My gay hairdresser is prejudice???

[Natalie Wood]

This one threw me:

So today I was getting my hair cut by my stylist who is openly gay, married to a man and they have a son. One conversation led to another and he commented how he went to Walmart with a male friend who is transitioning. His friend was going to bring his purse into the store and my stylist would not go in with him because of it. After asking him questions it was evident that he is intolerant of this lifestyle. It also seemed clear that he questions whether a transgendered person has a choice or not in being who they are. To sum it up, his attitude was that gay people do not have a choice but transgendered people do. I was really surprised to hear this from a gay person.

Does this seem strange to any of you? How can a gay man who has no doubt fought against prejudices his whole life be intolerant of or not understand that in most cases a cd/transgendered lifestyle is not a choice? It is just who you are.

Furthermore, this interaction has given me new doubts about if certain people in my life will accept my lifestyle. But I guess it just goes to show that we are not very well understood. Yet

My wife said I should have lowered the boom on him about me at that point. But I really felt like he did not deserve to know something that personal about me.

[Laura912]

Anyone, regardless of their sexual preference, can and will at times be ignorant of the issues with which others have to deal. Although I can understand your reaction, why does it surprise you? Just because he is gay does not infer intelligence nor knowledge of the gender spectrum. Would it be helpful to ask him how he would react to knowing that one of his clients is cd/transgendered?

[Melissa Rose]

I am not surprised. Sexual orientation and gender expression and identity are not strongly connected or correlated. Just because someone is gay does not mean they understand or accept transgenderism. Ignorance can cause or fuel fear, stereotyping and prejudice in anybody. Some assume or believe gay bars are completely safe havens for transgendered individuals; however, this may not always be the case. There is usually a high level of tolerance, but total acceptance is not a given. Some of the most snarkiest or biting comments about cross dressers I have heard or heard about have been voiced by gay men. Tolerance and acceptance are not the same thing and sometimes thought of being the same or assumed to always be present as a pair. These are an incorrect assumptions.

[Swottie]

Hope you didn't leave him any tips, well not the monetary kind anyway.

[Eryn]

Being gay or TG does not mean that someone is not prejudiced. Consider that there are CDs that do not like, for whatever reason, to associate with TS people, and vice versa. It does not surprise me at all that a particular gay person might not want to associate with a TS person.

The vast majority of us are tolerant of others because we realize that we all occupy different cabins on the same boat. If the gay person's cabin takes on water it doesn't look good for mine either.

[Jenniferathome]

Being gay does not put you on the inside of transgenderism. Gay people can be ignorant too.

[Nicole Erin]

Hell with what gay people think.
TG and gay are not even close to being the same thing.

[Ciara Brianne]

In every group there are those who are intolerant of anything they do not like. Mostly this dislike is based in willful ignorance. If someone does not take the time to try to understand, they are not worth the time for you to try to understand their point of view. There are so many closed minds in this world...it's sad...these people have no idea all the wondrous things in the world and as a result they limit their experience in life. Their loss.

Ciara

[Natalie Wood]

Hell with what gay people think.
TG and gay are not even close to being the same thing.

All very insightful comments. The only similarity that I see in the two is the fact that "It is the way you are born." I would expect a gay person to be able to understand that having gone through their own struggles.

I guess it comes down to whether or not a person (straight or gay) accepts the fact that a TG person is born that way. Today just really struck me in a peculiar way. I never realized that this was possible. So Yes, I was surprised. Naive...Guilty I suppose.

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

This has my head spinning. Had he grown up in the 1950's he'd be welcoming the acceptance he enjoys today. Unfortunately trans people are still lagging behind. How can he judge someone being the hyppocrite he is?!

[kellycan27]

Guilt by association? Read all the "I am not gay" posts right here on this forum!

[brenne]

A LOT of prejudice against us TG/CDs etc comes from gays who are like "I'm a man and I like men" and want nothing to do with female things....

[Nicole Erin]

See, that is one thing with the gay and les communities -
Gay and les are a dime a dozen. They can afford to be prejudice. The straight community doesn't make much issue of their straightness. For us TG though -
There just are not very many who are "out" cause many are closeted and a few are "stealth" or highly passable TS. So where does that leave us not-so-passable "out" TS? Well, there aren't enough of us to really have a strong community so our main choice is to assimilate into the vanilla world as much as we can. I for one have enough friends and acquaintances that if some gay or les person doesn't like me or want anything to do with me, it is NO loss.
I will admit that if a TS person who I wanted to be friends with gave me a could shoulder, it would hurt but I haven't run into that yet.

[kellycan27]

A LOT of prejudice against us TG/CDs etc comes from gays who are like "I'm a man and I like men" and want nothing to do with female things....

And the same applies to TG/CD people who say.. I am a man and I like women and I don't want a thing to do with gay men. People who live in glass houses .....

[Marleena]

Consider that there are CDs that do not like, for whatever reason, to associate with TS people and vice versa. It does not surprise me at all that a particular gay person might not want to associate with a TS person.

True that!

Guilt by association? Read all the "I am not gay" posts right here on this forum!

True we have seen threads where people on this board won't associate themselves with LGBT movement because of what the G stands for alone. It's a two way street but no fun when it is directed at you or what you identify as.

[whowhatwhen]

This sort of thing is the best argument in favour of equality, we're are all equally capable of being ***holes.

[Marleena]

This sort of thing is the best argument in favour of equality, we're are all equally capable of being ***holes.

Hey! I resemble that remark.

[whowhatwhen]

Not you!
You're as pure as the driven snow

[Sophie_C]

A ton of gay people, especially gay men, are INCREDIBLY prejudice against the trans community. This is the heart of why we're always thrown under the bus "for later" when it comes to civil rights. I think confusion and jealousy is part of it, but I don't know the whole picture why. Know what you saw is common, extremely common...

[Julie Gaum]

Seems that all the posts took the slight from a gay personally except for Brenne. Agreed that homosexuals should be tolerant just as they expect society to accept them. But gays have many of the same "human" instincts that include intolerance. As long as I can remember the
gay community in general have seldom reached out to CDs for the reason Brenne explained.
Don't sweat it.
Julie

[Barbara Ella]

Julie elegantly phrased my take on people. People are people, and inherent in people are prejudices of one form or another. There is no reason to expect not to find the same prejudices in all segments of society. We hope that crtain segments will be more understanding given their history, but more understanding does not eliminate the feelings entirely from that segment. If you expect behavior from one segment, don't be surprised to find it in another. Understand it? no, accept it, no, leave it alone and find another friend, or in this case stylist, yes.

Barbara

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

It just Pi$$$$e$ me off that the people who have once felt to be the most mis-understood and prejudiced against, made fun of, ostracized, and discriminitated in the workplace are gaining acceptance, now rail against people like us! Ummm, you got a break. How about us?

[Annette Todd]

I have had some associations with persons in the gay/les community. I can tell you they have prejudices against each other. For example, there are lesbians that will not have anything to do with lesbians who have been with a man or were once married.
BTW, I do not support the equal rights coalition's goals. Sure, give them access rights but marriage is something I consider sacrosanct. jmo

cheers
Annette

[Rianna Humble]

I was getting my hair cut by my stylist who is openly gay, married to a man and they have a son. One conversation led to another and he commented how he went to Walmart with a male friend who is transitioning. His friend was going to bring his purse into the store and my stylist would not go in with him because of it. After asking him questions it was evident that he is intolerant of this lifestyle.

I am unsure of the link between your lifestyle and someone who is transitioning

Also, when you say "a male friend who is transitioning", do you meant that they are transitioning from female to male? Otherwise, your stylist's friend is a woman who is transitioning

It would not be out of place to ask your stylist to revisit his prejudice by considering what happened at the original Stonewall riots.

[MissTee]

I think it's an individual thing and we shouldn't say all gays "are" or "are not" anything. I frequent a spa and see the same ladies every time. Mani-pedi, massage, facial. My legs are frequently shaved, and I've inadvertently left traces of polish on my nails. I know they noticed. How? The nail tech is gay and she invited me out to meet with her and some friends specifically remarking, "several of them are transgendered, too." Ooops.