Beware of Department Store "Rewards" Programs

[JaytoJillian]

My SO knows about my crossdressing and she absolutely hates it. Sometimes I think she hates ME for it. At any rate, we just don't talk about it outside of arguments. When she is reminded of what she calls my "sickness," it is like a lit match to an open container of gasoline. Thanks to a department store rewards program she got an e-mail to remind her that I CD. I happened to be in a mall near my home Saturday, and I decided to pick up a couple pair of thigh highs. I am a total guy when I shop---doing so en femme has zero appeal for me--I get in and get out of the store with manly efficiency. On this day, I got the nylons, found a short line and was ready to complete the transaction. The SA was nice and polite and she asked, "may I have your phone number?" I quickly rattle off my cell #. Not seeing what she wants on her computer screen, she asked for another phone number. Upon this request, I only half jokingly ask, "Do I have to have a phone number to buy something here? She smiled sweetly and communicated that she was simply trying to see if I was a member in the store's reward program and that I might be able to get a discount off the merchandise I'd selected. Bingo! Discount was the magic word--I provded her with the home phone number and I was in like flynn--I walked out the door with 2 pair of very nice nylons for about five bucks! I was feeling exceedingly proud of myself until the following day when my SO asks, "who did you buy the lace-topped thigh highs for, me or you? I of course admitted that they were for me--she doesnt wear "uncomfortable-lingerie-designed- for-men's-pleasure" So, she had me dead to rights, and proceeded to rant that SHE is the woman and the I am just a WANNABE and that SHE is the only one who can give birth and make MILK (yah, she actually said this). All I could do is just suck it up, give her a hug and kick myself for being such a bargain hunter that my discretion suffered. The moral of the story? Think about where the information about your buying habits are gonna go BEFORE you take advantage of these "rewards" programs.

[Lisa Gerrie]

Ouch. Your post brought tears to my eyes.

[NicoleScott]

These kind of store programs, like rewards or registering for a giveaway, are not for your benefit, but to get your information so they can directly market to you, which is more effective than mass marketing. I, too, have questioned SA's why I have to give them information before I can buy something.

[Rogina B]

When will she figure it out that she isn't going to change you? It is in your blood and it isn't coming out! I am always amused when"the only real girl is me" statement comes out so often here....like anyone denies that..lol And I am sure that you would have bought her whatever she wanted on your shopping mission,if she had been willing to ask..

[Erica Marie]

Sorry to hear of your pain. Too bad you so cant accept you for who you are. But I have been in the same situation. Some women feel threatened that you will take over their role in the relationship. I had a ff like that, well she is gone and to a point I am thankfull. Good luck and stay sexy.

[linda allen]

My SO knows about my crossdressing and she absolutely hates it. Sometimes I think she hates ME for it. At any rate, we just don't talk about it outside of arguments. When she is reminded of what she calls my "sickness," it is like a lit match to an open container of gasoline. ...............

Your problem is not with a department stor or a rewards program, your problem is with your relationship. If your SO hates your crossdressing and hates you for crossdressing, you have two choices:

1) Stop crossdressing.

2) End this relationship and find someone else to share your life with.

Life is too short to live it this way. Seriously.

[Rogina B]

There are other options as well...Triess group so she meets other spouses,or sessions with a qualified GC...

[Elle1946]

Do like my wife does me, just tell her how much money you saved

[Ameli]

I'm so sorry to hear this Jillian. That must feel awful.

Ameli

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Jillian, Been there and done that (guilty as charged your honor.)

[~Joanne~]

These kind of store programs, like rewards or registering for a giveaway, are not for your benefit, but to get your information so they can directly market to you, which is more effective than mass marketing.

Plus they also SELL this information to other companies to make even more money than you actually saved.

My SO has the reverse reaction, if I go to say Kmart she wants me to make sure I use her rewards program lol Points are points I guess lol

I am sorry to hear that things are a bit rough on your end Jill. I always thought your wife was a bit more supportive than she apparently is, especially with such harsh comments. I know that probably makes for some really tough times. I wish you well.

EDIT: Here is a very well written page of the pros and cons of these rewards programs. I will show this to my SO when she wakes lol

http://www.citynetmagazine.com/lifes...-programs.html

[Lynn Marie]

Sorry girl. You and I have been friends here for years now and I never even thought about your home situation. Always loved your bright smile and gorgeous look. You do deserve better at home. I wish you well.

[sometimes_miss]

So perhaps in this thread, we should list the companies who take our private information and share it with others. I purchased an appliance from Home Depot last week, and gave them not just my home phone, but my cell phone number (and virtually no one has that cell phone number which I have had for 12 years). Bingo, by the end of the week, I was getting advertisements on my cell phone. Home depot works fast, sold my number within days of the sale (online purchase friday, delivery tuesday, ads appeared the following friday, I've since changed my number).

Beware ANY company that wants your information.

[Gillian Gigs]

I find that any time a SA asks me for a phone number, I respond by asking if they are wanting it so they can phone me for a date. This gets a variety of responces and the reason behind the request. It is all about finding out more about you and your habits. All paranoia intended, "the man" is continually searching to find out everything that they can about you and me. Reward programs are one of methods, another is saying that they are helping you by keeping records for your benefit, bullfeathers, just look at a Lowe's commerical. And people thought that 1984 was just a sci-fi novel!

[Sara Jessica]

Yours is truly a tough situation. I would have just enrolled in the rewards program on my cell phone and perhaps under my "Sara" email if for some reason email was required, leaving the household info out of the equation. What they choose to do with that info is really of little concern to me.

Targeted marketing based on purchase history though is unavoidable if you use a store card. I have to intercept these when they come in by snail mail from Macy's for their cosmetics department.

[Sheila11]

I used to give a false number but now I just say, "I would rather not if that's ok." They always just move on.

[kimdl93]

I think your response to her was constructive...just a hug and no arguing. All of the things she said are true of course...but one might ask what's wrong with being a Wannabe. Perhaps, her comments reveal some things that might helpful about the way your SO feels about herself your dressing. This could be a starting point for a conversation.

[Debra Russell]

Wifes can get edgy sometimes - particularly when you're prettier........................Debra

[AllieSF]

Your problem is not with a department stor or a rewards program, your problem is with your relationship. If your SO hates your crossdressing and hates you for crossdressing, you have two choices:

1) Stop crossdressing.

2) End this relationship and find someone else to share your life with.

Life is too short to live it this way. Seriously.

Linda, those are your options, not necessarily others' options. She has many options and she has selected one for her. Jillian may be complaining about the situation and to share an interesting experience that may help a lot of us avoid, but she definitely knows where she is at and has decided to live with it as she has successfully been doing for quite some time. Maybe one day her decision may change, but only she can do that.

Thanks for the tip on the phone numbers. I hate when they do that, but like you, "special" deals sometimes get me too!

[outhiking]

"...just a hug and no arguing. All of the things she said are true of course..." But I wonder how many CD'rs when confronted with these truths then insist that they are the man in the relationship and so thier SO must wear dresses and skirts, paint thier nails, etc. and can't be male wannabes. I'm guessing none of us have said that ;-)

[Eryn]

OTOH, my supportive wife loves it when I add points to her DSW account (unless I grab a $10 reward before she can!)

[Jenni Yumiko]

On the number front, I just say unlisted. Or if they tried selling me a credit card, I would ask why would I want to pay some ridiculous percentage rate when my Amex is nearly free and my other cards are all sub 15% I used to bitch them out, but my wife would get mad, so the unlisted works the best.

[RenneB]

Same here about the phone number. Just when they ask if they can have my number I say flat out 'NO'. Do you have our rewards card 'NO'. Would you like to hear about our rewards 'NO'. Would you like to donate a dollar to.. 'NO'. That's it. Just a nice polite no and go on to the next question. Chances are, I won't go to that store again anyways. I prefer to go to the ones that comment on what you buy and start up a girl to girl conversation... oh yea, I prefer to shop en fem... but I go either way.

On the relationship issue, well everyone's different. I'm sure my SO is going to drop the D word if I open up to her. Not worth the hassel. I get enough cr*p from her from just being me. You know, forgetful, unthoughtful, too clean, too picky, too... well that's another thread ... LOL...

Renne....

[MissTee]

Hate to hear you face that kind of reception about dressing, Jillian. That's got to be tough for you.

I'll admit I'm blessed. Wife said to me last night, "you only need to purchase one more item from Ulta before we reach level 6 rewards. Here's the latest sale." We spent the next 30 minutes shopping for Misty's train case items that we'll "share" when traveling.

[tifftg]

My polite answer whether drab or enfemme is no thank you I am in enough databases already. My experience they don't push it. Jillian like you my wife hates this part of me. It is always a desire not to push it into her face if I don't have to you.