Are you a "true" CD?

[NicoleScott]

Lorileah, I think you INFERRED something the OP didn't IMPLY - that a "real" crossdresser is straight. It was a poor choice to use that word, but Joanne tried to define what she meant by "true" in the following paragraph (did you miss that?). I don't believe it was INTENDED to be offensive. Joanne just wanted to know about straight crossdressers who embraced both their male side and feminine-while-crossdressed side.
I wish more of us would not just throw out questions with terms...sorry, make that LABELS.....that we have never agreed on their meaning, without defining, for the purpose of the discussion, the term. Transgender, for example. Do you consider yourself "transgendered?", that is, for the purpose of this discussion, having a strong internal identity, something beyond crossdressing but short of desiring to become a woman or believe that you are a woman born in the wrong body? This definition, as opposed to the umbrella term. Example only - please don't respond.
Discussions that degrade into label agruments unfairly steal the thread.

[Jaymees22]

I'm true to myself, I enjoy dressing as a woman and love the relief it provides me...K.I.S.S. Jaymee

[Vickie_CDTV]

I agree with Nicole, I don't believe the OP was in any way trying to be offensive. The terms we use in the trans world are poorly defined at best, and any attempt to clarify terms is seen as some sort of hostile act to tear people apart.

Maybe the OP would have been better off saying "Is anyone else a Type I or II on the Harry Benjamin Gender Scale?" or such (but I am sure some would get their knickers in a twist using that terminology as well.)

[Wildaboutheels]

I'm simply a guy with multiple hobbies. Wearing clothing items from the "wrong department" sometimes, is one of them.

And [IMO], you need to just completely start over and repost your Q. [a new one] Way too confusing and ambiguous as originally posted. And few people check back into threads when the OP attempts to clarify.

I THINK what you are really asking is "are there any other CDers [besides myself?] who KNOW themselves"? Who have no WORRIES or FEARS about what the future holds. Who don't worry or wonder if perhaps they might want ever more as time goes on.

The answer [IF that is your Q] is yes.

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

I think the whole idea of labels is something that compartmentalizes to take away the real fluidity of gender behaviors and traits. What purpose do labels really serve except on a jar of mustard? For me I can be all over the spectrum of gender. I'm wearing guy clothes right now yet I'm wearing a beautiful pair of stretchy floral panties. I also have a nice wardrobe, get my brows waxed while my stylist sees me wearing earrings in my pierced ears. Last Friday she gave me a big bag of makeup to play with. The salon owner wants me to come back dressed. My wife ocasionally surprises me with a new piece of clothing. I've done DIY HRT. I once made love with a man as a woman and it was great. I love frilly girl things and housekeeping. I love trying on new clothes. I enjoy lunches with guy friends who don't really know me. I have gynocomastia and the Climara patches really helped that along! I am just short of a B-cup. (Yippee!) Sure I'd love to have breast implants and am exploring the options and would probably fall short of full SRS and FFS because I could empty the bank accont. The implants would be no problem and easily explained away while in guy mode, if needed. Meanwhile I could feel good about my body being what I'd like it to be. Check the site peopleofwalmart.com and see guys with breasts.

Bottom line, I believe we are all very fluid in our gender expression and no one size fits all. And it doesn't matter what kind of plumbing we have. I am what I am. I'm just not sure what.

Cheryl Ann

[Lorileah]

OK I give up. I am not a "true" cross dresser. I am an artificial, faux, wanna be. But thanks for asking

Oh and not hetero

[ThisIsBob]

My personal labels:

• Sexuality: about a 1 on the Kinsey scale (not quite straight as an arrow but close) I can aesthetically appreciate a "good looking man", but I have no romantic or sexual desire for that man.
• Gender: This one's tougher. A year ago, I'd have said cis-male with no hesitation because I had (and still have) zero desire to make any physical transition or to live as a woman in any day-to-day fashion. Now I'll leave it at "gender queer". I've always had some feminine mannerisms that occasionally got me bullied. I'm also starting to run into an issue often faced by "method actors". When I dress, I try my darnedest to BE a woman... not an over-exaggerated drag queen, but a woman. The more you try to act and especially think in a certain manner, the more that manner becomes habitual or "second nature", sometimes to the point where it might even become "first nature". So far, "Jamie" is just a character that I derive great satisfaction from playing on occasion. In the future, who can say?

[~Joanne~]

First I want to apologize, I am not an English major. Wish I was so I could be making more money then I do currently but that's just not the case. Also it would have came in handy to actually word this post correctly and not cause all of this confusion, labels, definitions, and the like as I wasn't trying to define anyone person or their life or even to begin to compare myself to anyone else. We all walk our own paths in this life and though they are similar in a lot of ways, they also branch onto new paths depending on the sister and her needs.

We all know that there really is no one right answer to who or what we are. We don't know why we do it, or the impulses that drive us to continue to do so. We just do. All of the research into this, as far as I can tell, is nothing more than a bunch of guess work. I am probably wrong here also but my intent is not to really dive that deep into it. I have accepted who I am and I know how far this train goes for me.

I have read all of the responses in the thread and my ever growing PM's and I can clearly say, not one person here is right, nor is one person here wrong. I agree and disagree with a little of each post.

Had I been even more careful of my words, cut it to the barest form of the question, left "true" and "hetro" out, which I put "true" in brackets to indicate that I was unsure of the use of the word here....I probably would have came up with the question that Jenniferathome came to after reading my post: "I think you are really asking, "Are there boring ole cross dressers like me?" which is almost exactly what i was asking. Like I said if I was an english major......

I know you do not have to be straight, gay, Bi or any of those other labels to be a CD. This wasn't even my intent to bring it in but when I used "hetro" I guess that word was misused for the intent of the question and I threw it in right before I hit post.

why? I don't know, I guess I have always believed wrongly that a "cross dresser" was just that. A simple plain ole boring hetro cross dresser such as myself. We wear the clothes part time, we relax in them, we clean in them, we like to try to pass as a woman best we can, we like to go out dressed, we like to stay in dressed and so forth and so on without once thinking we want to be with men sexually, we want to have our breast be as real as possible, we want live 24/7 as a woman or any of the other things that plague a TG/TS as they truly believe with all of their being that they were born wrong and are taking the means to be who they feel deep down they are.

I guess the question could have been: When do you stop being simply a CD and become a TS/TG?. Because when you begin your transitioning, when you have the surgery and such, your wearing YOUR clothes at that point and not the clothes of the opposite gender.

I hope this clears up a little of what I was truly trying to get at. Again I apologize for making a simple question complicated but at the time I really believed that I wrote it not to offend anyone or getting into the whole labeling thing other than to make the distinction between when you stop being a CD and become TS/TG.

Now I pray any of this makes sense as i don't want to pour gasoline on a fire lol

[boink]

I guess the question could have been: When do you stop being simply a CD and become a TS/TG?. Because when you begin your transitioning, when you have the surgery and such, your wearing YOUR clothes at that point and not the clothes of the opposite gender.

I think the answer is pretty clearly "when you decide you are no longer simply a CD."

I don't think your question is at all unreasonable, but I think it just speaks to the degree of variance and self-identification that goes on with this stuff.

[Courtneigh]

Hi All.
I could care less about labels or about feeling offended.
If I understand the question right, then my answer must be, No I am not True !

I would like to transition to becoming a full-on Female or to as far as to keeping my male genitalia, that
is as far as my "confusion" goes.
I am either straight or lesbian...whatever you'd like to call it.

Just be who YOU want to be and enjoy it !!!!

[Nyla F]

Heterosexual, check. Dress part time? not really because I underdress almost all of the time. "Be a woman for a short time"? Even when fully dressed I'm not pretending to be a woman nor do I think I feel like one, but you also said "embrace both your male side and your female side as one" so I'm confused about this part of your definition.

Overall I'd have to say I'm not a "true" crossdresser. Boy, is that a relief. I'd better go tell my wife, I'll bet she'll be relieved.

[Eryn]

[Moderator Note]

Folks, let's stick to the topic and avoid discussing each other. The subject matter is controversial, but we are adults and should have the ability to discuss controversial things without taking personal offense at someone else's choice of words.

If the thread becomes unproductive I will have to lock it.

Eryn

[kimdl93]

I concur with Reine. If each of us comes up with our own definition of what CD, TG and TS means, well end up with an infinite variety of answers. Cross dressing is a behavior...it's motivations may derive from a wide array of feelings, needs and desires. None of these variations is any more valid or 'true' than another.

[Taylor186]

How many of us are true, hetro, cross dressers here? The word "true" meaning in this case, You embrace both your male and your female side as one. You want to go out, or stay in, and be a woman for a short time to then return to your drab state and continue in your male role.

This definition works for me. I present in male mode 95% of the time wearing 100% male clothing. When I crossdress I try to present fully as a woman wearing forms and corset and what ever required to contort my male shape into a more feminine one. But I never float between genders whether visible or not. Reine has used the term "dual gendered" before and I find that fits me well. I try to present as one gender or the other. I would not want to be either full time.

[MissTee]

I am a male that likes girls and to wear girl clothes. Not looking to redefine, remap, or alter mentally or physically beyond that. A plain vanilla CD, that's me.

[linda allen]

I identify as a heterosexual male crossdresser.

While people often complain about labels, labels are necessary for day to day life. Humans use labels to differentiate between different things. Apples and oranges, for instance. Men and women. Tall and short. White and black.

So we really need labels so we know who we are talking to and talking about, like it or not.

[ReineD]

Humans use labels to differentiate between different things. Apples and oranges, for instance. ...

Totally agree with you. We need to use words that describes who we are and what we do, obviously, if we want to communicate this information to someone else.

The issue is that when it comes to describing sexuality and to some degree, gender, some of the words describe what we do instead of accurately describing who we are, and vice versa, or the word attempts to describe both at the same time. It's a very poor system of identification.

Take for example, the word "lesbian". This describes a woman who is sexually attracted to other women and not men at all. So, some CDers like to say they are lesbian, which is so misleading because they are men and not women. A better word to use for both genders who like women is gynephile (gyne = woman, phile = to like). Likewise, both men and women who like men exclusively (gay men and straight women), might better describe themselves as androphiles (andro = man).

"Heterosexual" is equally confusing, if for example it is used by a MtF TS who is in the process of transitioning, yet who still has not yet had FFS and so looks like a man, who is androphile (attracted to men). When this person says "heterosexual", others who see this person in front of them but who have not been told that she identifies as a woman, would take it that she is attracted to women (since she is presenting as a man .... or, if she is dressed as a woman, people would take it that she is a crossdresser who is attracted to women). Very confusing. Better to say, "I am an MtF transsexual and I am attracted to men".

The word "crossdresser" is equally confusing since it is used by people who identify as men and who crossdress, AND by people who identify somewhere in between male and female and who also crossdress, AND it gives absolutely no hint as to the crossdresser's sexual attraction.

So in the case of a lesbian, it is more accurate to say "I am a genetic woman and I am attracted to other women".

And for a crossdresser, "I am a genetic male who identifies as a male, I enjoy presenting as a woman occasionally and I am attracted to women".

And for a transgender who does not seek to modify their body in any way, "I am a genetic male who identifies as gender non-conforming, I dress as a woman as much as I can, and I am attracted to women".

And for a transsexual who is in the process of transition, "I am a genetic male who identifirs as a woman, I am in the process of transitioning to live full time female, and I am attracted to women".

Granted, this takes a few sentences instead of one word, but until we have come up with dedicated words for each combination of gender ID + sexual attraction, it is infinitely more accurate to leave nothing to guess work, and describing it fully only takes an extra few seconds.


Honestly, I think the reason that people here don't like to use the "labels" is because the very few labels that we have don't accurately describe anyone. They are way too general, and a lot of people feel that they do not exactly fit them. Or, people such as the OP will appropriate a label for themselves only and ignore the fact that other people who use the same label describe entirely different gender IDs and sexual attractions.

[steftoday]

Once again, Reine hits it out of the park. Thank you!

[Valerie Nova]

Reine - that's really close to what I try and tell people. Really, all these in-between sexual identities come from the haphazard way that hormones differentiate our brains into male and female, during early development. Most people's brains are pretty closely aligned with their genitals, but when a significant chunk of your brain is wired in a way more typical of the opposite sex, that's when you start to find yourself somewhere in the LGBTQ spectrum.

[Nyla F]

Joanne, I apologize for being sarcastic, I missed your follow up post. The cool thing about the forum, as varied as we are, you can probably count on finding someone in a similar situation to your own. And boring crossdresser is a description I can identify with.

[Megan Thomas]

When it comes to labels I only use two - Transvestite(aka cross-dresser) or transsexual. Trying to label us beyond those involves so many possible variations it's just too complex.

As to the original question, I am not a cross-dresser, true or otherwise because I'm a transsexual and motivated by a different set of factors. That doesn't prevent me from relating to others falling under our generic and big umbrella.

[MysticLady]

What I would like to know is, How many of us are true, hetro, cross dressers here?

No,I just like to dress once in a while

[Marcella Camira]

Somedays yes and somedays no. When I started here. the answer would be yes. Not so sure anymore. I like the girl side much better. hate shaving-luv shaving. Depends on the day I guess. Sometimes like being able to be just guy. No shaving. Be lazy. It a lot work to be pretty. We all know that. So the answer to your question is YES and NO. LOL.

[Stephanie47]

First, in defense of Joanne raising a question in the manner it was raised, I expected a lot of participants on this site to "jump in her shit!" I really get tired of all the nit-picking in society over a term a person may use rather than exploring the issue. I read the question, and, I had absolutely no problem understanding her question. I see some of the reaction to this post happening all the time in society. It makes discourse almost impossible. I see it constantly on the political spectrum at all levels. I see it in relation to social issues. Militants throw barbs at people all the time in order to limit discourse and control thoughts on the issue. It's the reason nothing gets done anymore in society. Does it mean the person who yells the loudest wins the argument?

Anyway, so much for getting that off my chest.

I am a cross dresser who really enjoys being a male. I love doing male things. I love interacting as a male with others in society. I am heterosexual. I have been married forty plus years. I raised two very successful children. I did all the manly things society expected me to do. I also engage in a personal activity society in general has not accepted as manly. On occasion for reasons I have absolutely no understanding I like to wear women's attire.

[Julie Denier]

I am a cross dresser who really enjoys being a male. I love doing male things. I love interacting as a male with others in society. I am heterosexual. ... On occasion for reasons I have absolutely no understanding I like to wear women's attire.

That pretty much describes me, too.