A common theme among crossdressers is the desire to go out. I've realized that it doesn't matter because it doesn't really change anything. I really don't understand why many feel the need to become their female selves and go outside. What do you think?
Last edited by Brittany CD; 05-13-2013 at 10:24 PM.
This comes up from the to time. For many of us, myself included, dressing at home feels confining. We crave human contact, just as most people do, and we realize a measure of satisfaction in being able to go out, blend in, mingle with others and, at least to some extent experience life as women.
I dress every day and I don't want to have to shift into male mode every time I need to run an errand, shop or go for a stroll. So I just go and let the chips fall where they may.
Whether this whole thing is who you are or something you do, you will never understand what it means to be social as a female until you actually go there. Just ask anyone who has cultivated such friendships in the real world. It's almost indescribable, it's beyond fulfilling on so many levels. But if you don't wish to go there, then don't. It's not a prerequisite to anything.
Like a corpse deep in the earth I'm so alone, restless thoughts torment my soul, as fears they lay confirmed, but my life has always been this way - Virginia Astley, "Some Small Hope" (1986)
Sunlight falls, my wings open wide. There's a beauty here I cannot deny - David Sylvian, "Orpheus" (1987)
It all depends on what drives you. Some are quite content with being able to dress and they don't need to socialize in femme mode. Others feel like they aren't completing their needs unless they are out in the public eye being themselves without restriction. Both are completely right, you just have to decide what is right for you.
Myself, I get out all I can. I just feel like I am being me and I also love socializing with others. I don't believe I could turn back now.
It DOES change things. The well worn expression, all dressed up and nowhere to go, was probably coined by a cross dresser. For me, going out is a sort of validation of who I am. At first, it was kind of like shouting out your secret to the world without saying a thing. But now, that has changed. The more I have gone out, tt is comforting to be in the world of the "normals" as a "normal" woman.
Last edited by Jenniferathome; 04-22-2013 at 10:13 PM.
For some it's the subconscious desire of acceptance or the need of..
I do not!! Claim to be an expert on any topic, when I post a new thread or reply on any thread my imput is strickly that of a crossdresser. Not to offend Gay people , Transexuals or any other life style, I am only commenting on one of my own.
It's because who we are....to experience life!I really don't understand why many feel the need to become their female selves and go outside.
Because setting at home all dolled up is boring as hell! lol
I think most of us have been dressing for so many years and we get to the point that dressing at home gets boring. We want that next thrill so stepping out of our comfort zones and going into the real world is simply a huge rush. I'm fairly new at going out and I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT.
That says it for me too. I am a social person and need and want to socialize with others. Since crossdressing is so much fun for me I want to include that in my socializing. I understand why some don't want to go out of the safe confines of their house because of fear, repercussions from being read by someone they know and other reason's. Sometimes, I have difficulty understanding why someone would not want to go out if there would be no negative consequences for themselves and those that they love. I don't dwell on that because I respect everyone's decisions on how to live their own lives.Originally Posted by Karren Hutton
There are a lot of girls, fetishistic dressers for example, who would not really benefit from going out. Some girls can just live in the fantasy of being a girl, and go going to Paul Abdul in their bedroom gets their yayas out. There are infinite variations in the gender spectrum, and not all involve being out in the real world.
Then there's the girls who want to, as fully as possible, experience the whole gamut of being a woman. Real women get the dry cleaning, coffee with the girls, and eat out. Without those, a big piece of the picture is missing.
There's no right or wrong, just go with what feels good.
Stuck inside I would wither up and die.
I would love to go out because as others have said, sitting at home gets boring. But I'm not passable at all (and I have no desire to be) so it's not going to happen.
Easily understood once experienced.
The 'need' to be passable is perfectly understandable and comes from our fear of ridicule and our want to protect ourselves. It is more empowering to acknowledge that I don't pass which leads to a willingness to engage as a man in a dress. The real world is increasingly accepting of differences.
Last edited by Michelle (Oz); 04-22-2013 at 10:51 PM.
I guess for me it is a sort of validation too. In a way, a big way, it's just getting to be me, this me. I love going out, meeting other people, just the experience of being out.
Being dressed at home is great, being out dressed is awesome! IDK, everyone is different and that's great. For me, I need the whole experience.
Why do people climb mountains, jump out of airplanes or compose symphonies? Because it allows them to express themselves in ways that they could not otherwise.
That's not to say that everyone should climb, jump, or compose. It's a personal decision and many people are very content to express themselves through CDing privately. CDing is not a competition!
Last edited by Eryn; 04-23-2013 at 12:33 AM.
Eryn
"These girls have the most beautiful dresses. And so do I! How about that!" [Kaylee, in Firefly] [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
"What do you care what other people think?" [Arlene Feynman, to her husband Richard]
"She's taller than all the women in my family, combined!" [Howard, in The Big Bang Theory]
"Tall, tall girl. The woman could hunt geese with a rake!" [Mary Cooper, in The Big Bang Theory]
There seems to be a lot of psychological implications to going out, but for me it was just an overwhelming desire to feel what a woman must feel walking along the sidewalk. To hear the sound of my heels echo and feel the sensation of the breeze blowing under my skirt. And yes, knowing that men are looking at my legs. The first time I came to an intersection and a man came up and said "great legs" I thought my heart was going to burst. I think this simply confirms that the broad spectrum that crossdressing spans contains many elements from the very simple to very complex.
basically it is about being proud of who you are, and wanting to share it.
it can feel really scary to most people, knowing that you have a secret that might embarrass you in front of most people.
once you can face your fear, and stop caring about how you look, it can be a very rewarding experience to go out proud!
Perhaps not for you but it makes a huge difference to me. Like others have said, for me too it's self validation that I am not doing anything wrong and I have just as much right to go out in the world doing my thing, dressed in whatever way I want to, just as much as anyone else. For me, being at home felt like I was "hiding" and somehow not fully acknowledging to myself, or the world at large, that this is who I am .... and that's ok.
Having said all that, once I went out I felt so liberated and happy (after the initial nervousness that is) and I had so much fun doing all things I like to do (going to the movies, going out to dinner, shopping at the mall etc) but I was doing it as my femme self which (for me) was a 1000 times better than doing those things in boy mode!
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The River City Gems - Northern California's largest and most active crossdressing & transgender support group!
I can go out dressed in either girl or guy mode and be just as comfortable with myself. For me, it's not the need to go out dressed en femme, I just go out whenever the mood strikes me no matter how I'm dressed. Going out en femme is much more fun than in drab.
Luv andJill
Straight, into Fantasy Land
It was only a couple of weeks ago that I did go out for the first time. I wanted to go for a walk. But being outside is where I like to be anyway. It was scary though, and ended up being a disaster, but worth it. But each to their own.
I go out, because I can.
While not passable except to a blind deaf person, I love socalizing, love shopping, love being around people.
Life for me is about participation.
See all my photos, read many stories of my outings and my early days at
http://rachelsauckland.blogspot.co.nz
The need to go out in public has more to do with human nature. We are social beings, with a need to interact with others. Being enfemme and going out is just the way we want to present ourselves. If it gives us happiness that is the ultimate goal.
I am with you on this Brittany. I have no need whatsoever to go out dressed.
What can get a little bit irritating sometimes is when other members just assume that we do really want to go out but we are afraid to but just won’t admit it.
It’s a bit like hitting your head against a wall trying to convince them otherwise.
And no Karren, I am not bored to hell!
For me, it's not about a desire to go out so much as it is a desire not to stay inside. I am me and if I am okay with me, there is no reason to stay inside. If I purpose myself to never go out, in a way I feel I would be validating the notion that I shouldn't, and that isn't me.
Now, again, I've yet to go out, simply because my daughter is living with me and not in the place where she would be ready for this, which is fine with me. I feel no specific pull to go out at this time, but will when the timing is right without hesitation.
No rush, just a consideration for her. Of course she has no idea of how I will be dolled up in Vegas this Summer, only that I'm going to go hang out with my brother. That's gonna be my fun outing. Already got outfits picked out...
Cheers,
Kalista
I'm a TGirl, yes it's true! I'm a TGirl, through and through.
I love nylons and high heels, mini-skirts and shopping deals!
I don't care what others say, life's too short, it's time to play.
I'm a TGirl, yes it's true! I'm a TGirl, how 'bout you?
I know there are very many different approaches. I'm with Karen that staying home would seem very boring to me. I do like getting out and being part of the community in either male or female mode. I realise that staying home may not be boring to others but that is something I could not tolerate for long.
Hannah
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