Dear forum members,
I would like to discuss some of the latest topics of conversation between my SO and myself. Sorry for the long post, but it took me a long time to make it sound intelligent and not like a ramble. Lol
I understand more and more while reading these forums that there is no way to describe everyone with one general "blanket." This is what makes this forum so great. I have been having some discussion about gender, identity and the roles that society forces upon us at a young age with my SO.
Acceptance has been a bumpy road for us. We were talking about how it may be our different views on what defines femininity. He says that because I was born a woman I exude a feminine nature regardless and he has to try harder. I understand that, but I don't understand the kind of woman that some CDers want to look like.
In the beginning of my journey to acceptance I looked up crossdressers on facebook. There is a page where tons of CD's from all over post their pictures. I was totally freaked out. These CD's didn't look like real women to me. Not because they weren't passable (many of them were), but because to me a real woman can be sexy but still be classy. There was so much boobs and ass and sexy faces, super short mini skirts, 6+ inch heels and way to much makeup (I have seen passable but natural makeup on tons of beautiful CD women, this was like EXTREME). I thought it this really what a CD looks like? I have come to learn that that's not true of all CD's but of quite a few.
It is just me or are CD's who dress this extreme kind of sexist? Helen Boyd describes in her book that men who CD have an extremely sexist view of women and what makes them feminine. Maybe this declines with age and wisdom, many of the Tgirls and CD's on here are sexy AND classy which I feel is great. Ya'll are the role models I hope my BF can follow on this journey.
I guess I feel this way of dress is a gender bias in itself. For example: When women have a hard time grasping what it means for their SO to be a CD. I think its because of the way they choose to be more feminine in their dress. However its easy to point out that women do not understand upfront because of the gender identities that have been socially constructed since birth. Its easy to say that well you just have learned that men are men and women are women and we need to change the way we look at gender. However aren't the women that our boyfriends want to become also socially constructed? Society is what decided that heels, skirts and dresses and makeup make you feminine? They have learned what is feminine and what women "should" look like, due to the same social constructs they are asking us to break down to accept them. I don't have a problem with breaking down these gender walls, but I guess I would like to know that it can be reciprocated.
As a woman when I need to dress up for work or something formal, the first items of clothing I take off when I get home are my bra and tights and high heels! Lol. Maybe I am kind of a feminist, but I don't really think that these items of clothing make me feminine. I actually HATE wearing them. The make most women uncomfortable, they are restrictive. Also, I feel most sexy in tight jeans and a super cute top. This could also be due to my nature. Both in relationships with men and women I have been the dominant one. Naturally I have kind of a hard personality and even in girl clothes and my SO in boy clothes even people we don't know well point out he is the softer, more feminine personality. I guess I am the alpha male in all aspects of our relationship. lol.
I talked with my SO about this. He tried really hard to see it from my point of view and said that mostly he thinks I am right. I obviously don't think its going to change what he wants (tights and dresses and heels), but he is going to be a little more sensitive to the fact that I feel his definition of feminine doesn't even apply to a real woman! I helped him pick out a dress and it was something I would wear.
The worst part is, its not that I am unaccepting, I just don't understand why full dress is so elaborate! The makeup and the hair I understand, they are to hide the apparent masculine features. But why do (SOME) CDers for lack of a better word dress kinda trashy? I am a modest woman and I RESPECT my body. I would hope that while dressing as a woman CDers would respect not only other women but themselves as the woman they want to become. Dressing like that leads to being objectified sexually, not acceptance and genuine pass-ability (IMHO)
I told my BF that even if I was 100 percent okay with the CDing, I still would want him in femme mode, to look what I considered a sexy, classy woman.
So basically I want to ask people if they see where I am coming from? Or has anyone ever considered this view before? Am I crazy? Maybe we can discuss gender roles and societal pressures?
Greenie AKA KAE
p.s. I feel so blessed to have a forum to discuss this in. Thanks in advance everyone who participates.