Results 1 to 16 of 16

Thread: Compounding the parent issue

  1. #1
    New Member Sophia_raven's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    In a skirt
    Posts
    16

    Compounding the parent issue

    So I asked my ex who was very cooperative with my crossdressing whether I should keep shaving my legs over the summer.

    Her answer was simply what did I prefer which has been keeping it shaved.

    This runs into the problem that I either wear pants all summer to hide my legs (and my tattoo) from my parents or let them think what they want.

    Thinking about it, I really found myself wanting to just live my life. I'm 27 and my parents who won't accept my crossdressing but I'll just wear shorts and girl socks and let them open the issue.

    I become very deferring with my parents though, but I don't want to lie to them. I really if it comes down to it want them to know.

    Compounding the issue: my parents don't really know that I'm not a Christian anymore and they don't know about my tattoo.

    This has become a wall of hiding things from them, hiding my opinions about religion, hiding my opinions about LGBT issues and finally withholding the facts of my crossdressing.

    I want to be who I am and honestly am ready to become less deferring deceitfully to them and show them who I really am behind a wall of casual nods and a disheartened "yeah" in agreement with them saying certain things I'd rather say no to.

    Do my parents need to know I'm a crossdresser? No, but it'll help my moms fears I know she has that I'm transgendered after she found a stash of my supposedly owned by my ex clothing but really was mine.

    There's a multitude of issues here. It shouldn't matter that I am not transgendered and it'd be somewhat of a relief to her fears. My aunt was born Allen but has changed her name to Alicia and has had a sex change operation.

    I want to be able to stick up for my aunt against an opinion that what she did is somehow terribly wrong and if you do the math of their beliefs is damning her to hell.

    I know this isn't a war but there's a lot of emotions that come up with all of this and I don't want to just suddenly appear in front of my parents with a girls bad religion shirt and be like "I'm a crossdressing nonchristian, deal with it."

    My solution is to take baby steps. Wear girl socks. Wear shorts that reveal my shaved legs (oh god it's hard with blonde leg hair) and keep wearing my LGBT ally pin on my jacket.

    My mom honestly knows but is in denial.

    I'm planning to go to school in girls clothing cause I don't care what people at school think too much. Just to test the waters of dealing with people's reactions and how my parents may react when they hypothetically confront me about my shaved legs.

    Thoughts? Concerns?

    This is taking a toll on my thinking abilities right now and just writing this out has been a good mind flush of why I'm so bent out of shape about this.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    A bit south of the 49th!
    Posts
    23,676
    There's an awful lot going on here...more than one issue to address. So I'd say, don't jumble them together . If you address the topic of religion with your parents, do that as a single issue. If you wish to come out to your mother or both parents...work on a plan, think of their feelings and concerns as you decide what, when and why you want to come out.

    As for how you present on campus, what are you shooting for? Do you want to blend in comfortably or are you going for shock value...t makes a difference in how you approach it.

  3. #3
    New Member Sophia_raven's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    In a skirt
    Posts
    16
    Yeah I really need to dissect the issues and its really becoming a compounding of just want to be my true self. Wanting to be who I really am.

    Why do I want to come out? Because I hate hiding it. I don't want to let my leg hair grow back in and I want to dress naturally for the summer.

    There's basically a wall between my true identity and what I present or don't present to my parents.

    As for showing up to campus dressed up, it's not for shock value , it's simply because I want to go out in public in girls clothing. I have a close family like connection with my schoolmates and everyone has presented their personal identities be it either religion or sexual orientation to each other and I want to put my identity on the table with theirs. As for the rest of the school seeing me, I'm a little less comfortable. This is a baby step for me to eventually going out dancing in the type of clothing I'd want to dance in.

    Edit: if any of you see any error in my thinking please tell me.

  4. #4
    Rachel Rachelakld's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    New Zealand
    Posts
    4,450
    Hi Sophia,
    Inaction does not change anything, and meanwhile, you only have 1 life.
    I hope it's the life you chose (not what your mum or anyone else choses)
    See all my photos, read many stories of my outings and my early days at
    http://rachelsauckland.blogspot.co.nz

  5. #5
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    Lowestoft UK. Beverley was here.
    Posts
    30,955
    Just keep the legs shaved and let your parents worry about the tatoo.
    Keep the religion and morals to one side and support your Aunt, she could be an ally.
    Have you come out to her? If not you should and go from there.
    Work on your elegance,
    and beauty will follow.

  6. #6
    Member Barbara Maria's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Austin,TX
    Posts
    299
    Hi,Sophia.I've never had this situation to deal with,but speaking as a parent of 2 daughters,I can say that all I ever wanted was for them to be themselves and be happy,even if their lifestyle was different than what I'd hoped for.I don't know yours but I can say as a parent that you may find them to be more accepting than you think.Barbara Maria

  7. #7
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Central NY
    Posts
    3,655
    Unless you are dependent on your parents in some capacity (financially, for a place to live, or you need their help getting through college), or have some kind of complicated entangling relationship with them (such as a stake in a family business), it shouldn't really matter; there is really no need to discuss anything you don't wish to discuss with them. If you wish to shave your legs and have a tattoo, it is no concern of theirs; you can agree to disagree about it.

    My old man knows I am a TV, and he has seen me a zillion times with shaved legs, but it is not something either of us with to discuss with each other... so we don't.

    If you are dependent on them... keep it under your hat, until you are no longer dependent on them.

  8. #8
    Junior Member Michelle13's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    36
    I think a lot of us will naturally want to impress our parents and not "let them down".

    I could never tell me my parents about my CDing, just the thought of having them be disappointed or confused about me would break my heart. They're old fashioned so I doubt there'd ever be anyway to explain everything to them and have them understand it for what it really is. They don't need to know, so I don't tell them. I'm not lying to them, I'm simply not telling them. It's not like they've ever came out and asked me "are you a CD?" and I said "No".

    Some topics just don't come up, and it's not worth bringing them up in some cases.

  9. #9
    Member boink's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Location
    Minnesota
    Posts
    119
    In my opinion it's time for a conversation with your parents.

    If you are living with your parents, are dependent on them financially (for school or otherwise), etc. that is going to complicate things, but you're 27, and shouldn't have to be apologizing for your behavior or hiding from your parents. If you want to keep your legs shaved, wear women's socks, etc. around your parents; instead of keeping them guessing (and continuing the level of mistrust between you) you should just sit down and tell them. It might be good to talk to them about the non-Christian and tattoo thing, but save those for a later date. I am sure they will have questions, I would not be surprised if they are upset, but if you're open and honest with them and explain that this is who you are that's all you can do. This is not the sort of thing that is going to resolve itself through passive-aggressive behavior (on either end of things), and the more you don't talk about the issues between you and your parents the more you are going to grow apart. So, if you feel you can manage this, I'd sit down and talk to them.

    On a side-note, I would not simply "show up" to school dressed up as a "test run" to gauge reactions. I'd come out to a couple friends you know, and maybe look for some opportunities to spend some time en femme with them. If you want to go out dancing dressed, find some people who would have a good time going with you like that. If your goal is to go to school dressed then that's another matter, but if you are simply using it to see how people will react as a test for your parents, or to try out looks for going dancing that is not what I'd considered the most effective approach.

  10. #10
    Silver Member Annaliese's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    In Cedar City Utah
    Posts
    2,169
    They will be more upset about the not being Christian than the Crossdressing

  11. #11
    New Member Sophia_raven's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    In a skirt
    Posts
    16
    It's rather strange this whole situation of mine. I will be moving back in with them for the summer though I've lived on my own for some period of time and will be living with roommates back when I return to school for second year.

    It's strange because part of my coming out of this cocoon of being afraid of what my parents will think includes me regularly telling them I love them. Not as a thing out of trying to win their favour but out of genuine love.

    I find that I need to take responsibility for myself and the situation though. I can't force the situation into them accepting me and must conclude I won't force a conversation until the stream of life wills it forward.

    The tattoo is a part of who I am and ultimately will be the splinter that initiates the movement towards them truly knowing me.

    I wanted the tattoo, I want to enjoy my feminine side, I want to embrace who I am. I can't want them to accept my crossdressing though because that would be wanting the universe to violate their free will to not like what I do. It's their views and I respect them. I can't force someone to accept that which goes against their thinking.

    What I do want and have is their acceptance and love simply as a person. A fine distinction but true to that they'll love me no matter what. The backwards part of it being their love coupled with their disdain for gender bending will ultimately hurt them in ways I cannot bear to fathom.

    I cant imagine the future and what will ensue because of my choices and the ways that my brain and body work.

    I'm not too familliar with the philosophy just yet but this whole thing reminds me of existentialism, were damned to be free to live our life how we want, and damned to moral responsibility over the consequences of our actions. I simply can't choose not to choose whether or not I'll tell my parents.

    I need to gather information, reconnaissance in a sense. I need to spend time with them. I need to read their body language when they first see my legs, see my socks, listen to their words, read their eyes and facial expressions. If I see fear in them I need to let them know immediately rather than let confusion haunt them and divide us. If they just laugh and tell me I made a stupid decision getting a tattoo and don't say anything physically or verbally about my socks or shaved legs, I'll wait until our relationship has been strengthened further from my living with them before I initiate any conversation.

    Thank you ladies for your kind support and I've read every word and thought upon them.

    As for the religion issue that's a deep mire unto itself. They in fact may find it more upsetting than crossdressing, my mother moreso.

    I've imagined scenes of questions from them and am ready to answer honestly though imagining wont prepare me.

  12. #12
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    A bit south of the 49th!
    Posts
    23,676
    Honestly, you're describing a situation that doesn't require you to come out. While you're living with them, for those few short months, just accept the limitations of the situation and focus on enjoying the opportunity to spend some quality time with your parents. As life goes on, those opportunities become fewer and fewer...and then one day, they're gone forever. You resume expressing your desires and living life on your terms in the fall.

  13. #13
    New Member Sophia_raven's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    In a skirt
    Posts
    16
    I don't feel immediately required either though certain things may out me in the short run.

    Some questions I need to first investigate is why I want them to know, whether they're legitimate reasonings.

    I need to just quit thinking about it, live my life and drop this whole shabang I guess. My mind is fired up and may be acting outside of its reasoning capabilities.

  14. #14
    New Member Sophia_raven's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    In a skirt
    Posts
    16
    Just an update:

    My mom pointed out my feminine socks and I told her i like bright colours. She said I got to be careful people don't think I'm gay.

    I wore a skirt to school until my parents were suddenly in town to drop me off something I needed but didn't expect so I quickly changed back.

    I'm becoming more brave and more proud of myself. I care about my parents feelings but I gotta be who I am.

  15. #15
    Junior Member mollycd99's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Seattle Metro
    Posts
    51
    Good luck to you. It sounds like a very difficult situation. One thing I will offer from my experience, is that when I started shaving my legs, nobody noticed. It is just not something that people seem to have on their radar. To the degree that it has occasioned any comment at all, I have shrugged and said "I like it. It feels better smooth." And that has generally been the end of it. And I had thick, dark hair to begin with. If you have blonde leg hair it would probably be even less noticeable. Certainly, the girl socks are more noticeable!

  16. #16
    New Member Sophia_raven's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    In a skirt
    Posts
    16
    Thanks for the reply,

    I think my parents are going to notice my shaved legs, but for all I know they may not. My aunt who I was living with hasn't noticed or made comment about the fact of my shaved legs.

    My excuse will be that after having my leg shaved in the one place to get it tattooed I liked how it felt and kept it up. I'm not lying really. That's how I started shaving my legs.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  


Check out these other hot web properties:
Catholic Personals | Jewish Personals | Millionaire Personals | Unsigned Artists | Crossdressing Relationship
BBW Personals | Latino Personals | Black Personals | Crossdresser Chat | Crossdressing QA
Biker Personals | CD Relationship | Crossdressing Dating | FTM Relationship | Dating | TG Relationship


The crossdressing community is one that needs to stick together and continue to be there for each other for whatever one needs.
We are always trying to improve the forum to better serve the crossdresser in all of us.

Browse Crossdressers By State