everything I do. Since CD seems to reduce or eliminate these, I think they are probably related. I find myself thinking about changing my appearance not because "gee, that'll be so fun", but instead because I am thinking "gee, I sure hate that about myself."

So yes, I think this is causing me issues. Moreover, I've had two other mental breakdowns in my lifetime, both of which I think are related to TG issues. (First when I was 18 - I was so depressed I'm amazed I made it through that period alive, but that's when my drinking started. Second when I was 27, and went into recovery for alcoholism.) I think I'm having substantially worse issues now, and that my TG issues / feelings are much stronger than they have ever been.

4. Find a good gender therapist.
Talking to one, have been for a month. Should've started sooner. Started as soon as I stopped denying that I have a problem.

I suspect a psychiatrist is probably needed too - but who knows, maybe I can get my wife somewhat on board with this - at least to the point where I don't have to lie all the time, and can explore this and find a balance for this in my life without needing a bunch of medication. That may be all I need. I don't think it's all I need - but I'm also so anxious and paranoid right now that I can't really tell when I'm being realistic, and when I'm being unrealistically negative.

If nothing else, I may need some medication for anxiety, at least for a short time.

BTW, I've known this doctor for most of my life, at least 30 years. I trust him. This may freak him out, I can't say how he'll react, but I do trust him. He was there when I recoverd from alcoholism, for the birth of my son, every major event in my adult life, seems like.

Has anyone had a really negative outcome from telling their doctor?

[Tracii G]

If being TG is causing mental/stress and physical issues then by all means tell him to help get you lined out.
I never had any issues from being TG so I really don't have a clue what you are going thru.
Good luck either way.